The Trouble With Testicles...

[Pootertoot]

The scrotum is probably the least convenient of all body parts. Just a sack that swings about between your legs...but it has the potential to cause the most intense pain on the face of the earth, this side of listening to KTU. Twist it the wrong way? Dead. Sit down on it? Jinkies. Oh, and if a little kid thinks it's funny (or just a drunken Tazz for that matter) to sock you in the balls? Might as well start your falsetto singing career.

And they get in the way A LOT. You've all seen another man take that "extra long" step, the convenient bow-legged dip, orthe one leg shimmy, trying to shake that sack loose from their thigh.

Oh...now to get to the point of the whole gay thread...I learned an important lesson the other day:

Do Not Get Toothpaste On Your Scrotum.

I got a new electric toothbrush which tends to splatter toothpaste everywhere when you turn it on, and sure enough, it made away down to my seed pouch, and GODDAMN did it burn.

This is, to a lesser extent, a repeat of another lesson I learned early last year:

Do Not Get BenGay On Your Scrotum

I pulled a muscle, and well...some made it's way...OWWWWW. IT NEVER STOPS BURNING.

To this day, my scrotum has Vietnam-esque flashbacks. Where's my scrotum's parade?

So...to keep this thread from being an utterly pointless PSA...anyone else care to share scrotum advice/horror stories?

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Take a Chance, Take a Chance

[Captain Stubing]

Do Not Get BenGay On Your ScrotumI think I may have vicarious PTSD. <P>
Anyway my testicle story is long and boring, however it can be summarized as follows: Beware day-old thrown bagels. You've been warned... <P>

Fezaesthesia - Prognosis poor...

[EffMeBoobs]

Gvac, do Ian and Liam care to comment?


Thank god I'm a women. I would hate having anything external hang off me between my legs.

Last Tuesday's scorcher of a day was a 10 on the sticky testicle scale.

Poot. that's what you get for brushing your teeth in the shower. ;)

Curious, anyone zipper up the ballies like Ben Stiller did?

Anyone ever nick the edge or your scrotum while shaving your pubes?

<img width=300 length=100 src=http://publish.hometown.aol.com/lqqieee/images/effme2.gif>
Thanks JerseyRich for his wondrous sig pic making skills!

[Pootertoot]

Anyone ever nick the edge or your scrotum while shaving your pubes?


AAAAAAAAAAAAH! Stop! No mentions of scrotum slicing! ::covers ears::

I have accidentally zipped on my scroat before. Not all the way, but a lovely pinch is enough to drop you like Chris Reeves at a dance competition.

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Take a Chance, Take a Chance

[Hawiian shirt craig]

my balls are like a built in weather station. no
matter how hot or cold it is when i wake up in my
room (heat/ac) the expansion/contraction of my
balls tells the tale for the day. they tend to hide in
my throat if its gonna be -10 out... or expand to
the size of one of those reusable canvas grocery
bags if its going to be hot. they also tend to ooze
glue (get your mind out of the gutter) and stick to
my leg if its going to be humid. all i can say is that
balls are gods way of fucking with men. that and
denying us the honor of child birthing... made you
look LOL!!!!!!!

-Hawiian Shirt Craig
THIS IS WHY WE CAN'T HAVE NICE THINGS!!

<img src="http://home.ix.netcom.com/~camman/_uimages/HSC.gif">

[Earth2RON]

Anyone ever nick the edge or your scrotum while shaving your pubes?
like pootertoot's sig says(every fukking time)

anyone else care to share scrotum advice/horror stories?
i have a small sack:(

Sunshine i wanna lap dance on my tongue
<IMG SRC="http://rfnetearth2ron.50megs.com/images/pimp2.jpg">
"I am willing to do anything to
calm the storm that is with-in your heart"

"If you dont intend on letting me eat your
puss* dont put it in my face"

[ADF]

Do Not Get BenGay On Your Scrotum

On a similar note, never masturbate using Icy Hot as a lubricant.

I'll take having a scrote over blood coming out of my crotch once a month. Plus, I get to pee standing up. I'm telling you, the advantages far outweigh the alternative.

<img src= http://thereisnogod.faithweb.com/images/jensig2.gif>


This message was edited by The Al Dukes Fan on 6-16-02 @ 11:15 AM

[DroopyGirl]

This gotta be the most interesting stuff I've ever read

<a href="http://members.lycos.nl/girl106"><img src="http://members.hometown.aol.com/droopy106/images/rfsig8.gif"></a>
"You're not quite evil enough. You're semi-evil. You're quasi-evil. You're the margarine of evil. You're the Diet Coke of evil, just one calorie, not evil enough"

[PanterA]

The testicles are a funny thing, did you ever notice that if they get tapped the wrong way no matter how lightly they were hit the pain is just as bad as if they were kicked by a donkey?

As for why sometimes I hate my testicles, sometimes when I'm getting out of my truck I slide off the seat and there's this little hump that's supposed to make the seat form to my ass. Well, I call the little hump "The Bally Basher" cause I'm constantly tapping my nuts the wrong way on the thing and the pain is killer.

The worst part of getting hit in the nuts is the stomach ache that follows.

DAMN THESE BEAN BAGS! DAMN THEM TO HELL!

http://www.members.aol.com/rnfpantera/rfsig3I crush the rush! I rule you fool!

[Aggie]

LMFAO!! you guys are too damn funny....:) :)

I know not what course others may take; but as for me, give me liberty or give me death! -Patrick Henry <IMG SRC="http://rfnetearth2ron.50megs.com/images/rfnetaggie11.jpg">
This picture was taken at Kyle Field (Texas A&M University) on September 22nd in memory of 9-11.
GOD BLESS AMERICA

Let every nation know,
whether it wishes us well or ill,
that we shall pay any price,
bear any burden, meet any hardship,
support any friend, oppose any foe,
to assure the survival and success of liberty.
-John F. Kennedy

[AppleBoy]

Another thing about the Ben Gay - don't put it on when the bathroom or locker room is all steamed up after taking a shower. That stuff mixes with the steam and condensate and starts running all over the place. The next thing you know, you're doing the Mexican hat dance. <P>
The nice thing about summer it that it's warm enough to let 'em hang. <P>

[Pootertoot]

Yeah, you know you're fucked when your body's natural response is to run around in circles screaming.

Ever been horseback riding? I'm not sure I can have children anymore. It smacks around like the dice in the Trouble Pop-O-Matic Bubble.

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Take a Chance, Take a Chance

[Zipgun]

Anyone ever nick the edge or your scrotum while shaving your pubes?



Oh man...


Ok, guys, stop reading and go check out another thread if you're of weak constitution.

Once while using my clippers to trim down before a shave, I got a piece of my sack stuck in the teeth of the clippers with no guard on. I screamed so loud my neighbors must've heard me. When I looked at the clippers, there was still a small piece of my bag stuck in the teeth. Having to pull a piece of your own scrot flesh out of your clippers is something I never bargained for.

Funny thing was, it didn't bleed much.

<img src=http://atamichimpo.50megs.com/images/skidmarkdpsig2.jpg>

[Jennitalia]

i love scrotum! it's so fun to play with

<IMG SRC="http://www.chaoticconcepts.com/bans/jensig.gif">

[nickeye]

Funny thing was, it didn't bleed much.Not funny "Haha". Funny "Help me god, I just castrated myself".

<center><img src="http://njpconsulting.homestead.com/files/eyeballhead.jpg"></center>

[Gvac]

You guys don't know the half of it.

Normal everyday tasks are almost impossible for me to execute because of the sheer size and fragility of that specific area.

They need to be protected and coddled, like a small child.



<img src=http://gvac.50megs.com/images/wingcup..jpg>

[Alice S. Fuzzybutt]

I treat them with nothing but the respect they deserve.

<IMG SRC="http://mywebpages.comcast.net/vitamin.d/referencepix/fuzzybuttsig.jpg">

What you feel is what you are
And what you are is beautiful

[Alice S. Fuzzybutt]

rats.

This message was edited by Alice S. Fuzzybutt on 6-16-02 @ 11:34 PM

[Hawiian shirt craig]

GVAC, do you have elephantius? i mean you were
getting pretty rowdy with your sac at the BANOF2,
but i thought that was sort of just something you
did, who am i to judge? but now we find out that
they interfere with every day activity. maybe you
cna get a nut reduction. like pump part of them out
and sell it to science. if you're interested i know a
guy who is looking for some nut flesh in a jar, goes
by "al" *****

-Hawiian Shirt Craig
THIS IS WHY WE CAN'T HAVE NICE THINGS!!

<img src="http://home.ix.netcom.com/~camman/_uimages/HSC.gif">

[A.J.]

Do Not Get Toothpaste On Your Scrotum.


Damn -- I was going to use that to prevent tartar buildup on my balls.

<IMG SRC="http://norraccm.freeservers.com/images/rnf_ajindc_01.jpg"><br> ® Made By Christy ¯

[SuperDave]

I can't speak for the toothpaste on the sack but Ben Gay was probably the second most painful thing i've ever encountered. First would be a paintball to the ball from about ten feet. Good god all mighty. PS You also want to watch out for flying kielbassas... it's a long story.

Where the hell is my Big Ass Card?

[nickeye]

...but Ben Gay was probably the second most painful thing i've ever encounteredYeah, I hear he's a monster.

<center><img src="http://njpconsulting.homestead.com/files/eyeballhead.jpg"></center>

[Garfield]

Do Not Get Toothpaste On Your Scrotum.
Do Not Get Ben Gay On Your Scrotum.
But most of all, no matter how much they beg, no matter how much they cry, DO NOT feed them after midnight.


<IMG SRC="http://www.carisi.com/garfparty2.gif">

[sexy bastard]

i hate my scrotum cause like pantera said the lightest touch in the wrong spot and it hurts like getting hit by a donkey...but i also hate when your sitting down in like a meeting or something and you move just an inch and CRUNCH..for the love of god does that hurt so fucking bad....or even worse say i am walking with for example my cell phone and it slips out of my hand and i reach down to catch it then BAM. what about when your riding your bicycle when your 9 years old down the hill to beat philip for his GI JOE snake eyese figurine and your fucking dad only bought you a cheap ass sears bike with foot brakes and your racing down the hill and you win the race then you hit the brakes and the chain comes off and your flying down the hill through the street then you look forward cause no car hit you and you see the telephone pole in front of you and then WHAM the middle of the handle bar just knocked you right between the legs where it hurts to piss for 2 weeks and in the hospital for 3 days. thanks alot dad thanks a fuckign lot <P>
....sorry massive truamatizing flash back ( crawls in fetal postion...but scrunches the boys OWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW) <P>

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www.leohernandez.net
the epitome of masculinity (yeah right)

[Zipgun]

rats.


That's some mighty fine double postin' girl.

<img src=http://atamichimpo.50megs.com/images/skidmarkdpsig2.jpg>

[Coco]

[I'll take having a scrote over blood coming out of my crotch once a month]

I definitely agree, ADF. Try menstral cramps - that feel like someone is hitting your lower back with a hammer

______________________

We can't change our past, but we can change the way we look at it - into something more positive

[wilee]

Bill Cosby once said that childbirth feels like pulling your bottom lip over your head. I've often compared having the twins get hit with someone turning a corkscrew in your intestines. Who is the masochist that decided that MENS' BIKES are the one that should have the bar from the seat to the handlebars???? I'd like to hang him by HIS scrote.

<IMG SRC="http://cwjr.home.infi.net/rocket.jpg">

[Now Im Starvin]

DO NOT RIDE A MECHANICAL BULL..... I repeat DO NOT RIDE A MECHANICAL BULL. I would rather burn a firey death then to feel that pain again. Otherwise, I love my balls. And so do most of the women I run with.

"I never give'm hell. I just tell the truth and they think it's hell."

[JerseyRich]

You bleed once a month. Our scrotums never go away. You'll never understand our pain. NEVER!

<img src=http://home.ix.netcom.com/~camman/_uimages/JMJR.gif>
Kill Some Ants, Kill Some Ants

[42nd-delay]

Wierd, I don't seem to have all these problems. Guess I'm lucky, or just careful enough not to be banging my balls everywhere. No, this isn't an invite for anyone to kick me in the sack.

And yes, before anyone says anything, I have balls.

------------------------------
42nd-delay

"42nd-delay is the only person who's making sense." - Ron, 3-12-02

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This message was edited by 42nd-delay on 6-17-02 @ 3:43 PM

[CaptClown]

You forgot the old Eddie Murphy joke about putting cologne on the sack. There's nothing worse than getting a Rugged Ronnie Garvin Stomp from a toddler in those horrible, hard, white toddler shoes.

Directtor of the C.Y.A. Society.
Field Marshal of the K.I.S.S. Army

[nickeye]

When you're sliding down a rail, and your balls hit a nail....

<center><img src="http://njpconsulting.homestead.com/files/eyeballhead.jpg"></center>

[Rev]

I'm sure some of you recall the RnF piercing party awhile back.(I was the guy who got the sack piercing to get my band airplay)

what most of you DONT know yet, is that my piercing TORE OUT about a month ago, due to rough sex. :P

I think i laughed more than i whined though. you guys are way too tender.

xoxoxo,
Rev

<IMG SRC="http://spookyguy.freeservers.com/images/RevDefSigPic.gif">

[Ryan the Great]

Do Not Get BenGay On Your Scrotum

lol. i also had to find that out the hard way.
i never heard about the toothpaste thing though. i'll have to try it.

FAQ RULES!
<IMG SRC="http://publish.hometown.aol.com/unseenriot/myhomepage/sheep.gif?mtbrand=AOL_US">

I will not die! I will not kill! I will not be your slave! I will not fight your battles! I will not die on your battlefields! I will not fight for your wealth! I am not a fighter! I am a human being!
- Anti-Flag


peace-love-unity,

Ryan the Great

[Pootertoot]

I think i laughed more than i whined though. you guys are way too tender. <P>
You just have a defective sack. <P>
On an unrelated note: Don't shampoo your pubic hair. Tingle, tingle BURN. <P>

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Take a Chance, Take a Chance

[Hawiian shirt craig]

On an unrelated note: Don't shampoo your pubic
hair. Tingle, tingle BURN.


pooter... man whats teh deal with your junk? does
it look like a peperoni pizza?? that or u gotta lay of
the nitric acid shampoo............

-Hawiian Shirt Craig
THIS IS WHY WE CAN'T HAVE NICE THINGS!!

<img src="http://home.ix.netcom.com/~camman/_uimages/HSC.gif">

[Halfpops]

The boys bicycle must have been invented by a woman. No male would have put that bar there. But look at a girls bike! A plot i'm sure.





Just Get It Done!

[Brick Jesus]

I was taking a leak one morning, just minding my own business, I go to zip up and was struck with the most excruciating pain I've ever felt in my life. I mean I was in tears crying like a maniac. I zipped up and caught the very tip of my piece. I had caught one of my balls a few years ago, but this was soooo much worse. Just nicked the head. And I was all embarassed and shit, so I didn't tell my girlfriend, and then she was wondering why I seemed so disinterested in her and I had to tell her and she didn't laugh because it would be like catching her cleat in her zipper. But I'm okay now. I love my junk.

Disclaimer: The comments of Brick Jesus do not represent the feelings or opinions of any normal individual.

AIM: Brick Jesus

Mail: Reactor711@juno.com

[SuperDave]

it would be like catching her cleat in her zipper.

I hate catching my cleat in my zipper. That's why I started putting my shoes on AFTER my pants. Sorry, i'll sit down now.
Dave

**Upgrade your grey matter, cuz someday it may matter.**
**Where the hell is my Big Ass Card?**

[Pootertoot]

When you're sliding down a rail, and your balls hit a nail....


Diarrhea! Diarrhea!

Oh wait...

No, Craig, my twig and berries are beautiful...easy, breezy, beautiful cover girls. Like they were carved out of marble. THE MARBLE OF THE GODS. The good gods, not the shitty hindu gods or anything.

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Take a Chance, Take a Chance
</center>

[Jackie Sloan]

Why is one always bigger than the other? I mean, what is it a "testi pecking order"? Or is it testi pecker pecking order? Why am I so confused? Match em up match em up

<img src="http://norraccm.freeservers.com/images/rnf_jackiesloan_01.gif"><br>® Made By Christy ¯
Mucho Gracias, tu eres una Reina!
My baby fits me like flesh tuxedo...I like to sink her with my pink torpedo yeah!

[CreepyGyrl]

I agree on the shampoo theory...I say bald is better!!!

<img src="http://www.deathstarnebula.com/buttonstudio/cgirl.gif">

[Fallon]

I was putting away my mothers curling iron yesterday and the plug softly hit me in the nuts and it hurt like a sum bitch!

<center><IMG SRC="http://wwfallon.homestead.com/files/RFnet.jpg"></center>

[Hosp]

About 2 months ago I got part of the sack caught in the electric clippers, flinched violently, jerked my hand hard, and caught myself again. It hurt a little, bled for a few hours and that was it.

But just be glad you never had to have an operation down there. Trust me. I have you all beat.

<center>Ag made me a HUGE sig so I'll be sigless for a while</center>
<center>Bad Words From Around The World</center> <center>Fuck</center>
Spanish:Follar, tirar
German:Fick
French:Baiser
Dutch:Rampetampen
Japanese:yah-loo

[Zipgun]

About 2 months ago I got part of the sack caught in the electric clippers

Trust me. I have you all beat.


Did you not read my post about having to pick my own nutsack flesh out of the teeth of my clippers?

<img src=http://atamichimpo.50megs.com/images/skidmarkkidfinger.jpg>

[Hosp]

Did you not read the sentence before the last one you quoted?

<center>Ag made me a HUGE sig so I'll be sigless for a while</center>
<center>Bad Words From Around The World</center> <center>Fuck</center>
Spanish:Follar, tirar
German:Fick
French:Baiser
Dutch:Rampetampen
Japanese:yah-loo

[Zipgun]

I'm sorry you people had to read about two grown men arguing over who had more bagmeat stuck in a set of clipper's teeth.



<img src=http://atamichimpo.50megs.com/images/skidmarkkidfinger.jpg>

[Hosp]

No you are not! Don't lie.

<center>Ag made me a HUGE sig so I'll be sigless for a while</center>
<center>Bad Words From Around The World</center> <center>Fuck</center>
Spanish:Follar, tirar
German:Fick
French:Baiser
Dutch:Rampetampen
Japanese:yah-loo

[Zipgun]

It's true, I'm not sorry about it. I was just trying to cover the homoerotic overtones it was giving off, because well,....I'm enjoying our volley of one-up-manship when it comes to testicular mutilation.

<img src=http://atamichimpo.50megs.com/images/skidmarkkidfinger.jpg>

[Hosp]

Trust me dude, I could drop the bomb, and win the cotest hands down but I don't think most people on the board could handle the story. If enough people want to hear it I will tell it though.

<center>Ag made me a HUGE sig so I'll be sigless for a while</center>
<center>Bad Words From Around The World</center> <center>Fuck</center>
Spanish:Follar, tirar
German:Fick
French:Baiser
Dutch:Rampetampen
Japanese:yah-loo

[silera]

The problem with balls is that not enough people have them.

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/silera/files/Silera/rfsig.jpg

<center><font size=3>[b]<font color=red>T</font> <font color=blue>a</font><font color=yellow>s</font><font color=red> t</font><font color=blue>e</font> <font color=yellow>t</font><font color=red>h</font><font color=blue>e</font> <font color=yellow>R</font><font color=red>a</font><font color=blue>i</font><font color=yellow>n</font><font color=red>b<font color=blue>o</font><font color=yellow>w</font><font color=red>!</font><font color=blue>!</font><font color=yellow>!</font>[b]</font><center>

[Hosp]

At least half of us do Silera.

<center>Ag made me a HUGE sig so I'll be sigless for a while</center>
<center>Bad Words From Around The World</center> <center>Fuck</center>
Spanish:Follar, tirar
German:Fick
French:Baiser
Dutch:Rampetampen
Japanese:yah-loo

[Fallon]

Tell us Hosp!!!

<center><IMG SRC="http://wwfallon.homestead.com/files/RFnet2.jpg"></center>

[AppleBoy]

Yeah, Hosp, drop the bomb.

<IMG SRC="http://hstrial-gschwarz.homestead.com/files/ponyboy1.jpg">
If you drive home fishy, you could be the Catch of the Day.