hey horde king

[sexy bastard]

the other day we were chatting very quickly but I had to go to work, i wanted to tel lyou it happened again, remember a while ago i posted about ow i car forpeople to much and worry bout them, well its happened again and i worry and i wonder how this person is and how that person is, and then i feel lonely and i cry cause i know this person is going thru a tough time and that person also and then others who i worry about are no where to be found anymore and it worries me, how can i change cause it gets me sad and hurt and cry when i think others are not ok, or if i dont hear from them in long time i worry. is it normal? and what should i do


<img src=http://publish.hometown.aol.com/leonj25/myhomepage/sb.jpg?mtbrand=AOL_US>

www.leohernandez.net
the epitome of masculinity (yeah right)

[HordeKing1]

SEXY - Being a caring and empathetic person is a positive character attribute and one that is certainly praiseworthy. However, it appears that you have gone way beyond the realm of caring and empathy and into the realm of losing your own identity in your identification with them. You worry about people to the extent that it leaves you literally in tears.

In psychodynamic terms I'd say that you were probably displacing some feelings about yourself or about some issues that you have trouble with onto the safer (but still difficult to deal with issue) of caring for others. In other words, sometimes it's easier to worry about and give attention to others than it is to worry about and give attention to yourself. This is a defense mechanism, and it seems from your description that at this point it has become maladaptive - it is impairing your function.

The goal to strive for is to change your behavior. Ideally this would be accomplished by addressing the issues that really bother you. This will not make you less empathetic or caring towards others but it will make the extreme emotions you feel much more managable.

In school and hospitals they teach "clinical detachment." Personally I think that shutting yourself off in the way that's suggested would impede one's ability to relate to others. Nonetheless, there has to be some boundaries and some levels of separation. Every situation is a little different. For example while working with drug addicts or court mandated parolees, a higher degree of detachment is necessary than when dealing with people in a planned parenthood center. In the latter case detachment hurts the relationship.

You must learn to draw back enough from your concerns so as to allow you to function in a normal fashion. Addressing your own personal issues is a good way to start.

<img src="http://members.aol.com/rnfpantera/hking1">