Remote controlled rats! [Archive] - RonFez.net Messageboard

cheezeemee

05-17-2002, 06:05 AM

Remote-controlled rats can perform search and rescue and could even work as spies. Sounds good! Sounds great! But if this falls in the wrong hands this can be scary! This technology allows anyone to control anything that has a brain. That means birds! Remember the movie Birds? How about penguins! Read the enitire article here: http://www.techtv.com/news/scitech/story/0,24195,3384787,00.html

Sub Topic: If you can control anybody or anything remotely... who or what would it be?

I would control Fidel Castro and have him be a guest star on Jackass!

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sunndoggy8

05-27-2002, 09:15 PM

I would control monkeys...not to do anything necesarily bad, but just to be tame enough to hang out with. That would be groovy.

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Pootertoot

05-27-2002, 11:04 PM

Aren't those just Helper Monkeys?

Me, I'd control Jellyfish. And give them jetpacks. Man, then I'd rule the world. If you crossed me, WHAP, flying jellyfish in the face. HOW YOU LIKE THAT SUCKAH!? DIDN'T THINK SO!! NOW DANCE FOR ME!

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ChrisTheCop

05-27-2002, 11:11 PM

Was this thread started by Kenny Allen???

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Gmann

05-27-2002, 11:37 PM

Aren't those just Helper Monkeys

Isn't that how the original Planet of The Apes started?

In this world gone mad we will not spank the monkey....the monkey will spank us

In a world of lies it is the man who tells the truth who must be silenced!

sunndoggy8

05-28-2002, 12:59 PM

Me, I'd control Jellyfish. And give them jetpacks. Man, then I'd rule the world. If you crossed me, WHAP, flying jellyfish in the face. HOW YOU LIKE THAT SUCKAH!? DIDN'T THINK SO!! NOW DANCE FOR ME

Personally, I think monkeys would beat jellyfish without much of a problem. They'd just shoot 'em out of the air with their banana guns.

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Gwen

05-28-2002, 01:26 PM

I sense another "Evil Plot to take over the world by Sunndoggy & Pootertoot" thread coming on...dont forget me and effme are the getaway topless limo drivers!!!

I would control squirrels. In particular black squirrels, becuase they're so cute and I just want to love the bejezus out of them, 'cept I can never get close enough to them.

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ADF

05-28-2002, 01:52 PM

I'd control spiders. Everyone hates spiders. I'd rule the world through the iron fist of fear... sans velvet glove.

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Garfield

05-31-2002, 08:28 PM

definitely snakes, id make them crawl up the sewer and bite your anus!

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Pootertoot

06-01-2002, 03:15 PM

Dude, monkeys with banana guns are NO MATCH for flying jellyfish. I mean, first of all, monkeys would just be freaked out by the concept of flying jellyfish. Second, the jellyfish would just absorb the banana and make it part of their own evil arsenal. Third, if all else fails, WHAP Jellyfish in the face.

NO ONE can withstand a jellyfish in the face. The mere threat of it is enough to rule the world with an iron fist over.

Plus if the monkeys tried to eat the jellyfish they'd be all like "AAAH! It burns!" in monkeyspeak and then they'd try and eat dirt but dirt tastes horrible and then they'd just give up.

TAKE THAT.

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sleepyeyed_Jynx

06-01-2002, 03:32 PM

Plus if the monkeys tried to eat the jellyfish they'd be all like "AAAH! It burns!" in monkeyspeak and then they'd try and eat dirt but dirt tastes horrible and then they'd just give up.

How many bong hits did you take before you wrote this Pootertoot?

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Pootertoot

06-01-2002, 08:16 PM

Sadly, none. I keep telling people to give me my first drug but no one will.

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Rev

06-02-2002, 05:24 AM

This thread reaks of Leonard Part 6!!!!!!!
NOOOOOOO!!!!!!!

xoxoxoxo,
Rev

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Garfield

06-02-2002, 06:24 AM

Dude my remote controlled snakes could go anywhere your monkeys could go AND eat them whole...and the jellyfish, besides not being able to get through their skin, would make a nice dessert...
"There s always room for jelly!"

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sunndoggy8

06-02-2002, 01:10 PM

Oh give me a break! Monkeys have seen it all. They've been in all sorts of countries, all sorts of experiments, and they have a great ability to adapt. Um hello, Project X? Matthew Broderick was training them to fly fighter jets.so I think they can handle a couple of flying jellyfish. And in Ed a monkey was able to play baseball! They can adapt to ANY SITUATION, and they wouldn't be freaked out my flying jellyfish. If anything, they'd pick up baseball bats and start swinging away.

Jellyfish are incredible fragile too, and a banana bullet would just fly right through them ripping them to shreads. This isn't the Blob we're talking about, where it absorbs everything.

But lets say for some reason that the banana bullets weren't effective, as you've proposed.the monkeys would develop peanut butter guns, thereby creating a peanut butter and jellyfish with banana sandwich. And then they would be able to eat them, because as anyone knows, monkeys love to eat peanut butter and jellyfish with banana sandwiches.I mean who doesn't? That would take care of your whole jellyfish can't be eaten idea.

And the jellyfish wouldn't even know what they were doing. As anyone would know, jellyfish have no heart or brain, and no real eyes. The jellyfish would be all over the place, flying into themselves and into their masters. Plus they've got no heart. To win control of the world, you need the heart, love and drive of a monkey.

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DarkHippie

06-02-2002, 07:31 PM

you're all fools!!! I will go to the source and control the medicloreans inside of us, thereby controlling everyone in the universe . . . mu wah ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!!!!

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Garfield

06-12-2002, 06:40 AM

Hissssssss!

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Pootertoot

06-12-2002, 07:14 AM

Allow me to dissect your argument piece by piece to show the world you're an idiot who knows NOTHING about controlling lesser beings for the purposes of evil.

Oh give me a break! Monkeys have seen it all. TheyA???ve been in all sorts of countries, all sorts of experiments, and they have a great ability to adapt.

Exactly! They're subordinates! Not FIGHTERS, like Jellyfish. Portuguese MAN OF WAR. What monkey has a name that cool? Rhesus? HA! I LAUGH AT YOU!

Monkeys can adapt to swinging around and screeching in different environments. We only use them since we consider them little manbeasts. Jellyfish...science won't go near them 'cause they're so badass.

Um hello, Project X? Matthew Broderick was training them to fly fighter jets so I think they can handle a couple of flying jellyfish.

Um, did you see Ferris Bueller and Godzilla?

Matthew Broderick is a high school flunkie who ended up tending to WORMS. He's not more fit to train space monkeys than Matt LeBlanc. I'm sure those monkeys burned up on launch when they peed on the controls.

And in Ed a monkey was able to play baseball!

First of all, see above comments concerning Matt LeBlanc.

Second, no one saw Ed. They all saw Air Bud. What does that tell you?

[/quote] They can adapt to ANY SITUATION, and they wouldnA???t be freaked out my flying jellyfish. [/quote]

FACT: Every single living thing on earth is freaked out by a jellyfish. Even sea turtles, who feed on Jellyfish are quoted as saying "Man, I eat some creepy shit. Gift certificates to Sizzler would be greatly appreciated."

If anything, theyA???d pick up baseball bats and start swinging away.

And what would happen? The Jellyfish would reform, much like T1000, the first screen character based on Jellyfish. And man, they'd be pissed. And if there's anything worse than a Jellyfish it's a miffed Jellyfish.

Jellyfish are incredible fragile too, and a banana bullet would just fly right through them ripping them to shreads. This isnA???t the Blob weA???re talking about, where it absorbs everything.

Have you ever stepped on a dying jellyfish? They suck your foot in like nobody's business. This year alone, 10,000 people have suffered assimilation by Jellyfish, severely threatening the fate of humanity.

Even if a jellyfish COULDN'T absorb everything in its path, which it could, it would just grab the banana bullet with one of its many tentacles and fling it back at a much greater speed at the monkey, who would then explode with the sheer force of the hit.

But lets say for some reason that the banana bullets werenA???t effective, as youA???ve proposedA???the monkeys would develop peanut butter guns, thereby creating a peanut butter and jellyfish with banana sandwich. And then they would be able to eat them, because as anyone knows, monkeys love to eat peanut butter and jellyfish with banana sandwichesI mean who doesnA???t? That would take care of your whole jellyfish canA???t be eaten idea.

Have you ever seen an animal eat peanut butter? They have no clue what to do with it. Mr. Ed's entire life was ruined by the stuff. And besides, if the monkeys somehow avoided the myriad of defenses that the Jellyfish has and was able to try to take a bite, they'd recoil in scream in horror, finding it tastes like burning.

And then the Jellyfish would strike.

And the jellyfish wouldnA???t even know what they were doing. As anyone would know, jellyfish have no heart or brain, and no real eyes. The jellyfish would be all over the place, flying into themselves and into their masters. Plus theyA???ve got no heart. To win control of the world, you need the heart, love and drive of a monkey.

Did you ever see "The Abyss"? Those aliens had no discernable heart, brain, or eyes but it took those aliens TO SHOW THIS WORLD HOW TO LOVE, along with another thing of two.

And I have it on good authority they worshipped Jellyfish as gods. What does that tell you?

Pootertoot

06-12-2002, 07:30 AM

Oh, and snakes are just retarded.

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Death Metal Moe

06-12-2002, 07:35 AM

Wow.......

EVIL REIGNS!!!

Sig Pic is FUCKING BUSTED!!

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Pootertoot

06-12-2002, 03:17 PM

Moe's on my side, what more evidence do I need?

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sunndoggy8

06-15-2002, 08:45 PM

They're subordinates! Not FIGHTERS, like Jellyfish. Portuguese MAN OF WAR. What monkey has a name that cool? Rhesus? HA! I LAUGH AT YOU!

Monkeys can adapt to swinging around and screeching in different environments. We only use them since we consider them little manbeasts. Jellyfish...science won't go near them 'cause they're so badass.

Okey, first of all, Portuguese MAN OF WAR are not the same as Jellyfish. Any scientist would tell you that they are not considered to be jellyfish, even though many classify them as such. Maybe if you knew your jellyfish, youre have a better understanding of why youre argument sucks ass.

Youre saying that science wont go near them? Then why do we know so much about jellyfish? Havent you heard of the profession "Marine Biologist"? Of course science has gone near them, and experimented on them, and they have no hope for use because theyre pretty much useless.

Many fish eat jellyfish, and there are some turtles, as you mentioned, who have even been known to eat jellyfish. Im sorry, but if youre getting eaten by a turtle, youre probably the pussiest species on the planet.

Matthew Broderick is a high school flunkie who ended up tending to WORMS. He's not more fit to train space monkeys than Matt LeBlanc. I'm sure those monkeys burned up on launch when they peed on the controls.

Excuse me, but he did defeat his evil principal and make it back home in time. And in cause you also forgot this fact, he helped to DEFEAT GODZILLA! Thats no small task my friend, and shows just how much raw courage and guts Mr. Broderick has. And those monkeys did not burn up on launch, but eventually were able to escape the governments evil program with Matthew Brodericks help, and they flew themselves to safety on top of that! I think thats pretty good training by Matthew Broderick, and should be noted here.

FACT: Every single living thing on earth is freaked out by a jellyfish. Even sea turtles, who feed on Jellyfish are quoted as saying "Man, I eat some creepy shit. Gift certificates to Sizzler would be greatly appreciated."
Okey now this is just going too far. If weA›??re going to have this conversation, we need some semblance of sanity, and there are no turtles that have been quoted. You made that up. But even if they did, it doesnt matter that they wouldnt like it or think its creepy. They still do it. And what to the jellyfish do? One would think they would just swim away. But apparently, they cant handle the dreaded agility of the sea turtle.

And what would happen? The Jellyfish would reform, much like T1000, the first screen character based on Jellyfish. And man, they'd be pissed. And if there's anything worse than a Jellyfish it's a miffed Jellyfish.

Okey, so now youre saying that Skynet, a supercomputer, based its designs for human domination on jellyfish? Now youre just pulling these things out of no where. But lets just say for arguments sake that they were like the T1000...youre forgetting that the T1000 LOST! Into the vat or molten metal, remember? I dont think that shows the best track record for your jellyfish now, does it? Seems like your jellyfish design is pretty flawed. And who won? The original Terminator, who was based on yes, an evolved monkeylike design. Proof that monkeys beat jellyfish. Youve defeated yourself by bringing the T1000 into the mix.

Have you ever stepped on a dying jellyfish? They suck your foot in like nobody's business. This year alone, 10,000 people have suffered assimilation by Jellyfish, severely threatening the fate of humanity.

Again, no one has been assimilated or absorbed by jellyfish. Sure they may have been stung. But as anyone knows, you just have to put some vinegar or alcohol on it, and then water and maybe meat tenderizer to the skin for the pain. I dont call that assimilation. I call that a minor annoyance. And Id like to know where youre getting your jellyfish assimilation statistics from.

[quote]Even

Pootertoot

06-15-2002, 09:49 PM

Once again, Sunny, you choose to put your own foolishness on public display. Must I always prove myself the better, or will eventually stop trying?

Okey, first of all, Portuguese MAN OF WAR are not the same as Jellyfish. Any scientist would tell you that they are not considered to be jellyfish, even though many classify them as such. Maybe if you knew your jellyfish, youre have a better understanding of why youre argument sucks ass.

Yes, yes, the Man of War is TECHNICALLY not a jellyfish but a pelagic colonial hydroid. However, the term "jellyfish" is commonly used in scientific circles to describe any cnidarian that has a medusoid body form. That's the definition I have been using all along, and you would have known that had you not been such a buffoon hellbent on controlling a bunch of pooping monkeys. By your choice of definition, it's OBVIOUS that you're a racist. Don't you dare turn this argument on me by pointing out my exclusion of siphonophores, for we all know they wouldn't be able to survive in the open air on jetpacks, even with my specially german-engineered hydration units.

Youre saying that science wont go near them? Then why do we know so much about jellyfish? Havent you heard of the profession "Marine Biologist"? Of course science has gone near them, and experimented on them, and they have no hope for use because theyre pretty much useless.

Of course you're going to have your few rogue scientists that are willing to put their lives on the line in order for the betterment of mankind. We all owe a great deal to the Curies, but they both died horrible, painful deaths from radiation poisoning. Would your average scientist be willing to do the same? No.

Such is the case with jellyfish examination. Consider the movie "Sphere", which is a biographical account of the lives of many marine biologists, one of which, Professor Q. Latifah, was MURDERED BY JELLYFISH. Man, that's a kickass animal if you ask me, one with INTENT TO KILL. The closest you have to that is "Monkey Shines" and we all know that was just a silly movie.

Many fish eat jellyfish, and there are some turtles, as you mentioned, who have even been known to eat jellyfish. Im sorry, but if youre getting eaten by a turtle, youre probably the pussiest species on the planet.

I beg to differ. Most historical accounts of turtles have shown us that they are sneaky, homicidal creatures. From rupturing Aeschylus' skull, to defeating much swifter animals in competitions, to almost accidentally killing the savior of an empire, Atrayu, the turtle has surprised us at every turn.

It's nature's tank, Sunny. Can you stop a tank without the help of Tom Hanks and some socks? I don't think so.

Excuse me, but he did defeat his evil principal and make it back home in time. And in cause you also forgot this fact, he helped to DEFEAT GODZILLA! Thats no small task my friend, and shows just how much raw courage and guts Mr. Broderick has. And those monkeys did not burn up on launch, but eventually were able to escape the governments evil program with Matthew Brodericks help, and they flew themselves to safety on top of that! I think thats pretty good training by Matthew Broderick, and should be noted here.

Obviously, you're playing fast and loose with your interpretations here. If you call that "defeating the evil principal" (wasn't the man just doing his job? Looking out for a promising student gone astray? The movie fails to tell you that Ferris was found dead alongside Parker Lewis in a Motel 6, both OD'd, dicks in goats.) instead of "successfully avoiding someone" and "defeating Godzilla" instead of "running away until someone else solved the problem", then you're an idiot.

And Jay and Silent Bob also successfully rescued a monkey. What does that tell you?

[quote]Okey now this is just going too far. If weA?A›??re going to have this conversation, we need some semblance of sanity, and there are no turtles that have been quoted. You made that up. But even if they did,

EffMeBoobs

06-15-2002, 10:07 PM

I could just stomp on the jellyfish with my "Kill All Jellyfish" workboots and make jam out of it.

Come on Mr. Jelly Man, whatcha gonna do now? I hope you like jam on your toast.

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Pootertoot

06-15-2002, 10:28 PM

I could just stomp on the jellyfish with my "Kill All Jellyfish" workboots and make jam out of it.

They're FLYING WITH JETPACKS.

Unless you're Emma Peel, you're not getting your leg that high.

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Butters

06-16-2002, 07:28 AM

I would mind controll penguins and put metal beak swords on them and they would attack shipping lanes and destroy boats.

Cause its butters

Well thats me

DarkHippie

06-16-2002, 07:42 AM

foolish mortals!!! My medicloreans trump all of your petty beings!!! You're all weak and helpless, puppets to these creatures inside of you, pulsing and vibrating, undulating under your skin, and DOING MY BIDDING!!!!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!! !!!!!

Game over. I win. Nyah.

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EffMeBoobs

06-16-2002, 09:26 AM

They're FLYING WITH JETPACKS.

I stepped on their jetpacks too! They all malfunctioned at the same time and came crashing down to the ground. I saw an opportunity and jumped on it (no pun intended.)

Nice Jelly Daddy you are letting your jellyfish get stomped to jelly juice.

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DarkHippie

06-16-2002, 09:39 AM

my medicloreans will still kick your ass. and i'll make all the chicks orgasm at will, just because i'm cool like that

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support your local 420: union of brotherhood

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Pootertoot

06-16-2002, 10:09 AM

This is why I am in the institute and you are all on the outside.

I would mind controll penguins and put metal beak swords on them and they would attack shipping lanes and destroy boats.

Well, you have to remote control them, something that everyone, especially Sunny, seems to overlook. However, if you're able to hardwire a penguin's brain, more power to you, and I look forward to your allegiance to my cause. If you choose to cross me, however...WHAP! Jellyfish in the face.

foolish mortals!!! My medicloreans trump all of your petty beings!!! You're all weak and helpless, puppets to these creatures inside of you, pulsing and vibrating, undulating under your skin, and DOING MY BIDDING!!!!!!!

Even Lucas abandoned these for the second movie...let it go, man. Let it go.

Besides we all know that giant squids could easly devore jellyfish, monkeys and penguins there for I win! Hail CZM king of the squids!

Even my highly specialized german engineers couldn't design a jetpack that could support a GIANT squid. How do you propose to transport these squids so they're menacing and not just trapped in water?

Not to mention they've never been spotted alive and seem to die be dependant on the depths of the sea, imploding when brought to lesser pressure.

I stepped on their jetpacks too! They all malfunctioned at the same time and came crashing down to the ground. I saw an opportunity and jumped on it (no pun intended.)

You realize none of this has actually happened yet, right? Methinks you've been hitting the sauce a bit too much.

In conclusion, you will all bow to my jellyfish on jetpacks, and possibly Butters' sword-beaked trade-interfering penguins, while DarkHippie tries to control his imaginary plot-ruining specks and EffMe runs from pink elephants.

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Pootertoot

06-16-2002, 12:30 PM

Unlike Sunny, you make a good argument. But, as we all know, we still have a postapocalyptic future in which Kevin Costner will deliver the mail BEFORE we have an earth full of water. In the time it takes us to get there, I'll be ruling with my iron fist and jellyfish. 
Oh, and Sunny, you need proof of Jellyfish assimilation? Take a look at this picture of a freshly attacked victim, long before the Jellyifsh makes its way inside the body to control the puppet human. 
<img src=http://hci.stanford.edu/~fjames/pix/jellyfish.jpg width=300 height=300> 
Join me or suffer! 
<img src=http://www.turboworld.com/Lifeguard/lifeguard%20jellyfish%20thumb.jpg> 

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EffMeBoobs

06-16-2002, 04:44 PM

EffMe runs from pink elephants.

They already got me. They were on jetpacks too! Hmmm....pink elephants on jetpacks vs. jellyfish on jetpacks........interesting battle, which of course pink elephants would kick some serious booty.

Poot, is that you on the left with the sunglasses and skirt on?

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Garfield

06-17-2002, 02:00 PM

JELLYFISH NEED WATER TO LIVE (thus the name jellyFISH)
Snakes are highly evolved and very adaptable. Im not talkin about remote controlled garter snakes, Im sayin lets get boa constrictors fitted with these remote control jobbys, and send em into afghanistan. I dont think jellyfish would last two seconds in a freakin DESERT for chrys sake.
And the monkeys are too soft skinned for battle. Yes they are among the only animals with opposing thumbs, but they really cant take a bullet as well as a snake, I mean if you cut a snakes tail off he'll grow another, cut off a monkey's tail and he'll probably bleed to death. Also snakes are much more efficeient, seeing as they only need to be fed like once a week.
In a perfect world, an ambitious youngster like yourself would be able to achieve world domination with jellyfish, but in our AIR BREATHING world it just aint gonna happen. Your jellyfish would turn into baby powder in about ten minutes tops.

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JerseyRich

06-17-2002, 02:18 PM

JELLYFISH NEED WATER TO LIVE (thus the name jellyFISH)

First off, if you're going to participate in world domination, at least be familiar with the enemy by reading the ENTIRE thread. Each Jellyfish Jetpack is equipped with a special unit to supply the jellyfish with the salinized water they need to survive.

Snakes are highly evolved and very adaptable. Im not talkin about remote controlled garter snakes, Im sayin lets get boa constrictors fitted with these remote control jobbys, and send em into afghanistan.

Have you ever seen Indiana Jones? He was elbow deep in snakes and they did JACK SHIT. Boa Constrictors take quite a while to get their job done, enough time that proper retaliation could be possible. Jellyfish? In and out. WHAP. That's all they need.

I dont think jellyfish would last two seconds in a freakin DESERT for chrys sake.

Jellyfish LOVE sand. Combine it with their water supply and they're at home.

And the monkeys are too soft skinned for battle. Yes they are among the only animals with opposing thumbs, but they really cant take a bullet as well as a snake, I mean if you cut a snakes tail off he'll grow another, cut off a monkey's tail and he'll probably bleed to death.

At least we agree on something.

Also snakes are much more efficeient, seeing as they only need to be fed like once a week.

Jellyfish never need to be fed, feeding mainly off of Gaia, life force of the earth, and occasionally brine shrimp when they want to change things up.

Finally, snakes couldn't wrap around the jellyfish, as the jellyfish would just assimilate the snakes.

Next?

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JerseyRich

06-17-2002, 02:38 PM

The above was posted by the brilliant Pootertoot. Rich could never fathom such deep concepts.

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Garfield

06-17-2002, 02:54 PM

Have you ever seen Indiana Jones? He was elbow deep in snakes and they did JACK SHIT

HELLO??? Those were not REMOTE CONTROLLED snakes, they were stupid hollywood stunt snakes. My snakes would get advanced training and battle skills through their bionic brain implants. And jellyfish need food to live, they eat plankton and algae, not gaia, lay off the Final Fantasy for awhile.
JOIN ME, JOIN ME AND MY ROBOTIC SNAKES AND WITH YOUR JELLYFISH WE SHALL RULE THE LAND AND THE SEA!!! NEITHER ROBOTIC PENGUINS NOR MONKEYS NOR RATS SHALL STAND IN OUR WAY! HA HA HA HA HA!!!

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JerseyRich

06-17-2002, 03:17 PM

The above was posted by the brilliant Pootertoot. Rich could never fathom such deep concepts.

Thats it! I have finally found a reason to unleash my army of evil Sloth Wildebeasts!
Big...Dumb...and slow....YOU CANNOT BEAT THEM!

<img src=http://home.ix.netcom.com/~camman/_uimages/StaplesJR.gif>
Kill Some Ants, Kill Some Ants

Pootertoot

06-18-2002, 08:33 AM

HELLO??? Those were not REMOTE CONTROLLED snakes, they were stupid hollywood stunt snakes. My snakes would get advanced training and battle skills through their bionic brain implants.

As stated numerous times before, Jellyfish need no training or implants of any kind. They are natural born killers. While you train your snakes and monkeys, my jellyfish will have already taken over the world.

I will consider your offer of partnership upon seeing how well your snakes perform in battle. For now, my jellyfish still stand atop the food chain.

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Garfield

06-18-2002, 10:22 AM

You have pushed me to the point of doing actual research...
Point 1:
Jellyfish eat small animals such as shrimp and plankton. Some of the animals Jellyfish eat are microscopic, too small to be seen by the human eye. They also eat other Jellyfish

Your jellyfish would be too involved with cannibalism to be concerned with world domination, and their numbers would diminish quite rapidly because of this.
Point 2:
Jellyfish usually drift, but occasionally you will see them swimming. Jellyfish swim by rhythmic pulsations of the umbrella or bell. The movement is very like an umbrella being open and shut slowly. It is coordinated by a very simple nervous system and by sense organs around the edge that are sensitive to light and gravity and chemicals in the water.

Your jellyfish would die from the sun exposure and high concentration of pollution in our area.
Point 3:Jellyfish don't have many enemies, but there are some animals like a Banner fish that isn't bothered by their tentacles. The Arrow Crab will gobble up the Jellyfish in one bite. Other animals like turtles will eat them. Certain fish and snails nibble on their tentacles.

Note to self: create an army of remote controlled Banner fish, turtles and snails.
Point 4:In most cases, their sight organs do not detect shapes or movement, but allow the jelly to tell light from dark. Jellies can tell up from down by sensing the sunlight at the surface of the ocean.
Buying glasses for all of your jellyfish would be quite expensive, unless you sent them to the corneal associates for a free game of golf with farrell.
Point 5:
Now we know how fascinating Jellyfish really are. It's very interesting how they reproduce, how they hear and smell, how they breath, where they live and what they eat. Remember, watch out for Jellyfish, because they hurt!

This is true jellyfish do hurt.

taken from:Jellyfish Up Close,Kyle McGilligan-Bentin
April 19, 1996
Room118 ,
http://danenet.wicip.org/mmsd-it/jellyfish.html

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Pootertoot

06-18-2002, 02:18 PM

Your jellyfish would be too involved with cannibalism to be concerned with world domination, and their numbers would diminish quite rapidly because of this.

Your jellyfish would die from the sun exposure and high concentration of pollution in our area.

Note to self: create an army of remote controlled Banner fish, turtles and snails.

Buying glasses for all of your jellyfish would be quite expensive, unless you sent them to the corneal associates for a free game of golf with farrell.

Do you actually read the posts? All of your arguments are out the window when you consider these are REMOTE CONTROLLED jellyfish on jetpacks constantly supplying salinized water to them.

Therfore:

1) They won't eat each other unless I tell them to.

2) They're being protected by the jetpacks from sunlight and pollution

3) The bannerfish and turtles wouldn't ALWAYS be hungry, and sure my numbers may be SLIGHTLY dented, but after their appetites are sated they are USELESS and the sheer number of my jellyfish would once more take control.

4) They wouldn't NEED sight. I control them.

5) Jellyfish STING LIKE A BITCH. Therefore I rule.

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Garfield

06-18-2002, 02:31 PM

1) They won't eat each other unless I tell them to.

When will you realize that no matter what you do the natural instincts of a jellyfish are too powerful for bionic implants to control

2) They're being protected by the jetpacks from sunlight and pollution

Alright this makes no sense at all because the jetpacks would cause the jellyfish to be constantly near a temperature close to Bon Jovi's 7800 degrees farenheit and would provide no protection from the trisate area's carcinogens.

3) The bannerfish and turtles wouldn't ALWAYS be hungry, and sure my numbers may be SLIGHTLY dented, but after their appetites are sated they are USELESS and the sheer number of my jellyfish would once more take control.

Hey if you can stop jellyfish from eating each other then I can make bannerfish eat until their stomachs explode with half digested jellyfish.

4) They wouldn't NEED sight. I control them.

Maybe, but unless you had a super DEFCON computer it would be hard to control all of them at once.

5) Jellyfish STING LIKE A BITCH. Therefore I rule

Ever been bitten by a snake, exactly, because if you did you would either be dead or paralyzed or brain dead or all three.

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EffMeBoobs

06-18-2002, 07:10 PM

Actually, you are all missing a bigger point, doesn't the person to the left in the pic above with the jellyfish(for those who know what Poot looks like) look just like Poot?! Scary.

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sunndoggy8

06-18-2002, 07:33 PM

Yes, yes, the Man of War is TECHNICALLY not a jellyfish but a pelagic colonial hydroid. However, the term "jellyfish" is commonly used in scientific circles to describe any cnidarian that has a medusoid body form. That s the definition I have been using all along, and you would have known that had you not been such a buffoon hellbent on controlling a bunch of pooping monkeys. By your choice of definition, its OBVIOUS that youre a racist. Dont you dare turn this argument on me by pointing out my exclusion of siphonophores, for we all know they wouldnt be able to survive in the open air on jetpacks, even with my specially german-engineered hydration units.
Okey, so now youre making up words. Cnidarian, medusoid, siphonophores? What did you do, just decide to put random letters together and play it off like youre smart or something? That wont fly here buddy.

You call me racist. This is completely untrue and stupid to say, because if youve ever spent any time on this board, youd see me as the defender of all races; black, white, mammal or fish. Havent you ever seen one of my racial profiling posts? Ask Rooster about em. I AM NOT A RACIST.

And I find it comical that you would expect the germans to want to attempt to support your jellyfish plan. Even they have more sense than that.

Of course youre going to have your few rogue scientists that are willing to put their lives on the line in order for the betterment of mankind. We all owe a great deal to the Curies, but they both died horrible, painful deaths from radiation poisoning. Would your average scientist be willing to do the same? No.

What are you talking about? These arent rogue scientist developing the T-Virus here (yes, I made a RE reference). ALL SCIENTISTS have agreed on this fact, and there are no rogue scientists attempting your foolish plan.

Such is the case with jellyfish examination. Consider the movie "Sphere", which is a biographical account of the lives of many marine biologists, one of which, Professor Q. Latifah, was MURDERED BY JELLYFISH. Man, thats a kickass animal if you ask me, one with INTENT TO KILL. The closest you have to that is "Monkey Shines" and we all know that was just a silly movie.

First of all, Sphere was a fictional account based on a novel by Michael Chrichton (sp?). Yes the same person who wrong Jurassic Park, but also the same person who wrote the The Lost World, complete with the girl who gymnastically avoided being eaten by dinosaurs by doing the high bar routine. Sorry pal, but youre going to the wrong source on this one.
And furthermore, I read the book, and there was no Professor Q. Latifah in that. First of all, it was a fictional movie, and second of all, the character was played by QUEEN LATIFAH! Are you going to make references to Living Single now, or to Kim Fields character Tudy on Facts of Life? Bring it on. Your supposed facts prove your confusion on the subject.

And finally, regarding Sphere, it was ALL IN THEIR MINDS. They were in a spaceship that would cause whatever they thought to come true. Unless youre planning on enveloping the earth in a spaceship of this kind, I dont see youre comment or your plan making any sense. And dont give me any crap about the Sphere in the movie being some representation of the Earth. I know you were thinking it, but its wrong, so dont bother.

I beg to differ. Most historical accounts of turtles have shown us that they are sneaky, homicidal creatures. From rupturing Aeschylus skull, to defeating much swifter animals in competitions, to almost accidentally killing the savior of an empire, Atrayu, the turtle has surprised us at every turn.

Um, Id like to refer you to the most popular turtles of our time. yes the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Im sorry, but if you think they were homicidal, youre nuts. They ate pizza, and killed no one. They were wimpy creatures. Sure they had Splinter, a proven and violently disturbed creature(a plus for the rat argument), but they ne

Garfield

06-18-2002, 08:11 PM

Why do the engineers have to be German?

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Pootertoot

06-18-2002, 09:22 PM

Allow me to start off by pointing out that Sunny has completely abandoned his incredibly weak monkey hypothesis in order to try (despite a complete lack of competence) to discredit my flawless Jellyfish in Jetpack plan. Garfield just BARELY mentions his retarded snakes in his reply. I see both are losing ground. I will accept your apologies if you've realized you've lost. I will not think any less of you, in fact I'll think you a great man for admitting your shortcomings.

When will you realize that no matter what you do the natural instincts of a jellyfish are too powerful for bionic implants to control

My jellyfish will be well fed and thus have no need for cannibalism.

As a matter of fact, according to recent studies by the International Oceanic Institute, Jellyfish cannibalize other jellyfish in order to know synergistic power. Allow me to reference the second book of the ancient epic "William and Theodosius' Journeys" in which two scientists, both named "Station" both collide at enormous speeds, such that an outsider would think they'd have surely killed themselves. But no, this act of self-sacrifice forms a giant, UBER-Station. Such is the case with the jellyfish. The devourer and devouree are actually forming a bigger, more intelligent, infinitely more powerful jellyfish.

Alright this makes no sense at all because the jetpacks would cause the jellyfish to be constantly near a temperature close to Bon Jovi's 7800 degrees farenheit and would provide no protection from the trisate area's carcinogens.

You obviously have no idea of the precision of german engineering.

Hey if you can stop jellyfish from eating each other then I can make bannerfish eat until their stomachs explode with half digested jellyfish.

See above. I'm not sublimating the jellyfish's urge to devour each other, I'm just keeping them well fed in order to prevent it. You can't force a fish to eat more than it can hold.

Besides, a half eaten jellyfish would just form another whole jellyfish once free.

Maybe, but unless you had a super DEFCON computer it would be hard to control all of them at once.

Once I have the jellyfish under my control, it's only a matter of time before my scientists develop SKYNET to enable me to track them all.

Ever been bitten by a snake, exactly, because if you did you would either be dead or paralyzed or brain dead or all three.

Snakes can't bite jellyfish because they're made of jelly that tastes like pain.

Now for Sunny's whackjob, monkeyless argument.

You call me racist. This is completely untrue and stupid to say, because if youve ever spent any time on this board, youd see me as the defender of all races: black, white, mammal or fish. Havent you ever seen one of my racial profiling posts? Ask Rooster about em. I AM NOT A RACIST.

Sunny, everyone knows you could give two shits about anyone but the injuns. They're your own little pet project, despite the fact that the only thing that's keeping us from CHEERING them on in their nuclear destruction is we're deathly afraid of the smell a hundred million burnt up injuns and pakis will make. Goddamn.

And I find it comical that you would expect the germans to want to attempt to support your jellyfish plan. Even they have more sense than that.

Okay, this just proves your idiocy. Do you honestly think the germans aren't BEGGING to be involved in some kind of world domination scheme? You go over there, they're all just staring at their ovens longingly, waiting for that next great uniter.

What are you talking about? These arent rogue scientist developing the T-Virus here (yes, I made a RE reference). ALL SCIENTISTS have agreed on this fact, and there are no rogue scientists attempting your foolish plan.

This isn't about attempting my plan. This is about studies involving Jellyfish, which are scarce due to the Jellyfish's ability to spontaneously ressurrect and kill all those trying to study it. If y

Garfield

06-19-2002, 06:06 AM

snakes do not take any responsibility for the care and protection of their young
leaving them more time to fight and less time to worry about taking care of young

they are rarely cold and are surprisingly good at regulating their temperatures through behavior.

Saving me money on my heating bill, money that can be used for more remote controlled
hovercraft-borne bannerfish.

All snakes are predators. Depending on size and species, they may feed on invertebrates such as slugs, worms and insects, or on fish, amphibians, snakes, birds, bird eggs and small mammals

I think jellyfish and monkeys are accounted for there

And then there are SEA SNAKES!

sea snakes have adapted their bodies to marine life

Where do jellyfish live again?
They have glands in their mouths that remove and excrete salt from the seawater that they happen to swallow. Their nostrils close when they submerge and they have special scales that shield their mouths.

I just thought that was really cool.
The most remarkable thing about sea snakes is their venom.

A sea snake's venom is two to ten times as toxic as a cobra's, less of it is transferred to the victim and only one-fourth of those bitten show signs of poisoning. The venom is a paralyzing agent to the nervous system and the victim becomes unable to breath, thus suffocating to death. They may have small mouths, but sea snakes can bite people. The best way to escape being bitten is to avoid provoking the snake

I think a jellyfish WHAP in the face how you like that suckah is enough provocation for an all out sea snake invasion.

There is an antivenom available for sea snake bites and

you cant afford it because its really really expensive, even for German engineers with their triple digit salaries. Unless you are not paying them enough, in that case I would like to extend an offer to them .*slips a piece of paper across the desk*

1. Remove the surface venom.
2. Apply a pressure bandage.
3. Calm the victim.
4. Take the victim to the hospital immediately.

(Unless the hospital has been overrun with remote controlled snakes, then resort to plan B)

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ADF

06-19-2002, 06:06 PM

I noticed how everyone was quick to brush over my genetically enhanced spider idea. Spiders are inherently scary, much more so than jellyfish. People love monkeys, but we're aware of the dangers they can cause (re: AIDS). Spiders have their own fear named after them, arachnophobia, and it's almost universal. There's no such thing as jellyfishophobia. Spiders venomous, have fangs, can jump, and can weave webs. Spiders lay a bajillion eggs; monkeys have one or two babies at a time. Sure, jellyfish lay a lot of eggs.. but jellfish babies are almost cute, whereas spider babies are already creepy. Now the spiders that I'm talking about have been tweeked slightly, so that they're as big as houses and more poisonous than black widows. Plus, they have missile packs attached to their shoulders and springs attached to the bottom of their feet, allowing them to jump higher than the tallest building. They can shoot any flying jellyfish with their missile packs, so don't even think of going there.

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Pootertoot

06-19-2002, 09:14 PM

I'll pick up where I left off while discrediting you as a human being with a brain functioning at full capacity.

Apparently noble acts are too much for you to handle. He was looking out for the good of mankind by not staying alive. And I saw he did a good job. But I guess jellyfish wouldnt understand noble acts, because they have NO BRAIN.

Um, by noble, do you mean shortsighted and stupid? A highly advanced robot with knowledge of an apocalyptic future would be of no use to us, I guess. I mean, obviously, he didn't complete his primary objective to its fullest extent as there is a third Terminator movie coming out. Or does it just prove the amazing determination of the jellyfish? I say both. The future is ours, Sunny. With or without John Connor.

Show me one person whose under jellyfish control.

See above picture. I would appreciate it if you actually read the threads before responding, Sunny. Gvac will back me up here.

Yes there is plenty of vinegar out there. They put it on sandwichesA?A›?A?AÝIm pretty sure its in abundance.

Yes, and we drink water, but we still have droughts. Just because something is available to you, Sunny, doesn't mean its infinite. Obviously you were coddled far too much during your racist upbringing to be any kind of effective world leader.

THEY CANT CHOOSE ANYTHING. THEY HAVE NO BRAINS! And you see plenty of jellyfish in aquariums. Maybe you should actually go to one before you make blanketing statements.

Correction: They have brains that have evolved beyond the average man's comprehension. A sort of collective consciousness that transcends physical manifestation.

As for the jellyfish in aquariums, they are highly sedated. Like Kong on stage. But just like Kong, if provoked enough, they will rampage, destroying all in its path.

Incredibly advanced technology? Do tell.

Now you're just begging to know the enemy's secrets. It's kinda pathetic. Did you get all your military tactics from watching movies like "Heavyweights"?

Again, no brains. Without a brain you cant have a truly perfect soldier. Havent you seen Robocop? Cyborg monkeys are the future. You need brains.

Brains are negligible, especially when it comes to remote controlled animals, you retard. The biggest problem, as we all know, with cybernetics is the heart. How many times has a robot overridden its prime directive once it understood love? Too many, Sunny. Your monkeys will collapse once they see a tear in a young boy's eye.

My jellyfish will lick their salty tears with their painful stinging tongue.

It tells me that they are happening and fun loving creatures. Anyone that hangs out with those two are good in my book. Matt LeBlanc is wonderful as Joey Tribiani, and then you got Ferris Bueller. What better friends could you have? And you have severly underestimated the value of playing with your own poop. Look into it.

I could think of a bajillion better friends than Matt "Mr. Vinnie Verducci Lost In Space" LeBlanc. and Mr. Matthew "Road to Wellville Inspector Gadget" Broderick. But friends are just part of the problem discussed above. How are you going to have a cold-blooded super warrior when they place a value on certain human lives?

Jellyfish know not love. They know only hate and pain. They are the Death Metal Moes of the Ocean. In fact, Jellyfish actually reproduce from the aura of pure hate that permeates the world. That's why the highest concentration of Jellyfish is found in and around Connecticut, birthplace of hate and intolerance.

As for poop playing, ever heard of a little thing called the Bubonic Plauge, Sunny? Inadequate sewage systems can kill. KILL.

That's why you never see a monkey over 30. That and second hand smoke.

That is simply a monkey in a fake costume, mocking your stupid argument from the beach itself. How does it feel?

Now you're just making things up. Besides, monkeys are deathly afraid of water. They'll melt.

Pootertoot

06-19-2002, 09:35 PM

First off, Garfield, Jellyfish have the ability to absorb the venom, making their entire body poisonous! Your mouth burns and then you DIE. I think you'd cower in fear knowing I have power over such force.

Now to deal with this spider lunacy.

First off, you can't bring genetic enhancement into the equation. That's crazy talk, Sunny talk even. We're not Kenny Allen, we're SCIENTISTS.

Second, Jellyfish have far more tentacles than Jellyfish have legs. If we were to give Jellyfish and spiders tiny knives, and they each started decapitating each other in a turn-based manner, Jellyfish would remain highly mobile while a spider would have to find some Chris Reeves straw-based system, and even then, they'll be ridiculed with jokes like "What are black and sits at the top of the stairs? Christopher Reeves and Spiders after a fire."

Third, cute babies are a great advantage over scary babies. Would you hug a scary baby? No. But hug a cute baby, sure? BUT THAT HUG IS A HUG OF DOOM, MY FRIEND. One from which you may never recover.

Reenactment:

Woman: Oh, what a cute baby.
Jellyfish baby: ::bloop::
Woman: I want to hug it! ::hugs it::
Jellyfish baby: ::bloop, underwater mario music::
Woman: AAIYEEE! IT FEELS LIKE THE DEVIL HAS SPENT HIS FIERY JISM ON ME!

Fourth, my Jellyfish have jetpacks, rendering your springs antiquated and quite laughable. The jetpacks would enable them to avoid your missles, deftly maneuvering and muscling for rank, fuel burning fast on a near inexhaustable supply of nuclear power.

Finally, Arachnophobia was a poor movie that couldn't even be saved by the great John Goodman.

Jellyfish have no phobia named after them for the fear you feel when you encounter a jellyfish is the kind that KILLS, my friend. None live to tell the tale. Except most people. But still, it's permanent mental scarring. The kind that KILLS. Eventually.

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This message was edited by Pootertoot on 6-20-02 @ 1:55 AM

ADF

06-20-2002, 01:58 PM

First off, you can't bring genetic enhancement into the equation. That's crazy talk, Sunny talk even. We're not Kenny Allen, we're SCIENTISTS.

Not only is my roommate a PhD candidate in molecular biology, but he's also slightly deranged. The field of genetic engineering has advanced FAR more than the field of cybernetics. The million dollar man is still a fantasy, but better tasting corn and giant, intelligent, poisonous spiders are a reality NOW.

Second, Jellyfish have far more tentacles than Jellyfish have legs. If we were to give Jellyfish and spiders tiny knives, and they each started decapitating each other in a turn-based manner, Jellyfish would remain highly mobile while a spider would have to find some Chris Reeves straw-based system, and even then, they'll be ridiculed with jokes like "What are black and sits at the top of the stairs? Christopher Reeves and Spiders after a fire."

No self-respecting spider would allow him or herself to participate in such a match. The agility of a spider is such that it would easily be able to avoid any knife blows from a jellyfish. Also, you horribly marr your argument by using a variation of a Don and Mike "Make Us Laugh" contest winner.

Third, cute babies are a great advantage over scary babies. Would you hug a scary baby? No. But hug a cute baby, sure? BUT THAT HUG IS A HUG OF DOOM, MY FRIEND. One from which you may never recover.

Hugs from baby jellyfish are harmless as they haven't developed the colony of "stingers." Baby spiders, especially genetically-engineered baby spiders, are venomous immediately.

Fourth, my Jellyfish have jetpacks, rendering your springs antiquated and quite laughable. The jetpacks would enable them to avoid your missles, deftly maneuvering and muscling for rank, fuel burning fast on a near inexhaustable supply of nuclear power.

When I say "springs," I'm not talking about little slinkies you buy from Spencer's. I'm talking about giant springs.. the kind they use at the bottom of skyscrapers and NORAD. With these bad boys, they can jump to the edge of the atmosphere... and before you say that spiders can't breathe up there, these spiders have been enhanced so that they can hold their breath for hours, perhaps days. Also, these aren't any run-of-the-mill missiles, these are nuclear-tipped MAJFTM's (Monkey and Jellyfish Tracking Missiles). They're faster and more aerodynamic than some lousy jellyfish in a tin-can backpack.

Finally, Arachnophobia was a poor movie that couldn't even be saved by the great John Goodman.

And just how many Jellyfish movies are there? A big, fat ZERO! Hollywood has deemed the jellyfish as unworthy of being placed on the silver screen.

To summarize, genetically-engineered spiders with missiles and super-springs = cool. Jellyfish and Monkeys = dork city.

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DarkHippie

06-20-2002, 06:25 PM

fine, i won't use medicloreans, I'll use tapeworms!! that way, i'll control all the world's supermodels, and therefore, will rule the world through the media

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sunndoggy8

06-20-2002, 06:28 PM

Once I have the jellyfish under my control, its only a matter of time before my scientists develop SKYNET to enable me to track them all.

Obviously youre an idiot. Did you forget that SKYNET failed? John Connor led everyone to freedom from the violent machines, in case you forgot. And why? Because of the original monkey based terminator. SKYNET couldnt even stop something that it originally created, and you want it to run your world domination for you? Have some sense man! Skynet was defeated by monkey based machinery that they themselves built. That shows you the superiority of monkey based machines over jellyfish based machines.

This isnt about attempting my plan. This is about studies involving Jellyfish, which are scarce due to the Jellyfishs ability to spontaneously ressurrect and kill all those trying to study it. If you were paying attention, maybe youd have caught that.

Again, there are numerous studies involving jellyfish. Youre ignoring the facts. They have not resurrected or come back to life as you say they do. they are fragile creatures that easily rip. Your constant ignorance regarding basic scientific study makes me think that you truly are mad. How many times are you going to ignore the FACT that they are easily killed?

Oh, so Jurassic Park is fiction now? Are you denying the existence of DNA, you racist? Have you ever been to Isla Nublar? Isla Sorna? Have you?! I didnt think so.

I have been to those islands and there were NO DINOSAURS! There was no proof of Jurassic park, or anything that would make you think that dinos were there. The same goes for Isla Sorna, which was devoid of dinosaur life. But guess what I did find there? Yes, my friend, monkeys were everywhere. They had dominated both islands, and were often seen on the beach nibbling on jellyfish that they themselves had caught for their pet turtles to snack on. The monkeys were numerous and beautiful, and I actually fell in love with one female. But that is a story for another day.

My point is, there are no dinosaurs there, you deranged lunatic.

Oh, and if you consulted Dr. Alan Grant, youd know that gymnastics is an ideal way to protect yourself against dinosaurs. With incredibly tiny, near useless arms, with no opposable thumb to speak of, theyre not adept at all when it comes to the parallel bars.

I doubt youve talked to Dr. Alan Grant, because he died in space when his ship was sucked into hell thanks to a quick thinking Lawrence Fishburn. And I doubt you talked to him beforehand, because he was busy at sea hanging out with his wife and protecting her from a deranged killer. Youve never talked to Alan Grant. And if you were, you were probably that foolish child who he mocked in his dinosaur expedition class. Please. Dr. Octopus is no friend of yours.

And anyway, you dont seem to understand. The dinosaurs arent competing in gymnastic competitions. theyre being foiled by them, and anyone who writes that sort of solution to fighting dinosaurs is a complete moron.

Sounds to me like youre the kind of guy who would look a raptor in the face and say "Clever girl." when you have a damn gun in your hand and couldve shot it in that time. Idiot.

No I wouldnt, because raptors dont exist anymore! It was a fictional movie, based on a fictional book! And youre forgetting that this same guy was written by Crichton himself! This proves that hes a bit clueless, wouldnt you think?

[quote]
Michael Crichton, in a recent interview in New York Times Magazine (which Im sure you didnt read since youre FAR too busy trying to figure out which one is Goofus and which one is Gallant in your latest issue of "Highlights: Large Print Edition") expressed regret to the family of Professor Q. Latifah, who so selflessly died while studying the terror of the seas, the Jellyfish. He left the poor doctor out of his novelization out of respect for the family, but Professor Latifahs estate requested that the film version includ

Pootertoot

06-20-2002, 11:27 PM

Clowns to the left of me. Jokers to the right.

If this buffonery is an attempt to distract me from my mission, then you're sorely failing. Right now my german scientists are perfecting the gyroscoping guidance mechanisms that will enable my jellyfish to move at incredible speeds with deadly efficiency. What do your monkeys have to offer? Hoverboards? I laugh at you. And Spiders with Springs on their feet? Yeah, that's really precise movement, buddy. You could get better troop movement if you gave a retard a pogo stick.

Not only is my roommate a PhD candidate in molecular biology, but he's also slightly deranged. The field of genetic engineering has advanced FAR more than the field of cybernetics. The million dollar man is still a fantasy, but better tasting corn and giant, intelligent, poisonous spiders are a reality NOW.

Your vaguely homosexual relationship with your roommate is of no interest to us. Sure, you let him design your "giant spider" (been watching a few too many Will Smith movies, eh? Well the Willenium never got off the ground, and neither will your plan.) and I'll laugh as it dies from either a) pneumonia, b) heart failure, c) just fulfilling the life expectancy of eight days for grossly modified animals. Meanwhile, my unmodified, naturally skilled predators will be latching onto people, destroying their wills, making them my pets.

No self-respecting spider would allow him or herself to participate in such a match. The agility of a spider is such that it would easily be able to avoid any knife blows from a jellyfish. Also, you horribly marr your argument by using a variation of a Don and Mike "Make Us Laugh" contest winner.

You tell Hemingway or James Dean that. Any animal that wouldn't put itself up against another animal in a knife fight is a PUSSY. And the spider would lose, my friend. It would have more holes in it than the plot of your average Brendan Fraser vehicle. As for my variation, it did, indeed, make them laugh. That's like the nobel prize in comedy.

Hugs from baby jellyfish are harmless as they haven't developed the colony of "stingers." Baby spiders, especially genetically-engineered baby spiders, are venomous immediately.

Harmless? No. Perhaps you're thinking of the developmental stage, where they're not baby jellyfish, but planula. Planula are essentially the face huggers of the jellyfish world. They find a suitable place to latch onto, then feed on the surrounding environment until they are ready for their metamorphosis into nature's most deadly weapon. So hugging a baby jellyfish would result in stinging, but hugging a planula? You're just inviting yourself to be a host to a jellyfish breeding ground. And millions will make this mistake. I will use your lungs to breed my babies, and they shall burst forth from your chest, ready to destroy all in their path!

When I say "springs," I'm not talking about little slinkies you buy from Spencer's. I'm talking about giant springs.. the kind they use at the bottom of skyscrapers and NORAD. With these bad boys, they can jump to the edge of the atmosphere... and before you say that spiders can't breathe up there, these spiders have been enhanced so that they can hold their breath for hours, perhaps days. Also, these aren't any run-of-the-mill missiles, these are nuclear-tipped MAJFTM's (Monkey and Jellyfish Tracking Missiles). They're faster and more aerodynamic than some lousy jellyfish in a tin-can backpack.

As stated above, what a horrible lack of mobility these springs will offer. How about you just give them cement shoes? Is your plan to stop my troops because they'll be laughing too hard at your retards on springs? Well, I hope not, for Jellyfish cannot laugh. They find humor in nothing. They are only satisfied with death and carnage.

As for your imaginary missles, Jellyfish a) give off no body heat whatsoever, and b) are made of material undetectable to any of today's radars, rendering any type of conventional tracking useless. Sure, you could blow