grlNiN - You ask a very important question for gay and lesbian people, namely whether they should come out and to whom they should come out.
This is an area of special interest to me, as I'm fascinated by the field of gender studies, and the field is well represented by gay and lesbian authors. A large number of studies have also been conducted by heterosexual researchers on gay and lesbian couples, although most center on how these couples deal with traditional stereotypical gender roles. (Lesbians do it best, heterosexuals the worst).
The decision to come out is almost never made spontaneously but rather after much thought and considereation. Given the impact it has on people, this is a good practice.
The first rule is that your sexual preference is nobody's business but your own.
The second rule is that coming out (especially to people who know you) is likely to be truamatic, both to you and to them.
The third rule is that not coming out is also traumatizing as the gay or lesbian has to really live in two separate cultures, that of the hetersexual communitiy with it's conventions and practices and the gay comuntiy with a different set of rules.
It appears that you have partially come out already - to the people at work. That's a big accomplishment and I applaud your courage in doing so. However, there is a big difference b/w work people and family members and friends.
Some people are disinheritted (litterally and figuratively) after coming out. Some are not believed. Some parents delude themselves into thinking it's "just a phase."
I suggest that if your're ready to come out, you do it to a very very close friend whom you know will not be too judgemental. The advantage to this is that you can ask him or her for his or her opinion regarding how your other friends and family members will react.
Please let me know what you decide to do. Remember there is no right or wrong course of action.
EDIT: Upon rereading my post I felt I came accross as against coming out. That is not the case at all. Many people are much happier after they have come out and feel they no longer have to hide an important part of themselves from the world. I also neglected to mention that many parents and friends are supportive.
However, now that I added this, I again caution you that coming out is a decision you cannot make lightly as it is likely to have some repecussions. Coming out to a few people at a time, or even one person, seems to me to be the best way to approach it.
Finally, there are people I've spoken to who have come out to everyone but their parents and siblings. It hurts them deeply not to be able to tell them, but they accept that their particular parents and siblings would not speak to them again if they told them they were gay. It's absolutely awful and disgraceful how some parents can treat there own child like an outcast because of their sexual preference. There is just no excuse for it. However, it would be a disservice to whomever reads this to neglect to point out the possiblity of parental rejection.
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This message was edited by HordeKing1 on 4-29-02 @ 6:14 PM