I'm tired of playing the role of "nice guy" What to do? [Archive]

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JustinR

03-13-2002, 09:08 PM

I hate being walked over.
I hate being not taken seriously.
I hate that when you do something for someone they dont fucking appriecate it.
I hate that this has hindered me in the dating game. (and maybe other areas)

I am sooo upset that I've havent been on a date, much less had a girlfriend in four year. Yes it sounds like I'm bitching, but the agony is fucking killing me.

I am confident, not shy and not weak.

But apparently some see me as quiet

I just dont care anymore. I want to shove people that are in my way. I want to NOT to hold the door for anyone. And definately I wont talk to people who arent honest with you when they really have no interest in you as friend or otherwise.
(Im not talking about everyone but a few select people...mainly female)

I dont know if i can "be myself" much longer. I need to be an asshole. But how?

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Silly Puddy

03-13-2002, 09:17 PM

Lent, please watch "The Tao of Steve" at least 3 times before returning to this board.

Seriously, that movie rocked, and was the perfect primer to guys who suffer from nice guy-itis. It's not about becoming an asshole. It's about not being overly interested, and impressing her with something that's true about yourself. Don't be something you're not, and don't be afraid to flaunt what you are.

That's how I got my hot, sexy trophy wife.

Can't we all just get along?
-R. King, true pacifist

sexy bastard

03-15-2002, 01:15 AM

whoa....well if it helps lent alot of us guys are to nice that is the problem, alot of my female friends use to say one thing ...and please ladies do not take offense to this, nice guys can be to nice its like they wil lalways try to make you happy and you cant really find a flaw that you can find, if they see a flaw in you they feel more comfortable alot of them dont want to hurt you.
now in the business world sesne and everywhere else i say this.
FUCK THEM...if you are being yourself and people take advantage of it just make a mental note and next time be ready so it does not happen, i mean it might not always work but you cant change who you are for other people. i wil lsay you must adapt to the situation but dont change yourself and be an asshole to people i tried that once and its not me and i was more miserable then i was when i was myself just be yourself those that acccept you for wh oyou are will be there those that dont oh well se la vi
i think i did not answer your question cause i dont have any freaking idea what i was trying to say

the epitame of masculinity (yeah right)

DarkHippie

03-15-2002, 07:07 AM

kill a kitten . . . that's not very nice

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living on the road, my friend, was supposed to keep us free and clean.
now you wear you skin like iron, your breath's as hard as kerosene-- townes van zant "the ballad of poncho and lefty"

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Hoojibs

03-15-2002, 08:20 AM

One of the best advice I was ever given is "you can fool the world but you can't fool yourself. Don't try and be something you are not. A lot of us "nice guys" try so hard to get that one girl who only seems to go for assholes. Most of the girls eventually grow a little and start looking at the guys they didn't look at before.

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HordeKing1

03-15-2002, 11:22 AM

You wrote "I need to be an asshole."

Not true.

You need to be yourself. If someone doesn't recognize or like your being a "nice guy" it's their problem not yours.

http://members.aol.com/rnfpantera/hking2

impactplayer2k1

03-15-2002, 11:30 AM

F that! Speak your mind and speak true. If no one likes it, you tell them to fuck off. You are the only one who controls your life. It's to you to stand up and and say what you feel.

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"Anticipation is the greatest form of pleasure."

I am the manager of champions!

JustinR

03-15-2002, 03:56 PM

I dont want to be the cruelest person in the world but if something or someone pisses me off I'm should let them know that.

I dont know, but I feel extremely confident when i make some one cry or upset. Its a weird feeling, almost like a rush of energy. I wont do this all the time, but only when someone is messing with me.

I'll still be myself, but i need to stand up for what i believe in.

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AIM:Lentnyc

Christy

03-15-2002, 10:05 PM

I hate being walked over.
I hate being not taken seriously.
I hate that when you do something for someone they dont fucking appriecate it.
I hate that this has hindered me in the dating game. (and maybe other areas)

I am sooo upset that I've havent been on a date, much less had a girlfriend in four year. Yes it sounds like I'm bitching, but the agony is fucking killing me.

I am confident, not shy and not weak.

But apparently some see me as quiet

I just dont care anymore. I want to shove people that are in my way. I want to NOT to hold the door for anyone. And definately I wont talk to people who arent honest with you when they really have no interest in you as friend or otherwise.
(Im not talking about everyone but a few select people...mainly female)

I dont know if i can "be myself" much longer. I need to be an asshole. But how?

Awww ... I'm sorry to hear about your troubles.

I have a similiar problem ... I'm always the guys "good friend" ... never anything more! I hate being alone too! It's very hard when it seems like the whole world is love.

Don't change ... there are women who love the "nice guys" ... I being one.

One of my recent crushes { no, not him } was so unbelievable "nice" ... I love that! ;-)

And I know how you feel about not being appreciated .... :-(

CHEER UP LENT, OKAY? HOW ABOUT I BRING YOU TO THAT SEX STORE ON N. OCEAN AVE. ... WILL THAT CHEER YA UP? ;-)

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JustinR

03-15-2002, 11:12 PM

CHEER UP LENT, OKAY? HOW ABOUT I BRING YOU TO THAT SEX STORE ON N. OCEAN AVE. ... WILL THAT CHEER YA UP?

Im down for whatever Christy. At least a few people know the struggle.

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DarkHippie

03-16-2002, 05:43 AM

playing the role of the nice guy? well there's your problem. you shouldn't have to ever play a role in any situation. sincerity trumps all other fake socially conditioned masks. just figure out who you really are, and let that person expose themself;)

<IMG SRC=http://publish.hometown.aol.com/inkgrrrl99/images/hippiesig.gif>
compliments to inkgrrrl on the fine, fine work
support your local 420: union of brotherhood

living on the road, my friend, was supposed to keep us free and clean.
now you wear you skin like iron, your breath's as hard as kerosene-- townes van zant "the ballad of poncho and lefty"

<a href=http://www.freeopendiary.com/entrylist.asp?authorcode=A537085>Transcendental Blues: a journal</a>

mrbungle

03-16-2002, 06:24 AM

A lot of us "nice guys" try so hard to get that one girl who only seems to go for assholes. Most of the girls eventually grow a little and start looking at the guys they didn't look at before.

I don't buy this. Most women eventually decide to take a stab at a marriage or family, but they don't change. Just look at the divorce rate...that's not all from guys and their secretaries.

Lent, because guys like you and me try to be sweet, maybe not dominate ecvery conversation, and not C-block any guy who talks to a girl, we will suffer. It's just a fact that we have to suffer with. Women do not like nice guys, and if they do, they're already taken by another nice guy in line.

Someday we shall prevail!

O.G.***Original Gluesniffer...
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It's not funny, my ass is on fire...
Thanks to WWFallon for the sigpic!!!

HordeKing1

03-17-2002, 09:34 PM

There is a major distinction that must be demarcated between being a nice guy and being a marshmellow.

Marshmellows get trampled on and pushed around. A nice guy can stand up for himself and not let himself be pushed around.

Assertive is not antithetical to being nice, rather it is a componenet of it.

http://members.aol.com/rnfpantera/hking2