what am I to do ???

[Gmann]

Ok...here goes...

There has been this girl Ive been seeing for a while now. Really really into her. Recently I did something wrong....well basically a situation happened where I lied to her. Not a cheating lie...but something dumb where I told a lie to her. Basically I betrayed her trust. Im my last relationship....towards the end of it I was constantly lying to my ex....where I was, who I was with...shit like that. She knew me when I was in that relationship....and knew about how I was. When I started seeing this girl now....I told her that Im a changed man....and that I would never do anything like that to her because she means alot to me. And its true....she does very much so. I dont know why I did it....and I know it was for a stupid reason. Back in my old relationship I wouldnt have cared if my ex found out about anything. But this....this time...to see this girl hurt like that....really really hurt me. I had no intention of doing what I did....It just happened. Well....we sorta talked things through....well, it mostly consisted of me begging and apologizing, and we sorta settled things. The one thing that bothers me is I know she doesnt totally trust me like she used to. I told her Im done with all the bullshit and lying....and I only want to make her smile, thats it. This is just basically ramblings in my head about the weeks events......just looking for any insight or advice anyone can give me to try and improve myself and my situation.

FEAR....FEAR attracts the fearful....the strong, the weak, the innocent, the corrupt.....FEAR....FEAR is my ally!!!

[phixion]

tell her your sorry
wait
if shes still giving no love then pray.

"smoking weed, smoking weed
doing coke, drinking beers
drinking beers, beers, beers
rolling fatties, smoking blunts
who smokes the blunts?
we smoke the blunts."-
Jay

[Coco]

[just looking for any insight or advice anyone can give me to try and improve myself and my situation.]


Sorry if I sound harsh, but realizing that there are consequences for your actions is one of the first signs of maturity.

______________________

We can't change our past, but we can change the way we look at it - into something more positive

[fiestygal]

breaking trust is something that IF YOU ARE LUCKY she MAY trust you again but dont be surprised if your relationship with her is weird ya know...i am sorry that things arent ok between you two but YOU need to deal with the consequences of your actions

<IMG SRC="http://rfnetearth2ron.50megs.com/images/fiestygal.jpg">
this pic is thanx to E2R

I'll get off my SOAP BOX now!

I am a goofball & swell to boot

[HordeKing1]

GMANN - Once you've lost someone's trust regaining it is never easy. At best, the nature of the relationship has changed. That's not to say that she won't eventually forgive you, but she'll be wary about extending her trust again.

Your best bet is to be totally upfront with her about all things and do not betray your trust again.

<img src="http://members.aol.com/rnfpantera/hking1">

[furie]

Start to screw with her head. The old gaslight maneuver.

<img src="http://www.tseery.homestead.com/files/rom.jpg" width=300 height=100>
<a href="aim:goim?screenname=furie1335&message=You_are_Number_6">IM:Furie1335
</a>

[sweet201]

The first thing you should do is go to the Off Topic forum, hop in DC Reed's time machine, and have yourself a do-over. :) Seriously, though... there's nothing you can do to change what's happened now. YOU MADE HER feel that way. Grovel a lot, and, if you're lucky, she'll forgive you. By all means, DON'T DO IT AGAIN!! I think it might be wise, if you really do want to change, to see a therapist. Counseling can give you a lot of insight regarding why you do the things you do (be they heavy drinking, compulsive lying, biting your fingernails, refusing to poo in any toilet that's not your own, whatever), which can in turn help you change your ways, if you are really serious about doing so. <P> Unfortunately, it has been my personal experience that very few people ever really DO change. It kind of sounds to me like the only thing you are concerned with is how what you did to her affects YOU. Now she doesn't trust me anymore, I am in the doghouse, boo hoo hoo. You would be wise to put yourself in her shoes - REALLY in them, for a moment. Not just on the level of 'He lied to me', but deeper, into the feelings generated by this type of betrayal (which she KNOWS you have a history of, and since you told her BEFORE it would not happen with her, has probably made her realize what a lying lowlife jerk you really are and what a mistake she made *wink*). What she is most likely feeling right now is along the lines of 'He doesn't value me as a human being, he thinks I'm stupid, he doesn't care about my feelings...' You're right, that ISN'T a good place to be in any relationship. <P> Why did you do it? That's what you need to figure out. Not just 'I know it was for a stupid reason'. Were you trying to avoid telling her something that you thought would jeopardize your position in the relationship? Did you not realize that telling her a lie would be much, much worse? I'm so sorry to repeat myself, but you sound really selfish in your post. You may not have meant to sound that way, but I think our true selves tend to surface in the written word. to see this girl hurt like that....really really hurt me <P> It really really hurt you, huh? How do you think it made her feel? Do you even care, except in relation to the way her feelings affect you? Do you REALLY care about her, or do you only care about HER caring about YOU? <P> The one thing that bothers me is I know she doesnt totally trust me like she used to <P> That's the one thing that bothers you? How about that a woman you claim to be 'really really into' (which is not the same thing as love, I'm guessing) feels like a piece of shit BECAUSE OF YOU? Huh? Does that matter to you at all? Or are you more concerned with the way YOU come out in all this, than with the soul of this person whose life YOU CHOSE to affect? <P> and I only want to make her smile, thats it <P> You want to see her smile. I bet she wants you to have NOT LIED TO HER. You fucked up, you have to deal with it. What if she lied to you about something? Would you forgive her in a day? A week? Would you just go about your normal happy ways after she treated you like a piece of dog shit? You want to know she feels better so that YOU can feel better. Until you've realized the true purpose of apology and forgiveness, you're stuck treading water in any relationship you'll end up in. <P> I don't mean to beat up on you - I'm clearly going through some relationship issues myself. Anyway, I recommend you get some counseling. If you can't afford it, maybe you ought to take some time off from the dating scene before you poison another girl's heart. <P> <P>

<img src=http://sweet201.net/whatever.gif>

[Pandora]

Well sweets pretty much said it all. One thing
though. Why are you so upset? Because you lied or
because she caught you ?




This message was edited by Pandora on 8-6-02 @ 11:58 PM

[Gmann]

Goddam....Sweets made me totally feel like shit. And you know what....I dont blame her. I deserved everything she said. She was right about alot of what she said....regarding the females feelings in all of this. I appreciate you opinion, and you also opened my eyes to a different view of the situation that I put myself in.....thank you
Now....lemme tell you something.....I really and truly care for this girl. Since Ive known her....I only think about her. Do you know what its like to wake up everyday....and the first thing on your mind is that special person ??? This is what its been like for me the past few weeks. There is absolutely nothing this girl could ask me to do .....that I would not do. Thats what she means to me. Why I lied....I dont know. Maybe at heart Im just a coward. What I do know is I hurt someone who I care deeply for, who makes me feel special, who I want to constantly have close to me. We already have sorta came to an agreement about things.....but in my heart, I still feel terrible about what I did to her. For her to react the way she did to all of this shit shows me that she gives a shit about me, and Im not gonna abuse that. Im finally happy to be with someone....happy to be around someone.....and I'll be dammed if Im gonna let that slip away.
I really do appreciate your insight to my situation though.....it gives me a new perspective to see things through. I know it will help me in the future.

FEAR....FEAR attracts the fearful....the strong, the weak, the innocent, the corrupt.....FEAR....FEAR is my ally!!!