Not GF&BF, no PDA's but she's into me- what does she want?

[vegeta]

I'm going out with "Bulma" and she's told me (actually I had to get her to spell it out to me instead of saying it like a riddle) that she doesn't need a boyfriend right now.

I'm OK with that because I don't think that I'd do good with all of the whole Public Displays of affection and the lovey dovey stuff in public; but I'm really into this girl and we call each other A LOT.

I think it has something to do with her parents being separate (she became really hesitant when i asked her if her parents are divorce, so I don't know what the deal is).

I think that she doesn't want to have her heart broken, even though I wouldn't cheat or have a messy break-up with her, but I want her to give me a shot.

She doesn't show me any signs of wanting more than someone to go on dates with, but she has told me that if I wasn't attractive, she would have never really dated me.

Why is this cute girl driving me nuts?

<center><img src="http://darknemisis.homestead.com/files/vegetabck.jpg" width=100 height=100><font color="#80000" size=-6>
<center>A Warrior's life is spent on the battlefield.
His heart and soul is war.
His only happiness comes from fear.
He knows no other.
A true Warrior fights with passion.
For his country
For his people
For his life
A Warrior's home is the battlefield.
His mother is the earth,
And the sword his cold father
None can separate them.
When there is peace,
The warrior cries
Like a child without his
mother
Or a faithful dog without its master.
A warrior will fight to the end
He will not surrender.
He will die with honor
And live forever.

- Yotaru Vegeta
aka
"Jonathan E. Cortez"
aka
"?"
</font>

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[HordeKing1]

VEGETA - Judging from your description of her intense reaction when you mentioned her parent's separation, she still hasn't resolved the many complex issues inherent in this situation. She may even blame herself for their separation.

Her parent's separation most likely plays a big role in the conflicting messages she may be sending you, since in all likelihood she's not exactly sure herself what she wants.

In the face of these unresolved issues, she may believe that all relationships are doomed to failure. This may frighten her to the extent that she doesn't want to be involved in a boyfriend - girlfriend situation.

Yet, she does feel something for you. She dates you and told you that she is attracted to you. She's also calls you a lot.

Talk to her about her feelings regarding her parents and relationships in general. You say that you "want her to give me a shot." It appears that she is doing so by dating you. If you are interested in her, stick with her and see what develops.



http://members.aol.com/slipknot4twenty/hking

[sunndoggy8]

Vegeta, I've come up with a theory on hearing this situation with friends of mine, and even experiencing it myself. I'm going to be totally honest with what i think here, so don't take it personally :)

SHE'S DRIVING YOU NUTS BECAUSE YOU LIKE HER A LOT, MORE THAN JUST CLOSE FRIENDS OR FRIENDS WITH BENIFITS!

First off, The issue of her not wanting to get hurt...well to this I say, what one of us does want to get hurt??!!! We all have been hurt in relationships at one point or another, and have had doubts about getting into another relationship. Of course none of us want to get hurt or go through the drama of a bad relationship/breakup, so I have trouble giving much credit to an excuse like that for not getting into a relationship. Even though you feel for her and want to reach her to make her feel better about getting into a relationship, if she's having this many doubts, she probably isn't ready for one anyway.

Secondly, she has said that she wouldn't have dated you if you weren't attractive, which is kind of a weird thing to say to someone, especially if you liked them. I mean, if the girl I'm dating now said that, I would probably take it as an insult, woudln't you? Of course perhaps it was said in a context that you didn't mention in your post, but still it's not a nice thing to say.

Thirdly, she's said that she doesn't want a b/f right now. That obviously shows that she really doesn't want a relationship now, desite the fact that you two are talking/hanging out a lot or whatever.

So it comes down to what you should do. Well you have to ask yourself a question...

#1 Do you want a more serious relationship with her?

By the way you worded your post, it sounds like yes. But she's shown that she's not interested, and by telling you that she's not in need of a b/f right now, she in a sense has the "upper hand". You're all confused and perplexed by the way she's acting, while she basically has total control over the relationship. THINK ABOUT IT, she's dating you, talking to you, sharing her life with you, and being intimate (if you and her are), without any of the other emotional attachments or obligations that go along with being in a relationship. Of course she doesn't want a b/f, because then there's more that she has to do in that relationship. So in the meantime, she's getting a lot out of the relationship with you, while you're slowly falling for her more and more...perhaps she might fall for you too, but you don't know that for sure.

If you're happy with the situation the way it is, then just let things go the way they are...but it sounds like you want more...and it sounds like she doesn't. If things go the way they are, you'll probably end up falling for her, while she keeps giving you the run around about her being "confused", and you'll probably end up getting hurt in the end.

She's obviously driving you nuts, and obviously making you go crazy with the way she's acting...you say that you're okey with not dating as b/f & g/f, but ONLY because of the public displays of affection...and if you were okey with the relationship you're in with her now, you wouldn't be bothered so much by the vibes she's giving you.

Veg, life is far too short to drive yourself mad because this girl isn't ready for a relationship. Like I said, if you're happy with things, then keep on going...but if you want more, you have to do something now rather than waste your time. I know you like her and dig her and want to keep talking to her, but if she's going to act all vague and confused about things, don't bother. I could go into a long explanation of a suggestion of what I think you should do if you do want more, but first of all you have to answer that question...DO YOU WANT MORE?!

<IMG SRC="http://home.att.net/~sunndoggy8/sunnysig1.jpg" width=300 height=80>

<font color="#0F00CD">~~~~"Love is a snowmobile racing across the tundra and then suddenly it flips over, pinning you underneath. At night, the ice weasels come."--Matt Groening~~~~</font color="#0F00CD">

[TomPoo]

RUN AWAY!!!!! This girl is going to F you over in the end...

RUN AWAY NOW WHILE YOU STILL CAN!!!!!

Run away now before you get to emotionally trapped...

Good luck my friend, and if you dom't listen to my words... well don't say nobody ever warned you.

REEKING of AWESOMENESS
----TomPoo

<img border="0" src="http://www.viewaskew.com/clerks/images/pics/danteran.gif" width="200" height="100">

"There's nothing more exhilarating than pointing out the shortcomings of others, is there?"

[sunndoggy8]

Exactly TomPoo! We are your early warning system!

<IMG SRC="http://home.att.net/~sunndoggy8/sunnysig1.jpg" width=300 height=80>

<font color="#0F00CD">~~~~"Love is a snowmobile racing across the tundra and then suddenly it flips over, pinning you underneath. At night, the ice weasels come."--Matt Groening~~~~</font color="#0F00CD">

[TomPoo]

that she doesn't need a boyfriend right now


this means she doesn't want YOU as a boyfriend right now

TAKE MY ADVICE RUN! RUN! RUN!!!!

REEKING of AWESOMENESS
----TomPoo

<img border="0" src="http://www.viewaskew.com/clerks/images/pics/danteran.gif" width="200" height="100">

"There's nothing more exhilarating than pointing out the shortcomings of others, is there?"



This message was edited by TomPoo on 7-20-01 @ 10:26 AM

[vegeta]

An Update:

I went on a third "date" with Bulma and it was great. we had four free tickets to see some Phillip Glass show at lincoln center, but it bahleeeew! So we decided to go see The Score, starring Bobby D and Ed Norton and she almost gave up on it. However, since I paid for the tickets, she couldn't walk out of this performance. We both ended up liking it and afterwards, we talked in a quiet spot oposite a reflecting pool in Avery fishcer hall.

She told me that she doesn't want a relationship now, but she wants to be with me. She said that she finds me totally attractive and I told her the same, but I think her fears of becoming my GF stems from her parents' break up.

My theory is that since her father is a god dad and not a deadbeat, she does dream of getting married someday as she told me. If her was a jerk and the separation of her parents was bad, I think that would have affected her social life and I wouldn't have been able to get as far into this relationship as I did.

She does like me, but there is something on her end that is putting up a barrier.

She is a gem and that's one of the reasons I still have hope that this "non-boyfriend" thing will turn into something more.

<center><img src="http://darknemisis.homestead.com/files/vegetabck.jpg" width=100 height=100><font color="#80000" size=-6>
<br>
"In a world fool of jerks, I am the one and only prince."

My sites:

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<a href="http://darknemesis6.homestead.com/AIPromo.html">The Al Dukes movie!</a>
</font></center>

[girl germs is dead]

good luck vegeta!

[vegeta]

All I have to say, King, is that you are more than worth the money you get paid for being a shrink.

<center><img src="http://darknemisis.homestead.com/files/vegetabck.jpg" width=100 height=100><font color="#80000" size=-6>
<br>
"In a world fool of jerks, I am the one and only prince."

My sites:

<a href="http://www.ign.com">Ign.com</a>
<a href="http://homestead.com/darknemisis/darknemesis.html">My Website</a>
<a href="http://www.careerbuilder.com">Get a job, you slacker!</a>
<a href="http://corona.bc.ca/films"> Upcoming Movies!</a>
<a href="http://darknemesis6.homestead.com/AIPromo.html">The Al Dukes movie!</a>
</font></center>

This message was edited by vegeta on 7-23-01 @ 6:58 AM

[HordeKing1]

VEGETTA - Certainly her fear of and caution towards relationships stems at least in part from her parents divorce.

Her father is a "good dad," but that doesn't change her suspicion of relatinships. Parental separation ALWAYS affects the children.

Sometimes kids are much better off when the parents separate. Nonetheless the fact that a separation took place affects them.

You're right on target when you describe her "putting up a barrier." It's her way of avoiding being hurt. Sure she might want a relationship, but she is scared by the potential for hurt that this may expose her to.

You describe her as a "gem." It's worthwhile putting effort into obtaining a relationshiop with a gem. Worst comes to worse you'll have a gem for a friend instead of a girlfriend.

Continue talking to her about her experiences and fears. She really has to understand and be confident that you will not hurt her before she can relax enough to actually have a relationship.

http://members.aol.com/slipknot4twenty/hking

[sunndoggy8]

I'm sure I echo TomPoo's sentiment as well when I say good luck to you and her, Veg...but don't say we didn't warn you either.

<IMG SRC="http://home.att.net/~sunndoggy8/sunnysig1.jpg" width=300 height=80>

<font color="#0F00CD">~~~~"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."--E. Roosevelt~~~~</font color="#0F00CD">

[vegeta]

Yeah but I think the "run away from her!" comments are from guys who have been done wrong.

I won't say that this girl is different from any other girl, but I think it that we're on the same wavelength.

We both lack a lot of experience in terms of dating and romantic relationships.

<center><img src="http://darknemisis.homestead.com/files/vegetabck.jpg" width=100 height=100><font color="#80000" size=-6>
<br>
"In a world fool of jerks, I am the one and only prince."

My sites:

<a href="http://www.ign.com">Ign.com</a>
<a href="http://homestead.com/darknemisis/darknemesis.html">My Website</a>
<a href="http://www.careerbuilder.com">Get a job, you slacker!</a>
<a href="http://corona.bc.ca/films"> Upcoming Movies!</a>
<a href="http://darknemesis6.homestead.com/AIPromo.html">The Al Dukes movie!</a>
</font></center>

[TomPoo]

Oh sure, listen to the guy who actually studies phsychology...

Just kidding... listen, Sundoggy does express my sentiment, good luck, I hope it all works out, I just hate... AND I MEAN HATE seeing guys get dicked around by girls. Your right it has happened to me, but that has not made me cynical towards relationships, just more cautious and more aware of what is actually going on) I am a big boy and can handle my self, it actually bothers me more to see it happen to others.

Be careful, don't let this girl play you, and I hope it all works out for you.

REEKING of AWESOMENESS
----TomPoo

<img border="0" src="http://www.viewaskew.com/clerks/images/pics/danteran.gif" width="200" height="100">

"There's nothing more exhilarating than pointing out the shortcomings of others, is there?"

[vegeta]

Yeah, but I am GREEN when it comes to relationships. Meaning this is my first.

It seems impossible for guys to avoid, so I'll be glad to test the waters with this chick.

<center><img src="http://darknemisis.homestead.com/files/vegetabck.jpg" width=100 height=100><font color="#80000" size=-6>
<br>
"In a world fool of jerks, I am the one and only prince."

My sites:

<a href="http://www.ign.com">Ign.com</a>
<a href="http://homestead.com/darknemisis/darknemesis.html">My Website</a>
<a href="http://www.careerbuilder.com">Get a job, you slacker!</a>
<a href="http://corona.bc.ca/films"> Upcoming Movies!</a>
<a href="http://darknemesis6.homestead.com/AIPromo.html">The Al Dukes movie!</a>
</font></center>

[HordeKing1]

The potential benefits of a close emotional relationship outweigh any portential risk.

http://members.aol.com/slipknot4twenty/hking

[vegeta]

Update!

This chick is completely screwy.

She doesn't know what she wants and she says that she doesn't want a boyfriend right now.

She says she's confused, so I baked off.

I have a feeling that she'll never be ready for a man to be her boyfriend.

I think she just looks for a man to provide for her, and I'm not it.

She said that she doesn't look for a boyfriend based on loos alone, and she says that I'm attractive physically and personality wise.

So what's the deal? What question should I ask this girl? Every time I ask her a question, she comes off sounding like porky pig, stoping in the middle of a sentence and changing her tune, talking in long monolouges instead of getting to the point.

But she's attractive, intelligent, fun to be with and to talk to.

Are all girls from single parent homes screwy like this?

<center><img src="http://darknemisis.homestead.com/files/vegetabck.jpg" width=100 height=100><font color="#80000" size=-6>
<br>
"In a world fool of jerks, I am the one and only prince."

My sites:

<a href="http://www.ign.com">Ign.com</a>
<a href="http://homestead.com/darknemisis/darknemesis.html">My Website</a>
<a href="http://www.careerbuilder.com">Get a job, you slacker!</a>
<a href="http://corona.bc.ca/films"> Upcoming Movies!</a>
<a href="http://darknemesis6.homestead.com/AIPromo.html">The Al Dukes movie!</a>
</font></center>

[sunndoggy8]

VEG, THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT ME AND TOMPOO WERE SAYING! No not all girls from single parent families are like this, but that's not a problem. She's not ready for a relationship, and you're going to get hurt. Read what me and TomPoo wrote above! I totally respect and understand what HK said as well, but I still think that me and Poo are right here...get away, cause she's only going to break your heart. TomPoo, do you agree?

<IMG SRC="http://home.att.net/~sunndoggy8/sunnysig1.jpg" width=300 height=80>

<font color="#0F00CD">~~~~"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."--E. Roosevelt~~~~</font color="#0F00CD">

[HordeKing1]

VEGETA - You'll never know if someone is right for you unless you make an effort to get to know them.

You previoulsy described your last date as "great," and Bulma as a "gem." If you feel the gem is flawed there's nothing wrong with moving on. Not every relationship works. On the other hand, you would never have know whether or not she was a gem if you didn't try to get to know her.

Every person is different. Not everyone with Bulma's situation is going to be the same. I'd hate to see you close yourself off to relationships simply because they are the product of single parent homes.

You still seem conflicted about your emotions for her and her emotions for you. Perhaps you need more time to think this through.

http://members.aol.com/slipknot4twenty/hking

[vegeta]

No! I forgot to mention that she said that she's not looking for a relationship right now. As a matter of fact, she says that she doesn't want to date because "at this time in her life, she's very confused"

She's about to graduate from college and I would think that is a very big part of a person's life, but a relationship wouldn't put that much of a strain to your life.

She told me that she wouldn't want to break my heart, but she won't give me, or anyone else it seems, a chance. Why won't she open up?

<center><img src="http://darknemisis.homestead.com/files/vegetabck.jpg" width=100 height=100><font color="#80000" size=-6>
<br>
"In a world fool of jerks, I am the one and only prince."

My sites:

<a href="http://www.ign.com">Ign.com</a>
<a href="http://homestead.com/darknemisis/darknemesis.html">My Website</a>
<a href="http://www.careerbuilder.com">Get a job, you slacker!</a>
<a href="http://corona.bc.ca/films"> Upcoming Movies!</a>
<a href="http://darknemesis6.homestead.com/AIPromo.html">The Al Dukes movie!</a>
</font></center>

[TomPoo]

Sunndoggy is right, read the above.

There is nothing further to add here.

I still wish you good luck.

REEKING of AWESOMENESS
----TomPoo

<img border="0" src="http://www.viewaskew.com/clerks/images/pics/danteran.gif" width="200" height="100">

"There's nothing more exhilarating than pointing out the shortcomings of others, is there?"

[vegeta]

I'm not pursuing her as a GF anymore. She's got issues, but a freindship is definately a good thing for the both of us.

It's just hard to find a girl who matches her intelligence with equal beauty.

<center><img src="http://darknemisis.homestead.com/files/vegetabck.jpg" width=100 height=100><font color="#80000" size=-6>
<br>
"In a world fool of jerks, I am the one and only prince."

My sites:

<a href="http://www.ign.com">Ign.com</a>
<a href="http://homestead.com/darknemisis/darknemesis.html">My Website</a>
<a href="http://www.careerbuilder.com">Get a job, you slacker!</a>
<a href="http://corona.bc.ca/films"> Upcoming Movies!</a>
<a href="http://darknemesis6.homestead.com/AIPromo.html">The Al Dukes movie!</a>
</font></center>

[erinmoran]

Dont talk to her for a couple days and send her roses. If you get no response than forget that wackbag.

<img src="http://members.aol.com/fajita4me/images/untitled.gif" height=150width=150>

[sunndoggy8]

You can't just jump from wanting her as your g/f to a friendship, w/out a long break from seeing one another. I don't think it's that easy to turn off the feelings you had for her. I agree w/TomPoo, there is nothing further to add. Remember our warnings!

<IMG SRC="http://home.att.net/~sunndoggy8/sunnysig1.jpg" width=300 height=80>

<font color="#0F00CD">~~~~"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."--E. Roosevelt~~~~</font color="#0F00CD">

[HordeKing1]

VEGETA - Relationships b/w men and women are not always centered on being a bf or gf. Platonic relationships can be equally or more satisfying in different ways.

If you think you'd like to have her as a friend, don't let your disappointment at not having a bf or gf relationship sour you on this idea.

http://members.aol.com/slipknot4twenty/hking

[vegeta]

Yeah, that's what I'm saying.

I think that it would be better to get to know her better and if anything develops from that freindship, then that's good.

I'm just really picky about the type of girl that I like, and it's hard to find a girl who "fits my frame"

I think it's best to just lay low. I have extreme patience and I believe that since this girl has all of this supposed baggage that keeps her from pursuing a relationship, then I should look elsewhere for someone who's willing.

I didn't say that I'm dying to be with the girl, even though I've written so much stuff about her already. It's just that I thought it would be nice if we did have a relationship.

But you can't make someone date you so I'm going to let it go.

Other fish in the sea, as they say.

<center><img src="http://darknemisis.homestead.com/files/vegetabck.jpg" width=100 height=100><font color="#80000" size=-6>
<br>
"In a world fool of jerks, I am the one and only prince."

My sites:

<a href="http://www.ign.com">Ign.com</a>
<a href="http://homestead.com/darknemisis/darknemesis.html">My Website</a>
<a href="http://www.careerbuilder.com">Get a job, you slacker!</a>
<a href="http://corona.bc.ca/films"> Upcoming Movies!</a>
<a href="http://darknemesis6.homestead.com/AIPromo.html">The Al Dukes movie!</a>
</font></center>

[TomPoo]

Any updates Vegata????

REEKING of AWESOMENESS
----TomPoo

<img border="0" src="http://www.viewaskew.com/clerks/images/pics/danteran.gif" width="200" height="100">

"There's nothing more exhilarating than pointing out the shortcomings of others, is there?"