Long Distance Relationships....

[Vanessa210]

I have been with my boyfriend now for almost 6 years (I am 21, he's 23). We have been doing the long distance thing for 3 years (He's going to college in MD, and I am going to school here in Jersey). We see each other as often as we can, but honestly for me it's not enough. I am finding myself to be more and more lonely everyday, even though we talk at least 3 or 4 times a day. Honestly, I just want to feel like I am in a relationship because I really don't feel that. I want someone to hold my hand and just pretty much be there for me. Anyway, He graduates from school in December, which I know is only a few months away, but whenever I want to talk about the future, he's just full of "I don't know's". I am not saying that I want to get married or anything, I just think that I am maybe ready for us to move in together or something. But I don't know how to get him to talk to me about it, without me feeling like I am putting pressure on him. I am just tired of this whole long distance thing, but I don't want to brake things off. Please help. Thanks.

-Celebrate we will cause life is short but sweet for certain-
Dave Matthews Band

[Earth2RON]

But I don't know how to get him to talk to me about it, without me feeling like I am putting pressure on him
I just broke up with my girl, she lives in Nebraska and i live in New York, so i understand where you are coming from with the long distance thing.Being in a relationship where feelings are different makes it hard to handle talking about the future and such, so therefor once you bring up the future you are putting pressure on him and yourself.

Good Luck!

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A sad thing in life is when you meet someone who
means a lot to you, only to find out in the end that it
was never meant to be and you just have to let go

[ADF]

Your first mistake was quoting Dave Matthews, but I'll let that one slide. The whole "I don't know" thing sounds kind of iffy. I'd put a little more pressure on him to come up with some definite plans. Ask him about where he wants to work, etc. If he gets all wishy-washy, I'd say things are making a turn for the worse and its time for you to get proactive.

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Ho! Ho! Ho! Merry Xmas!

[TheGameHHH]

Just be upfront and honest with him.

IT'S TIME TO PLAY THE GAME-AHHH!

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[FollowThisLogic]

I'd have to agree that the "I don't know" answers seem like maybe he's not on the same track as you. You're ready to take things to a new level, but whenever you try to bring it up, he wants to get out of the conversation.

You've been dating since you were 15 and 17.... now keep in mind that I don't know either of you from a hole in the wall, but from an outside perspective, one might think that someone in such a situation might be second-guessing things, which I would kind of expect. You've spent almost your entire adolescent and adult lives together.... the thought may come up, that you've never even tried to play the field, just always been with one person..... is there someone else out there?

Like I said, I don't really know, but I'm just saying, I've seen it before. It happens.

The best thing to do right now is to be up-front. Ask him point-blank about why he gets all distant when you try to talk about the future. And don't let him cheese out on the answer - get a REAL answer. Don't let him get all defensive or sweet or whatever the hell his escape mechanism is..... he's gotta tell you.

Feel free to IM me for help, venting, whatever. Always willing to lend an ear and a hand.

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[Bob Impact]

You've had no real experience dating anyone else, i suggest you both take some time off at least and enjoy your youth, if it was meant to be you will come back to each other. A six year relationship when you're 21 is scary to me, you didn't even allow yourself to enjoy highschool, so enjoy yourself now.

For the record, I've been in a relationship for 3 years and I'm 21, however our relationship was open for the first 1 1/2 years, and is much stronger now for it.

-Bob Impact
"Welcome the whole new pain and take comfort in what you've become. I waved as I passed myself along the way. I have arrived so unashamed but my reflection no longer seems the same. It seems much dimmer now."- AFI, Exsanguination

[BIG HUG]

That's a tough one, kiddo. <P>
I wish I could help, but, I've got nothing to offer. :( <P>

[center]I had this relationship with this kinda wacky girl once that I lost due to my taking her for granted. I'm not allowed to talk about it because it would be considered spam, because OBVIOUSLY no one here has ever been in a relationship that was lost due to being and/or taking the other partner for granted -- how silly.

[SixPack]

I am finding myself to be more and more lonely everyday, even though we talk at least 3 or 4 times a day.


Ahh, the dreaded longdistance relationship, where it seems like you have all the drawbacks of a relationship, without many of the advantages. I've actually done it twice, and I have to say that they generally don't work out. Honestly, if you talk to each other that often and still feel even more lonely, then its not looking like this one will work out. If he's coming home soon, then maybe you can stick it out and see what happens when he gets back. Otherwise, if he goes somewhere else for a job or grad school, unless you're looking to marry him, it wouldn't be too healthy for you to continue it.
Another part of it could be that you've spent so much time dating just the other person, that you could use some time seeing other people, or rediscovering what its like to be yourself without a boyfriend. But that's just my 2 cents.


The artist formerly known as Ferret (at least over here)

[silera]

If it was meant to be, when you see each other again, everything will start up.

In the interim, all you're doing is living off memories and trying to imagine the future while your present pretty much sucks.

I've been there and done it, don't waste anymore of your time.



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<font size=3><font color=Blue>I can't stand myself either.</font></center>
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[LatinSpiceXoX]

Just wait to see what happens when he gets back. Behave the same with him, don't put any pressure, don't nag, but then again, don't stop asking about what he plans to do with himself and the relationship.

If you feel you are suffocating him, you probably are, give him space, let him think and feel how life would be without you, and if it pains him, he'll be back ... if not, you should start filling your days with other things/hobbies, even dating other guys.

I'm sure in the 3 years you have been apart, you've met other guys, (as he has met other females) and maybe it's time to see what other options are out there.

All these things should be taken into consideration if you don't want to feel like you've put your life on hold for him to come back and say 'sorry, but I think I wanna be single' or 'sorry, but I've found someone and was waiting for you to leave me'

If none of this is the case, and I'm wrong, then I wish you luck and happiness... let us know what happens!

'..Keep your EYES on my BaBoomp BaBoomp Boomp!..'
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[Coco]

The fact that he calls you 3-4 times a day and you have known him for so long, tells me you have strong feelings for one another.

Why break up with him now - espcially right before he is graduating in Dec?

______________________

We can't change our past, but we can change the way we look at it - into something more positive

[JustJon]

I wish I could help, but, I've got nothing to offer.
then don't post.

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[Hawiian shirt craig]

then don't post.

dont encourage him


-Hawiian Shirt Craig
THIS IS WHY WE CAN'T HAVE NICE THINGS!!

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[The Jays]

... i tried one when I started college... it didn't work, she cheated on me soon after... it was for the best...

<font color="blue" face="Trebuchet MS" size=-2> F--- what you heard.</font>
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[CovDiesel]

Scrape him off... you wanna save somebody?


Save yourself.

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[wilee]

LDRs are hard. I was seeing a girl in SI while I was going to school. When you can't see each other for a while, it certainly puts a strain on things.

Based on what you're saying about him being non-committal about the future, I'd say it's because college has a tendency to open up new doors. You meet people from across the country and get exposed to lots of new things.

It sounds like he's wondering what else is out there to try. This doesn't mean relationship wise, but it could mean he might like to go abroad in Europe or see the US. Maybe he's not sure of his job prospects because of the economy?

If you're directing the conversation towards the relationship in the future when you talk with him, maybe you should steer it away from that for a time.

Talk to him about what else he'd like to do in the future. Maybe it's something that you could do with him.

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[AngelAmy]

only relationships ive had have been long distance i just have this to say about them "they stink and i dont like them"

thank you, have a nice day

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