I'm broke but I ain't fxin' me.

[SuperDave]

I am an emotional defect. I know it. I ain't right. I've self diagnosed myself as rapid-cycling bi-polar. This is my problem, when I really feel like I need help, i don't want to go. Now when I'm feeling good, I still know I need help but feel too good to go. A few years ago it didn't really bother me but lately with additional stresses my swings have grown more severe and more often than not down. What to do? What to do?



Sorry, I'll sit down now.
**Upgrade your grey matter, cuz someday it may matter.**
**Where the hell is my Big Ass Card?**

[Uncle Filthy]

Listen Here Filthy Animal, (I mean that in an endearing way) I am broke as well. The hardest thing for me to do was to get help to fix or at least to help myself. I am diagnosed with a low level depression,I fought taking meds for years.When I finally gave in,the QUALITY of my life has increased beyond compare.Taking meds for such problems

UNCLE FILTHY

[SuperDave]

The problem is this. There's parts of my "wonderful" personality that I really enjoy at times. No one else does, but that's another story. I'm kinda woried that if I do get myself some help I'll wind up one morning being somebody that ain't quite me. I look at my mom after she got herself medicated and it freaks me out. She's not the person who raised me and its just weird.



Sorry, I'll sit down now.
**Upgrade your grey matter, cuz someday it may matter.**
**Where the hell is my Big Ass Card?**

[Uncle Filthy]

Hey,
I am on a low dose med and it "don't make me a bad person". Sounds like your mom might be over-medicated. When the right med is found,quality can be restored. My meds have not changed my personality,
only enhanced my LIFE!
SEE YA!

UNCLE FILTHY

[SuperDave]

Not to get too personal here but are you in therapy as well? I just ask 'cause I don't know how well that will work out with me. On top of being a complete a-hole I've got serious trust issues and can envision myself paying out the ass to have some guy sit and watch me not say anything for an hour.



Sorry, I'll sit down now.
**Upgrade your grey matter, cuz someday it may matter.**
**Where the hell is my Big Ass Card?**

[Uncle Filthy]

Dave, HEY!
Therapy is something that has been very good for me. I am presently not going. I sure did learn alot about myself and others. It is like the meds,when you find the right one(therapist)it can enhance your life. It has for me and I am GRATEFUL! The "tools" I have learned about are extremely helpful in my daily life. Listen here Filthy Animal,the only one that can change you,is you. Give it a try,it can be tough,but what is more important than you? Not only have I changed,my whole attitude and outlook on life has changed.Today I have a REAL smile,and a pocket full of SERENITY! SO THERE!

UNCLE FILTHY

[HordeKing1]

SUPERDAVE - Self diagnosis is always dangerous. You lack the perspective to see what's going on from an objective stance. Don't self-diagnose, see a therapist.

You describe yourself as a rapid cycler bipoler. How often do your poles shift? How long have you had the symptoms of depression and mania?

What you're describing regarding your moods, (too depressed to go when down, too happy when up) is not unusual. In fact it's problematic, because bipolars (and some others) inevitably forgo thier medication when in a manic cycle - they feel good so they figure they don't need the meds.

As far as what you should do, the answer seems clear - get yourself to a therapist. There is a lot that can be done, on many planes (medication, therapy, etc) that can make a huge impact on the quality of your life.

BTW, you're not an emotional defect. You may have a psychiatric problem. Big deal. You wouldn't chastise yourself if you had a kidney or liver condition. A psychiatric ailment is no different.

<img src="http://members.aol.com/rnfpantera/hking1">

[SuperDave]

Sorry in advance, i'm really tired and i'm about to start rambling. I've been a little off for quite a long time now, at least a good eight years, maybe more. I have noticed that lately (within the past twoish years) that I've become more polarized in my mood and behavior, either REALLY good or bad. As far as how often i've gone anywhere from as long as two or three weeks to a couple of swings in a days time. Now just a quick observation, "therapist" is only one space away from "the rapist." Sorry, just something you notice when you get as bored as I do. And I think mental defect is a pretty accurate description. You get a watch that don't work, it's defective. You get a toaster that don't work, it's defective. You get a brain that don't work, it's defective. Only diferenceis no refunds, no exchanges, no waranty. I'm also nnot real keen on the idea of being stuck taking meds for the rest of eternity. Well, my eternity, not everyone's eternity. Good Christ I just wrote a lot of words!



Sorry, I'll sit down now.
**Upgrade your grey matter, cuz someday it may matter.**
**Where the hell is my Big Ass Card?**

[HordeKing1]

SUPERDAVE - I'm physically disabled. I'm not defective, I just have some problems doing certain things. Similarly, you're experiencing some psychological problem. It does not mean that you are defective.

You wrote that in the last 2 years your moods have become more polarized and that you've experienced some really rapid cycling - even up to a couple of swings in a single day.

You absolutely need to get this checked out. The DSM lists a Bipolar I disorder as havinig RAPID cycling if you have 4 or more mood episodes dring the past 12 months. You report having up to several episodes a day for 2 years. Needless to say, this is a very atypically high presentation of cycling. See a therapist. You need to be evaluated anyway for an accurate diagnosis.

BTW, you may not need meds and/or you may not need meds except for short term. See a psychiatrist (an MD specializing in psychology and expert in use of psychoactive medication) for the low down.



<img src="http://members.aol.com/rnfpantera/hking1">