Keeping in touch with friends... [Archive]

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Aggie

10-02-2002, 11:26 AM

At this point in my life I've been thinking about friendships alot. I have been going back and forth between New Jersey and Texas since I was 4 and have finally settled in down here, but I still have friends up there and from school that are all around the country.

My problem is keeping in touch with everyone. I email and call as often as I can, but sometimes it gets hard and sometimes you even start to realize you don't have as much in common as you used to.

It got me thinking about friendships and how they aren't all meant to be lifelong. I believe some friends are just there at certain times in your life when you need them and aren't necessarily going to be your firends forever. It's a nice sentiment, but to be honest, it's very hard to maintain meanigful and lasting relationships with alot of people. I feel like I need to give more attention and energy to the ones I KNOW are going to be there no matter what and if I make new ones along the way, that's great. I just hate feeling like I'm a bad person or friend for slowly losing contact with someone. I think it is part of life, it may be sad, but that's how it is.

Do you guys ever think that or would you stay in touch with someone simply based on the fact you share a history and memories with them?

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ROMEO

10-02-2002, 11:36 AM

Its just about impossible to keep in touch with everyone thats been in your life,it's hard enough to always keep up with your family as it grows over the years.And I've found that it's not just me keeping in touch with them,it's a two way street. The people that are turely close will always have a place in your heart.There's one of my best friends that I see like once a week, and then I don't see him for like six months. When we hang out though it's like no time at all has passed.
The great thing is that you do meet so many new people along the way,like being here I've got so many new and turely good close friends, and there's always room for more..

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This message was edited by ROMEO on 10-2-02 @ 3:49 PM

TheGameHHH

10-02-2002, 11:44 AM

I agree with you completly Aggie, certain people just aren't going to be there for you throughout your whole life. There's really nothing you can do about it, it's just way it is. But I do feel that no matter how long a friend is in your life, cherish the moments you have with them, because you never know when they'll be gone.

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TomPoo

10-02-2002, 12:20 PM

I just hate feeling like I'm a bad person or friend for slowly losing contact with someone. I think it is part of life, it may be sad, but that's how it is.

I hate to say this to ya Aggie, but that is NOT THE WAY IT IS.

If a friend truly means alot to you, then to inconvenience your regular daily routine to keep up with them should not even be a question.

The "grow apart" thing to me has always been a scapegoat. In my experience it is always at least one friend who just doesn't want to deal with the hassle anymore.

But what people fail to realize is that friendships, like any other type of relationship need to be worked on. It takes both people to make an effort to maintain a friendship.

Last weekend I took a day off and drove up to Massachusets just to see the house he and his wife just bought. (well, that and go camping)

In two weeks I am flying to San Diego for the weekend because my buddy moved out there and I missed him last time he came home, and if I don't go out there, it will be a year before I see him again.

WHY do these things??? Cause I know how good it is to see them and catch up with them... and I don't even want to think of the regret that I would feel if I passed those opportunities up.

Too many people let their daily lives get in the way of that. If what is going on in your life is sooo important that you can't find time for a friend... well... make your own conclusions there.

It isn't hard to make a phone call, and it is even less difficult to send an e-mail...

Waiting for times to see freinds will only lead to a deterioration of qa friendship... cause those times will become fewer and further between as time goes on.

I follow a simple rule:

I make time for my friends... cause I know that they would make time for me.

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This message was edited by TomPoo on 10-2-02 @ 4:24 PM

Patches

10-02-2002, 12:29 PM

Thats all well and good Tom, but the real world doesn't operate that way. Friend CAN grow apart, it's just a fact of life, not a scapegoat. People move away from each other, physically and/or emotionally. If you can still maintain a great level of friendship through e-mails and calls, well more power to ya, but that doesn't always work out, no matter how much you want it to. Granted there will be a few friends you have for life, and that's great, but for the most part, you make friends, lose friends and do it all over again. Like Forrest said: "Life is like a"...you know the rest.

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TomPoo

10-02-2002, 01:12 PM

I live in the real world Patches, and it does work that way for me.

Yes people have come and gone in my life, some of which I tried to keep up with, others I didn't.

But I can say for the most part I have kept the close friendships I have made in my life.

The point of my post, which you missed was that friendships slip by if YOU DON'T make an effort to keep them. And MOST people use the "grow apart" excuse as the scapegoat of just not wanting too work at it anymore.

I am not saying all freindships should be kept, can be kept or will be kept.

What I am saying is that if there is a friendship YOU want to maintain, don't sit back and hope it will... put effort into it, and make that friendship last.

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my_mr_happy

10-02-2002, 01:20 PM

I have known my best friend for over 20 years. In that time we have only disagreed once. Never fought. I have moved from AZ to Cal, toured for 9 months, moved to NJ and then to NY.

The thing about it is we both know we are very bussy people. Some weeks we call everyday and talk for 5 min... sometimes we don't talk for weeks. He lives in AZ I am in NY.

As Far as WORKING a freindship I don't know if I agree with that. When ever me and my bud don't talk we don't think the worst. we just asume the other guy is bussy. Now, not all of my friends are that way. Some need to be spoken to every week or they freak. I think the Best Friends are the ones that don't FEEL like your working on them. They are just there. Any time. When you help your friend it is not "oh .. god they did it again.." It's just that they need help.

Ya, many people come and go. But as the old saying goes

"the true test of friendship is time.."

TheMojoPin

10-02-2002, 01:24 PM

You can easily grow apart. When you, say, went to school in other continents and moved to a new country every 2-3 years, it kinda just happens, and I don't like it, but sometimes it's just the way it is.

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Contra

10-02-2002, 04:24 PM

i agree with you totally aggie! i'm sure there are 3 or 4 REALLY CLOSE FRIENDS that you keep in touch with. the truth is the others are really just good aquintences. besides the friends that fade make new friends, and its all good. as long as you dont lose contact with us, because thats INEXCUSABLE!

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Handyman Named Bobo

10-02-2002, 05:31 PM

Unfortunately, I keep in touch with everyone, but no one TRIES to keep in touch with me.

blakjeezis

10-02-2002, 05:36 PM

It's been my experience that if you really care about these people, you'll make the extra effort to stay in touch. I know I don't hang out with a lot of the people I used to, and we were a super tight knit group, like all day everyday. Now I only hang with like three of them, and only one of them is on a regular basis.

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CovDiesel

10-02-2002, 06:31 PM

Scrape 'em off... you wanna save somebody? Save yourself.

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ShelleBink

10-02-2002, 06:40 PM

I kinda agree with you Aggie. One of my best friends that I knew for a while before I started elementary school up until 2nd grade and I talk online once in a while. It's so weird since we're not exactly the same people we were. How many times can you be nostalgic and talk about when we still played w/ Barbies? It hurts, coz she's still such a wonderful person, but its hard to keep conversation with someone you barely know now.

Plus

I'm finding it hard to keep in touch with people from high school. Already. I just graduated in June, and the people I miss most I talk to the least. It's awful. Today I was stuck in a traffic jam with someone I kinda knew in high school and we just sat and talked for about a half hour.

Ok, I'm just gonna shut up now.

...why are you all looking at me like that?

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JustJon

10-03-2002, 09:27 AM

*touches aggie*

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Jennitalia

10-03-2002, 09:28 AM

ive gotten very bad at keeping touch with my friends. i just sunk into a dark place and shut everybody out. i'm finally out of it, and i'm at a point where im starting to keep in contact with them more. besides my cats, they are the only strong support system i have and they always know how to make me laugh

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Patches

10-03-2002, 08:19 PM

Tom, dude.. I agree with you: If you feel a friendship is worth keeping then every effort should be made to keep it. My only point is that sometimes all the trying in the world won't save the best of friendships; sometimes distance (of any form) can be too much to overcome.

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