Why do I start to distance myself....

[Aggie]

from the person I like just when it is getting good? Barring my ex boyfriend, everytime I start to like someone, I start pulling away and acting weird. I fought my feelings for my ex as long as I could before I finally comitted. I don't really think its about being with one person, because that is what I want. Am I just scared to get hurt again or is it a sign I'm really not ready to be with anyone? I just don't understand why when I like someone I will start thinking of excuses for it not to work out. I just need to figure out if it's something I need to work on or I just need to suck it up and take a chance.

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[Jennitalia]

wow, for a second, i thought i wrote this. im the same exact way. it sucks, and im trying to change how i am. im just afraid to let anyone get too close to me, mainly because i dont think im good enough

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[A.J.]

I did the same thing with the last two women I dated. I figured I'd fuck things up eventually so I might as well nip it in the bud.

For me, it's a little bit of being afraid of commitment and a little bit of getting hurt (yet again). Oh, and it's a lot of being picky.

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[Now Im Starvin]

In the past three relationships I have had I start to distance myself as the relationship really gets serious. (1 - 1 & 1/2 years) The women always want more. I'm not ready to make that step. I'm still rather young and I refuse to get tied down like most of my miserable friends. Aggie just have fun. Don't pull away from a possibly good situation just because of a "what if". Are you not going to fly anymore because of the terroists? Same situation......

"I never give'm hell. I just tell the truth and they think it's hell."

[SuperDave]

You know, we should start a dating service for folks like us. We'd make a ton of money up front because we're all single then the company would fold almost imediately because we'd all start to Kirk out and fuck up the relationships.



Sorry, I'll sit down now.
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[ShelleBink]

i kinda feel better that others act the same way i do...

...tho i dont know what i could tell you for advice.

good luck tho hun.

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[DroopyGirl]

Yeah I act the same way.. the more serious a relation gets, the more I'm just being all stupid and trying to pull myself away from it.

I think that you should just try to be honest about it, so he will know that it's not his fault..

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[Coco]

I have the same thing. I believe mine stems from having a very controlling mother who (I felt) almost suffocated me as a child. Whenever I get into a relationship as an adult it seems like jail to me. Therapy can help and also finding a guy who will give you a lot of freedom.

______________________

We can't change our past, but we can change the way we look at it - into something more positive

[HordeKing1]

AGGIE - As you see, you are not alone in this. Many people do the same thing you describe.

Distancing yourself from people you start developing an attachment for is your way of avoiding the potential for hurt that goes along with (strong) feelings.

You may have had bad experiences in the past which lead you to believe that getting close will result in your getting hurt. The thing is, that there is a certain amount of truth to that as I'll explain.

The closer you are to someone and the more feelings you have for them, the more vulnerable you become. This is because their opinion and good will matters to you. If a stranger says "I don't like you," it's not a big deal. If someone you care about says the exact same words, it can deeply hurt.

While recognizing the potential for being vulnerable and hurt, it's also important to recognize that the possibility of obtaining a lasting relationship with someone is often worth the risk of increased vulnerability. And remember, just because you are more vulnerable b/c you like someone it doesn't mean that they will use this power to deliberately hurt you. There is so much to gain from relationships and friendships on so many levels, that the risk is worthwhile.




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[sexy bastard]

horde king is right, I personally will say this much, when you get hurt it sucks, you are afriad to get into another relationship, When you are with someone for a long time and then it does not work out then you must move on, You build a defense mechanism to others so that you wont get to close and get hurt, you have to learn to understand that you must heel your wounds but you must also have time to try to mend them with someone else. It is scary I will not lie to you, But you have to try to move on. Whether the next person is "the one" or if they are not you will never know unless you try. Remember with everyone you meet in your life you wil llearn something from them, you are a wonderful and sweet young woman and deserve happiness and when you decide to try and move on whoever that man is that you spend the time or try to spend the time with will be a very lucky man.


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This message was edited by sexy bastard on 7-3-02 @ 4:15 AM