Should You Confess Your Love? [Archive]

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Gvac

04-07-2002, 06:05 AM

Suppose you have a very close friend of the opposite sex, and you have found that you have fallen in love with her. You're fairly sure she doesn't feel the same way toward you. Should you tell her how you feel, or will it destroy the friendship?

I know it would make the other person feel somewhat uncomfortable being around you after knowing your true feelings, but isn't it better to let someone know how special you think they are?

<img src=http://gvac.50megs.com/images/tjasig.jpg>

erinmoran

04-07-2002, 06:22 AM

I know it would make the other person feel somewhat uncomfortable being around you after knowing your true feelings

....and that would make you feel hurt..wouldnt it?? And just think how even worse you would feel if she got taken by someone while you waited......

go ahead and make your move.....but start subtle

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Alice S. Fuzzybutt

04-07-2002, 08:00 PM

Would you just ask her out already!!!

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Whatever happened to the life that we once knew
Always made me feel so
Free

Poison Ivy

04-07-2002, 08:16 PM

Ask yourself this question:

If you had to choose to be able
to be with this person
romantically for a few years, only
to end up breaking up with them
and never ever seeing or
contacting them again OR to stay
as you are now, just friends, and
keep that friendship for the rest
of your life. Which would you
choose? Figuring out how
important she is in your life may
help you decide how to proceed.

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fatty

04-08-2002, 06:05 AM

Ivy's right. if you can handle the fact that if she doesn't feel the same way and you will most likely stop being friends w/ her then tell her how you feel. this stuff has a way of ruining everything if they don't feel the same way, so if you can prepare yourself for the worst then you can do it.

if you want to stay friends though, i'd say try to forget it. it sucks and it's impossible to do but it's true.

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Fatty makes us happy!

04-08-2002, 07:17 AM

G:
You stated that she is a CLOSE friend, so she probably has some sort of indication how you feel about her already. If you are certain that you are on solid ground as 'friends', then I think you should discuss it with her!

However, because you started this relationship as friends, BE prepared for the fact that she may want to REMAIN just that..CLOSE pals..( But , who knows, G..??!)
If you love her enough to talk about other stuff, then this should be addressed.

Keeping something this intense to yourself, can be just as tense for both of you, no matter what her response will be..

Good Luck, Sweetie!

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TomPoo

04-08-2002, 07:33 AM

keep your fucking mouth shut.

It is unfortunated that your feelings for her are not shared, but don't burden the girl with your dilema

She is not going to magicly fall in love with you after you express your feelings.

All that is going to happen is she will feel uncomfortable and awkward around you.

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---Tom Poo

(thanks Fallon for the sig!)

This message was edited by TomPoo on 4-8-02 @ 11:37 AM

TomPoo

04-08-2002, 07:38 AM

gvac, sorry, I didn't mean to sound like a dick,

but I have seen too many guys do this to girls and 99.9% of the time it ends in disaster.

So when she say she is not interested, which you know will happen, what do you expect from her???

IS she suppose to still feel comfortable talking about other guys with you???

Is she suppose to stop talking about other guys with you???

Should she stop flirting with other when sh is around you??

Should she feel gulity when she sees that your jealous of other guys???

Is she suppose to take advice from you on other guys objectfully???

When you do kind things, which you would normally do, do you think she will read it as a display of romantic affection???

there are 100's of more questtions you need to ask your self.

Listen Budday, I was in love with this one girl for a good two years.

To this day, I still think about her, and when I see her all those feelings still resurface.

I never said a word to her about it. She knew how I felt, it was pretty obvious, but sometimes, some things are better off unsaid.

I was able to maintain a friendship with her, I was able to fully participate in her life... and that was what was most important to me.

If I could not be her boyfriend, I would at least be one of her best friends... and try to make her happy that way.

DON'T SAY A WORD... It is a selfish act done to unburden your self... but your placing that burden on someone who never asked for it or wanted it.

<IMG SRC="http://tompoo.50megs.com/images/tompsig3.jpg" width=300 height=100>
There is nothing more exhilerating than pointing out the shortcomings of others, is there?
---Tom Poo

(thanks Fallon for the sig!)

Jennitalia

04-08-2002, 07:44 AM

im shocked. what girl wouldnt fall madly in love with gvac?

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Jackie Sloan

04-08-2002, 09:33 AM

Don't do it...you'll see her even less after that...try to work in the drunken booty call

My chest is burnin'
burns like a furnace
The burnin' keeps me alive

Hoojibs

04-08-2002, 10:33 AM

.

DON'T SAY A WORD... It is a selfish act done to unburden your self... but your placing that burden on someone who never asked for it or wanted it.

TomPoo, I totally agree with you.
I went through the exact same thing as you did and I admitted my feelings to 2 girls. Both did not feel for me the way I felt for them and that rejection hurt my feelings towards them as well as friendship. If you know this girl doesn't share your feeling, is the only reason you wanna say something is cause you wanna feel better then don't do it? But on the other hand, it matters on what you really want with this girl. If you never really wanted to be friends with her in the first place, I say go for it...maybe it will make her rethink your whole relationship. But if being friends with her is more important to you, I say keep quiet. I'm willing to bet that she already knows, they usually do, in my case they did.

<img src="http://hometown.aol.com/erzengel1/images/attack.jpg">

JerryTaker

04-08-2002, 11:10 AM

This one's easy for me. I already know what the answer will be before I ask it, so I would never ask,... anyone,.... ever....

Seriously, I have a pretty good realationship with my best friend, and it's understood that she'll never touch me with a ten foot pole, and I'm ok with that, so I keep my attraction to her well hidden.

Also the same way you can't be friends with an ex, you can't be friends again once you've been dumped, rejected, whatever, because those bad feelings will always be there.

so I vote no. there are other girls, anyway. It's not like you're me and can't attract women or anything...

Thanks to Hosp for the Idea:
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sunndoggy8

04-08-2002, 12:15 PM

gvac, I completely agree with TomPoo's assessment about this. I think we actually discussed something similar back in the day in another thread.

But anyway, like he said, don't say a word.

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"You should've seen her face. It was the exact same look my father gave me when I told him I wanted to be a ventriloquist."

42nd-delay

04-08-2002, 12:36 PM

You've Got to Hide Your Love Away...

...seriously, I agree with the last few comments. I understand how unbearable it can be, but sometimes you gotta hold back.

------------------------------
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Noellevious

04-08-2002, 06:37 PM

Would you just ask her out already!!!

Eh, I agree with Fuzzybutt. The pain of simply not knowing and letting what could be a whole new chapter of your life just slip away will haunt you more than a few awkward silences.
Edit: But there is a huge difference between completely burdening her with all your feelings, making it a heavy deal, and letting the idea out in a non threatening way so that she can can mull things over and consider everything.

But I'm still waiting for what the King has to say :)

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This message was edited by Noellevious on 4-8-02 @ 10:41 PM

HordeKing1

04-08-2002, 06:40 PM

GVAC - While talking about your feelings is essential, the key element to your query is the element that "You're fairly sure she doesn't feel the same way toward you."

In the likely probability that your feelings aren't recipricated, discussing your feelings outright would quite possibly destroy your friendship.

However, since you do have these feelings it would be a mistake to supress them before ascertaining that she truly doesn't feel the same.

I suggest that you appoach the topic very carefully, and with great tact. In a sense you want to see how she feels w/o putting your feelings out there - where she can possibly be weirded out.

http://members.aol.com/rnfpantera/hking2

Koala

04-08-2002, 06:50 PM

I have to agree with HK. If you are pretty sure she doesn't feel the same, you will probably ruin a great friendship. She will be uncomfortable with you. If you think their is a chance she might think of you as more than just a friend, then I agree, that you should approach her carefully. DON'T come out and tell her that you are in love with her. Feel her out. (not literally) very slowly. If she is at all interested she will get the hints. Good Luck!

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Gvac

04-09-2002, 02:51 AM

Thanks for all the input, gang. I have to tell you, though, that I made a promise to myself a long time ago that I would live my life as openly and honestly as possible. I'm a big believer in the old adage "honesty is the best policy."

By continuing a friendship with someone I have intense feelings for, I kind of feel like I am being less than honest with that person. Of course I have no desire to lose her friendship, but how good of a friend could I be if I am less than honest with her about something so important?

<img src=http://gvac.50megs.com/images/tjasig.jpg>

AngelAmy

04-09-2002, 04:27 AM

i dont tell people how i feel, im too scared of rejection

im always sure they dont like me and its not worth it to make the friendship akward

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This message was edited by AngelAmy on 4-9-02 @ 9:32 AM

JerseyRich

04-09-2002, 05:43 AM

I agree Greg...If you don't act upon your feelings you are gonna be walking around wondering what it would have been like....
If she is a really good friend then there are tactful ways that you can find out how she really feels...

You are the man...I am sure that she sees what a swell guy you are. So I say...Go for it! Don't torture yourself by not acting upon your instincts.

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HordeKing1

04-09-2002, 08:59 PM

GVAC - I agree, but be careful to handle this very tactfully. You describe her as a good friend and it would be a shame for a friendship to end b/c of feelings of awkwardness.

By all means approach her and discuss it. But be circumspect at first and be ready to steer the convesation in another direction if it's clear she isn't responding.

http://members.aol.com/rnfpantera/hking2

Jonkeu

04-10-2002, 04:46 AM

do What I do, Send them questionares that have questions like
Would you ever consider a 3 some,

Would you ever consider making out with a girl

with a friend

with 2 friends
etc...

if they are honest youll have your answer....

Jon

<img src="http://jonkeu.50megs.com/jk.jpg"></img>

sunndoggy8

04-10-2002, 01:33 PM

Gvac, reread TomPoo's post...i still think it's a mistake and that your trying to justify it cause of a hope that maybe she'll recipricate your feelings. Some risks just aren't worth taking. And you can live honestly without being honest about every single thing.

<IMG SRC="http://home.att.net/~sunndoggy8/sunnysig1.jpg" width=300 height=80>

"You should've seen her face. It was the exact same look my father gave me when I told him I wanted to be a ventriloquist."

TomPoo

04-10-2002, 01:44 PM

I made a promise to myself a long time ago that I would live my life as openly and honestly as possible. I'm a big believer in the old adage "honesty is the best policy."

By continuing a friendship with someone I have intense feelings for, I kind of feel like I am being less than honest with that person. Of course I have no desire to lose her friendship, but how good of a friend could I be if I am less than honest with her about something so important?

how are you being dishonest???

YOU gvac, your feeling are your OWN problem, and have to be dealt with by yourself.

Sunny is totally right here, you are trying to justify your actions.

If you TRULY love this girl Greg, then don't put her in a powerless postion.

She can't make you stop loving her

She can't change the way she feels about you

She CAN'T help you work through this

All that will happen, is that she will have to become more cautious of the way she acts around you... she has to watch what she says to you in hopes you don't misinterpret things.

If she goes to hug you or kiss you, she will FOREVER wioorry she is leading you on

If she wants to tell you about another guy, she will FOREVER worry that she is hurting your fellings

She will FOREVER be reserved in the way she acts with you, cause won't want to mis lead you

(and I am giving this girl ALOT of credit, and being very optimistic that she is a great girl... cause there are ALOT of girls who would use this knowledge to manipulate and take advantage of)

Greg, it is time to be a man here and suck it up... I know it stinks, and it is hard, but it is the right thing to do my friend

<IMG SRC="http://tompoo.50megs.com/images/tompsig3.jpg" width=300 height=100>
There is nothing more exhilerating than pointing out the shortcomings of others, is there?
---Tom Poo

(thanks Fallon for the sig!)

Sheeplovr

04-10-2002, 02:40 PM

shes the best hat check girl ever

number 333 its the way to be
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POWER AND CHAOS

Gvac

04-10-2002, 03:33 PM

I knew the mighty Sheeplovr would understand.

<img src=http://gvac.50megs.com/images/tjasig.jpg>

nellie

04-11-2002, 12:24 PM

i dont tell people how i feel, im too scared of rejection

i used to feel the same way, but if u keep doing that, later on you'll be questioning every decision you've ever made. it's important to take risks, even if it's not successful, at least u've tried

i am the inner child..... quiet, sensitive, and shy

Jackie Sloan

04-11-2002, 12:32 PM

reiteration...don't do it dude, don't do it...go get some but don't do it

My chest is burnin'
burns like a furnace
The burnin' keeps me alive

Jennitalia

04-11-2002, 12:46 PM

i'm kinda shocked, g...a studly hunk such as yourself should not have these type of problems :)

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HordeKing1

04-11-2002, 07:30 PM

Ah, but JEN, part of GVAC's charm is his sensitivity, always an admirable quality.

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Christy

04-13-2002, 09:37 PM

If she goes to hug you or kiss you, she will FOREVER wioorry she is leading you on

If she wants to tell you about another guy, she will FOREVER worry that she is hurting your fellings

She will FOREVER be reserved in the way she acts with you, cause won't want to mis lead you

Oh wow ... thanks so much for saying this .. this is EXACTLY how I feel right now .. and I wasn't sure how to express my feelings fully to someone ...

{ wink, wink}

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This message was edited by Christy on 4-14-02 @ 1:41 AM

sexy bastard

04-13-2002, 09:56 PM

that is right...excellent advise

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This message was edited by sexy bastard on 4-14-02 @ 1:57 AM