Jesus was an alien, here's the proof

[SuperDave]

I came up with this theory one night while either really drunk or really stoned but all in all i'd say it's a pretty good theory. Anyway, here goes.
Proof that Jesus was an alien.
1) The angels who visited the shephards- aliens, no explanation needed.
2) The star over Bethlehem-UFO
3) Three wise men- had a basic working knowledge of astronomy. See a light in the sky that does not behave like any of the known stars or planets. Flying machines having not been invented yet on earth, they assume its a sign and want to investigate.
4) Immaculate conception- Duh, they're aliens, they do that kind of thing, you know, inter-breeding experiments.
5) Gabriel- again an alien. Abducted Mary to perform said experiments.
6) Jesus's supernatural healing and regenerative powers- either inherant to the aliens or a result of the interbreeding.
7) Jesus ascending into heaven- got brought back to the mothership (to hang out with George Clinton).

So, whatcha think. Pretty good, eh? Now if you really want to go nuts, imagine how much of the old testament can be attributed to aliens.

Not a sermon, just a thought.



Sorry, I'll sit down now.
**Upgrade your grey matter, cuz someday it may matter.**
**Where the hell is my Big Ass Card?**

[ADF]

Hey, just because Jesus like to wear wheely-boppers back in the 80's doesn't mean that he was an alien.

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[Boba Fett]

Dont forget about that time he walked on water because on his planet water is much more dense.


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[TheGameHHH]

Either way, Jesus was way cool. <P>


IT'S TIME TO PLAY THE GAME-AHHH!

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[Hawiian shirt craig]

well dave, you have replaced one invisable,
unprovable supreem being with another. good job!
for your next trick will you insist that water is really
just h2o in disguise?


-Hawiian Shirt Craig
THIS IS WHY WE CAN'T HAVE NICE THINGS!!

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[SuperDave]

Invisible? Aliens ain't invisible. Think about the ratio of reported alien sightings vs. the number of Jesus sightings each year and tell me aliens are invisible. Ha, I say! Ha!



Sorry, I'll sit down now.
**Upgrade your grey matter, cuz someday it may matter.**
**Where the hell is my Big Ass Card?**

[Hawiian shirt craig]

*looks in phone book* hmmm i see about 17 pages
of churches... lets check under aliens... OH!
nothign!!!! goody!!!! there are a lot more elvis
sightings than alien sightings. please dont make
me get type inquisition on you.....


-Hawiian Shirt Craig
THIS IS WHY WE CAN'T HAVE NICE THINGS!!

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[furie]

here's the proof

i'd say it's a pretty good
theory


make up your mind. either it's a
theory and these idea's are
evedence to support your theory,
or you've proven it, and it's no
longer a theory, but fact.

the problem with your thoery is,
you're using circular reasoning.
you came up with a theory, then
picked evedence to support your
theory, ignoring anyother
evedence. First collect data,
then develop a theory.




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</a>

[SuperDave]

What the hell is this? "The everybody jump all over the guy who just wants to make people laugh" thread? Well, fine! Be that way. See if i let any of you have any of my chocolate. I'll eat it all my damned self. Lousy no good rackin frackin...



Sorry, I'll sit down now.
**Upgrade your grey matter, cuz someday it may matter.**
**Where the hell is my Big Ass Card?**

[Pootertoot]

He's right. He didn't ascend into heaven...he returned to the mothership. <P>
<img src=http://www.minitru.org/llf/alienpop.jpg> <P>

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[Hot4Teacher]

pooter --you rock thats hilarious! :) nice addition to the artwork

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Thanks to JerseyRich for the sig!
Ciao :) kisses JerseyRich :)

[Death Metal Moe]

So will the second coming of Christ be a lot like Independence Day??

EVIL REIGNS!!!

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www.unhallowed.com

[Butters]

And one time at band camp.......

Professor Chaos is smart

[SuperDave]

So will the second coming of Christ be a lot like Independence Day??


Only in small isolated parts of the world. North Korea, Somalia, Maryland... For the rest of us it will be a little ET with some close encounters thrown in and maybe a little My favorite Martian



Sorry, I'll sit down now.
**Upgrade your grey matter, cuz someday it may matter.**
**Where the hell is my Big Ass Card?**

[GtarBoy]

shouldn't make fun of Jesus. Thats not cool, unless your jewish. Then it's ok (I think?).

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thanks to skidmark for the sig

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Got Dumpy?

[SuperDave]

Jesus was black and he came form Africa.


So is Manute Bol, does that mean I should be worshiping him now?

shouldn't make fun of Jesus. Thats not cool, unless your jewish.


Oh, come on, that doesn't seem at all fair.



Sorry, I'll sit down now.
**Upgrade your grey matter, cuz someday it may matter.**
**Where the hell is my Big Ass Card?**

[Pootertoot]

I have a question about Jesus and I'm not sure I've posted it before:

Most christians know about the ascension of Jesus, where he ascended to heaven with his body intact.

So my question is:

Did they have to watch all awkwardly while Jesus ascended, like when a kid lets go of a balloon and makes you watch it disappear.

How long did they have to stand there and watch? 'Cause you know Jesus would be pissed if they left and they could still watch him ascend.

And you know there was that one guy who wouldn't let anyone leave because he said he could still see Jesus, but you know he couldn't.

Did Jesus feel the heat when he made it through the atmosphere? Maybe he burned up...that would explain why he hasn't returned yet.

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[ShelleBink]

I met Jesus in Mexico.


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[SuperDave]

I met Jesus in Mexico.


Yeah, I think he just moved up here and now he cuts my grass.

White people are so scared... of Mexican people.



Sorry, I'll sit down now.
**Upgrade your grey matter, cuz someday it may matter.**
**Where the hell is my Big Ass Card?**

[IRISjr]

Good job i don't see 1 single problem with that.
...
Wait a sec what about...
...
nevermind

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