How do you beat a stalker? [Archive] - RonFez.net Messageboard

DreamWeaver

09-23-2002, 02:17 PM

Ok Horde King, here's the deal. My roommate has a PSYCHO stalker ex boyfriend. She just got a restraining order against him on Thursday because he has been
harassing her for months now(mind you he's 42 with 2 children). The police
also filed a criminal complaint because my roommate was too much of a puss to do it herself and also because after reading his criminal records, the police
found him to be a severe threat to her and society. Now since the restraining order, he has called my house and her cell repeatedly from pay phones, not saying a
word, just listening and occasionally coughing. Last night we caught him
driving past the house. I feel like the situation is spinning completely out
of control and our lives are at risk. The police say there is nothing they can do if he is not actually on my property and not calling from his own phone. So basically he can continue to
harass us anonymously because we can't necessarily prove its him. Thats bullshit I say! There has got to be some way to burn this fucker! Is
there anything we can do to make this stop?

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Green Lantern

09-23-2002, 02:24 PM

I said have Rick rip his wig off in public :-)

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TheGameHHH

09-23-2002, 02:26 PM

Is his name Pat?

IT'S TIME TO PLAY THE GAME-AHHH!

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Hawiian shirt craig

09-23-2002, 02:27 PM

i know a way, IM me with
code word "odd job"... have
a tub of cool whip, a live
chicken and a weed
whacker in the house....
roger?

-Hawiian Shirt Craig
THIS IS WHY WE CAN'T
HAVE NICE THINGS!!

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HordeKing1

09-23-2002, 03:34 PM

GINA - This is serious and you're right not to brush it aside.

The fact that he's 42 and has kid's doesn't make him any less of a psycho.

If your friend already has a restraining order against him, and you see him hanging around your property you can call the cops and they have to arrest him. Additionally, the order should specify how far away he has to stay from you. If he violates this, the cops have to arrest him too. Depending on the wording of the order, harassing phone calls will most likely fall into the category of prohibited activites. He's using pay phones so that you can't prove that it's him.

How do you know that he's calling from pay phones though? Have you tried calling back with *69?

First suggestion is to have a police whistle by the phone and when someone calls ups, says nothing just coughs, blow the whistle into the phone as LOUD as you can.

Report EVERY phone call he makes, even from pay phones or untraceable phones so that there is a long record of the continued harrassment.

Unfortunately, driving past your house is most likely not a violation of the restraining order. However, since you actually saw him driving past the house it's a fair bet to say he's still dangerously obsessed.

Sometimes it helps to change your number to an unlisted one. (You can avoid the charge for this, by saying you want the listing under a fictitious name like john smith.)

You indicate that the cops filed a criminal complaint. What was the charge? Harrasment or something else?

If the cops found him a severe threat to your roomie and society they should have droped him into a hospital for 72 hour psych evaluation.

I'm sorry you're going through this.

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Sheeplovr

09-23-2002, 03:54 PM

I dont see why everoyne doesnt hire the kid form home alone as there sucitry advisor he did great agaisn those 2 guys

number 333 its the way to be
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POWER AND CHAOS

blakjeezis

09-23-2002, 03:55 PM

with a pointed stick?
Not to make a light of your situation, but I couldn't resist, sorry.

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DreamWeaver

09-23-2002, 05:00 PM

Is his name Pat? 
No, its Chris aka "The Man" or "El Hombre" 
How do you know that he's calling from pay phones though? Because whenever he calls you can hear trucks backing up and cars driving by in the background. I believe the roommate called the operator to find out where they were and its ones from my town and towns that would be on his way to work. There is no doubt in my mind that its him. He calls, listens and stays on the line until she hangs up. 
We have been documenting and reporting everything to the police. Every call to every driveby is documented and the police are aware of it all. I feel like my second home is the police station. 
You indicate that the cops filed a criminal complaint. What was the charge? Harrasment or something else? It is a harassment charge. I don't know all the specifics but when they read his record and saw that he has guns registered in his name I think they realized he is a major threat. There were also many other prior arrests but they weren't able to tell us what they were for. The man has 42 years in his past, that's plenty of time to cause some serious damage. I will find out more about it when the cops go to court next week. 
If the cops found him a severe threat to your roomie and society they should have droped him into a hospital for 72 hour psych evaluation Trust me, I agree but for some reason they didn't do that. After listening to 2 « hours of voicemails left by him in 2 days you'd think they'd have his ass in a padded room. The reason I mentioned the kids is because you would think that someone that age with children would take into consideration his family and not do the things he does but obviously he is that insane that he doesn't care about the consequences. 
Tomorrow we go to court to finalize the restraining order. As of right this moment it's a temporary. So hopefully tomorrow the permanent one will specify how far away he has to stay. 
Blakjeezis, you can make light of the situation all you like. I could use a smile. 

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Sheeplovr

09-23-2002, 05:02 PM

what about my home alone theroy

number 333 its the way to be
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POWER AND CHAOS

Captain Rooster

09-23-2002, 05:25 PM

7 . 6 2 ... FULL ... METAL ... JACKET

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gone

09-23-2002, 08:35 PM

First suggestion is to have a police whistle by the phone and when someone calls ups, says nothing just coughs, blow the whistle into the phone as LOUD as you can.

thats probably the best idea i ever heard, i should do that when my mom calls to annoy me

C*U*N*T "That's just it. The logic is fucked up here. There is something inherently wrong in this." JTHM
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FUNKMAN

09-23-2002, 08:44 PM

don't let your guard down...

i would say apply for a gun permit and purchase one...

I don't have any guns and can't decide if they "help or hurt" I guess it all depends on how everything turns out in the end...

however, I am not in this situation but can understand the seriousness of it and the "unknown danger" or whether his actions will escalate to something more harmful...

try not to be alone, if you can help it and stay strong...

FUNKMAN :)

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ChrisTheCop

09-23-2002, 08:47 PM

Naturally I have to chime in and say let's not blame the cops for this guys idiotic behavior. No cop is gonna risk his job or a lawsuit by making an on the spot psychological evaluation and commiting him to a hospital! Thats for lawyers and doctors to decide, unless his own family members request it and can prove that he has some kind of psych history(Your majesty, u of all people should know that!) Harassing someone makes u a criminal, not a psycho. Neither does owning a gun. These things alone are not reason enough for a cop to place someone in a mental ward. Hell, DW doesnt even say if the guy was present when the cops were there...and yet..the cops didnt do their job. They filed their own complaint when she didnt want one! Sounds good to me. Now, she does say that he had left 2 1/2 hours of threats on voicemail. In NYC, thats aggravated harassment, and he can be arrested for it, if he can be found. Just wanted to return the blame to its rightful place--the criminal himself. I hope everything turns out okay.

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HordeKing1

09-23-2002, 09:57 PM

CHRIS - The cops don't do the assesment, they merely take him to the ER and let the shrinks do the evaluation on him. If they feel he's enough of a threat to himself or others they keep him for a 72 hour observation. If necessary proceedings can be brought (again not by the cops) to have him involuntarily committed.

The cops really have nothing to do with the decision - except the most crucial part - getting him to the hospital. Odds are he's not going to come walking in asking for an evaluation. With his history, current behavior pattern, pervasive unwillingness to stop his harrassment, I think at the very least the cops should bring him for an evaluation. He represents a very clear danger to me, from Gina's discription.

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NurseMira

09-23-2002, 10:47 PM

I had to get a restraining order against an ex-boyfriend once. It sucked. He threatened my life on my birthday by saying "he can't wait to see the look on my face when I see what he's got for me". I was very scared. His father followed me all the time. They claim I ruined his life because he wanted to be a firefighter. I am so sorry to hear about this. Please be careful. Sometimes these guys get things in their head where they believe that calling all the time will somehow make you fall back in love with them. I don't know how else to explain it. Just be careful. Always keep in touch with your friend. Make sure you call each other and make sure you know where she is all the time.

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thank you for the sig, mindtank

Never forget what they did to you but never let them know that you remember

TheMojoPin

09-24-2002, 05:34 AM

Anyone wanna grab lunch at Friday's?

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"You can tell some lies about the good times you've had/But I've kissed your mother twice and now I'm working on your dad..."
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Hawiian shirt craig

09-24-2002, 05:37 AM

sorry mira, i know now its
over... LOL

-Hawiian Shirt Craig
THIS IS WHY WE CAN'T
HAVE NICE THINGS!!

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Dan

09-24-2002, 06:22 AM

First, Chris, the cops have been
nothing but helpful. They are
doing the best they can within the
laws and even went out of their
way to sign their own complaint
of harrassment.

The sad part is that the guy is a
smart stalker. He's made a point
not to make any threats of
violence and hasn't actually
stepped foot on the property or
place of work of the victim. I
wouldn't be suprised if they don't
even make the restraining order
final.

It's a complicated system (as well
it should be, considering even
alleged stalkers have rights).

Does anyone know any specific
agencies or groups in Central NJ
who will help victims navigate the
court process? The court
themselves haven't been too
much help and I was wondering
if there were any non-profits or
anything that will help...

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ChrisTheCop

09-24-2002, 07:17 AM

Thanks Dan. I agree with you. I dont know where Hordeking lives or practices, but it aint NYC.

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hyperspace

09-24-2002, 08:45 AM

the best way to beat a stalker..Baseball bat! if he parks in front of your house and leaves just before the cops arrive(police scanner?) sneak out to the car and put a potato or bannanas in the tail pipe and the car wont start. and change the phone # to non published!

"HEY, alright one tine djou gotta tell me thats it..one tine"

thegreekchic

09-24-2002, 07:13 PM

A wise person once said.....

"The only way to deal with a stalker is to cut off his stalk"- Pasty Stone

DEN ME XESISTE!

HordeKing1

09-24-2002, 07:16 PM

CHRIS - I think you need to amplify your comments, as I don't quite get what you're saying.

Is it that in all your years on the force you (or your fellow cops) never brought someone to an ER for psychiatric observation?

I have a friend who's a cop in Nassau County. He reports an average of "escorting" someone to an ER for this purpose once every 6 weeks to 2 months. He only does it when it's clear that the person is a threat and needs to be evaluated. If he failed to do this, and the stalker harms the stalkee, he (and the department) can be sued.

Additionally friends who work in Pilgrims Psych, Hillside, Belvue and Creedmore tell me that cops bring in people and ask them to be evaluated all the time.

Remember, the evaluation is not done by cops and sometimes the guy is admitted for 72 hours observation (and possibly involuntary commitment thereafter - although that's pretty hard to do) and sometimes he is not.

I find it difficult to imagine, how you managed to avoid the situations that mandate the ER visit as part of your duty to protect and serve.

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Gaia

09-25-2002, 12:39 AM

UUUhhhhh... wit a blunt object??

Seriously honey...be careful!!!!

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grlNIN

09-25-2002, 10:15 AM

DW- do you have any older brothers or cousins?....des the girl you live with have any?.....best thing i could tell ya is to have this dude roughed up a little, just to put the fear into him that if he trys anymore shit theyll know. The only down side is whoever does it could possibly get in trouble with the popo, id try to think of a clever way to get around that.....

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Green Lantern

09-25-2002, 10:21 AM

you can also beat a stalker with a claw hammer or a louisville slugger

PAPA DON'T PREACH!!
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DreamWeaver

09-25-2002, 10:36 AM

best thing i could tell ya is to have this dude roughed up a little,
Actually, that happened already. When he showed up at a party and was standing on top of a car peering into the windows, 2 guys kicked his ass. He decided to file assault charges against this guy. He goes to court tomorrow. The man is unbelievable.

Well, we got the restraining order yesterday but I don't feel like anything has changed. Now, I feel like he's pissed off and gonna be revengeful. And get this, first he asks his laywer if he could have this dropped in a few months...yeah ok.. His laywer said no, obviously. Then he says he's going to the police station today to get a restraining order against her!!! Unfuckingbelievable!!!!!! Not to mention that he followed us all around the court house yesterday and nothing could be done about that. He would wait for us to walk past him and followed us inside and to the bathroom, AND he stared at us while we were all in the court room, then went out in the hallway so he could stare at us through the window.

When does it end??????? I can't take it anymore.

Thanks to all you guys for caring. I appreciate it more than you know.

http://members.aol.com/msgina754/images/rfpic1pantera.jpg

grlNIN

09-25-2002, 02:05 PM

Listen, i didnt want to say anything, but i know a guy, you know what i mean, ill make sure this dirty bastard never sees the sun again, we they got places for people like him, places where no one can find em'

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Tenbatsuzen

09-25-2002, 08:38 PM

Gina...

simple enough. Why not stalk the stalker?

Or better yet, have someone stalk his kids.

There's a fine line between scaring some sense into someone and committing an illegal act. Fortunately, I walk that line (and quite well, I might add) every day.

<img src="http://tenbatsuzen.homestead.com/files/tilliesig.jpg">

ChrisTheCop

09-26-2002, 07:10 AM

To amplify, The nypd will and does take emotionally disturbed people into custody all the time. Prefereably although rarely, this comes as a result of a court order or mental health order. Otherwise, we'll take the word of a family member who can provide proof of a psych history. Naturally, ,if the guy's a complete and obvious psycho, posing a danger to himself or others, we can trust our own judgement and bring him to a hospital on our own accord. IN THIS CASE, however, it would appear that he poses a threat due to CRIMINAL activity. Not all criminals are psychos, just as not all psychos commit crimes. Again, if he was on the scene at the same time as the cops, he shouldve been arrested. Not "EDP'd". Dream Weaver and her friend seem to have done everything they can do. Again, i wish them luck and hopefully this guy will be behind bars soon where he can be "evaluated" by his cell mate.

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TheMojoPin

09-26-2002, 07:42 AM

I walk that line (and quite well, I might add) every day.

Woof.

*Snort*

Moooooooooooo...

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"You can tell some lies about the good times you've had/But I've kissed your mother twice and now I'm working on your dad..."
-TMP

HordeKing1

09-28-2002, 12:54 AM

Apparantly other members of the police force are more liberal about bringing an obviously disturbed person in for observation, whether he is actively committing a crime or not. The idea is that if he's a threat to himself or others b/c of possible psychological problems he's brought in for observation. If his threat is due exclusively to criminal activity, (and that includes the majority) he's taken "downtown."

The most recent example I have (from my friend at Belvue) was this past Wednesday (2 days ago) and involved a guy who was standing on 2nd and (forgot the cross street) holding a knife and making lunging motions towards passerbys. He did not actually stab someone but it wasn't for lack of trying. By doing so he was committing a crime.

Surpisingly no one actually called the cops, but a patrol car passed by and apprehended the guy. The officers felt, based on their experience that he needed an evaluation and brought him directly to Bellvue. He was assessed on the spot and admitted to the lockdown psych unit for 72 hour observation.

Cops can search cars, etc without a warrant if they have probable cause and they can bring someone in for evaluation on the same grounds if they believe he's a threat to himself or others.

CHRIS - Please understand that I'm not disputing what you're saying, but I am pointing out that you have more leeway in exercising your power than you think.

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This message was edited by HordeKing1 on 9-28-02 @ 5:11 AM