Mourning

[PamR&Ffan]

My mom died in May. I hadn't lived with her for years, but I'm finding that I kinda didn't accept she was gone until more recently when I want to call her regarding some topic or other. Obviously I can't and that's making it hit hard. I know she died in May, but why is it taking me so long to realize she's really gone?

[high_pitch_eric]

I'm sorry for your loss.
everyone deal with
emotions differently and you
are simply dealing with it
this way. I am not a
pychologist or therapist so I
cannot answer all your
questions, but please dont
be alarmed, what you feel is
natural.

[Hawiian shirt craig]

pam, its like i told shelle
last week. mourning is only
over when pam is done.
everyone is different, b;ah
blah blah, that you've heard.

what u might not have, is
that you might not ever get
over it. you'll be ok, but
shes your mom... its ok!


-Hawiian Shirt Craig
THIS IS WHY WE CAN'T
HAVE NICE THINGS!!

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home.ix.netcom.com/
~camman/_uimages/
HSC.gif">

San Diego Chargers: 2-0

[HordeKing1]

PamR&Ffan - There are several easons why you haven't "felt" the loss until now.

1. You indicated that you hadn't lived with your mom for years, so you haven't had daily personal contact. Instead you spoke on the phone. When you wanted to call your mom to share something with her, it was an activity that you could do in the past, that you can no longer do. Therefore, the absense of your mom is felt to a greater extent.

2. Defense mechanisms work in ways that protect the psyche from thoughts or feelings that are (at present) too difficult to deal with. One of the best known defense mechanisms is called denial. After the loss of your mom, it may have been easier for you to pretend that she was still alive than to deal with the pain that her death caused you. Now, you're more ready to deal with the pain, and the loss and your associated feelings so you start to miss her more.



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[PamR&Ffan]

Thank you. It's true I almost pretended she was still alive....just realizing that now. What you've all said makes sense...and helps...thank you <P>

[ChrisTheCop]

I just observed the one year "anniversary" of my Dad's passing. And I'm still not over it. Give yourself as much time as you need.

<img src="http://rfcop.50megs.com/images/christhecop-shellebink.jpg">Sigpic by Shelle Bink

[PamR&Ffan]

I can't believe you ever get over it...what's strange is how you handle it, don't handle it....accept it, then don't....it keeps changing <P>

[HordeKing1]

An adaptive defense mechanism, only lets as much in (to permeate your conscious) at a time as you can handle, until the entire situation is slowly integrated.

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