I hate my family

[sexy bastard]

See there is a history with my family, my grandpa was a talented man. He sang he was actually the first man in ecudaor to sing on tv there , he was a painter, and he was a musician. Everytime when my cousins sing or someone plays the guitar i cant be there to see them do it cause it brings back memories of my late grandpa. Tonight was bad they had a relative from ecuador come in out of no where, and they all passed my grandpas guitar around and sang and it hurts so bad, that i had to get up and leave, I miss my grandfather so much and it hurts when they do this. I ahve so many good memories and the bad one was when i was there to see him die so it always hurts so bad, i die a thousand deaths when they do this. Why do they do this to me why is it they know it brings me to tears and they still do this to me....that is why i never picked up a guitar and sang and why i never tried to paint or draw cause its to personal, why do they make me go through such pain?

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www.leohernandez.net
the epitome of masculinity (yeah right)

[ADF]

I think this is something you need to get past. Why not try to confront your feelings, rather than running away from them? Your family is celebrating his memory and they want you to be included in that celebration. Somehow, I don't think it's a personal attack on you, but rather an attempt to bring you some solace. Hiding from the memories of your grandfather will only cause him to fade away. Years from now, you're going to want to remember the joy that your grandfather brought to your life, rather than hide from the pain that his death brought you.

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Thanks to GameGuy for the sigpic!

[CYYYFYYY]

Maybe it brings them happiness to play his guitar.
Maybe it is there way of remembering him. Maybe
they wonder why you don;t like them remembering
him,. Maybe playing his guitar is there way of
paying him respect. Avoiding doing things he does
seems wrong. It is like trying to forget him. If you
loved him try doing the things he did. He is your
blood you probably have some talent that is
unlocked and I am sure he would love you to play
his guitar and unlock your talents...


David the Franchize
Everyone Loves CYYYFYYY
My name is CYYYFYYY and I like Ping Pong

[HordeKing1]

SEXY - It is clear that you loved and admired your grandpa very much and he seems like a remarkable man.

It pains you when a family member sings or plays his guitar b/c you feel that it is not respectful to the memory of your grandpa but rather minimizes them in some way.

Tonight was particularly bad for you, because you had the added association of a relative from Ecuador where your grandpa was from and he was "passed my grandpas guitar."

I highly doubt that your family is trying to hurt you or to be despresctful to your grandpa's memory. Instead, to their way of thinking, they are honoring him, by not letting his guitar lie unused but rather be taken out and played for special occasions. Singing songs with relatives sounds like a wonderful way to honor your grandpa.

A relationship with a grandpa is unique and there is no way that it can be ever recovered. You were very fortunate to have a lot of good memories of him and you'll carry those with you for life.

It may be to painful to consider this tonight but sometimes next week, why not try to make a list of the top 10 memories you have of your grandfather. I suspect that his singing and playing will be in that list. Consider that you have chosen to honor his memory by refraining from playing the guitar (and other ways as well). Consider if he would want you to do this, or if he would want you to share the joy he felt in playing and singing with the family. If you conclude that he would indeed like this, it's not to late to learn to play. It might give you solace in knowing that your family members aren't looking to hurt you or dishonor him. Who knows, one day you may be playing your grandfather's guitar at a family gathering and telling the family that you learned to play as a tribute to him.

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[sexy bastard]

Its weird I actually had a phase in my life where I wanted to draw and the guitar thing...I mean the closest I ever got to be compared to him was in 1994 when I auditoned for the Rngley Brothers and BArnum and Bailey Clown College, and I got it and I told my dads family and they said just like grandpa. and I asked them how so and they told me in Vaudville ( i know i mispelled it) in ecuador he use to also be a clown called OTTO, and i did not know that, I did not go to clown colelge though because after you complete the course you go for 2 straight years into the circus and my sis was getting married in that time and I was not gonna miss it.
I use to own an electric guitar and still have an acoustic guitar and I just stare at it, I am horrified to pick it up to see if I havea ny of his talent. ANd the drawing and painting I try to hard at it, where I cant even draw a stick man right..you know it comes out a little not so even...so its a huge fear of mine I guess I dont know, Maybe i will pick up the guitar and see but its just to brings to many memories for me.

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www.leohernandez.net
the epitome of masculinity (yeah right)

[HordeKing1]

SEXY - The person you have to please out of all the people here is yourself. That's whom you're primarily responsible to.

I think you should give your options much thought and pick a path you know you are doing for yourself, because you want to.

<img src="http://members.aol.com/rnfpantera/hking1">

[sexy bastard]

your right your absolutely right, see I have always had my fathers family like that being so judgemental and very critical...and i mean that in a very mean sense, that is why they dont know about my writings its to personal, that is why they know that my sister only sings to my litle neice she has a beautiful voice its just the family wasalways harsh on me and her...and i also sing lullabyes to my little neice to just cause it comes from me and i have written poems about my little neice that will be in my book and my family doesnt even know it cause its for myself and not for them.

i did put a picture of my grandfathers painting that i always look at at home to make me happy or when i need to reflect. I will try to make a link to it here in a future post but its something that helps me
and i hope it helps you guys to
http://www.leohernandez.net/Art.html

<img src=http://members.aol.com/leonj25/myhomepage/sb.jpg?mtbrand=AOL_US>
www.leohernandez.net
the epitome of masculinity (yeah right)








This message was edited by sexy bastard on 5-27-02 @ 8:42 AM