King, why do you make me angry?

[blakjeezis]

I read your posts and you are obviously an extremely intelligent man. Your very wise, and are generous and kind with that wisdom, what else do you need to know to say someone is a good guy? Why, then, is it every time you're on the show I find myself grating my teeth? I am currently attending school with a psych major, in hopes that one day I can dispense wise words as you do and help people. Is it a competitive thing? Am I threatened by you? On more than one occasion people have told me I can be pompous and that's the vibe I feel towards you when you're on. Do I see myself and it's a whole self-loathing deal? I hope this doesn't offend you. I have infinite respect your words.

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[HordeKing1]

BLAKJEEZIS - Consider this.

Since I don't know you, haven't spoken to you personally and haven't addressed any comments to you, I would submit that the better question to ask is why you feel anger towards me.

Why do you shift the responsibility for your anger, writing that I "make" you angry?

Of course I'm not offended at all by your query. Aside from the fact that I have a very thick skin (an occupational necessity in law and therapy), I find the question interesting. I'd be very interested in what you come up with after further introspection.

I doubt that you feel any type of competition. There is always a necessity for caring, empathetic and introspective people in the field. Sadly enough, there is more than enough people who need help to go around.

Even if you decide eventually not to go into any of the mental health fields a psych major is helpful in any profession you may choose.


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[Se7en]

You're not alone, BJ.

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"Being a bastard WORKS."
--Spider Jerusalem

[blakjeezis]

Well, after further review, I guess I have a lot of anger inside. I don't lash out in anger a lot, most of the time I'm a very easy going guy. When I do pop however it's usually very loud and results in me punching something like a wall, or a door or a picture frame. I remember as a child, kicking the couch when I would get angry. I realised early it on that it had something to do with the pain I would get in my foot. Somehow, I would show whoever I was mad at just how angry I was by hurting myself.
Nowadays, I get most angry at things that most people, although they may not like them, don't get all wound up over. I get this rage I can't explain. I feel
it in my gut, but I can't put it into words. It's like an extreme form of frustration. I get it whenever I see someone on TV, or read something where someone is trying to push an idea I don't agree with. Like political shows, or MTV News when those Goddamn sumbitches come on the air and spew their views and pablum into the air. It's like I know their wrong and I'm right and they think their so smart and above everyone else. Oh God, I'm getting angry now just thinking about it. It doesn't spill over into action at these time though. Usually it doesn't happen until I'm face to face with someone.
I hate when people say the
same thing over and over, like they're telling me asking me to do something, or when I get in an argument with my girlfriend or whoever. It gets to a point where I'm done talking and I don't want to hear anymore. They just don't stop, they keep talking. The only way I can get them, to stop is to completely blow up and punch something. I would never attack anyone or anything like that, I just get so angry that the only way I can see to release it is to break or damage something, even if it's my own hand.

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[HordeKing1]

BLAKJEEZIS - You've obviously done a lot of thinking about this and I applaud your ability to be introspective and frankly discuss your observations.

It's great that you were able to acknowledge that much of the anger you experience (in the form of tremendous rage and frustration) is regarding things that aren't really that big a deal. That's a very crucial point. If you regarded everything that angers you as major it would be much harder to separate appropriate responses from inappropriate responses.

It's important to understand the source of your anger and to work on finding alternate ways to express it (and ideally to feel it less) ESPECIALLY if you go into the mental health field. Your clients will tell you many things that you will not agree with, but getting angry is a disservice to them and you.

Anger is a serious problem and if it is not addressed, will likely fester and eventually yield results beyond which you picture now. In other words it might reach the physical confrontation stage. You experience anger when you hear, see or read opinions that differ from your own, particularly if you feel that someone is trying to push his or her ideas onto you. I wouldn't consider this inconsequential but your reaction to this is disproportionate to the cause. You wrote "It's like I know they're wrong and I'm right and they think their so smart and above everyone else." You feel that ".it gets to a point where.I don't want to hear anymore. They just don't stop - they keep talking. The only way I can get them, to stop is to completely blow up and punch something."

This seems to point to an issue regarding self-esteem. Everyone has different opinions. In very few cases is one right and the other wrong. Why then should you care if someone has a different opinion? One possible reason is that you feel threatened by the confidence, knowledge or even the presentation of the material demonstrated by the other person b/c you feel you lack the same ability. Note that you don't necessarily lack the same ability (although you may lack experience), you perceive a lack on your part. This can be very threatening and your anger and lashing out may be your attempt to recover some self-esteem.

There is one other issue, which warrants special attention. You indicate that the only way to release your anger is to break or damage something, even if the something is your hand. By damaging yourself you feel that you are showing the other person how angry you are. Needless to say, hurting yourself is not a good thing. It's not a far step from self-mutilation (breaking your hand) to prove anger, to cutting yourself, to demonstrate similar feelings. I really urge you to think about this with an eye towards eliminating the physical manifestations of your anger. If you feel that you can only discharge the anger in a physical way, do so through exercise.



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[blakjeezis]

King, I appreciate your response. The thing I'm most grateful for his your sense of proportion. The reason I'm hesitant to discuss this with people is I'm afraid they'll misunderstand and blow it out of proportion. Immediately, they think I'm smacking my girl around or taking a knife to my wrist. I understand the relation to self-mutilation, but I'm secure that it's far down the road yet. I'm never out of control with it. The violent outbursts don't happen all that often either, maybe once every four or five months, I guess once I reach my threshold.
As far as alternate ways of effectively, uh, dissipating the anger, I've thought about it and tried to channel it, but I don't feel it all the time. It comes on real quick, in the moment, you know, flashes and then is gone again. I'm not sure I can go hit a puching bag, for instance, get all worked up and feel relief at then end of the session. Is it a matter of sitting and thinking about a situation that would make me angry, putting myself in that situation, and just focusing on it until I'm ready to pop, and then trying to release that? I'm not sure I can do that. I think part of the problem is, I won't let myself consciously get mad. Like I can't make myself do it. It's more like a spontaneous thing, or it has to be something that, at least in my view, is beyond the pale. Does that make sense? I don't know. It's late.

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This message was edited by blakjeezis on 7-12-02 @ 2:11 AM

[HordeKing1]

BLAKJEEZIS - Although the end results may be far off, it seems far better to prevent them now, when they are less of an issue.

You describe the outbursts as occuring once you've reached a breaking point where you "snap." Even though you may not be concsiously thinking of the things that are angering you on a daily basis, your unconscious mind is hard at work analyzing the events and building the anger up. Eventually, the thoughts from the unconscious rise up to the conscious and you snap.

I'm sure you've found that sometimes the thing that makes you snap, is much less significant than some of the other things that you didn't snap about. It's like the proverbial straw that broke the camel's bacik.


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