I know what I should do, but I need some reassurance here...

[sunndoggy8]

Okey I'm stuck in this little situation, and while I sort of know what I should do, I do need some reassurance that I'm thinking the right thing...

I met this chick Saturday night and we talked forever...like 5 hours...and we did end up hooking up. Now by hooking up, I mean just kissing and some playful groping, but nothing major.

But here's the thing. As we continued talking through the night, I got to learn a lot about her...in that she has some major issues. She told me that she just got out of a relationship with someone she was engaged to, and she broke it off cause he was cheating on her. She otherwise has a bunch of other major issues she's dealing with in her life, but she did tell me that she felt a great connection with me.

Now we hung out again tonight and hooked up, and now I'm worried that I'm getting into a pattern that I usually get into...I always want to date a girl with issues because I awnt to be the one to fix her and make things better.

I know this is a bad thing for me to be getting myself into yet again, so I'm telling myself that I have to immediately back off from a relationship with her.

But I'm again getting htose feelings that I do like her...but I know it's a COMPLETELY WRONG type of relationship for me. She's sort of dropped hints that she's really into me, but that makes me think that I'm major rebound material anyway.

That and thoughts of all her issues make me think that I have to get away from this turning into a serious relationship. The thing is though, I've talked to her enough to care about her and worry about hurting her feelings. But she has a right to know and I should know not to get myself into this kind of relationship again.

So should tell her what I'm thinking/feeling, and that
this is copmletley wrong for both of us and that she's rebounding and whatnot, and that things ar emoving way too fast? I'm confused and I sort of know the right things to do, but I need some help clarifying things.


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<i><b><font color="#0F00CD">"You should've seen her face. It was the exact same look my father gave me when I told him I wanted to be a ventriloquist."</font color="#0F00CD"></b></i>

[fatty]

say, "honestly. i think i'm really starting to like you and i think we have a connection but i am really nervous. i'm worried about being a rebound and i'm not sure if a relationship is the best thing for me right now," or something to that affect. then, keep hooking up with her.

if it goes wrong you can always break up and be like, "i told you this might not be the right thing" you got the best of both worlds budday.

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Shorty let me tell you about my only vice,
It has to do with lots of lovin' and it ain't nuthin nice.

[FMJeff]

dont listen to fatty...have fun, don't think too much...over analyzation is a relationship killer...if it doesnt work out so be it...

dont try to fix her, you can't do it and its inappropriate. if that's the basis of your attraction, walk...

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<br>Jeff Shain
WebMaster
http://www.foundrymusic.com

[Jennitalia]

i agree with jeff in that you shouldnt fix her problems, but i also think you need to talk to her about what youre thinking/feeling. if you dont, it's just going to create more "issues" for this girl and make you miserable.

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[Aggie]

I don't necessarily think you should tell her those things (it might freak her out) It would freak me out if you just met her like 2 days ago. I would just not make yourself so available to her. Don't always pick up the phone when she calls, if she asks you to do something, don't always immediatley say yes like you have nothing else to do. From my experience in these sort of things you just can't start making her part of your "everyday life" so soon. As in talking on the phone EVERY day and seeing her as often as you can. That's what can mess things up. The beginning stages of a relationship are very important. Plus, she may just want someone to listen to her and reassure her self esteem. Just be careful yourself and don't worry SO much about her.

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Thanks E2R, you know how I'm gonna repay you! *wink*

[FMJeff]

dont listen to jennitalia...dude...just have fun...dont weigh people down with your emotional issues...if she's psycho, leave...if she's not, then enjoy her company...

i spent way too many years of my life trying to anticipate/explain/understand/cope/change people...enough is enough...break the cycle and move on...

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<br>Jeff Shain
WebMaster
http://www.foundrymusic.com

[Katylina]

Everyone has issues; that's what makes us human. Follow your heart...

http://www.mrhatshellhole.com/kat.jpg

<a href="http://www.overthelimit.com" target=_new>Over the Limit</a>

[Jackie Sloan]

Jeff's the man on this one Doggy, but uh, bag it and tag it and don't give her your address. It does sound like a rebound though...

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The words you hear
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The pictures that give pleasure to your eyes......

[ADF]

This is a cliche, but just take it slow and don't rush into anything.

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[FMJeff]

the taking it slow is good advice, but hard to understand and put into practice....just dont tell her anything...resist all urges to say a fucking word...she will know nothing about what you feel until you're dating her for a looooong time...



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<br>Jeff Shain
WebMaster
http://www.foundrymusic.com

[Poopsyc]

Be honest and put your cards on the table. If you like her then tell her, if you're worried about something, let her know. Be straight up with her and don't beat around the bush. If she can't handle the truth, then she can't handle a relationship and she needs be set free to find herself. And fixing peoples emotional and mental problems are impossible. Nobody can do it but themselves. For some reason, people think relationships are about helping people change but it actuallity, its about being able to accept someone for who they are.

I say, since she just got out of a relationship, most likely, you are a rebound and rebounds never end pretty. If you really want a future with this girl, take it very slow. Be honest with her, let her know what you are thinking and be a friend. If you care about her then support her. Be a listener, someone to lean on, someone that will make her smile and laugh, someone to comfort her when she is down but by all means, do not try to fix her. And also, do not try to get too physical, that will turn the relationship into a serious one before you even realise what happened and rebound is exactly what you will be.

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[Coco]

Depends on what the "major issues" are that you are talking about. If they are drug or alcohol addiction, I'd say steer clear away until she gets into rehab. and is straightened out. I have seen too many lives close to me, absolutely destroyed by them.

Everyone has got issues of one sort or another. I think it is a good thing that you recognize that you are attracted to people who need "help" and that you are the one who rescues. The thing is, though, that a person has to want to rescue themselves first. I would say, don't jump into any relationship quickly. I believe, you really don't know anyone until you've gone out with them for about 1 1/2 years.

______________________

We can't change our past, but we can change the way we look at it - into something more positive

[JustJon]

don't listen to czm

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[sunndoggy8]

Okey, since I didn't reply sooner, I'll do a lame little response to everything anyone's touched on...hpoe i don't leave anyone out.

...then, keep hooking up with her.

if it goes wrong you can always break up and be like, "i told you this might not be the right thing" you got the best of both worlds budday.

That I think would work if I didn't care at all about her feelings and whatnot, but I sort of do, so I had to nix that plan. Sorry fatty.

dont listen to fatty...have fun, don't think too much...over analyzation is a relationship killer...if it doesnt work out so be it...

dont try to fix her, you can't do it and its inappropriate. if that's the basis of your attraction, walk...

See, I've would try that, but the issues she's got (with recently being cheated on by her fiancee) are huge in my opinion, and aren't something to just be ignored.

And in terms of fixing, I think that's what i'm doing, but it's tough to actually walk...tough to break out of patterns, ya know?

but i also think you need to talk to her about what youre thinking/feeling. if you dont, it's just going to create more "issues" for this girl and make you miserable.


Totally a good call here, and that's what I did. I talked it over with her and she actually took it badly right at first but she got to really understanding whhere i was coming from.

I would just not make yourself so available to her.


Totally did that too Aggie...but it's difficult because I sort of end up feeling bad about doing something like that.

dont listen to jennitalia...dude...just have fun...dont weigh people down with your emotional issues...if she's psycho, leave...if she's not, then enjoy her company...


I think the whole point is that I don't want to get way into the relatoinship and then end up hurting her or myself in the process. Sure it'd be nice to just have fun, but thats just not how relationships work. Because eventually, unless it's perfectly clear on both ends, someone is going to develop stronger feelings than the other one in the relaitonship.


i spent way too many years of my life trying to anticipate/explain/understand/cope/change people...enough is enough...break the cycle and move on...


I just don't think that's the way for me in particular to break the cycle.

Everyone has issues: that's what makes us human. Follow your heart...


Yea, but her issues are MAJOR.

bag it and tag it and don't give her your address. It does sound like a rebound though...


That's what i'm thinking too, and that's her feeling on it too.

This is a cliche, but just take it slow and don't rush into anything


True though.

..just dont tell her anything...resist all urges to say a fucking word...she will know nothing about what you feel until you're dating her for a looooong time...

I think that's a big mistake. Hiding who you are that way would just end up making a possible breakup horrifying.

I say, since she just got out of a relationship, most likely, you are a rebound and rebounds never end pretty. If you really want a future with this girl, take it very slow. Be honest with her, let her know what you are thinking and be a friend. If you care about her then support her.


Good call...I just worry about her latching onto me cause she's in that vunerable stage right now.

Depends on what the "major issues" are that you are talking about. If they are drug or alcohol addiction, I'd say steer clear away until she gets into rehab. and is straightened out. I have seen too many lives close to me, absolutely destroyed by them.

I think the almost marriage deal but being cheated on is huge...plus her family life is shot to hell, but that's no shocker....it's just that she's really unstable emotionally...like a basket case a lot of the time because of fhwat she's going through with her now ex, and she sayswh

[sunndoggy8]

And by the way, thanks for the advice everyone. I appreciate it.

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<i><b><font color="#0F00CD">"You should've seen her face. It was the exact same look my father gave me when I told him I wanted to be a ventriloquist."</font color="#0F00CD"></b></i>

[Justice4all]

I know what you mean...I am the same way. I always wanted to be someone's knight in shining armor. If you find that you are uncomfortable...see if her past affects how she acts towards you. It is ok to want to be a good person but always have respect for yourself as well as her. If you cannot respect yourself..you cannot respect others. But I say try to see where this goes..keep a clear head.

I NEVER suffer from insanity...I love EVERY minute of it