What can be done at home for the Elderly?

[Death Metal Moe]

Hey Horde King. My Grandpa has gone downhill FAST. Just last winter, he was trying to help my shovel snow, and I had to keep sending him back in. Now he's lucky if he can get out of his chair.

Now unless the ENTIRE family votes to against me, Grandpa IS NOT going into a home. He will stay here in his house that he worked for decades to pay off. HE will stay with his family. He'll stay where he's comfortable. Bt it's getting REALLY hard on my Grandma. WE help when we're home, but my parents work, and I'm out here and there, and will be getting work agains soon, so the majority of the help he needs falls on her. She's called me like 2 times this week at like 3 AM to come help here get him up off the ground. He has dreams he's kicking to get out of the grave, and he slides out of his chair. IT's fucking sad. He still remebers stuff most of the time, but he's getting worse. HE has Parkinsons, Alzheimers, and congestive heart failure, beisde batteling skin cancer on and off. So he's pretty bad off.

My only question is what can we do for him in the house? My grandma was able to get a nurse 3 times a week through Medicare, and a guy that gives him exerises too.

Is there something I'm not thinking of? I'd like to have all the care I can get for him. And hopefully, the rest our family will kick in cash to do it. If not, I will break their fucking heads open before they EVER get in this house again. And if I see them at his funeral, I will personally make it a mulit-casket event.

Thanks Horde King.

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[jestah]

Moe, I went through close to the same thing last year with my grandmother before we had to finally put here in a home.

Anyway, you might be able to try a hospice or something like Catholic Charities. My Grandmother had an aide from there (Catholic Charities) everyday (including weekends) and it cost like a $100 or so a month. Most of the time, they are willing to take whatever you can afford to pay them. You still may get the 3am calls unless you arrange for an overnight nurse but this may help take some of the stress off of you and your family. Hope this helps..



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[A.J.]

Moe,

My grandfather was in a similar situation earlier this year while battling cancer. All of us agreed that he should be cared for at home.

What we did was get him hospice care from a local order of Franciscan nuns. Actually, the lady who provided the home care was a lay person who was a volunteer with the Franciscans. It was the best decision we could have made for my grandfather -- he lived a lot longer and more comfortably being at home with family than being alone in a care facility.

Are there any religious orders who do this type of work near you/your grandfather?

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[angrymissy]

My grandfather is sick and has a visiting nurse, but you know what makes him really happy?

Just having people come over and watch TV with him or chat, I think its the best thing you can do

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[blakjeezis]

Moe, you're not alone. I'm going throuh pretty much the same situation with my Grandmother right now. She has Alzheimer's and it's getting pretty bad. She just fell and busted her shoulder last week. That coupled with intra-family bullshit and the situation doesn't get easier. You seem like a genuinely nice guy (don't worry we won't tell) and usually nice guys/gals kinda know what to do to comfort people naturally. So just do what you feel is best, visit, help out, sit and chat. I'm sure your grandfather will understand and appreciate the care you show.

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[HordeKing1]

NJDMMOE - I'm sorry your grandfather's health has declined so rapidly.

Obviously his physical and mental condition and needs must be immediately addressed. However, equally important, (and too often overlooked) is the physical and mental needs of the caregivers and those who love him. A grandfather's sickness puts stress on the entire family, not just him.

Before asking what can be done for your grandfather while he is at home, it is appropriate to address the issue of whether keeping him at home is in his best interest and in the best interest of his caregivers.

You describe your grandfather as being in pretty bad shape: Alzheimer's (or other dementia), congestive heart failure, Parkinsons Disease and skin cancer.

I know you're very much against putting your grandfather in an nursing home or assisted living facility, but these are not "dirty words." Often it's the best thing to do.

In your grandfather's case, his physical conditions alone, require skilled nursing care (at the very least). Coupled with Alzheimer's appropriate caregiving it is more than most people can handle. It doesn't have to do with how much you love him, but rather a realistic assessment of whether he would be better off living with you (a place he's comfortable with and with people who know and love him), or in a place with skilled professionals who know how to deal with the medical, pyschological and emotional problems he has.

Of course it's especially hard on your grandmother. She sees him suffering every day. She most likely feels powerless at her inability to "cure" him (although that's beyond anyone) and this can cause a lot of guilt. The very word "home" or "institution" or "Assisted Living" is anathema to many people. As mentioned above these are not dirty words.

Although you and your parents help out when they can the bulk of his caregiving falls upon your grandmother. Even though she may not like to consider this, she most likely is not the best person to take care of your grandfather. She lacks the training and the strength.

Your grandfather was diagnosed with Alzheimer's or another dementia (Alzheimer's cant be confirmed until an autopsy of the brain, but dementias of the elderly are typically assigned into the Alzheimer's catagory). You describe him as getting worse. There will come a time when he no longer recognizes you, your grandmother or your parents. How will that feel for your grandmother when that happens? How will you feel? Will the knowledge that his condition will continue to deteriorate make it easier or more difficult to take care of him. Most people find the latter. This is especially true as his physical problems will worsen as well. It's great that you can come help your grandmother pick your grandfather up off the floor at 3:00 AM, (twice in one week) but what happens if you're not there? Perhaps your grandmother would try to do it herself and hurt herself in the process. Then there will be two invalids instead of one.


You seem to have looked into Medicaid Benefits. Why is your grandfather not on Medicare and Social Security? Did he work a sufficient amount of years to be eligible?

If he's not getting social security, his income and finances may be low. He may be eligible for SSI (Supplemental Security Income). I suggest you look into his earnings and check the SSI website for eligibility requirements.

Medicaid does not cover 24 hour, 7 day nursing care. They just don't do it. However, from your description, your grandfather (and grandmother) would benefit from full time care. Therefore I suggest you look into the possibility of hiring a home attendant for the days or hours when the nurse provided by Medicaid is not around.

Moe, it's a tough situation. It's hard on your grandfather who may still retain awareness of his declining cognitive abilities. It's hard on your grandmother, his wife and primary caretaker. It's hard on your parents and on you and on all who love him.

Non one questions your (or their love or dedicati

[BrianTheBailBondsman]

Well when ever you leave the house put him in the broom closet untill you get back.
you knew someone had to break the tension in here .. But seriously Moe do what your heart directs you to do thats what family is for Good luck

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[ADF]

I agree with HK. Find a nice home and everyone will have less to worry about. Visit a lot.. obviously, you don't want it him to feel like he's been put away to be forgotten. It just makes sense to me to have medical facilities as close as possible.

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[Death Metal Moe]

Thanks everybody. And yes Bill, I HATE serious topics, but I just wanted to hear some opinions. I actually expected someone to tell me they hoped grandpa died, so I'm impressed with the restraint on the board today.

And yes Horde King, there is a person coming paid for by Medicare 5 times a week for 3 weeks, and then it gets cut to 3 times a week for I'm not sure how long. She washes him, and shaves him. And Me and my parents can clean on the weekend.

And I guess some good news is that just the last week he HAS become a little better now that they took him off a few medications.

But I guess I understand what you mean about my Grandma not being able to care for him at her age. She almost broke her leg the other night when I came down to help. He fell over on her, and knocked them both down.

This is gonns SUCK either way.....

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