Cheating

[ADF]

Dear HK,

I'm wondering about your thoughts as to what "cheating" consists of when you're in an exclusive relationship. There are several steps...

1. Meeting another person of the opposite sex
2. kissing the aforementioned in an innocent manner.... on the cheek and such
3. spending the night over in a nonsexual manner
4. same as step three, but in the same bed
5. sleeping in the same bed, but some touching
6. doing the deed

Now, I think you can possibly go up to step four, but that's pushing it. Step five is definite cheating my book. Am I missing any steps here? I suppose it depends on the relationship, but I'm talking in generalities.

Number 3312, it's where to delve.
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[sexy bastard]

i say step 5 and 6 are derfinates...1-4 is ok
at least in my book it is

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[HordeKing1]

AL DUKES FAN - I think a good general rule to apply is to assume that anything that your spouse/significant other did that you would consider cheating would be cheating if you did it.

By way of background, on June 26, I'll be celebrating my 17th anniversary. As some further background, my closest most emotionally and intellectually intimate relationships are with women. I find men (in general, of course) much less emotionally expressive.

I meet my female friends all the times. A friendly hug or kiss on the cheek is fine. (I'm a hugger by nature.)

Once we get to your item 3 "spending the night over in a nonsexual manner" I start to have problems. If that situation were to happen, of course it would be nonsexual. However, I know it would make my wife feel uncomfortable just as it would make me feel uncomfortable if she were sleeping at a male friend's house.

Now if my wife and I were to sleep at a female friend's house, there is no feeling or even appearance of impropriety so there are no problems with that scenerio.

Interestingly, and I cannot explain why, other than to say it's a gut reaction, having female friend's sleep at our house is fine.

And of course in certain situations all bets are off. I recall going out one morning around 3:00 AM to the house of a friend whose husband had just beat the shit out of her then shot her twice (missing at point blank range). She came home with me that night, but if she couldn't leave I would have spent the night there.

(One day ask me to tell you of the joys of disposing of a gun so an abusive husband doesn't kill his wife.)

Sleping in the same bed with a female friend is not a good idea b/c there are only two places it can lead - sex and/or the ruination of the relationship.

These are interesting questions and it's nice to see people thinking of these things (and hopefully coming up with an idea of how they'll act) ahead of time.




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[ChrisTheCop]

Naturally, I agree with the King on all the above...except maybe: (One day ask me to tell you of the joys of disposing of a gun so an abusive husband doesn't kill his wife.)


Forgive me if I sound old fashioned, but shouldnt the cops have taken the gun along with the scumbag who tried to shoot her? ...anyway..I also believe that cheating occurs in the heart before it happens in the bed. If u give a girl a kiss on the cheek, hoping it will make her want u like u want her..youve already cheated.

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[Hawiian shirt craig]

I'm with chris on this one... hitting a woman is the worst thing a man can do, short of raping her. he should be in jail, where is the wife, to a 300 lb black guy named turk. <P>

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THIS IS WHY WE CAN'T HAVE NICE THINGS!!

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[ShelleBink]

what i think would be okay for me wouldn't be ok for my significant other ((tho i really dont have one "officially:))

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[DarkHippie]

he should be in jail, where is the wife, to a 300 lb black guy named turk
hopefully to toss Turk's salad after a lovely dinner date of sloppy joe and expired milk

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[ADF]

Now if my wife and I were to sleep at a female friend's house, there is no feeling or even appearance of impropriety so there are no problems with that scenerio.

Interestingly, and I cannot explain why, other than to say it's a gut reaction, having female friend's sleep at our house is fine.


I guess it would also depend on how much you trust the friend. Certain friends I wouldn't have any problems with my girlfriend sleeping over with, but others I'd give a second thought.

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[HordeKing1]

Chris in an ideal world you'd be absolutely right, he'd be in a cold dark hole for the rest of his life (unless you favor killing him - I have no objection to that).

However, you're a cop. I was a lawyer. Woulds and shoulds and law and justice don't always end up on the same page.

You also have to take into account that in real life women are often too terified of their spouses to testify against them or to press charges. (Not surprising with the websites I came accross this week from the good old Church imploring abused women not to commit the unpardonable sin of divorcing their abusive husbands. Sick sick sick.

It ended up working out very well for my friend. She was one of the lucky ones. She stayed with us for a short time then got into a safe house. She finished school and once able to support herself was able to move away from her dependance on him.

She filed for divorce which he contested until he was mysteriously ambushed by about 12 guys and beaten up. Twice. Coincidentally each time, these guys told him to give her a divorce. A few broken bones and he agreed. He moved out of the country shortly after.

And Chris, I know you're not supposed to agree, but in cases like this, I'm a big supporter of vigelanteism.


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[SuperDave]

Can I add a 4.5? That's where you sleep in the same bed with no touching but in the middle of the night when she's sleeping I run a batch on or near her. Wait... did I say I? I meant someone... some one like Billy Skakel... yeah, that's the ticket.



Sorry, I'll sit down now.
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