i let go...

[fatylvr20]

Yesterday i broke up with my gf...1st of all for those of you who have seen my past post im 20yrs old. and this girl was my first gf..kiss..all that good stuff except sex. I felt that i couldnt take the pain of seeing her the way she was...what she was doing to try and make "us" work. She had come up from FL to live in NY and be near me..as many first timers..i thought nothing but the best and felt great knowing everything would be cool. However it ended up being constant conversations over the phone convincing her to stay..she thought it was too tough and i would say no stay. the cousins that she lived with for a while stole from her and gave her nothing but grief..coming by a job was very difficult..when she got 1 she it. For example she lost her last due to her cousins leavin her with the kids knowing she has to work. She leaves her cousins apt. Now shes in a shelter...i hate seeing her like that living that way..it pained me and to tell you the truth I felt guilty that i would actually everyday get to go "home'..she didnt have a home...have a comp..she didnt have 1. i felt awful..i'd cry and worry about her. Yesterday was too much she tells me that even is she works at my job with just 90 bucks a week and get welfare she still cant get a place...i said to myself..then her now not in these exact words cuz i wish not to remember too much...this is weighing us down..we cried together. obiviously she was not happy but i felt that for her own benefit she has to get her life together...i have too much on my plate to lend more of a helping hand than i was already giving. It had wore me out..mentally i felt wrecked at times...talking on the phone in person..feeling things wouldnt be able to get better unless she moved back to FL..so i told her i couldnt do it anymore..and that she really was struggling way too much in NY..sure i wanted her here but this situation benefits no one. i told her she'd be better off going back to FL where she has a better chance of pullin her life together...she said she loved me wasnt suffering cuz she had me...but i did see with my eyes that she was..i too was suffering inside...i felt that this sacrifice had to be made...i couldnt help her the way i wanted to...KING i dont know if i did the right thing...at your leisure provide a comment or something concerning this. thanks

"what i see is unreal/i've written my own part/eat of the apple, so young/i'm crawling back to start"--alice in chains

[HordeKing1]

FATYLVR20-

There are many things going on here. She moved from Florida to NY to be with you. It seems that this move was made with the best of intentions on both of your parts. However, she soon felt that staying in NY was too difficult.

She lived with her cousins who treated her like shit and even stole from her. She had difficulty finding a job and when she got one, she lost it apparently because she felt responsible to watch her cousin's kids.

Eventually she left her cousin's appartment and now lives in a shelter.

It is crucial to understand that she did not end up in the shelter because of you, but rather because of factors outside her (and your) control.

It pained you to see her living in a shelter. Eventually it became to much for you and you told her that even though she loves you, she'd be better off in Florida.

You're now experiencing some measure of guilt over ending the relationship. You ask if you did the right thing. I don't think there's a single objective answer to that, so here are some things to consider.

1. Relationships are difficult even under the best of circumstances.

2. Seeing someone you care about in a shelter is very difficult and heartwrenching and requires a major emotional investment, even greater than a typical relationship because there are additional issues and obstacles to overcome.

3. Someone in a shelter dating someone in an apartment, might come to feel some anger at their bf for having it better than they.

4. Conversely, the person with the apartment, might come to find their gf lacking in things like drive or ambition because she's in a shelter. (This is true even though there is not necessarily a correlation b/w the two).

5. You indicated that you felt "worn down" and had "too much on my plate," and "mentally wrecked." Needless to say, these feelings are not the basis for a healthy relationship.

In summantion, the situation is sad, and tragic and I feel for both you and her. I understand why you feel some guilt, but I don't believe that what you did was terrible or even bad. Hopefully, she'll get her life back together in Florida. (How will she afford to get there though?)


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[fatylvr20]

well HK she has cashed her last check so i suppose she will use that. As a matter of fact she called me last nite i believe and asked if I had called. i said no and said ok peace...obivious to say shes still upset. All i can do HK is wish her the best of luck and rebuild her life just without me.

"what i see is unreal/i've written my own part/eat of the apple, so young/i'm crawling back to start"--alice in chains

[fatylvr20]

HK is love even possible at my age? I have spoken to many including my own oral comm professor at laguardia and he couldnt understand how i could be in love at my age of 20. This truly is difficult...it looks like i have to do a lot of analyzing...observing. My folks talked to me the day it happened and they told me of how they experienced similar as i believe the average parent would. I'm trying to put this behind me and its not easy. However i do thank my folks for being there and any ears or eyes that don't mind listening/reading this story.

"what i see is unreal/i've written my own part/eat of the apple, so young/i'm crawling back to start"--alice in chains

[HordeKing1]

FATYLVR20 - Is love possible at 20? Of course. I met my wife when I was 19, got married at 21 and I love her now more than ever. I'm always learning things from her.

Is love at 20 likely to last? That's a different story. Statistically, I was very much the exception rather than the rule.

In a situation where the love is between people who had never had a bf/gf before, I'd say that the chances of lasting love are even slimmer.

Most likely your parents told you about "puppy love." This is a real emotional experience and a love of sorts, but it's more of a surface love than a real love. Part of the love is tied up in having a relationship as opposed to the person her or himself. Most people go through puppy love - I did at about 16 and was devestated when I got dumped. It's a common experience. Having gone through it, you'll be more certain of what you're looking for in your next relationship.


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[fatylvr20]

Greetings your majesty. its been a while since i logged in. She went back to FL and is now with her folks..however..we had a really long talk over the phone the nite before her departure. We let our feelings out onto the table..and discussed a possible reunion when the time is right. We had agreed that we would try it again in the near future. In the meanwhile she will work and attempt to finish school as will I and when things appear to be better then we will try to be together again. Basically a time-out..still bf/gf...in the rebuilding process. My idea is to finish college and begin a new career and hope that in time J and I can try this again. i still have some very strong feelings for her and we're both willing to wait it out and see what lies in front of us...that and i can definitely picture this young woman as umm..marriage material...yes shes that good in the place where it counts most the heart. i thank you sir for your feedback and hope that it will not be a problem if I come back everynow and then to ask somethings for a spell. ALL HAIL HORDE KING!!



"what i see is unreal/i've written my own part/eat of the apple, so young/i'm crawling back to start"--alice in chains

[HordeKing1]

I'm really glad you got a chance to talk things over with her before she
returned to Florida.

It was apparent that you needed to talk and discuss things before she left. It was also apparent that at present, the relationship was not working. I hope her situation improves and that things work out.

Ask away, anytime.

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[Cybersoldier]

hey I broke up with my gf too man, you'll get over it fast, but if you you still have feelings for her and she feels the same about you, then maybe get back together. Having time apart will help you reflect on you feelings. Good luck

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