Why am i weird around Guys???

[grlNIN]

Im weird around guys i get tense, and nervous and i shake and i cant speak even if i dont like the guy i get quiet and shy and i freeze. And if its a guy i like i cant make moves on him or compensate for moves made b/c im so nervous, what the hell is wrong with me???...am i unfit for human contact?...is it fate telling me to be chaste and spoend my life a virgin or a nun???...H.K.....do u have a cure for this????

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[ToddEVF]

i have a similar problem but with females. I realize its hard to deal with, but. . . the best thing to do is not give a fuck. be yourself, act normal. I know it sounds hard, but. . . it nhas to be done. I have to do it almost all the time now.

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[grlNIN]

but its almost impossible, i feel like i would only be able to do it if i was under some kind of substance

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[Captain Rooster]

Hey, don't be so hard on yourself. I happen to think you are an awesome person. Honestly, just be youself and you will be fine.

When people act fake - they lose points in my book. Just be you.

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[ag]

Ahh I wouldnt worry about it GRlNiN, you just havent hung out with all of us, hell I only met you once and you didnt seem that nervous. You just need to hang out more, I know all we do is go out and drink at bars, but if we ever have anything that doesnt involve a bar, or preferably a place that serves Alcohol and lets underagers hang out , you should make an apearence, or better yet just hang out. We'll show you a good time

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[ToddEVF]

i say the same shznit. basically it seems like a fear of rejection scenario. you freeze up because you are afriad that you'll do or say something wrong and that guy will just leave you where you stand. I know its damn near impossible, but it can be done. It also helps if you have about 3 of your lady friends there to help you out

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[Captain Rooster]

This above all: to thine own self be true.

- Shakespeare

(Just in case the link ever fails;) )

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[grlNIN]

its not that im afraid to be me, i love me and im proud to be the intelligent, rational woman that i am, i just i am very, i cant even explain it, i want a bf i want one alot i enjoy them but i dunno, its not self confidence i am lacking, and byt he way, you all have helped my self-esteem improve alot :)

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This message was edited by grlNiN on 9-24-02 @ 9:44 PM

[ADF]

You're rather odd in general. Ha, I'm just pulling your chain. You seem nice enough to me. I was a shy kid, and still am, but once you interact with enough people/guys, you start to build up some confidence with your social skills and presto-change-o, you're golden.

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[Death Metal Moe]

Confidence is for loser.

None for me, thanks!

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[HordeKing1]

GrlNin - One thing I've found is that people are always surprised to find that they share feelings common to others. That's one of the big advantages of support groups - where you discover that you're not alone. The quick answer to your question is that there is nothing wrong with you at all.

Many people have the anxious, nervous and akward feelings you describe when interacting with members of the opposite sex. And of course your feelings are intensified when you're trying to approach or say hi or be around someone you really like. Since you really like him, his rejection of you would be more hurtful to you than rejection from someone you don't care as much about.

But this reactions and behaviors among guys can be changed if you desire to do so. The first step is recognizing exactly what it is that you fear will occur from the interaction. Rejection is typically the biggest fear involved.

The fear is not unreasonable as it is possible that a guy you approach won't be interested in talking to you. However, there is no reason to prejudge a situation and assume that a guy wouldn't want to talk. Chances are they would very much like to talk, and if you approach them, it's especially good for (most) guys b/c they have the fear of rejection lifted from them. (Everyone experiences it to one extent or another.)

I'd be very interested to learn what rejection represents to you. Is it rejection of yourself as a person that you fear? Is it a rejection by your parents? Is it reflective of a general lack of self-esteem? Is it reflective of a discomfort with your physical appearance? There are many causes and possibilities.

Rest assured though, the feelings themselves are not at all unusual, and having them doesn't make you weird, or condemn you to a life of celibacy. Even some of the posts in this thread reflect that it's experienced by others.



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[Sheeplovr]

do u have a cure for this


Murder

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[grlNIN]

Im not afraid of rejection so much as i am afraid that i the person will end up liking me and having it evolve from there, my last boyfriend almost dumped me b/c i constantly wanted to know why he was still with me, i guess its a self-esteem issue partly, i feel like the guy is settling for me when they could have a more physically/personally appealing girl. I dont like being judged phsyically or for my personality. I think i need some therapy!!!!!

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[Deathstroke]

I think i need some therapy!!!!


....if that dont help...you could alway get drunk and get the shit fucked outta ya...LOL =)

good times



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[grlNIN]

please HSC, lets not start the name game, im sure it would be fun and you would inevitably lose horribly, but let's not humiliate yourself ok budday? :)

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[HordeKing1]

GRLNIN - You wrote that you're not feared of being rejected but rather of being accepted by a guy, liked, and "beyond." However, you immediately say that your old bf almost dumped you b/c you were continuously asking him why he'd want to be with you.

The fear is still rejection. I was thinking initially along the lines of rejection upon first meeting a guy, and I still think that's a component, however, you're talking about being rejected later in the relationship.

Lack of self confidence is a big part of fearing rejection. A person who is self confident does not doubt their own worth (certainly not to the extent that she can't believe someone is willing to stay with her.)

I also see some potential issues of abandonment. This meshes with the fear you expressed earlier about being doomed to be alone and celibate your whole life. Typically, issues of abandonment date back to early childhood where the child is fearful of the idea of losing the object of her love (usually her mom) and her caretaker (also usually the mom). There are many reasons why this develops. A divorce or separation is one reason. Personality of the child and the caretaker is another.

It's certainly clear that you have self-esteem issues. At this point, I'm going to suggest you e-mail me to continue the conversation.

And therapy is a good idea. It is an effective tool for improving self esteem



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[Lou Weed]

I know where you're coming from grlnin..You are just confused I've been there more than once.. <P>
I'm so confused, Beginning to lose trust, Did you mean the things you said, Or was it just lust? <P>
I call, you're not home, Online, you're never there, I've tried to get ahold of you, Do you still care? <P>
I've waited and waited, Just to hear from you, I haven't heard your voice in days, What do I have to do? <P>
I've told you how I feel, And I've meant every last word, I don't know what else to do, Tell me, are your feelings blurred? <P>
I can't make you love me, All I can do is wait, And hope that you still want me, Or is it too late? <P>
Tell me what you're feeling, Don't leave me to guess, Just let me know soon, Cuz right now I'm a mess. <P>
After I wrote this I emailed this to my lover he came right over and we had a good talk then anal..everything is great now.Just let her know how you feel grlnin.. hope this helps :) <P>
<P>

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This message was edited by Lou Weed on 9-26-02 @ 11:57 AM

[nycenice]

i went with a girl last week who acted the sae exact way she was very shy she made eye contact for only a few seconds be4 she got freaked i was like what's with this girl? i figured after a while she would get comfy or something but four hours later it wasn't happening. i asked her the next day and she said it was cuase that she liked me that she did that. which was wierd cuase it made me think the opposite any way of curing this wierd thing?

this is where i'd have my sig pic if i had the know how to do it

[fatty]

i can't imagine anyone more popular than you. but apparently this jessica girl is. so my advice is to copy her in every possible way. think first, "is that what jessica would do?"

being yourself gets you nowhere, just copy someone really popular.

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[TheMojoPin]

Why am i weird around Guys???

I know where you're coming from grlnin..You are just confused I've been there more than once..

Lou, you're doing this on purpose, right? Because it's not even that fun anymore...

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[grlNIN]

I know where you're coming from grlnin..You are just confused I've been there more than once..


Lou, this isnt the "Am i a homosexual?" thread ok, so please move on.....

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[my_mr_happy]

my brother was always very nervous. He would not respond well even when a waiter would get his order wrong. I know what your talking about I have never been scared of talking or meeting people. the onlything I could say is that knowing that what they think of you ar what is said is not what your worth. It takes practice and time... it's ok =)

[Earth2RON]

is it fate telling me to be chaste and spoend my life a virgin or a nun?
do what the famous quote says!

Once you go black ya ass aint gonna wanna go back to a white guy


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**official member of the Tookie fan club**


This message was edited by Earth2RON on 9-28-02 @ 1:24 AM

[scorpion]

Hey grlNiN for what its worth I only met you once and thought you were very friendly and did not sense that you were nervous. You were alot of fun to hang out with and I even got a nice hug from you before I left.

All I can say that I can go into a huge panic when meeting people for the first time. But I always try and push myself a little. Sometimes its good sometimes not. But I have to try or become a hermit.

Take care. Your an awsome person.

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