The Chairman
03-08-2003, 01:19 PM
I'm not economical with words, so I'm just going to free associate this story, although it will still be very, very long.
So I bought my girlfriend a Playstation 2 for her birthday. Since the last time I played video games was when I had a Coleco-Vision in 1982, I knew nothing about the current generation of game consoles. So I did some research and asked friends from the Board and even kids and pretty much everyone said Playstation 2.
Which I now will refer to as "PS2" cause I'm cool like that.
So I buy PS2 for her and she loves it and I get her some games (which I find out are very expensive) and I even buy Madden 2003 cause that seems like the only game I might like cause I don't like video games to begin with and I especially don't like games that involve shooting or fantasy.
So she's psyched, especially since one of the games I got her was Lord of the Rings - Two Towers, even though she said the game was really easy. And despite Madden 2003, I still don't like video games.
So I'm at the store where I bought the PS2 and I'm looking at more games and I see this kid, who seems about 8 years old and looks like Bobby Bacala's kid on The Sopranos and he's just staring at the PS2 game display case with mouth agape. And I think to myself..."validate one more time", so I say to him, "young lad, what's the best game console," and he responds "PS2" as if there is any other.
I called him "young lad" cause I'm weird like that.
And then I say "Little Fat Fuck Kid who is going to grow up to be a Big Fat Guy named Rocco" (no I actually didn't say that)....I ask him..... "what's the best game for PS2" and he answers, reflexively, "Grand Theft Auto - Vice City"; again, as if there is no possible alternative answer.
He goes on to tell me that with GTAVC I can shoot prostitutes and hijack cars and on and on.
So I see another kid come up to the display case..he's like 12, and he asks the salesperson for Grand Theft Auto- Vice City, and the sales guy, who is like 50, says, "sorry you need to have your parents buy it for you." And the kid says his mom is in the store and it's ok, and the salesman says, "well then go get her", and of course, the kid leaves, dejected and crestfallen.
He does not come back with mommy.
So now I know what I'm getting and I ask the salesman for GTAVC (I'm abbreviating again now) and he asks me "how old is the kid?" And I say it's for my girlfriend. And he asks how old she is (as if I would date a 13 year old?) and I say 26. And he goes on to say he was asking because I might not know that this was a super violent game and "not for kids."
And so I respond that I realize that, and I'm purchasing the game because my girlfriend fantasizes about shooting prostitutes and hijacking cars and buying her this game might satisfy her urges without actually acting them out in real life...and this way she won't ever appear on the show "Cops" one day..... leaving me to play Madden 2003 all alone.
The salesman did not find my response amusing.
So I go to the electronics department counter to pay and as I'm paying I see a group of six mentally retarded people looking at the video games. One was in an electric wheelchair and kept knocking stuff over. And one, who looked about 25 and was severely, profoundly, retarded kept staring at the games with a plastic wallet in his hands. He was drooling and disheveled.
He was so retarded that even the state of Texas would not have executed him for committing murder during GW Bush's tenure as Governor.
He probably has met Jerry Lewis.
His name was Lenny, cause he had a tag on his jacket that said Lenny. How degrading.
OK, so I am leaving the store and right next to me is the six retarded kids. And all of a sudden, as Lenny began to exit the Target, he gets stopped by two undercover security guards. Now these are the ones that are undercover but you can tell they are undercover security guards. And they ask Lenny for his receipt for the Dr. Pepper Red Fusion that he is drinking. And this higher functioning guy in the group
So I bought my girlfriend a Playstation 2 for her birthday. Since the last time I played video games was when I had a Coleco-Vision in 1982, I knew nothing about the current generation of game consoles. So I did some research and asked friends from the Board and even kids and pretty much everyone said Playstation 2.
Which I now will refer to as "PS2" cause I'm cool like that.
So I buy PS2 for her and she loves it and I get her some games (which I find out are very expensive) and I even buy Madden 2003 cause that seems like the only game I might like cause I don't like video games to begin with and I especially don't like games that involve shooting or fantasy.
So she's psyched, especially since one of the games I got her was Lord of the Rings - Two Towers, even though she said the game was really easy. And despite Madden 2003, I still don't like video games.
So I'm at the store where I bought the PS2 and I'm looking at more games and I see this kid, who seems about 8 years old and looks like Bobby Bacala's kid on The Sopranos and he's just staring at the PS2 game display case with mouth agape. And I think to myself..."validate one more time", so I say to him, "young lad, what's the best game console," and he responds "PS2" as if there is any other.
I called him "young lad" cause I'm weird like that.
And then I say "Little Fat Fuck Kid who is going to grow up to be a Big Fat Guy named Rocco" (no I actually didn't say that)....I ask him..... "what's the best game for PS2" and he answers, reflexively, "Grand Theft Auto - Vice City"; again, as if there is no possible alternative answer.
He goes on to tell me that with GTAVC I can shoot prostitutes and hijack cars and on and on.
So I see another kid come up to the display case..he's like 12, and he asks the salesperson for Grand Theft Auto- Vice City, and the sales guy, who is like 50, says, "sorry you need to have your parents buy it for you." And the kid says his mom is in the store and it's ok, and the salesman says, "well then go get her", and of course, the kid leaves, dejected and crestfallen.
He does not come back with mommy.
So now I know what I'm getting and I ask the salesman for GTAVC (I'm abbreviating again now) and he asks me "how old is the kid?" And I say it's for my girlfriend. And he asks how old she is (as if I would date a 13 year old?) and I say 26. And he goes on to say he was asking because I might not know that this was a super violent game and "not for kids."
And so I respond that I realize that, and I'm purchasing the game because my girlfriend fantasizes about shooting prostitutes and hijacking cars and buying her this game might satisfy her urges without actually acting them out in real life...and this way she won't ever appear on the show "Cops" one day..... leaving me to play Madden 2003 all alone.
The salesman did not find my response amusing.
So I go to the electronics department counter to pay and as I'm paying I see a group of six mentally retarded people looking at the video games. One was in an electric wheelchair and kept knocking stuff over. And one, who looked about 25 and was severely, profoundly, retarded kept staring at the games with a plastic wallet in his hands. He was drooling and disheveled.
He was so retarded that even the state of Texas would not have executed him for committing murder during GW Bush's tenure as Governor.
He probably has met Jerry Lewis.
His name was Lenny, cause he had a tag on his jacket that said Lenny. How degrading.
OK, so I am leaving the store and right next to me is the six retarded kids. And all of a sudden, as Lenny began to exit the Target, he gets stopped by two undercover security guards. Now these are the ones that are undercover but you can tell they are undercover security guards. And they ask Lenny for his receipt for the Dr. Pepper Red Fusion that he is drinking. And this higher functioning guy in the group