I think I did the right thing.....

[Justice4all]

Ok...here goes...
I had someone over my place tonight...we were getting into some heavy discussion and that is when I dropped a bombshell on her. I told her that I was "seeing" someone else. Which is the truth. I am not into a heavy relationship with woman #2 but I thought it was the right thing to do before we decided to get invoved with each other any deeper. Maybe it was wrong of me but I thought her reaction would have been different. Instead of a little distance and understanding that I was trying to be respectful of her by being honest up front. It is not something that I was trying to rub in her face. I get instead her almost leaving skidmarks out of the parking lot. She said she has to think about things. I respect that and understand...but it is wrong of me to think that someone would be able to respect that I was honest and be willing to still want to date me? Or am I being selfish?

I NEVER suffer from insanity...I love EVERY minute of it

[sexy bastard]

dude you did the right thing there is no question about it, be honest with her and this way she can be the judge on whether to pursue or back off, this way she knows what she is getting into and she doesn't feel lied to or betrayed over.
good job I think

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[Aggie]

I think you did the right thing. Even if she reacted that way, it is better she knows now before she starts getting any serious feelings for you. It may suck now and she may not want to pursue you anymore, but what if you start to like the other girl more, etc. (There are lots of scenarios) I would want to know if I was the girl and I think you did the right thing.

"Time is never wasted when you're wasted all the time."
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[HordeKing1]

Justice4all - It depends on how you told her, in what context and what non-verbal signals you were giving.

It appears that you wished to date the person you had over. It also appears that you didn't wish to date her exclusively. What were the feelings of the person you were talking to? After your deep discussion did she or you reveal any feelings towards the other?

Most men and women who go on a date or two do not assume that you are only dating him/her. At that stage of your relationship you aren't bf/gf, you're just going out. If the relationship developes, the issue of exclusivity must be addressed then.

Telling her that you're dating someone else but want to date her to was unecessary and may have scared her off, particularly if she felt your relationship with the other woman was more than just casual.



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[fiestygal]

maybe i am hokey or come from the OLD SCHOOL ways but men or women usually think that they are "THE ONE" to the other person in the relationship...ya know...BUT I DO respect the honesty that you did tell this woman..I dunno if it was right or wrong on how she handled her own reaction...I FEEL YOU DID DO THE RIGHT THING

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I'll get off my SOAP BOX now!

I am a goofball & swell to boot

This message was edited by fiestygal on 8-4-02 @ 12:21 AM

[Cybersoldier]

you did the right thing, better to get off your sholders then feel even more gulity, if the relationship contiuned with the 1st woman.

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[Katylina]

You did the right thing. She probably just reacted before she thought about it. Did you tell her from the beginning that you weren't going to be exclusive?

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[sweet201]

Justice, you ask: <P>
it is wrong of me to think that someone would be able to respect that I was honest and be willing to still want to date me? Or am I being selfish? <P>
It is not unreasonable or selfish of you AT ALL to think that someone would respect you for being honest. It is, however, both unreasonable and selfish to assume that that person will still be 'willing' to date you. I totally agree with fiestygal on this one - it sounds like at least one of you seems to think the relationship is 'all about me.' Perhaps this woman is looking for a serious, exclusive relationship - why should she waste her time with someone who is dating around? I don't know the entire situation, but maybe she thought (especially since you were having some serious conversation) that this was what the two of you were leading up to, and your 'honest' candor was a total slap in the face to her. It could be that, depending on the way you worded your revelation, she felt like she was being 'broken up with.' And above all, I think it's perfectly normal to feel embarassed when someone tells you that they prefer the company of others to your exclusive company. She might have taken off to save face, to not say something she would regret, to avoid crying in front of you, to allow herself to feel foolish in private. Or, maybe she was racing home to poke her Justice VooDoo Doll repeatedly in the groin with a sharp, pointed object. ;P <P>

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