Lithium is draining away my creativity!

[Bob Impact]

HK - There was a time in my life when I was a writer, I had a book written, hundreds of shorts, and was well on my way to getting published often. Without going into my personal life too deeply, about a year and a half ago I began taking Lithium and Haldol to treat bi-polar disorder.

As I stopped taking the Haldol (around 3 weeks into taking the Lithium) I hit a wall creatively, one that I have been unable to clear to this day. I can't write properly, my sentence structure is weak, my thoughts are muddled, and overall I feel like I have a bad case of writer's block. Even when editing older pieces I rarely come up with something worth keeping. I can't figure it out and neither can my shrink, I really would appreciate any help anyone can give me.

The only side effects I noticed were that my hands would tremble slightly and for the first month I was constantly thirsty and peeing just as often. After playing with the dosage the trembling diminished and the thirst went away.
Every attempt to get me off Lithium, be it onto another medication or off medication has gone poorly. Please help if you can, anything you can tell me would certainly be appreciated. I really want to write again, for so long it was all I had and I can't explain how badly I want to write again.



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[Reephdweller]

I'd help if I could...but I can't understand a single thing you wrote.

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[Reephdweller]

In all seriousness though, I did find some articles that discuss the side effects of lithium, and writing does appear to be an issue for people who take it.

http://bipolar.about.com/library/qa/bl-qa-lithium-sfx.htm

http://www.healthyplace.com/communities/bipolar/trillian/lithium_2.htm

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[fluffernutter]

Hey holmes, any kind of insight or support I can give, I am always happy to talk or chat with you about whatever. As I have gotten positive feedback from you on my drawings and stuff and just some good conversation too. The stories of yours I have read, I liked. They remind me alot of how I dealt with things. I know I am not taking anything but when I hit a wall, I just doodle or sketch down what is in my head no matter how strange it may be. Eventually things gel together out of nowhere and then I have something. Maybe writing is different than drawing and it very well may be. Just keep a positve outlook and as I said, anytime you wanna talk or throw ideas my way.

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Thanks FelixDelGato and BobImpact

[Anakin Skywalker]

Have you tried depakote to help with you bi-polar D/O? maybe you should stay on the haldol and leave the lithium. if not, you can seroquel to your list of meds b/c that works just as well.

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[Bob Impact]

I know I am not taking anything but when I hit a wall, I just doodle or sketch down what is in my head no matter how strange it may be.
My main problem is that I can't "doodle" I just look at what I wrote, hate it, and throw it away.


Have you tried depakote to help with you bi-polar D/O? maybe you should stay on the haldol and leave the lithium. if not, you can seroquel to your list of meds b/c that works just as well.
As I mentioned, I have tried other drugs, including switching to Haldol, and most have not worked. I'll talk to my head shrinker about the other two (I wrote them down so I won't forget)

I also forgot to mention that I also had a problem with Schizophrenic Delusions.

The main problem with switching drugs is that the bi-polar will go away, but the Delusions will come back(The Delusions are normally about what people are saying about me, or that Mrs. Impact is cheating on me, something that makes me the butt of a joke.) I'm really trying not to delve too deeply into my personal life but if you need anymore information just ask, i'll do my best.


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[Frank Black]

thats bad stuff

[Yerdaddy]

I'm really sorry to hear about your bi-polar disorder. I've known two people with bi-polar in the past. When I was in a recovery program in early recovery there were two people in the meetings with bi-polar that were in recovery for addiction to crank, (west-coast for chrystal meth). The thing was that the crank was the thing that "mellowed them out" better than any of the medications that doctors had perscribed. Nevertheless, they still ran into the same problems of addiction to crank that everyone else did and were, in fact, court ordered into the program. This was five or six years ago, and I know there's at least one new generation of drugs out, following on the SSRIs like Prozac, Paxil and Zoloft, (I think the new generations are extracted from Billy's back sweat, so they're highly concentrated and taste like Cheetos).

But it's one thing to improve the syptoms of bi-polar or depression/anxiety, and another to try to maintain creativity at the same time. I went on Prozac seven years ago and loved it. It was like doubling up on Dexatrim and I was wired all the time. My personality changed; I was outgoing and bold in social settings. I had no problem approaching women in bars, to the great amusement of my friends who would always enjoy my ineptness at it. But I eventually realized that I was not the same person on the stuff, and I had to weigh the changes against the symptoms of depression/anxiety I had lived with since childhood. Long story short, I ended up on Zoloft, which I didn't even notice I was on until I noticed after two weeks that I hadn't been depressed in two weeks.

Along with the change in my personality, I had also lost the bulk of my creativity on the Prozac. Previously, I had written poetry, (sort of a cross between Bukowski and Alanis Morrisette lyrics), to get stuff onto paper and out of my head. It was meant as sort of therapy, but I had writer friends who liked it and I enjoyed being able to produce it. With Prozac I had nothing in me to put on paper. With the Zoloft I could force some stuff out, but I thought it was severely lacking and felt forced. Eventually on the Zoloft I lost the desire to write and haven't written anything in about four years. (I think that I've come to get some of the same creative/compulive satisfaction from arguing politics and international relations here on the board with HK and others, but I don't know if HK or I could call it productive in any way). I have thought that had writing been more important to me, I would consider going back off of meds altogether. I see it as a trade-off. There's been plenty of studies that have shown a link between creativity and mental illness, among the most famous are Poe, Hemmingway, Faulkner, and Even Lincoln and Churchill. Problem is the trade-off for me is different for you. Nobody can guage how much you should suffer for your art, but I think there is an element of that in your problem. I wouldn't give up altogether on meds though. The science of neurobiology, (along with the profitability of new drugs), has been moving faster than most areas of science in the last 15 years or so. I would keep working with the shrink and pushing him/her to research more options that he may not be up on now. There's also one book that I'm aware of that may offer some help. "The Noonday Demon: An Atlas of Depression" by Andrew Solomon, (probably cheap on Half.com by now), is kind of an encyclopedia of depression with personal stories, written by a professional writer who began suffering severe depression early in his carreer. There has been some valuable stuff in there for me. There is no cure-all that I'm aware of, but good writing like this book have helped me ride out the irrationality that comes with an episode of depression.

I doubt there's anything new in this post that you doon't already know, but it's been good for me. Good luck.

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[DarkHippie]

i've been on lithium, depakote, and now topamax/celexa for bi-polar disorder. i'm also a writer (at least I used to think so).

I think using the medicine as the fault is a crutch. Your illness isn't what made you creative, you were. illness just gets in the way. and to blame the medicine is to offer yourself no exit. if you take responcibility for your lack of writing prowess, only then can you improve.

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[HordeKing1]

BOB IMPACT - I'm sorry to hear about your problems.

There are many issues here, and unfortunately, without knowledge of your entire medical and psychological history, no one can give you an informed "answer."

Let me give you a few things to think about.

1. In general, the anti-psychotic should come first. You should be able to find one that doesn't give you bad side effects.

2. Bipolar is very difficult, for many reasons, especially, when coupled with psychosis. Bipolars are typically, "non-compliant" with their medication. They often stop taking the meds when they feel good and think they just don't need it. (Some stop taking meds b/c they enjoy the highs of mania more than a steady mood - even if it means suffering through the lows. During a depressive cycle medication will more likely be taken.) You MUST NOT do this. You have to take all your medication no matter what.

You need to work very very closely with your doctor to find a combination that you can live with. It isn't at all unusual for several (or even many) different combinations of medications to be tried before an effective dosage with minimal side effects is achieved.


The medication per se, is most likely not reducing your creativity. However, paradoxically enough, some people find themselves at their most creative while they're depressed (think Picasso's blue period paintings.)

By history, your diminshed creativity came about 3 weeks after you stopped taking the haloperidol. Have you tried resuming the haloperidol to see if that made a difference?

Most likely though, there is no relation. All writers have blocks from time to time. You may have experienced this no matter what was going on psychologicaly.

Perseverance (pushing through) the writers block is recomended by most writing books as well as by juggernaut Stephen King, who wrote that he has had several writing blocks, particualarly after his accident.





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[Gaia]

Lithium = shit....it ruins who you are and what you want to become.....

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[Bob Impact]

I wrote today, it was halfway decent, maybe I just needed to get off my ass and stop feeling sorry for myself.

I certainly thank anyone who has helped me along or offered words of encouragement, especially DarkHippie:

I think using the medicine as the fault is a crutch. Your illness isn't what made you creative, you were. illness just gets in the way. and to blame the medicine is to offer yourself no exit.

I'm not back yet, but it looks like i broke the block, I'll send you all a copy of my book when im done. At the current rate I expect to be done sometime around 2020.

By history, your diminshed creativity came about 3 weeks after you stopped taking the haloperidol. Have you tried resuming the haloperidol to see if that made a difference?

Yes, and I went into a massive low. Massive.

2. Bipolar is very difficult, for many reasons, especially, when coupled with psychosis. Bipolars are typically, "non-compliant" with their medication

I have a fiance to take care of those pesky manias, but she also sits on me to take my pills on time.

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[HordeKing1]

Good for you Bob! Give yourself a big pat on the back and keep writing!

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