I will only date a girl who....

[Iamnotatool]

1) will promise to never cheat (yeah right)
2) will take less than 2 hours to get ready
3) will insist, thats right, INSIST on swallowing, and not just the first 2 squirts, the girl must squeeze every bit of nutbatter out of my unit. don't take 2 shots and run for the hills, it makes me feel dirty :(
4) will DEMAND anal sex at least once a month
5) will enjoy performing fellatio as much as I enjoy licking her coochie, which leads us to....
6) will keep said coochie as clean as a new bar of soap, treat it as her temple, her paradise, as it is the only thing she must maintain in this cruel world
7) will NOT fake orgasms...just direct me if I'm in the wrong spot
8) will tell ME if the sex aint right, not her mom, dad, friends, sisters, etc....they aren't gonna help you cum (well, maybe some will, sick freaks)
9) will promise to 'take care' of my morning wood, at least 5 out of 7 days, including saturday and sunday
10)will go to strip clubs and perform a lap dance for me with the slut of her choice, thats right, HER CHOICE, I'm a nice guy after all....



I beat Opie's wife

Silera, will you be my Valentine?


My nuts, your mouth...wanna teabag?



Please don't hold my huge nutbag against me, or I'll hold it against you that you have flapjack tits...

[Arienette]

it's weird.. i really don't like this guy, yet it sounds like (apart from one or two things) he's describing me. :shiver:

<center><img src="http://thereisnogod.faithweb.com/images/biscuitbox2.gif" height=100 width=300</img>

these seconds when i'm shaking leave me shuddering for days</center>

[GaryWyze]

<font color=purple> Which one or two things?

[DarkHippie]

don't take 2 shots and run for the hills, it makes me feel dirty
FUNNIEST LINE EVER!!!

<IMG SRC=http://thereisnogod.faithweb.com/images/darkhippie2.gif>
<marquee>FREE YERDADDY!!! </marquee>
<i>LABELS ARE FOR PRODUCTS, NOT PEOPLE! DON'T HUG A TREE, PLANT ONE!
</i><a href=http://www.freeopendiary.com/entrylist.asp?authorcode=A537085>Gonads and Strife: a journal</a>

[Iamnotatool]

it's weird.. i really don't like this guy, yet it sounds like (apart from one or two things) he's describing me. :shiver:



Not like me? Why, because I'm honest? Please, advise which things are not you. Shit, if it's only one or two, we can work on the rest, you'll come around eventually. Besides, what I failed to mention is that I have a toungue that can lick my eyebrows...


My balls, your mouth.....wanna teabag?

Please don't hold my huge nutbag against me, or I'll hold it against you that you have flapjack tits...

[Iamnotatool]

By the way....thanks hippie, just doing my part on the best MB around...

Can't you feel the love?




My sac, your mouth....wanna teabag?


Olive juice, Silera....

Please don't hold my huge nutbag against me, or I'll hold it against you that you have flapjack tits...

[Tenbatsuzen]

Not like me? Why, because I'm honest? Please, advise which things are not you. Shit, if it's only one or two, we can work on the rest, you'll come around eventually. Besides, what I failed to mention is that I have a toungue that can lick my eyebrows...


Please come to the next outing so I can give you an attitude adjustment.



<img src="http://tenbatsuzen.homestead.com/files/franksig1.jpg">

[high fly]

By the way...thanks hippie......my sac, your mouth

Perhaps you'd also put on the list that she not object to your gay desires.

"Fan of Latin Spice's Kadoonk Adoonk since day one"

[Bill From Yorktown]

when you find one that consistenly hits 8/10 of those - let me know. I bet her room mates are Santa Clause and the Easter bunny.

Lighten up dude. Even if this person exists, people change. It's a fact.

<IMG SRC="http://hometown.aol.com/billb914/sigpic.gif">

[Iamnotatool]

Hey there folks....

1st Tenbatzusen, I hardy fear someone who uses Shawn O'Hare in their sigpic...

And perhaps I got off on the wrong foot with this. This was by no means intended to be a disrespectful post. Just what I'm looking for. Didn't ask anyone to agree, or disagree, though I do welcome any and all input, I feel the vague threat posted by Ms. O'Hair is unnecessary. I will be at the next function, and introduce myself to you calmly and peacefully. If your feeling froggy, jump....otherwise keep your punkass threats to your punk-ass self...this is a humorous board, you toolbox


And High fly...that was funny with the gay thing. For the first time in my unfamous life I can say I was misquoted...



My nuts, your FEMALE mouth....wanna teabag?




Please don't hold my huge nutbag against me, or I'll hold it against you that you have flapjack tits...

This message was edited by Iamnotatool on 2-23-03 @ 5:11 PM

[GrimSanity]

your a tom lickass fan aren't you??? be honist

<IMG SRC=http://members.aol.com/vikorynotvengnce/images/grimsanity3.gif>

Real serial killers carry an ax watching there heads drip like candle wax and your labled just another victim.

This message was edited by GrimSanity on 2-23-03 @ 5:15 PM

[GaryWyze]

<font color=purple>I guess I'm missing something, I don't see that the guy's done anything wrong. Other than being new and an easy target.

Tool, welcome aboard!

[Iamnotatool]

your a tom lickass fan aren't you??? be honist


I don't know how to be honist, not even sure if I could be honist. I think I'd have to be an honist perhaps, because I think you were trying to spell honest, you tool. If your going to try(however unsuccessfully) to be funny, then at least spell properly....


By the way, thanks to Bill from yorktown and Gary Wize, for their kind welcomes. I'm a long time fan, new poster. As far as being an easy target? We'll see. I spit fire and shit thunder, which by the way, gives me terrible shitstains.

Good to be here...tools




Please don't hold my huge nutbag against me, or I'll hold it against you that you have flapjack tits...

This message was edited by Iamnotatool on 2-23-03 @ 5:37 PM

[TooCute]

I agree with Iamnotatool. I don't think he's a tool. Somewhat juvenile in his requirements, perhaps, but all he has to do is find ten different chicks, ech of whom fulfills one of those requirements and he's all set.

<img src=http://thereisnogod.faithweb.com/images/toocute2.gif>
ADF makes great sigpics!

[Iamnotatool]

Somewhat juvenile in his requirements, perhaps, but all he has to do is find ten different chicks, ech of whom fulfills one of those requirements and he's all set


Thanks you too cute, and by the way, your pooch (I said pooch, not cooch) is adorable(though I'm quite sure your cooch is as well, I've not seen it...yet :) )

But I must say, I'm done with having 10 girls to do the job of one...Why can't one do all ten?

See my new topic, 10 things I promise to do for my girl, should she meet my requirements.

Please don't hold my huge nutbag against me, or I'll hold it against you that you have flapjack tits...

[TooCute]

If your going to try(however unsuccessfully) to be funny, then at least spell properly....


Ahem.

<img src=http://thereisnogod.faithweb.com/images/toocute2.gif>
ADF makes great sigpics!

[gone]

is it just me or does this guy make sense?

i mean.. i could be just me

C*U*N*T
~*~Moonbeam~*~
http://lsp.web1000.com/alicia_sig.gif

[Iamnotatool]

First and foremost, too cute, that spelling thing wasn't for you. And while I do realize that your should have been you're in that instance, at LEAST your is a word...enough with the grammar lessons I spose...

is it just me or does this guy make sense?

i mean.. i could be just me




Inkgrrl, you know I make sense, thankfully, girls like you are willing to admit it. I don't think there was one disrespectful thing in the entire post. Check out my other post, 10 things I promise to do for my girl. Basically, I'm a romantic sap at heart, but I do believe there are certain things loved ones should do for each other. My ex used to cry to me all the time, count on me, lean on me when she could no other. People asked if that bothered me. It didn't, not at all. In fact, I believe your girlfriend/boyfriend should be your rock, your way to get away, regardless of what the problem/situation. I believe that. Whether it be emotionally, sexually, or otherwise, you owe your sig. other that respect.

Peace and chicken grease.....

Please don't hold my huge nutbag against me, or I'll hold it against you that you have flapjack tits...

[silera]

I bet her room mates are Santa Clause and the Easter bunny.

Santa Clause and the Easter Bunny are lousy roomates.

They only do charity work and that don't pay the rent.

On an upside, the elves are great housekeepers and I have a supply of chocolate that will last me through at least three reincarnations.



<center>http://groups.yahoo.com/group/silera/files/Silera/sig4.gif

<font size=3><font color=red>I can't stand myself either.</font></font></center>
<font color=white>

[Iamnotatool]

Silera, my hero, finally...

Are you implying that you meet all 10 criteria? I bet you do, and I bet there are plenty of other girls that do, they just don't have the 'cohones' to admit it.

Maybe the kid was on to something after all.


It's just too bad someone snatched your fine ass up already.....;)


Anyone else?

Please don't hold my huge nutbag against me, or I'll hold it against you that you have flapjack tits...

[satan-2]

Iamnotatool, i agree with you. there are so many girls out there that say "i do this... and i do that..." but when it's time to perform they start to make excuses.



god is an absentee LANDLORD!!!

later

[Arienette]

Not like me? Why, because I'm honest? Please, advise which things are not you. Shit, if it's only one or two, we can work on the rest, you'll come around eventually. Besides, what I failed to mention is that I have a toungue that can lick my eyebrows...actually, i appreciate the honesty. and i guess it wasnt fair of me to pass judgment like that... i didn't think you were really being serious. but, if these are your requirements, then fair enough.

as for me, it really is only one or two, i dont live with santa or the easter bunny, and i already have a boy. if you people want to know which one or two, you'll have to ask him




<center><img src="http://thereisnogod.faithweb.com/images/biscuitbox2.gif" height=100 width=300</img>

these seconds when i'm shaking leave me shuddering for days</center>

[Iamnotatool]

Arienette,

No apologies necessary. You didn't seem to judge too much, shit, sometimes I don't even like myself. However, the tenbatsuzan needs a kick in the pants.


By the way, if I beg, would you tell me which one or two? I'll get on my knees....remember about the toungue....hehe jk

Please don't hold my huge nutbag against me, or I'll hold it against you that you have flapjack tits...

[The Chairman]

notatool: I think you rule.

I'll be at the next "outing"; perhaps we can hang. I'm curious to see what an "attitude adjustment" entails. Maybe we can shoot it out to see who gets to show off their version of an attitude "re-adjustment."

<img src = http://thereisnogod.faithweb.com/images/kaga.gif>


slanted and enchanted...
adf sig pics rawk!

[Iamnotatool]

Chairman! My good man. I think this tenbatsuzy just got his/her panties in a bunch, perhaps small genitalia could be the reason, perhaps not. I don't know, but there is something to be said about using Sean O'Hair in your sigpic. Granted, I'm so fucking new I don't have a sigpic....

How do I get one by the way.


As far as the next outing Mr Chairman....I am there, just let me know where and when. I'm in Westchester, and would be happy to get into the city for a few adult beverages.

Please don't hold my huge nutbag against me, or I'll hold it against you that you have flapjack tits...

[grlNIN]

please please go away




We Say Stand Together, Not To Fight Just To Exist
<IMG SRC=http://members.hostedscripts.com/randomimage.cgi?user=ariam21>
INSOMNIAC THREAD KEEPER

<marquee>"If I Cut Off Your Arms And Cut Off Your Legs, Would You Still Love Me Anyway? If Youre Bound And Gagged, Drained And Displayed, Would You Still Love Me Anyway?"</marquee>

[TheGameHHH]

I think you're a cool dude. Not as cool as Frank Black, but pretty damn cool nonetheless.

<img src= http://thereisnogod.faithweb.com/images/hhh.gif>
Thanks ADF

[TooCute]

I like him. He might be a tool but at least he's smart and articulate, which is more than I can say for most people.

<img src=http://thereisnogod.faithweb.com/images/toocute2.gif>
ADF makes great sigpics!

[Iamnotatool]

Cutie,
Once again, thank you. However, as the name states, Iamnotatool....lol

HHH---its true, I'm no Frank black, though I don't know who that particular distinguished fellow is, I'm sure he's better than me.

I am merely a newbie, having fun. I understand people not agreeing with my posts, or flaming them even, hell, I could care less. But, what I don't get, is why I would make this stuff up. I wouldn't. And anyone who would? Dumb. Why put yourself out there for this type of abuse??? I appreciate that my cup of tea may not be for everyone, and encourage opposite opinions/remarks. But ignorance only makes the writer look bad, so no worry's on this end

Please don't hold my huge nutbag against me, or I'll hold it against you that you have flapjack tits...

[Iamnotatool]

grlNiN has had it in for me on a few things....


Not sure why, but its all good. Can't please em all, nor do I care to.


Please don't hold my huge nutbag against me, or I'll hold it against you that you have flapjack tits...

[gone]

Inkgrrl, you know I make sense, thankfully, girls like you are willing to admit it. I don't think there was one disrespectful thing in the entire post. Check out my other post, 10 things I promise to do for my girl


i think that rocks.. i think youre honest and upfront i really wish more guy (and girls) were like that.. relationships would probably be alot more stable that way.

or im just weird

C*U*N*T
~*~Moonbeam~*~
http://lsp.web1000.com/alicia_sig.gif

[DarkHippie]

I really miss Frank Black.

<IMG SRC=http://thereisnogod.faithweb.com/images/darkhippie2.gif>
<marquee>FREE YERDADDY!!! </marquee>
<i>LABELS ARE FOR PRODUCTS, NOT PEOPLE! DON'T HUG A TREE, PLANT ONE!
</i><a href=http://www.freeopendiary.com/entrylist.asp?authorcode=A537085>Gonads and Strife: a journal</a>

[Iamnotatool]

i think that rocks.. i think youre honest and upfront i really wish more guy (and girls) were like that.. relationships would probably be alot more stable that way.

or im just weird




You aren't weird, you are confident, my dear...enjoy it

Please don't hold my huge nutbag against me, or I'll hold it against you that you have flapjack tits...

[TheBrain007]

How about this one. I will only date a girl who... accepts me for who I am, not because she meets some stupid ass list of demands.

<b>TheBrain007</b>
"Are you pondering what I'm pondering?"

[Iamnotatool]

How about this one. I will only date a girl who... accepts me for who I am, not because she meets some stupid ass list of demands


Not a bad idea brain. But I can find a lot of girls that would accept me for who I am, that I don't particularly like, am not attracted to, or don't get along well with.

I don't walk around with a list, nor do I think that if she met some but not all of the things listed that it couldn't be a good relationship. Damn, y'all are taking this rather seriously...I must say, some of you make good points, but I won't retract what I've said. Everyone is different boys and girls...

Please don't hold my huge nutbag against me, or I'll hold it against you that you have flapjack tits...

[gone]

i do have one question...

would it bother you if the female had a list of her own?

C*U*N*T
~*~Moonbeam~*~
http://lsp.web1000.com/alicia_sig.gif

[stickyfingers]

Everyone is different boys and girls...



boys have penises and girls have virginias




"lemme tell ya sumpin" -CW

[lippy]

What is happening to this board? Who makes lists? Why? Anal is that important to a relationship? I don't get why he is being called "honest". This isn't honesty. This is someone writing a Penthouse letter.

<IMG SRC ="http://members.aol.com/vikorynotvengnce/images/lippy.gif">

[ADF]

By the way, if I beg, would you tell me which one or two? I'll get on my knees....remember about the toungue....hehe jk


I'll never tell.

<center><img src = http://www.prisma-online.de/image/0c/mmc1509aa073d89f0c.jpeg></center>

I think the reason some people don't like you is because your ass is crass. Also, all of your posts are a little too self-centered. Grow up a little.

<center><a href = "http://thereisnogod.faithweb.com"><img src = http://thereisnogod.faithweb.com/images/adfmontage.gif></a></center>

[Rev]

what ever happened to horseback riding, long walks in the park?

lol

xoxoxoxo,
Rev

<a href="http://angelfire.lycos.com/freak/revrocks">Stare Into The Void</a>
<IMG SRC="http://members.aol.com/creepyspiderella/images/revboothsigpicxxx.gif">

[Iamnotatool]

1st of all, I think we all have 'lists' in our minds. Whether we realize it or not.

2nd...I guess anal isnt a necessary. In fact, demanding anal is truly not necessary. I guess I never expected the outcry of seeming hatred from the board, when I was trying to just have some fun, and get some opinion. Maybe I was having a bitter night that night.


ATF, didn't realize I was being self centered, I'll start talkin about everyone else now....

Please don't hold my huge nutbag against me, or I'll hold it against you that you have flapjack tits...

[erole]

I spit fire and shit thunder, which by the way,
gives me terrible shitstains.

but if you actually did shit thunder you wouldn't really
leave anything. If it came along with lightning, then
sure, you could have a huge fucking burn mark. I really
will have to disagree with your case that your shitting
thunder leaves shitstains. Thunder, on it's own, is a
roaring sound which is caused by the flashing of
lightning. If you were to say that you spit fire, shit
thunder, and spew lightning from your dick, then I am
all for the thunder coming out of your ass pipe. The
lightning, with the thunder, gives credence to the idea
that thunder does actually come out of your brown eye.
Without that lightning, you would just be a liar. And I
hate liars. But, I'm preaching to the converted here, I
digress. Back to the shitstain. The sonic boom is an
interesting force in nature. I can believe that a
extremely aggressive thunder can somehow leave a
visible marking on your undergarment. That sonic
force may alter the composition of your undergarment,
being in such proximity to the boom itself. When I say
undergarment I mean underwear, boxers, etc. I am
not one to judge. You may be the kind of fellow who
wears thongs for one reason or another. In which case
one of two things would happen. 1: the thong would
snap from the force. 2: more unlikely but still possible,
the thong spans outward with the thrust and then
suddenly and violently recoils leaving you with a
bleeding rectum. If you are the type to wear thongs, I
think we can both agree that you should stop. God
forbid you are walking around one day and you shoot
one off, bleeding all over out in public. Maybe someone
accidently walks behind you and gets an arm or a leg
caught in that thong expansion. Man, you wouldn't
want up to your elbow in the poop shoot budday. Just
watch out for yourself with that shittin' thunder thing.
And maybe next time, explain yourself a little more. So
that you can be more believable when you present
yourself this way. And if you do get into a battle for
character re-adjustment with tenbat, I think you should
wear a thong, get his head caught in that thong
stretch, and have his head recoil into your intestinal
track. That should adjust him just fine.

yours truly,

~erole


<IMG SRC="http://members.hometown.aol.com/iamerole/myhomepage/people.jpg">
~The coolest bunch of bastards on earth.

[TheBrain007]

What ever happened to romance and passion. Now it's all about the anal. Ugh. Call me crazy, I could care less.

<b>TheBrain007</b>
"Are you pondering what I'm pondering?"

[WRESTLINGFAN]

I like girls that swallow, it is so impolite to spit

Kinda makes you think when the #1 rapper is white and the #1 golfer is black

[Arienette]

I like girls that swallow, it is so impolite to spit<a href="http://www.ronfez.net/messageboard/viewmessages.cfm?topic=9500&forum=81&messageid=119779">i agree</a>

<center><img src="http://thereisnogod.faithweb.com/images/arienette3.gif" height=100 width=300</img>

you just can't seem to fake or force a smile
not even a little one</center>

[Iamnotatool]

It's just messy...and RUDE! I don't spit her's out...

Please don't hold my huge nutbag against me, or I'll hold it against you that you have flapjack tits...

[Arienette]

What ever happened to romance and passion. Now it's all about the anal. Ugh. Call me crazy, I could care less.so, then, you do care.


<center><img src="http://thereisnogod.faithweb.com/images/arienette3.gif" height=100 width=300</img>

you just can't seem to fake or force a smile
not even a little one</center>

[Arienette]

ahhh! there are too many of them... make it stop


<center><img src="http://thereisnogod.faithweb.com/images/arienette3.gif" height=100 width=300</img>

you just can't seem to fake or force a smile
not even a little one</center>

This message was edited by Arienette on 3-8-03 @ 4:00 PM

[LatinSpiceXoX]

Iamnotatool, i agree with you. there are so many girls out there that say "i do this... and i do that..." but when it's time to perform they start to make excuses.
Maybe she just didn't wanna with you??

'You're a <a href="http://hometown.aol.com/latinspicexox/Latin.html">Good GirL</a>, and that's what makes me trust you...'
<IMG SRC="http://members.aol.com/latinspicexox/images/spicenotilt.jpg">
My Current Mood: <a href="http://www.imood.com/query.cgi?email=latinspicexox@aol.com"><img src="http://www.imood.com/query.cgi?email=latinspicexox@aol.com&type=1&fg=330066&trans=1" alt="The current mood of latinspicexox@aol.com at www.imood.com" border="0"></a>

[Iamnotatool]

Good point spicey,

Most girls don't just talk shit, it just depends on who they want to actually play with. You women always have right of refusal, while most guys, thats 'most' not all, would bang a hole in a 2 by 4 if it was lubed up...

Please don't hold my huge nutbag against me, or I'll hold it against you that you have flapjack tits...