Do I still love or....?

[Prince Neptune]

I had this girlfriend and who I fell in love with then after about a year and a half I broke up with her, I wanted to see other women. We stayed friends and would talk on a weekly basis and get together at least once a month (booty calls and what not). This girl really loved me but she couldn't take it anymore and said she couldn't have any contact with me. I said I wish it didn't have to be that way but respected her wishes.
After about a month of no contact I started to realize how much I missed her and thought maybe it was a mistake. I started to see a shrink and tried to get my shit together. After 3 months of no contact with her I called her and asked if I could see her. I spilt my guts and begged her to take me back. She still loved me so against advice of all her friends and family she took me back. After about 2 months I bailed again, told her I didn't think it was working out. Shem wanted too still stay friends but no booty calls which I was cool with. We would talk weekly and go to lunch or dinner monthly and now she is in a relationship with someone else. I've gotten my mind right since then and tried to get her back but she says shes happy now but would'nt rule it out in the future if circumstances change.
What the fuck is the matter with me? I feel like I still love her but is it just because I cant have her? sometimes I think she is better off without me because of how I've hurt her in the past but at the same time I would really like to be with her to make up for all the pain I caused her.
I havn't spoken to her in a while because even though I love to talk with her and we always laugh and shit its just too painful for me because I reallly miss her.( I cant stand the fact shes with someone else). I know she still cares about me but she thinks I will become disinterested again.
I dont know if I should leave her be or try to win her back. I'm afraid if I did get her back I would only hurt her again and she does not deserve that. WHAT THE FUCK IS THE MATTER WITH ME? (I dont even drink alcohol or smoke pot anymore so I cant blame my irrational behavior on that shit.)
I'm just a wierd dude I guess.
Any thoughts?

Molester of mermaids and seafaring maidens
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[DreamWeaver]

Are you my ex-boyfriend?
WHAT THE FUCK IS THE MATTER WITH ME? You have a penis....so you are insane


I say let her go. I have had this exact same situation and once I finally moved on and found someone else, I was so much happier. It could be a case of wanting what you can't have and if thats so, leave the poor girl alone and don't toy with her emotions. She's with someone else and she's getting over you. I'm sure you miss her and care for her but sometimes its best to leave things be.
I could be completely wrong, but I am just speaking from experience.

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This message was edited by DreamWeaver on 3-15-02 @ 2:52 PM

[Jennitalia]

I have to agree with Dream. Leave her alone. It's not fair to either one of you to continue on an emotional rollercoaster. And to be honest, she gave you a chance already which you said you ended up hurting her again. It seems like she did the smart thing and moved on with your life, as you should. If she were the one for you, you wouldnt keep breaking up with her to see other girls.

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[HordeKing1]

Let's see, you really liked her, then dumped her so you could see other women, still had sex with her then even that relationship was forsaken as she was hurting too much. Later you realized the extent of your loss, got back together, dumped her and hurt her again. Needless to say, this just isn't fair to this person.

As to the cause of your behavior, two things stick out - the dissaproval of her family and friends (when you wanted to get back togeter) and a possible fear of commitment.

As to the former, it's very hard to be in a relationship when all the friends and family of the other person are speaking badly about you.

As to the latter, if you are indeed fearful of commitment, you have seen at least once that pushing someone who loves you away and hurting them is painful. The hope is that you will overcome this fear while at the same time not allowing a relationship that you cannot maintain to continue to the point where breaking off the relationship will be devestating to the other person.



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[DreamWeaver]

Horde King.. I have a question on a related subject...(sorry to steal your thread Neptune but I need to know this answer) <P>
I went through this exact same thing...My ex of 3 years was constantly dumping me and getting back together with me(finally I put my foot down and ended it) but he used to say...

http://members.aol.com/msgina754/images/rfpic1pantera.jpg

[Prince Neptune]

Yeah, deep down I know I should leave her alone and let her move on and I have done that but I still cant heip feeling that its not the right thing to do.
I have made some drastic changes in my lifestyle since the relationship and I know I am a much different and better person now than I was than and I want to share this "new" personality with her. I still am the guy she loved and I am also improved and better off as a human being. In any case I owe it all to her and she has enriched my life in ways she will probabally never know and for that I will always love and hold a speacial place in my heart for her.
H.K. definately right about fear of commitment and the family thing. But I think the fam liked me till I hurt her, I never really cared for fam.
Thanks D.W. and Jennitallia

Molester of mermaids and seafaring maidens
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[Prince Neptune]

You have a penis....so you are insane


Very Funny =)

Molester of mermaids and seafaring maidens
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[HordeKing1]

DREAMWEAVER - You didn't complete your descritption of what happened.

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[Jennitalia]

that's great that you've made some changes and grew up a little, but you dont owe her anything. you cant expect her to wait for you to grow up and figure out what you want and what you want to be, especially after she gave you a second chance and you still blew it. you only owe it to yourself to learn from your past mistakes and take that into your future relationships. just because you want to share with her how great of a person you've turned into, doesnt mean she needs or wants to be a part of it. it's totally unfair to expect that of her. i'm sure she cares for you and will always have a place for you in her heart, but it appears she's moved on to somebody who is already giving her what she needs and deserves.


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[DreamWeaver]

hhmm thats really weird..I typed a whole paragraph ..what the hell..it just happened again!! arg


Anywho...same situation as Neptune, the ex used to break up with me all the timeand he would say "I don't know whats wrong with me, I think I have a fear of commitment". Ok fine, whatever. Well soon after we break up he starts dating this girl, gets drunk and tells her that he will never love her like he loves me, being the classy guy that he is. Then he marries her a year later...Whats up with that??? I guess his fear of commitment suddenly disappeared....



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This message was edited by DreamWeaver on 3-15-02 @ 4:38 PM

[HordeKing1]

DREAMWEAVER - Lots of things going on there.

Firstly, a guy who repeatedly breaks up and gets back together w/o regard to how it affects you is an ass.

Why would he go from commitmentphobic to marriage. There are way to many variables to even hazard a guess.

The important thing to understand is that a guy like this is not worthy of you, and anyone who manipulates your emotions like that deserves scorn. He is certainly not worth thinking about. His actions are a reflection of him not of you.

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