Child Abuse

[Christy]

Can a child who turns into an adult, ever "overcome" child abuse? Whether it be physical, sexual, emotional and/or mental ....

Thanks, HK!

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[FUNKMAN]

Christy,

I would have to imagine that a good percentage of people that exist on this earth have been abused in one of those ways...
when I say good percentage I feel I can safely guess at least 30%, again just estimating...
the will to live looks to be stronger than the hurt...
I do not consider myself abused although I question some of the discipline me and my 4 brothers received growing up...
it's a strange thing to explain how something like discipline changes, years ago it seemed to be common and accepted to get hit with the belt several times across the backside BUT it is something I would never think of doing to my children... it is not "accepted" in today's society, and it seems to be the right view...

just a view, and i feel most people overcome the "hurt" of the abuse and continue to live their lives...

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"And When Your Bad, You Die When You Die"

[zathrus]

i believe that they can, they just may need professional help to cope with it.

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[sexy bastard]

I agree with zath, iwent through a bout 2 years of therapy myself, and it helped me out alot, I was able to move on and basically be at peace inthat part of my life, I have a very very huge fear of me doing what my fatther did to me to my children, and it scares the hell out of me but I at least am determined not to let it happen and confident that i wont do it,

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[Gaia]

I feel that no matter how much therapy one recieves, the abuse will always be there. There will always be the memories. In my eyes, I guess always hearing that voice in the back of my head saying "You aren't worth shit, and will never be", will always be there , among other things. I guess I will always feel betrayed in a way, even though there have been many developments in my life that have lead me to believe a lot of the things that happened to me in my childhood were done because my parents did the best with what they had. I have so many feelings about this subject. So it's hard for me to get my point across clearly.

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"If the sun refused to shine,
I would still be loving you.
When mountains crumble to the sea,
There will still be you and me"

[sexy bastard]

i know what you mean gaia, its hard, my problem is every time i am near my dad its a little tense but when i confronted him now as a man and told him that his yelling and verbal assaults were worse then the beatings that he did tome, justcause i was the only boy in the family he said then it was tough love, yeah real tough when a little 10 year old boy ends up in the hospital after being beaten so badly,yeah tough love how he scorned mysister for years, yeah tough love as he scorned and beat my mother all those years I think the thing that hit him the worse was when i confronted him allthose feelings of hate and betrayal came out and i told him something my mother sis and me only knew and that was i was suppose to be the middle child but when he beat my mom so badly into the hospital she miscarried...that devasted him now me and him are better but all those memories are still there.
it stil lhurts but my paranoia of me becoming like him scares the hell out of me

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[scooter]

" Hey, i can relate. I try not to hold any resentment. It's not good for yourself to constantly try and figure out why it happened, or why things couldn't be a certain way. "Our" parents grew up in a different time. Hitting and ridicule were what they "believed" was best. We are smarter than that. We know what we have been thru, and we'll never forget. Let that remind us not to do that to our own children. As long as you try every day to become a better person, you'll be fine. You're not alone.....

[Gaia]

Like I said that night that I was in studio... "I'm not breeding". I will never have kids.

<img src="http://knocked.homestead.com/files/Shedevil_copy.jpg">
"If the sun refused to shine,
I would still be loving you.
When mountains crumble to the sea,
There will still be you and me"

[FUNKMAN]

Like I said that night that I was in studio... "I'm not breeding". I will never have kids.


GAIA,

it's hard but try not to rule out having children of your own...
what a great accomplishment it would be for you to have a child or children and never treat them in the manner that you were...
and if you do you may always have someone that you love whom may always return that love to you...

Wish You The Best
:)

FUNKMAN

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"And When Your Bad, You Die When You Die"

[Gaia]

and if you do you may always have someone that you love whom may always return that love to you... That is so nice, That's the nicest thing anyone has said (typed to me : ) to me in the longest. Thanks Funkman!! :) <P> <P>

<img src="http://knocked.homestead.com/files/Shedevil_copy.jpg">
"If the sun refused to shine,
I would still be loving you.
When mountains crumble to the sea,
There will still be you and me"

[FUNKMAN]

That is so nice, That's the nicest thing anyone has said (typed to me : ) to me in the longest. Thanks Funkman!!


You Welcome!!!



This message was edited by FUNKMAN on 3-28-02 @ 9:50 PM

[Se7en]

Not to undo all the sweet words by Funkman...;)

But I'm SO with you, Gaia. I've decided that I'm not going to even give myself the option of screwing up a kid - I'm just not going to have any.

I don't exactly have any great desire to continue the family name, and the LAST thing I want to do is treat a child the way I was treated.

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"Being a bastard WORKS."
--Spider Jerusalem

[sexy bastard]

although its a fear i like i said before am scared to be like my father but that does not mean i should not have children i know i will not treat my kids or my wife that way so i look forward to becoming a father i just need to find a woman to do it
lol

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[Christy]

i just need to find a woman to do it
lol


OKAY ... THAT'S IT ... I CAN'T STAND THIS!!!

ALL OF YOU WANT ME AND ARE JUST "HINTING" THAT YOU WANT ME ... JUST COME OUT AND SAY IT GOSH DARN IT!

SAY YOU WANT CHRISTY!

SAY IT! SAY IT!

DON'T HINT IT!!

LOL LOL LOL LOL

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[sexy bastard]

ALL OF YOU WANT ME AND ARE JUST "HINTING" THAT YOU WANT ME ... JUST COME OUT AND SAY IT GOSH DARN IT!


SAY YOU WANT CHRISTY!





fine i want you christy i do i want you to be the mother of my child I want you to walk around with your belly growing and 9 months worht of sickness and your body going all weird and weird cravings and oh yeah the really fun part the hours and hours of labor.....
so christy whens the date
lol
=)

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[HordeKing1]

CHRISTY - You asked if a child can "overcome" abuse. That depends in large part on how you define "overcome."

The stats on child abuse are frightening (aproximately 35% of girls and 15% of boys are abused.)

The abuse itself of course can never be undone. However, a person can develop a more healthful attitude about it. Many adults blame themselves for abuses they suffered as a child. Logically, they know it's not the case, but it's very hard to change a feeling of this type. The most dramatic visible impact on people who have been abused is some type of abberant behavior. For example there is a very high correlation b/w sexual abuse and eating disorders, particularly anorexia. Others may react very negatively towards sex or conversely may throw themselves into sex. It has to do with issues of control.

Therapy helps people understand and accept that their prior abuse was not their doing but rather the criminal act of a very disturbed person.

Estbalishing and maintaining a healthy self concept is a wonderful accomplishment. Of course the behaviors that the abuse produced are addressed as well.

The abused person, never forgets that he or she was abused. But they can and do live happy and fulfilling lives nonetheless.



There were a few comnnents about people not wanting to have kids b/c they don't want to screw them up. There's nothing wrong with that idea, but the fact that you're aware of the potential makes it less likely that you'll repeat your parent's mistakes.

A number of people have responded with the general view that everyone should have a child. That's ridiculous! Only people who want children should have them. As shocking as it is to some of our more traditional patriarchal-oriented members, women do not need a child to be fulfilled. People can be happy with or without children. Hapiness comes from within. An unhappy person wil not be made happy by a child he or she didn't want. Needless to say, if a person wants a chiild, great! But I again stress that many people do not want children, do not have children and are very happy.



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[Christy]

fine i want you christy i do i want you to be the mother of my child I want you to walk around with your belly growing and 9 months worht of sickness and your body going all weird and weird cravings and oh yeah the really fun part the hours and hours of labor.....
so christy whens the date
lol


Someone used to make me laugh all the time by saying, "The real fun is in making kids ... "

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[sexy bastard]

horde king your right, i agree,
and christy your right the best thing is trying to make them
lol
i miss the act not the trying to make them but the act
lol

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[Christy]

Thanks, HK!

Those percentages seems low .... I would think they would be much higher!

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[sexy bastard]

i think it fits in with learning from your own mistakes except in this case you learn from other peoples mistakes

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the epitome of masculinity (yeah right)

[Se7en]

Those percentages seems low .... I would think they would be much higher!


I agree. HK, are those statistics for sexual / physical abuse?

I would think that if you factored in psychological / emotional abuse, the numbers would be much higher.

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WWFallon - a sig-pic-making jar of Human Clay

"Being a bastard WORKS."
--Spider Jerusalem

[HordeKing1]

CHRISTY and SE7EN - Those percentages were for sexual abuse only. I do not know the stats on pure physcical abuse, but I'm sure they are even higher.

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