Wedding: Go or No?

[JimboSHU]

I need advice and I figure this would be one of the better places to seek it. I just received a wedding invite to a friend's wedding in the mail. The thing is I really don't want to go. First of all, the wedding is in Boston, so I'd pretty much have to spend the night. I'd have to take a 4 hour ride to some place I really didn't want to be. On top of that is the obligatory gift. But even with finances out of the way which I don't really have (even though I took a trip to Boston a month ago to meet a girl I've wanted to meet for about 6 years) there's other reasons.

This guy isn't even like a close personal friend of mine. He was my boss two years ago where we became friendly. We talk online every so often, met for lunch um once or twice last year, and have been in numerous fantasy football leagues together. He's also someone who's assisted me in my job search to a certain extent, as unsuccessful as that has been. It's not like he's someone I hang out with on a regular basis AT ALL. Plus, it's highly doubtful any of the people we mutually know will be there so I'll sit there with my thumb up my ass like a jackass (not the most outgoing person).

I've known about the wedding date for about almost a year now and will feel kind of bad if I don't go because I really can't think of a "good" reason (or excuse) not to.

What should I do; what would you do? Should I go or not?

I love my sig.

This message was edited by JimboSHU on 8-18-02 @ 9:52 PM

[HordeKing1]

JIMBOSHU - Based on your vignette, I can't see a reason why you should go.

First of all and most importantly, you don't want to.

Secondly, it's a major trip.

Finally, he's not a close personal friend. In fact your contact seems rather minimal.

Often, people send out invitations to people they don't expect will come in the hopes of getting a wedding gift. Just because you're invited however, does not obligate you to either go or to give a gift.

IF the person were a friend the situation would be completely different. A boss from two years ago who you rarely have contact with is not anywhere in the same league.

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[JimboSHU]

Horde King, first of all thanks for the quick response. I mean I do think of him as A friend. I mean a lot in common, went to the same school, same major, and whatnot. We do talk about once a week or two weeks via AIM and he invited me to a Super Bowl party which I did not attend. But after saying all that, it's not like he'd be one of the first people I'd think of inviting if I were getting married or something of that nature. I graduated a couple months ago and wouldn't have invited him to the party if I had one. But the bigger issue if I don't go is that I can't think fo an excuse as to why I won't be. I mean every time we do talk he usually brings up if I'm going or not.

I love my sig.

[sweet201]

Jimbo,

It sounds like this guy REALLY wants you to be there. Perhaps you are higher up on his hierarchy of friends than he is on yours. Perhaps he is having a large wedding and just inviting everyone he has ever considered a friend at all. Maybe he felt like he had to invite you since he had told you when the date was. However, the most telling detail was revealed not in your first post, but your second - that every time you talk, he asks if you will be there. That says it all, if you ask me - it's one of the most important days in your friend's life, and he wants you to be there.

So, should you go? My honest advice is yes. Could you invite the girl you visited last month to be your date for the wedding? Or could you take someone else along? That way you'd know someone, you'll have a better time, and hey, free food and cake, man. :P

But, if you've made up your mind that you are not going, I recommend one of two strategies:

1. Be semi-honest: Tell your friend that you simply can't afford the trip right now, but you wish him the best. Offer to get together the next time he's in NYC (or DC, or wherever you are). Make sure you send a card!! You can afford .99, right?

2. Make up a total bold-faced lie that sounds realistic, like "My grandma's birthday" or "exploratory surgery". ;P

Good luck!

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[Arienette]

i agree that there's no reason you should feel obligated to go. because you consider this person a friend to some extent, and because he has helped you out in the past, you should probably send a gift. it doesnt have to be major, but just something...

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[ADF]

I think weddings are usually a blast, but it sounds as if you don't want to go.. so don't. Plus, if he's a friend, just say you don't have any money and he should understand. If he really wants you there, he won't expect a gift.. you presence should be enough.

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[JimboSHU]

Could you invite the girl you visited last month to be your date for the wedding? Or could you take someone else along?I intend on feeling her out to see if she'd want to go. I don't know if it would be the best thing for her though since she is engaged and living far from her fiance gets her down in the dumps quite often(she's going to attend boston u and he lives back in arizona). I know I won't be able to drag anyone with me all the way to Boston for a wedding.

On getting together with him, he actually only lives about a half hour away from me here in Jersey. They're having the wedding up there because that's where his wife is from. If it were in Jersey I'd be more inclined to go because I wouldn't have to make the haul.

Last but not least, I'm the complete opposite of you ADF. I hate weddings and anything like it. I always hate every minute of being there because of all the cheesy shit and tradition crap.

I love my sig.

[Coco]

If it were me, I wouldn't go.

______________________

We can't change our past, but we can change the way we look at it - into something more positive

[HordeKing1]

Jimboshu - The fact that you're having such serious reservations about going suggests that the primary reason you would go at all would be to assuage feelings of guilt for not going.

There is no reason to experience any guilt for the reasons noted above.

If you're looking for an excuse, you can say that some work or family obligation sprung up.

One other point to consider. He may be asking you if you're going to be there, b/c he doesn't know what else to talk to you about. Odds are that after he's married, this tennuous long distance friendship will not last.

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[A.J.]

http://www.theonion.com/onion3829/wedding_enjoyed.html

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"Got to scrape that shit right off your shoes."

[JimboSHU]

Update - I decided to not go and sent out the RSVP today. I'm going to send like a $75 check with a card the week before the wedding. sound good?

I love my sig.

[Alice S. Fuzzybutt]

Update - I decided to not go and sent out the RSVP today. I'm going to send like a $75 check with a card the week before the wedding. sound good?



Sounds good! I've been through the whole wedding thing. It's kinda a relief when a guest can't make it (one less person to pay for). And your gift will be SO appreciated!

Class act all the way!!!!

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[HordeKing1]

JIMBOSHU - I think you made the right choice. And as ALICE pointed out, the bride and groom will appreciate the gift.

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