How long should you mourn someone? [Archive]

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ShelleBink

08-25-2002, 10:53 AM

i got in an argument last nite w/ my friends over how long you should really mourn someone ((mostly bc im still mourning the loss of a friend))

is there any "set time" or is there something when its considered pathetic to still be missing someone?

im not sure if im making any sense here.

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Green Lantern

08-25-2002, 11:48 AM

Depends on how close you was to that person and the time of that relationship
and how that person died.
For example if that person was b/f or g/f and they was one of the victims of 9/11
I would said 6 month to a year maybe longer would
be about the right length of time to mourn someone you loss. But in that case their is no set time to mourn if you loss a person that way.

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DarkHippie

08-25-2002, 11:51 AM

you should never stop missing someone, but it shouldn't stop you from getting on with your life.

That being said, the traditional Jewish mourning period is one year, but that is for a family member.

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Death Metal Moe

08-25-2002, 11:51 AM

Of course there's no set time. And you will ALWAYS miss some one you truly cared about. It's great to care, but as good as that feels, an equal ammount of greif exists when that person is gone. It's almost better NOT to care about people. But that's not really an option.

You have to know when it's good for you by your feelings. It's a hard fact, but whoever it is, is not coming back. So try to get back into your usual routine as soon as possible. Would your friend want you sad for a long time? I doubt it.

But you have to know when that is. It's was one thing for me, and different for everyone else.

Be strong. I'm not much for the caring, comforting words, the world is a crule place. But you do have your friends, family, and the board, for what it's worth.

I know these words are little comfort alone at night when all you can do is think, but try to remain strong.

What doens't kill you, makes you stronger.

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HordeKing1

08-27-2002, 09:50 PM

SHELLE - Mourn as long as you feel the need. For some it may be a month for others a year or longer. But as hard as it is to accept now, time will lessen the pain a little. You will not forget the person, or miss them less, but the ache of their absence will not be felt as much (at least when you're not thinking about them.)

HIPPIE - By the way, Jews mourn for 30 days for all immediate family members EXCEPT parents, where they mourn a total of 11 months. The restrictions after the first 30 days are much less than they are for the first 30. For relatives who are not parents, there are no restrictions or rituals whatsoever after 30 days.

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ShelleBink

09-11-2002, 03:47 PM

... i think i've been mourning too long :(

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Jennitalia

09-11-2002, 03:51 PM

i think anytime you lose somebody, you never really stop mourning them.

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SuperClerk

09-11-2002, 04:02 PM

You never really stop mourning. Everyone mourns differently for different times.

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Hawiian shirt craig

09-11-2002, 06:04 PM

until the bink is done...

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HordeKing1

09-11-2002, 09:15 PM

Shelle - You wrote that you think you've been mourning for too long. Why do you think this? Is it based on internal feelings or external impressions (such as what you think is appropriate or what others tell you is appropriate)?

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ShelleBink

09-12-2002, 05:13 PM

I just still miss him as much as the day he died.

and I just think I'm more afraid of losing the memories... and the little things ... like his laugh, and all that stuff.

I mean, I still have some of his clothes in my dressers, I have only one picture of him left... and I duno, its only now that I'm starting to feel comfortable with letting some of it go, and to move on.

which i think is long overdue, and probably would work out some of the things that are bothering me now.

does this make sense?

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HordeKing1

09-12-2002, 09:03 PM

Yes, SHELLE it makes sense.

You miss him. You're afraid of losing the things that made him special to you (you gave the example of his laugh).

At the same time you recognize that you're starting to feel that it's time to start letting go and "moving on." Needless to say this can create quite a conflict in you. I think it important to understand that when you're ready to stop the active grieving and "move on" it doesn't mean that you're being unfaithful to his memory or that you're abandoning him. You'll always remember him and you'll always feel special about him. When you can accept that moving on is not a betrayal it will be easier for you to do so.

It's OK, SHELLE. You're allowed to grieve and you're allowed to end active grief and continue your life. The end of active grieving does not change your loss, but it will help you.

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Cybersoldier

09-15-2002, 03:02 PM

it varies from person to person, only the individual that is mourn can decide whether to stop mourning and move on

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