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sourkitty

07-29-2002, 09:59 PM

How can you tell if the guy you are seeing just wants to be friends wit benefits or if he is wanting a real relationship? What are some signs????

Me and this guy i have been talkin to since may, have been gettin closer and closer as time goes on . We talk at least 1 time everyday..lately he has been kallin me a few times a day..we hang out every weekend and during the week sometimes..when we go out he always holds me hand..arm around me, piks up the check, opens doors etc...but he never mentioned to me being more serious. He told me that he isnt hooking up with n e one else at the time and that he cares alot about me. I kno he has trust issues cuz every gf he had in the past has cheated on him and dumped him....is he afraid i am gonna do that to him???? what do i do????? Help!!!!!!!!!!

also...should i mention it to him?

<img src="http://members.aol.com/fajita4me/images/kitty.jpg" height=118 width=211>
~*~Life always comes down to one thing, the PUSSY!~*~

F1Gm3nT

07-29-2002, 10:03 PM

I think that is basicly the bets shit ever
friends with benefits
but basicly... just staright out be like dmx and ask
hows it going down? me and you? sup? lemme know cause I need to know... ya know
but dont do any kind of dmx bark... that'll just scare him away

"be like water."
- Bruce Lee
<img src="http://my.purerave.com/gallery/p/105315.jpg" width="300" height="100>

ToddEVF

07-29-2002, 10:04 PM

he probably is afraid you'll do it to him too, and don't mention it at all. . . it only pours salt in the open wound. I really don't know what else to say. but take other peoples advise on it too.

Goddess Ari's Bitch
<IMG SRC=http://members.aol.com/vikorynotvengnce/images/lobotemp.gif>
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DEATH FACTION
IRISH FACTION

sourkitty

07-29-2002, 10:09 PM

when i asked if i should mention it to him... i didnt mean that i would say
"is the reason u havent mentioned us becoming more serious is cuz every gurl cheated on u"
lol
i was gonna be like
"So are we just friends with benefits or are we at the state of gettin to kno each other better b4 we move on. Im fine with either but i was just wondering"

<img src="http://members.aol.com/fajita4me/images/kitty.jpg" height=118 width=211>
~*~Life always comes down to one thing, the PUSSY!~*~

ToddEVF

07-29-2002, 10:11 PM

you shouldn't bring it up to him. . . It will only make things worse off for him. I know it by experience. wait, i never had friends with benefits. Damn i'm deprived.

Goddess Ari's Bitch
<IMG SRC=http://members.aol.com/vikorynotvengnce/images/lobotemp.gif>
<a href="http://uk.groups.yahoo.com/group/Sanity_Lost/"> Sanity Lost: my Roleplay on Yahoo!</a>
DEATH FACTION
IRISH FACTION

Gmann

07-29-2002, 11:10 PM

Sourkitty.....I know pretty much what you're goin through. Im goin through the same shit. Im a F.W.B. thing also......dont know where its going...would like it to progress further. I do all those things your guy friend does....maily because Im a gentleman and respect women....but for her it comes naturally for me to do those things. She knows how I feel about her.....but I dont know how she feels. Im just biding my time and enjoying myself when Im with her. Hopefully she'll see Im for real and trust me like I do her.

FEAR....FEAR attracts the fearful....the strong, the weak, the innocent, the corrupt.....FEAR....FEAR is my ally!!!

fatty

07-30-2002, 06:14 AM

just fucking ask him. what's the big deal?
there's no need to play any games, you want to know what your status is so ask him.

if you aren't able to be honest and talk to him at this stage there is no reason in pursuing a relationship. why not start it right?

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FATTY- Where it's at

hyperspace

07-30-2002, 09:21 AM

alot of my friends have major medical 401k etc.

"I don't know how the f**k you knew that ring was a fugazy"

DarkHippie

07-30-2002, 09:25 AM

what's worse than not knowing your staus in a relationship?

not knowing the person your with's status.

it's somethin you should talk about.

<IMG SRC=http://czmachine.50megs.com/images/dhsig1.gif>

this sig is the masterpiece of the cheesy one
support your local 420: union of brotherhood

living on the road, my friend, was supposed to keep us free and clean.
now you wear you skin like iron, your breath's as hard as kerosene-- townes van zant "the ballad of poncho and lefty"

<a href=http://www.freeopendiary.com/entrylist.asp?authorcode=A537085>Transcendental Blues: a journal</a>

F1Gm3nT

07-30-2002, 09:53 AM

just fucking ask him. what's the big deal?
there's no need to play any games, you want to know what your status is so ask him.

if you aren't able to be honest and talk to him at this stage there is no reason in pursuing a relationship. why not start it right?

seee this is why we get along so damn well

"be like water."
- Bruce Lee
<img src="http://my.purerave.com/gallery/p/105315.jpg" width="300" height="100>

Arienette

07-30-2002, 10:27 AM

yeah, definitely talk to him about it. if he's a friend, it shouldn't be too hard. decide what you'd be willing to go for with him, and then ask him what he's looking for. it's no good for anyone if you keep on without knowing what each of you are looking for in all this. and the only way anything will be able to work out will be if you're open about it all anyway. just be honest about what you want and how you feel. good luck

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i want a lover i don't have to love
i want a boy who's so drunk he doesn't talk

ShelleBink

07-30-2002, 10:30 AM

do what i did

at 3 am, just say "why the fuck are you bothering to get to know me if all you wanna do is fuck me?"

and i gotta say, i'm glad i said it, and well, things worked out okay.

<center>IRISH FACTION 
<IMG SRC="http://members.hostedscripts.com/randomimage.cgi?user=bink02"></img></center>
<marquee behavior="alternate">It's Shelle as in sea shell and bink like... uh. bink. 
</marquee>

sourkitty

07-30-2002, 06:37 PM

k thanks... ill talk to him tonite about it... ill bring it up sum how in our all nite fone convo's

:)

sara

<img src="http://members.aol.com/fajita4me/images/kitty.jpg" height=118 width=211>
~*~Life always comes down to one thing, the PUSSY!~*~

Jennitalia

07-30-2002, 06:50 PM

it sounds like he may think of your relationship as something more than friends with benefits, but you should definitely talk with him about it.
i like Shelle's approach ;)

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EAT MY SMURFY TOOKIE!

fiestygal

07-30-2002, 06:54 PM

friends who want benefits= fuck buddies

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I'll get off my SOAP BOX now!

I am a goofball & swell to boot

grlNIN

07-31-2002, 06:19 AM

friends with benefits=a poor excuse for a relationship, its basically having no mutual respect b/c youre not tieing yourself down to just them and if they were your friend and fucking you, and they thought you were good enough to fuck, why the hell would they want you fucking other people???

You friends are yours friends
The people you fuck are the people you fuck

Merciful Death, How You Love Your Precious Guilt
<img src="http://tazz1376.homestead.com/files/rfnetgrlnin.jpg">
~Coven Member~Violent Echo...cover your ears~

i got my head, but my head is unraveling
can't keep control, can't keep track of where it's traveling
i got my heart but my heart is no good
and you're the only one that's understood

i come along but i don't know where you're taking me
i shouldn't go but you're reaching, dragging, shaking me
turn off the sun, pull the stars from the sky
the more i give to you, the more i die

DarkHippie

07-31-2002, 06:51 AM

grlnin is very wise for a soulless child :)

<IMG SRC=http://czmachine.50megs.com/images/dhsig1.gif>

this sig is the masterpiece of the cheesy one
support your local 420: union of brotherhood

living on the road, my friend, was supposed to keep us free and clean.
now you wear you skin like iron, your breath's as hard as kerosene-- townes van zant "the ballad of poncho and lefty"

<a href=http://www.freeopendiary.com/entrylist.asp?authorcode=A537085>Transcendental Blues: a journal</a>

TomPoo

07-31-2002, 10:13 AM

sour kitty,

F.W.B to me always meant fuck-buddies... are you guys hooking up??? - cause from your original post I get the impression your not.

If you are NOT hooking up, then what you got is a sort of psuedo-boyfriend, where he acts and does all the things a BF would do... without the hooking up part.

If you want to hook up... it shouldn't be that hard to do... and I am sure you know how to make that happen.

If you are worried that he would hook-up with you, and not want to pursue a relationship with that, you have to make the decision then if you still want to hook up with this guy. Do you want a relationship??? Would you be happy as fuck buddies??? Do you think hooking up would ruin whatever friendship you have already established??

When you decide what YOU want and what will make YOU happy, take fatty's advice and be open and honest... cause that is the only way you will get the answers to your questions.

----------------------

grlNIN,

friends with benefits=a poor excuse for a relationship, its basically having no mutual respect b/c youre not tieing yourself down to just them and if they were your friend and fucking you, and they thought you were good enough to fuck, why the hell would they want you fucking other people???

You friends are yours friends
The people you fuck are the people you fuck

I disagree with your comment. If this type of relationship has not worked for you, that is one thing... but it has worked for others.

If two people want to hook-up, enjoy hooking up, and are BOTH not looking for a commitment - for whatever reasons - then why does that show mutual disresepct??

if everyone is up front and honest about his/her intentions then I don't see a problem with it.

I have a friend that lives about 7 hours from me that I went to college with. When she visits we usually go out, we drink, we have fun and SOMETIMES we have sex.

She doesn't want me as a BF, I don't want her as a GF. We live in two seperate states, we both have jobs and lives that neither one of us would leave right now.

But we get along, we care for each other, we both are attracted to each other, and like to hook-up with each other. but most importantly we are honest about the way we feel for each other. And in the morning we can laugh about the night before and be cool with the fact that sex was just a natural progression of the night. To me, at least, I don;t see anything wrong with that.

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There is nothing more exhilerating than pointing out the shortcomings of others, is there?

ShelleBink

07-31-2002, 10:28 AM

i like Shelle's approach

damn right, it works.

<center>IRISH FACTION 
<IMG SRC="http://members.hostedscripts.com/randomimage.cgi?user=bink02"></img></center>
<marquee behavior="alternate">It's Shelle as in sea shell and bink like... uh. bink. 
</marquee>

DarkHippie

07-31-2002, 10:45 AM

Tom: but what you have isn't a relationship, and neither of you want a relationship. that's why it works.

<IMG SRC=http://czmachine.50megs.com/images/dhsig1.gif>

this sig is the masterpiece of the cheesy one
support your local 420: union of brotherhood

living on the road, my friend, was supposed to keep us free and clean.
now you wear you skin like iron, your breath's as hard as kerosene-- townes van zant "the ballad of poncho and lefty"

<a href=http://www.freeopendiary.com/entrylist.asp?authorcode=A537085>Transcendental Blues: a journal</a>

TomPoo

07-31-2002, 12:07 PM

Tom: but what you have isn't a relationship, and neither of you want a relationship. that's why it works

hey, I know why it works!!!

it is grlNIN who I am trying to explain why it works.

<IMG SRC="http://tompoo.50megs.com/images/tompsig3.jpg" width=300 height=100>

There is nothing more exhilerating than pointing out the shortcomings of others, is there?

sourkitty

07-31-2002, 09:07 PM

Thanks Poo....

well we havent had sex yet...but we do/did all the other stuff....

I do want a relationship. Im not the kind of gurl who likes to just hook up with people for the hell of it.
Well last nite i said i was gonna ask him but i chickened out. I gotta wait for the rite moment...

<img src="http://members.aol.com/fajita4me/images/kitty.jpg" height=118 width=211>
~*~Life always comes down to one thing, the PUSSY!~*~

TomPoo

08-01-2002, 04:19 AM

Thanks Poo....

well we havent had sex yet...but we do/did all the other stuff....

I do want a relationship. Im not the kind of gurl who likes to just hook up with people for the hell of it.

well if that is the case, then you need to upfront and honest.

It seems to me that by the way he is acting he wants the same thing too. ("kallin me a few times a day..we hang out every weekend and during the week sometimes..when we go out he always holds me hand..arm around me, piks up the check, opens doors etc") - perhaps he has just has not been able to vocalize his feelings to you.

good luck, I hope this guy gets his act together for ya

<IMG SRC="http://tompoo.50megs.com/images/tompsig3.jpg" width=300 height=100>

There is nothing more exhilerating than pointing out the shortcomings of others, is there?

grlNIN

08-01-2002, 06:44 AM

If two people want to hook-up, enjoy hooking up, and are BOTH not looking for a commitment - for whatever reasons - then why does that show mutual disresepct??

if everyone is up front and honest about his/her intentions then I don't see a problem with it.

All good, but some girls and pretty much all gyus are not upfront about it. I have never done anything like this i guess you can call me oldfashioned when it comes to dating but i have seen plenty-a friends go through it and get their hearts stomped out, b/c even if in the beginning there is no deep connection or feeling for one another as time progresses one might spark. And then what happens if one person gets too attatched while the other pulls away?

Im not saying this whole way of hooking up is wrong it just doesnt seem right to me and thats why i would never do it BUT if it makes you happy then what do i care? and what should you care?...you only live once and i was merely voicing my opinion on the subject and reading other peoples opinions

Merciful Death, How You Love Your Precious Guilt
<img src="http://tazz1376.homestead.com/files/rfnetgrlnin.jpg">
~Coven Member~Violent Echo...cover your ears~

Underneath her skin and jewelry,
hidden in her words and eyes
is a wall that's cold and ugly
and she's scared as hell.
Trembling at the thought of feeling.
Wide awake and keeping distance.
Nothing seems to penetrate her.
She's scared as hell.

I am frightened to.

Wide awake
and keeping distance from my soul.
I am scared like you.

Tool is Poetry in Motion

This message was edited by grlNiN on 8-1-02 @ 10:49 AM

sourkitty

08-01-2002, 11:23 PM

Thanks people....

Well i had a talk with him tonite.. i brought it up online then i called him..We talked for a while..what he said was that he cares for me alot and he wants to go out with me, but he wants to get to know me better. He says like he has never been in my house..met my whole family etc. He says that he wants his next relationship to be serious and stuff and he would love if it would be with me, but he wants to get to kno me better. He also said that he has been wantin to bring this up for like the last month but i dont show my feelings well so he didnt wanna get burned by me. Like he had no idea how i felt for him and stuff...well im glad i brought it up to him...thanks for ur advice..if it wasnt for u i probrobly woulda kept my mouth shut... :)

<img src="http://members.aol.com/fajita4me/images/kitty.jpg" height=118 width=211>
~*~Life always comes down to one thing, the PUSSY!~*~

Gmann

08-01-2002, 11:43 PM

good luck sourkitty.....I really wish everything works out and you end up being happy. As for me....I tried to have "the talk" with my situation.....but I chickened out....I STINK!!!!!

FEAR....FEAR attracts the fearful....the strong, the weak, the innocent, the corrupt.....FEAR....FEAR is my ally!!!