To tell or not to tell...

[my_mr_happy]

Ok.. I set up two of my friends.. they are doing great now. But I come t find out that he DUMPED one of my other friends to date anouther. Now, he broke up with her before anyone DID anything.. ie wink wink.. So.. Now the old girlfriend is upset and woundering why she was dumped.. keeps asking me. Yes the two girls know each other. I have not said a thing.. so my question is...

Is it better to lie to a friend you don't know, or is it better totell the truth and be put into a situation were I jepordize all 3 friendships.

[Death Metal Moe]

Sorry man, you lost me.

I say if Horde can't help, just get them all on the Jenny Jones show so at least you get some $$ and a free plane ride.

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[bboxer]

You should deffinately lie. The only that gets hurt when u lie is moralities, if u tell the truth u will hurt ur friend and it'll be awfull.

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[my_mr_happy]

sorry.. I was a little tipsy when I wrote that.. let me try again. "bob" used to date "sally" but now dates "Pam". Now bob broke up with Sally because he wanted to date pam. Now.. everyone here including me are friends. But the X-sally never knew that she was dumped because bob decided to date Pam... Now Sally does not know that they are together. But she(sally) keeps asking me why they broke up. So here is my problem...

Do I play stupid and lie to one person...Sally

Or do I tell the truth that she was dumped for one of her good friends even though BOB made me promise not to say anything.

So basicly I am in a bind. By not saying anything (and she asks me all the time because she knows I am a good friend to bob)I am lyin to a freind.

By saying something... Bob- who is a better freind then both girls confides in me not to say anything.

it sucks when we all go out cause I can feel the weird tension!

there.. I am sober so hope this helps to clear it up

[my_mr_happy]

So bboxer, you think I should just say I don't know? I have for a while but she KONWS I know somethng.... I feel real bad man cause I am treading water.. and it pisses me off that bob hasn't said a darn thng for himself and fessed up!

[bboxer]

maybe say that bob dumped her because of something else, because of something that wouldnt be as offensive, like if shes a different religion then he is, then say it was because of religion, then its not personal

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[my_mr_happy]

that is not a bad idea.. my only fear is that she will find out that I did know and will get mad at me for knowing and said nothing.

[HordeKing1]

MRHAPPY - Let me see if I understand the situation. There are 4 individuals including yourself, 2 guys and 2 women.

Male friend "M1" used to date female friend "F1"

M1 dumped F1 b/c he wanted to date F2 and now dates her.

F1 doesn't know why she was dumped or that M1 is dating F2

F1 wants you to tell her why M1 dumped her.


Your question is whether you should tell F1 why M1 dumped her (violating the confidence of M1 who swore you to secrecy) or whether you should say you don't know.

You are caught in the middle of this situation. You want to be loyal to your friend M1 and yet you feel badly about not telling F1.

Given these circumstances, in my opinon the secret is not yours to share. I recomend that the next time F1 asks you why she was dumped, tell her that she should talk to the only person who knows the real reason - M1. If M1 wants to tell her the reason for the breakup it's his perogative to do so - or to choose not to do so.

By choosing this course of action you shift the burden of whether to divulge this informationn onto the person responsible for the breakup.

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[bboxer]

if that works great, but i have a feeling the girl will ask ur friend, hell give an obvious lie, and then ull be back square one, so i would say first try what horde king said, if that doesn't work, then if the guy is the better friend then lie to the girl.

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[ADF]

Given these circumstances, in my opinon the secret is not yours to share. I recomend that the next time F1 asks you why she was dumped, tell her that she should talk to the only person who knows the real reason - M1. If M1 wants to tell her the reason for the breakup it's his perogative to do so - or to choose not to do so.


I agree with HK. Do it like this, "Well, perhaps you should ask the guy who dumped you. He probably knows." Now, if your male friend keeps denying things, let him know how uncomfortable you are keeping things from the girl he dumped. If he refuses to tell this girl and also insists that you lie to a person, something you clearly don't want to do, then perhaps you should reevaluate your friendship with the male friend.

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[my_mr_happy]

As usual your majesty is in
the correct. Only thing is
that if she finds out about
me knowing for a month or
so... then would she be
pissed at me? If I were her..
I would be very mad at a
friend that knew my
significant other dumped
me for the other. I know it
did not sound quite right I
am really new at this board
stuff. I know it really is not
my place.. I just feel like no
matter what I do I am not
going to be able to not hurt
someones feelings.

[my_mr_happy]

Aldukesfan, yes I see your
point about re-evaluating
my friendship. But problem
is me and the guy are just
great friends. we have
history of helping each
other out. I actually now that
I think of it doubt his
friendship is in trouble . he
would probably be pissed
and get over with it. Guys
usually dont carry grudges.
But WOMEN... ya.. they can
carry one for YEARS...

[HordeKing1]

When faced with two choices that are both unappealing, the correct choice is the one that does the least harm.

I believe therefore that the better course of action is to continue to refer your friend to the guy who broke up with her. It is his burden not yours.

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[CYYYFYYY]

I still have no idea what you
are talking about so I say act
dumb because I think you can
do a good job at that...


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I am just a Simple jewish Boy
from the Lower east Side
I am the CYYYFYYY
Party Harty!!!!!!

[my_mr_happy]

thanks CYYYFYYY, for the vote of confidance.

Your are right your majesty. I guess I need to just let them make the decision and let them fire the shots. If I happen to be in the middle, at least I am not the reason.

=-)