Wedding Invitation

[Dan]

I got a wedding invitation from good friends of mine for
June in Baltimore. The thing is it's addressed solely to me
and there is no mention at all about bringing a guest. Not
even on the reply card or anything. It's addressed just to
me.

My question is: is a guest implied, or does that mean I
have to go alone?

I have NO PROBLEM if they don't want me to bring a
guest, I just don't know the ettiquite. I understand that
weddings are expensive and I'm mostly friends with the
groom so I understand the logic if they don't want me to
bring a guest. I in no way way begrudge my friends and
I'm honored to be invited at all. I just want to know what
the deal is and it's not like I can just call my friend up and
ask.

I asked around and all my other friends have guest
"privledges" but they are all either married or engaged, so
thier invites are addressed to both parts of the couple.

Secondly, is this an UNvitation?? Do they hope that I
won't come because it's in Baltimore and I would have to
go alone?? Do they wish I don't come but didn't want to
be rude?

I'm close with this guy and I'm friends with his future wife
and I've known them since college, so I know they don't
personally dislike me it's just that a guy I work with is
getting married and he told me they invited a bunch of
distant relatives and such that they know won't come but
will send a gift. I just don't want to go if they are hoping I
don't...it will just be akward...

I love my friends and I just don't want to screw things up.
I'll go to the wedding if they want me there and I'll have
no problem dropping the money on a hotel just for me. If
they don't, I'll just go to the bachelor party in NYC, send a
gift, and make other plans.

so, to recap:

1. Is a guest implied or do I have to go solo?
2. Is it an UNvitation?


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[reeshy]

Why don't you pick up the phone and ask them?

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[2BigFeet]

I love my friends and I just don't want to screw things up.

If his friendship means alot to you then you should'nt feel uncomfortable giving him a call to straighten it up. Just call and say something like " this is going to sound really stupid so don't laugh but is this invite for me only or me and a guest?"
I've never gotten an invite that did not include a guest and my wedding is coming up in November and who ever is single says "and guest."

Ow, my eye, my doctor told me not to get pudding in it

[Shecky]

I can't help ya, maybe you could bring your lady and Black Earl too.

PRAY FOR THE BRAVE ONES!!!!

Later On,
SHECKY

[Zoefus]

Could be he was not involved in addressing the invites and there was a misunderstanding. My mother did the addressing for me and screwed up a few of them. No harm in calling to clarify.




This message was edited by Zoefus on 4-17-03 @ 11:06 AM

[Lisa Croft]

It sounds like a misunderstanding. I think it's pretty unreasonable to ask someone to go to Baltimore alone. You should just call and ask. As far as the "UNvitation" part, you sound pretty confident that you and this guy are good friends, so why wouldn't he want you there? I think the unvitation applies more to people you really aren't close with but feel awkward not inviting, like a distant relative or a friend of your mom's or something.

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[GaryWyze]

<font color=purple>Unless he's socially retarded, it means no guest.

And no, it's not a way of inviting you without really inviting you. They probably just made a decision to only invite couples who were beyond the dating stage.

Tacky, in my opinion, but these things happen.

You say that you're honored to have been invited, and don't have a problem going stag, so I say reply that you'll be attending and stop reading so much into it.

Btw, even though she won't be going to the reception, you could always bring your chick and make a weekend of it. Baltimore in June is nicey nice and if you're a seafood fan, it's the place to be.

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This message was edited by GaryWyze on 4-17-03 @ 12:06 PM

[A.J.]

Baltimore in June is nicey nice and if you're a seafood fan, it's the place to be.


And I think the Yankees come to town in June so maybe you can see them at Camden Yards (if you're so inclined).

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[Arienette]

1. Is a guest implied or do I have to go solo?
2. Is it an UNvitation?
1 - a guest is not implied. we are planning my sister's wedding right now, and this was one of the big considerations. it gets really expensive, and one way that a lot of people try to cut costs is to invite people without guests. from what i understand, the general rule is that, unless the person is married, co-habitating, or in a long term relationship, they may be invited sans guest. i dont think there's anything wrong with your calling and asking, but i would just make it clear that you're "just checking". you dont want to put them in a situation where they feel compelled to now invite you with a guest because it's uncomfortable for them to say no.

2 - i dont think this is an unvitation. i really believe what i said in my other answer - that they are just trying to keep the costs as low as they can. if they didn't want you to come, they just wouldn't have invited you at all.

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[DreamWeaver]

I love my friends and I just don't want to screw things up. I'll go to the wedding if they want me there and I'll have no problem dropping the money on a hotel just for me. If they don't, I'll just go to the bachelor party in NYC, send a gift, and make other plans

What's up Paranoia!!! You are not going to screw up an entire wedding if you bring a guest. Let's not get crazy.

Why don't you email them (so you don't have to actually speak to someone) and ask if you should bring a guest because you weren't sure if you could and you don't want to take the ride alone?

It most definitley is not an Unvitation. They love you and want you there. Maybe they just assumed since you werent married or engaged and they are tight on cash that you could come alone.

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This message was edited by DreamWeaver on 4-17-03 @ 12:22 PM

[Dewey]

In Miss Manner's Book of Weddings, page 312, it clearly states: "Not specifying a number of guests on a wedding invitation implies that the invitee is allowed to bring as many guests as they wish. For the invitee then to bring less than 14 guests is a direct insult concerning the morals of the bride and amounts to a wish that the marriage be unfertile."

To properly honor the bride, then, and to accept the invitation in the gracious manner it was offered, you should invite the entire rf.net board to attend with you. We'll have a great time. Contact your nearest moderator and e-mail us the directions.

So glad I could be of help in resolving this uncomfortable situation.

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[Dan]

Thank you for your help. I admit I am somewhat paranoid about the UNvitation thing. I'm probably just gonna go stag and get drunk and hit on bridesmaids. Should be fun. There is no way I'm going to ask my friends because if it was a conscience decision to invite me sans guest I would just make them feel bad by asking about it. It's all kind of a moot point anyway because I don't have a guest lined up.

Thanks for the help!!

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[ChrisTheCop]

This is Fez's wedding we're talking about isnt it? Cheap bastard.

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[ADF]

It's all kind of a moot point anyway because I don't have a guest lined up.



See, my theory the whole time was that this was a desperate attempt to get a date. You sick, twisted bastard.

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[HordeKing1]

Reeshy's advise was right on the money. Ask your friend if you may bring a guest (if you have a guest in mind).

Some people just don't invite unengaged couples, figuring that they don't want to spring an extra $100 on someone who they (and you) may never see again. There is nothing wrong with doing this, it's a matter of economics and personal taste.

The UNVITATION is a real phenomenon. In my opinion it's pretty tacky. There is nothing here that suggests that this is the case here however. You're good friends with the couple. The wedding isn't so far away that you can't come, it's just a pain in the ass to do so. No one can fault you if you choose not to make the long trip, but b/c of your friendship it would be nice if you could do it.

Again, ask your friend about the guest, if you want to bring one. Don't be insulted if he says the invitation was for you alone.

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