is it hard for friends(guy n girl) to go from friends>bf n gf? [Archive]

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fatylvr20

10-29-2002, 08:20 PM

I have a femalefriend at work that i've known for just about 2yrs. We are very cool together no problems whatsoever. Can hold convos,laugh,etc. Recently I asked her out and she agreed. Now it's important that i mention HK that i've always had a certain liking for a young lady like her. After that one date i couldn't stop thinking about her. Through our convo's it revealed to me what a beautiful person she is inside. I had hoped that we could get a little closer but she is trying to forget you know an ex. Now don't get me wrong i was a little down but i respect her enough to just be a friend as i have been for nearly 2yrs. She has told me that we could hang out go whereever and have fun just doesn't want to get into anything yet. Do i have a chance king?

"what i see is unreal/i've written my own part/eat of the apple, so young/i'm crawling back to start"--alice in chains

Steels

10-29-2002, 08:34 PM

If a girl likes you she'll make all the excuses to see you....If a girl doesn't like you she'll make all the excuses not to.

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fatylvr20

10-29-2002, 08:45 PM

it's not like we can get away from eachother really. we work in the same place. As far as her liking me?...probably as a friend and no more.. im really not sure. I've told her things that made her blush and turn away smiling. she's so cute.
*coming down with the chickflu*

"what i see is unreal/i've written my own part/eat of the apple, so young/i'm crawling back to start"--alice in chains

Slappy

10-29-2002, 09:07 PM

tough luck, guy. once a girl says she just wants to be friends there is only ONE, ONLY ONE way that might change: if she sees you with another girl, she might realize she wants you herself. Thats the only chance you got. Good luck!

GaryWyze

10-29-2002, 09:13 PM

Yes, you have a chance. Just don't push the issue.

Keep things light. Be fun and easy going. Make the most of your time together. Enjoy it for what it is, not as a means to an end.

And most of all, no more talk of your feelings for her. She knows, and that's enough for now.

Hope things work out!

fatylvr20

10-30-2002, 05:54 AM

Thanks GW. Easy and simple huh..ok. Then i take it clubs and movies are ok, dinner(not over the top)?

"what i see is unreal/i've written my own part/eat of the apple, so young/i'm crawling back to start"--alice in chains

fatylvr20

10-30-2002, 06:07 AM

Comment your majesty? If time permits it i'd like to read your comment. 10Q HK

"what i see is unreal/i've written my own part/eat of the apple, so young/i'm crawling back to start"--alice in chains

HordeKing1

10-31-2002, 11:57 AM

FATYLOVR20 - Sorry, for the delay in responding, I had a medical procedure done last night and wasn't on the computer.

Friendships often turn deeper and more meaningful and that can certainly include romance. My wife and I were friends for a year before we started dating. We dated about 2 years, and 17 1/2 years later we're still best friends.

However, something is different in your situation:

She has told me that we could hang out go wherever and have fun[. She] just doesn't want to get into anything yet.

Right now she isn't interested in a relationship. She may be at a future time but for now she wants to keep the relationship as friends.

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fatylvr20

10-31-2002, 07:42 PM

Not a problem at all HK your health is always first. What you're saying sounds like a beautiful thing. HK to my knowledge there are 6 types of love. I'm the type that looks for quality and doesn't like to have to constantly rumage through to get something i think is good. Hmm eros,mania,pragma...
bah I don't remember the rest. Thank you HK i hope that it was nothing serious and that you are resting well.

"what i see is unreal/i've written my own part/eat of the apple, so young/i'm crawling back to start"--alice in chains

CuzBum

10-31-2002, 08:11 PM

It's easy for me and my chick, we BF every time we have sex.

Slowly loosing the will to live with each passing moment . . .

Steels

10-31-2002, 08:44 PM

nice work Slappy, T.J Mackey would be very proud!

<img src=http://members.aol.com/vikorynotvengnce/images/steels2.gif>

stoney

11-04-2002, 04:11 AM

Horde king, I to am in the same boat. I have a women that works for me, that I do everything with. We are best friends, our lives are involved,but we are still just friends. Sometimes I think she wants more, other times not.I'm to the point now, where I cut back on doing things with her. I make it a point now to do things without her and to let her know that I'm doing things with other people.Mr. King life is to short to f around. Is it in my best interest to remain friends, cut some of the ties and go on about my life? Maybe if she sees that I'm going with other people and not paying as much attention to her,she will come around. I just get the feeling sometimes that I'm wasting my time with this relationship and I should give it up and move on.What do you think I should do? Thanks Stoney

fatylvr20

11-04-2002, 06:45 AM

I can understand that life is too short to fuck around. I'm just set on trying to make her realize even if it takes a while...that I'd like want "us" to become a reality. It's a risk man...but i'll take it if i fall on my face oh well. Thats how you learn. I wouldn't be friends with her or even think of trying to get with her if i didn't think she was a great person. Her very company puts me at ease...and i'm the type that doesn't smile for "real" that much.

"what i see is unreal/i've written my own part/eat of the apple, so young/i'm crawling back to start"--alice in chains

Gvac

11-04-2002, 01:16 PM

Going from being friends to being lovers is one of the easiest things in the world. I've done it many times.

It's going back to being friends after the relationship is over that's the hard part.

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Thanks, PanterA!

Gmann

11-04-2002, 02:45 PM

Good luck to ya dude. Id offer some insight, but what the hell do I know ?? Im still trying to work on my similar situation. Its like Cube says..."life aint nothing but bitches and money"....J/K

FEAR....FEAR attracts the fearful....the strong, the weak, the innocent, the corrupt.....FEAR....FEAR is my ally!!!

ShelleBink

11-04-2002, 05:00 PM

i duno, for me, some of my guy friends are JUST FRIENDS and i could never picture doing anything sexual with them. it'd be like doing one of my brothers.

but, i do think u should be friends w/ someone before dating them... and it sounds like u got a shot dude, good luck :)

...why are you all looking at me like that?

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Katylina

11-04-2002, 05:04 PM

it'd be like doing one of my brothers.

Mmmm keep talking dirty to me shelle.

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fatylvr20

11-04-2002, 05:10 PM

Now when it comes to talking about things like this i sometimes prefer talking to ladies. So thankyou shellebink for your 2cents. I feel more at peace to hear a woman's thoughts on certain things.

"what i see is unreal/i've written my own part/eat of the apple, so young/i'm crawling back to start"--alice in chains

HordeKing1

11-05-2002, 10:50 PM

STONEY - You have a complex situation. Your lady friend is also your employee. Not everyone can make the transition from lovers to friends. Should you become romantically involved and it didn't work out, you could be exposing yourself to a host of legal difficulties. Or, you could lose a good employee, or a good friend or all of the above.

Your wrote

I just get the feeling sometimes that I'm wasting my time with this relationship

That depends what you want out of the relationship. It seems that you've given every indication that you're interested in pursuing romance. If she's not interested, you must decide whether you want to stay friends with her or distance yourself perhaps even remove her from your life. (But there are LOADS of legal issues there too, b/c she's an employee.)

It seems to me that since you have a good relationship with her, you should stay friends. Put the thought of romance with her out of mind, (until such time as she announces she's interested - if she ever does) and be friends.

One thing you wrote worries me.

Maybe if she sees that I'm going with other people and not paying as much attention to her,she will come around.

It sure sounds like you're trying to make her jealous. It won't work. Besides, you'll just be using the woman you date to try to get to her. It's not considerate of the other women's feelings.

<img src="http://members.aol.com/rnfpantera/hking1">

stoney

11-09-2002, 04:20 AM

Horde King, Thanks. This situation does indeed suck. I will do the right thing as a person and employer. As much as I want more, I will not let it cloud my judgement when it comes to doing the right thing. She depends on me for a job. She has 2 kids to support and I won't let her choke, it's not what I'm about.I'll remain friends, due the right thing and hope for the best. Thanks and thanks to you all for contributing to the only show that's worth listening to. keep Ron and Fez in NY.

Slappy

11-09-2002, 05:37 AM

I disagree with Horde King on one specific point. Under normal circumstances, I would say trying to make a girl jealous by paying attention to other girls DOES work if she is at all interested. Children never want their toys so much as when someone else is playing with them, and that applies to little girls too. (If you doubt me, work one summer at a toy store as I have and watch the Barbie aisle.)

However, you are her employer. You don't sound much older than 25, and if that's so, I can forgive you some of your ignorance because I started my business when I was 23 and I made a LOT of mistakes.

However, let me be the first to tell you that by opening up a dialouge with your employee that can be construed by her or any observer as having romantic overtones, you are exposing yourself to a world of hurt.

When you open a business, for which I applaud you for, you are putting yourself in a certain position. You are THE BOSS. THE BOSS is a dick, as far as the employees are concerned. Everything the BOSS does is wrong, or could be done better. Etc Etc.

Don't try to make friends with your employees. Yes, be FREINDLY, by all means. Be approachable, but always keep a distance. And that means that you must never NEVER date your employees.

If you're seriously, deeply in love with one and she feels the same about you, she should find another job. If she doesn't feel that seriously about it, or you don't feel she would, then find SOMEONE ELSE.

I cannot stress this enough. Even if things work out great and you break up later, she can sue, and claim that she was AFRAID you might use your influence to affect her job or her status at her job. She doesn't even have to prove that you've actually DONE anything, just that she was AFRAID you might.

You're the boss. She's your worker. That relationship is exclusive of any other kind.

Let it go. If she comes to you and says "I really have feelings for you," all you can say is "I feel something to, but for us to have an appropriate romantic relationship, we can't work together. The choice has to be yours."

And let her decide, and if she decides to quit, get it in writing why.

It's sad, but that's the way it is. Building up your own succesful business is a heart and back breaking amount of work. Don't risk it because Mr. Winkie wants to play in the employee lounge.

silera

11-09-2002, 06:40 AM

Holy use of the entire alpahabet Batman!

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I can't stand myself either.</center>

Slappy

11-09-2002, 07:17 AM

I don't think I used "z"

silera

11-09-2002, 07:21 AM

Holy use of 25 letters of the alphabet Batman!

:)

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I can't stand myself either.</center>

shorty

11-09-2002, 07:33 AM

http://search.barnesandnoble.com/booksearch/isbnInquiry.asp?userid=3FFO9VE46Z&isbn=0735200300 
Invest in this boys, it works. Trust me, I'm a chick, I know. 

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LatinSpiceXoX

11-09-2002, 07:44 AM

#1 on the list of guys from this message board's christmas wish list should be that book!!! good going shorty! *lol*

'..Keep your EYES on my BaBoomp BaBoomp Boomp!..'
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Slappy

11-09-2002, 07:47 AM

something that struck me as a ngeative (now, i Haven't read this book) is that one reviewer liked how it catogorized women as the enemy. Women are not the enemy, and considering them as either that or as people to fool or objects to conquer or anything other than people, to me, is negative and will only be an impediment to the real goal: long term happiness.

fatylvr20

11-10-2002, 05:11 PM

women...like babies(not literally) they don't come with instructions. I asked (kristy) or rather i wrote a letter asking her to the copacabana the 27th of nov to have fun dance,etc. i should probably give it up. I'm goin nuts tryin too hard. It's difficult to try and continue being just friends when i have such a crush on her. Can't just wave my hands and make everything the way i evision it. maybe i'll just go back into my cave for hibernation.

"what i see is unreal/i've written my own part/eat of the apple, so young/i'm crawling back to start"--alice in chains

Cybersoldier

11-10-2002, 05:32 PM

Invest in this boys, it works. Trust me, I'm a chick, I know

More than likely I'm going to buy that book.

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Violent Jay

11-10-2002, 08:15 PM

bang her

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Earth2RON

11-10-2002, 08:34 PM

Invest in this boys, it works. Trust me, I'm a chick
The two words that scare me the most in life are....TRUST ME!

You females have a plan for us guys and i dont think its a good one cuz we can never win even if we read books:(

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A sad thing in life is when you meet someone who
means a lot to you, only to find out in the end that it
was never meant to be and you just have to let go

fatylvr20

11-10-2002, 08:38 PM

Nah i'll tell ya right now i'd rather be whipped than not have a gf at all.

"what i see is unreal/i've written my own part/eat of the apple, so young/i'm crawling back to start"--alice in chains

Geppetto

11-10-2002, 08:53 PM

I have wasted to much time trying to convince a friend that we should be more than that. She told you shes not looking for a relationship but wants to be your friend, I'm sorry buddy but thats all it will ever be. In your second post you said

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