my boy dilemma

[Arienette]

ok this might get a little long, but i'd appreciate advice or whatever...

there's this boy that i used to date many, many years ago. we dated pretty seriously (or as seriously as you can when you're like 14 or 15) for a while, and then broke up for reasons other than our not liking each other anymore or anything like that. although there were times when we wouldnt speak for a number of months at a time, we always stayed friends, and actually managed to eventually become closer friends. i guess that was becuase we didn't have any hard feelings about the breakup and knew it wasn't anything personal.

so now we've kept this up for probably about 9 or 10 years, which is a really long time... besides family, i really only have one other person besides him that's still an active part of my life from that long ago. anyway, a couple of months ago, he decided that he was moving to texas for an indeterminate amount of time. he didnt know when or if he was going to come back.

he's still in texas now, but he's been calling me and it seems that he doesnt like it there and is planning to come back soon. he also has said that a big part of why he wants to come back is because he misses me. he told me that he's basically been crazy about me for the past 10 years and he doesnt understand why we never tried to make a real attempt at a relationship and try to make things work. he's going to be coming home in the next few weeks and he said that, when he's back, if i'm available and if i'm interested, he wants to try this for real.

i'm not sure what to do. i love him... i mean we've been close friends pretty much forever, and he's one of the few people i know who seems to really appreciate me for the things that i'd like people to appreciate me for. and i guess do have some feelings for him, too.

but, on the other hand, i really wasnt planning on a relationship right now. i'm about to change my entire life, going back to school, and i dont know if it might just be too much right now. and i also worry about what could happen. i mean, it's kind of amazing that we managed to remain friends through all this time, the many other relationships each of us has been in, and all the changes we've each gone through during that time. maybe it would be really stupid to mess with that. i hate the idea of our not being able to be friends anymore because of this

i know this is something i can really only answer for myself, but if anyone has any advice, i'd really like to hear it. thanks...

http://members.aol.com/deviantari/myhomepage/arienette.gif?mtbrand=AOL_US
worshiping the dancing rooster... thanks for the sig

i want a lover i don't have to love
i want a boy who's so drunk he doesn't talk

[fatty]

and i guess do have some feelings for him, too.


you answered your question right there. if i was in love with a girl and she went out with me because she guessed she had some feelings i'd rather her not go out with me.

it would be different if you were both unsure of what to do and gave it a try, or if you both could not wait to go out, but you're not sure and he is really sure.

whatever you do, make sure you are honest. just tell him that there are things in your life and you weren't ready for this. if he doesn't want to be your friend because of this then that's his decision. but don't lead him on when it is obvious you do not feel the same way he does.

but, if you really feel the need to at least try, than try. the worst thing that could happen is you break up, but at least you know you tried. good luck though.

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Give us AIDS, please!

[FMJeff]

fuck it...go for it...if it doesnt work out who cares...

just keep in mind the long distance thing...how long till he comes back? i know i wouldnt commute to texas for a chick...not happening...

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<br>Jeff Shain
WebMaster
http://www.foundrymusic.com

[Earth2RON]

i wouldnt commute to texas for a chick
i would only if i was gonna get some sweet loving......wink,wink

Sunshine i wanna lap dance on my tongue
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"I am willing to do anything to
calm the storm that is with-in your heart"

"If you dont intend on letting me eat your
puss* dont put it in my face"

[Coco]

I think this relationship has a lot of plusses to it. The fact that you guys have been friends for all these years tells me you get along great. I'd definitely go for it.

My only question is you mentioned that "you have one other person besides him". Is this a serious relationship?

______________________

We can't change our past, but we can change the way we look at it - into something more positive

[Arienette]

My only question is you mentioned that "you have one other person besides him". Is this a serious relationship?no... that is just a friendship. it doesn't affect this at all

http://members.aol.com/deviantari/myhomepage/arienette.gif?mtbrand=AOL_US
worshiping the dancing rooster... thanks for the sig

i want a lover i don't have to love
i want a boy who's so drunk he doesn't talk

[ADF]

Nothing wrong with trying things out a bit, I'm with Jeff, although I'd prefer you to wait idly by, pining away for me.

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[DarkHippie]

Unfortuantely I think I can answer this question well, because I have been living it . . .

For the past 7 years, I have been in love with my best friend. Now we have had relationships on and off, just enough to keep me hoping that someday we'll be together. But I've also seen her do some really stupid stuff, and i've been dicked over many times (of course, i rarely let her know this, no sense in sharing the pain, right?)

She lives in arizona now, but i see her during summer vacation, but this summer was different for me. or more to the point, something was different between us: she went out with a guy who was EXACTLY like me! it was disturbing, and incredibly heartbreaking, like saying, "i want a guy just like you, but not you." and it made me realize why we can't be together: I realized that the reason that i loved her was because of the 7 years of comfort and friendship that we had, and the reason she didn't want to be with me the way i wanted to be with her was because of those 7 years . . .

do you see what I'm saying? your boy has had a long long time to think about this, and to think about you, but does he really know who you are? or does he just know who you were? if he's been pining for you for 10 years and this doesn't work out, he's gonna be shattered. I hung on for a long time and it got me nowhere, because i didn't appreciate her for who she was, i appreciated her for who i remembered her as.

i hope there's some sense in this ramble somewhere

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living on the road, my friend, was supposed to keep us free and clean.
now you wear you skin like iron, your breath's as hard as kerosene-- townes van zant "the ballad of poncho and lefty"</i>

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[Coco]

Dark Hippie: Did you ever tell her how you felt? I think the difference between you and Arienette's relationship is, is that this guy stated that he "was crazy about her and wondered why they couldn't work a relationship out". Maybe your girlfriend did say something like this to you. Maybe she really just wants to be friends with you.



______________________

We can't change our past, but we can change the way we look at it - into something more positive

[Coco]

By the way, I definitely believe in the old statement that it is best to be friends before you are lovers. There is more substance to the relationship. And you know that the relationship is not based primarily on sex.

______________________

We can't change our past, but we can change the way we look at it - into something more positive

[DarkHippie]

Dark Hippie: Did you ever tell her how you felt?
I don't want to hi-jack ari's thread, so I'll be brief: Yes, she knows how much I love her. we've dated in the past, but for the past few years or so, she's only wanted me when she's drunk and no one else is around to know (she's really very inhibited around guys and i guess she's been using me as a "release valve"). still, that's been enough for a hopeless case like me, to keep that spark of "someday" alive. . . it was enough, anyway.

Ok, carry on, everyone

<IMG SRC=http://czmachine.50megs.com/images/dhsig1.gif>

this sig is the masterpiece of the cheesy one
<i>support your local 420: union of brotherhood

living on the road, my friend, was supposed to keep us free and clean.
now you wear you skin like iron, your breath's as hard as kerosene-- townes van zant "the ballad of poncho and lefty"</i>

<a href=http://www.freeopendiary.com/entrylist.asp?authorcode=A537085>Transcendental Blues: a journal</a>

[Coco]

Dark Hippie: Wow! I give you credit for even still being her friend. I think I might be a little insulted if someone only wanted me when I was drunk or when there was no one else around. Your friendship must be really strong!

______________________

We can't change our past, but we can change the way we look at it - into something more positive