Crapping In The Middle of the Night [Archive]

Johnny Fontane

04-25-2003, 04:46 PM

Did you ever wake up in the middle of the night to take a nasty shit? Isn't it kind of scary? It's like a jolt to your system.

This happened to me at like 3:00 A.M. last night, and I still feel discombobulated.

Waking up to take a piss is one thing, but waking up to shit is traumatizing.

"I want you to go tonight; I want you to talk to this movie bigshot, and settle this business for Johnny. Now, if there's nothing else, I'd like to go to my daughter's wedding."

IrishAlkey

04-25-2003, 05:01 PM

Sounds like your colon was having a nightmare.

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TheMojoPin

04-25-2003, 06:59 PM

It's awful. And it's inevitable if I'm drunk and a half and get some crappy local Mexican food. It takes forever to wake up, you're in agony, can't tell if it's a dream or not, and I usually fall asleep on the bowl, until I am awakened by spasms of pain in my gut and the frenzied clenching of my ravaged anus.

And then there are the nights when Alkey & Reeshy AREN'T sleeping over...

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2% << December boys got it BAD. >> "You can tell some lies about the good times you've had/But I've kissed your mother twice and now I'm working on your dad..."

IrishAlkey

04-25-2003, 07:02 PM

until I am awakened by spasms of pain in my gut and the frenzied clenching of my ravaged anus.

<3

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reeshy

04-25-2003, 07:10 PM

Oh yea, Mojo???

Next time I get the urge- I'll just shit the bed and make you and Alkey sleep on the wet spot!!!!

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TheMojoPin

04-25-2003, 07:16 PM

Alkey won't mind. Just smell his balls...

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2% << December boys got it BAD. >> "You can tell some lies about the good times you've had/But I've kissed your mother twice and now I'm working on your dad..."

IrishAlkey

04-25-2003, 07:18 PM

http://members.lycos.co.uk/unnecessary/hpbimg/billy-joel.jpg

In the middle of the night
I go crappin' in my sheets

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TheMojoPin

04-25-2003, 07:22 PM

We didn't start the fire
My ass has been yearning
Since my stomach's been churning

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2% << December boys got it BAD. >> "You can tell some lies about the good times you've had/But I've kissed your mother twice and now I'm working on your dad..."

IrishAlkey

04-25-2003, 07:24 PM

PRESSURE!

MY COLON'S UNDER PRESSURE!

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TheMojoPin

04-25-2003, 07:30 PM

Oh, it doesn't matter what you wear
Just as long as you are there
So come on, every guy grab a girl
Everywhere around the world
There'll be shitin'
Shitin' in the sheets!

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2% << December boys got it BAD. >> "You can tell some lies about the good times you've had/But I've kissed your mother twice and now I'm working on your dad..."

ADF

04-25-2003, 07:45 PM

When you close your eyes and go to sleep
And it's down to the sound of a fartbeat
I can hear the things that you're dreaming about
When you open up your butt and the shit comes out

You tell me that you want me
You tell me that you need me
You tell me that you love me
And I know you're not tight
Cuz I feel it on my side

I feel the liquids that you seep
When you're crapping in your sleep

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fluffernutter

04-25-2003, 07:57 PM

I know this Quarter Pounder and Chicken McNuggets are gonna move my bowels oh...about.....3!

Maybe if I look hard enough I will be able to see the onions. Hell, I saw corn the other night.

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Johnny Fontane

04-27-2003, 07:24 PM

And in the end
The shit you take
Is equal to the shit
You make.

"I want you to go tonight; I want you to talk to this movie bigshot, and settle this business for Johnny. Now, if there's nothing else, I'd like to go to my daughter's wedding."

Death Metal Moe

04-27-2003, 07:29 PM

I started hearing the riff to 'Iron Man" in my head and couldn't do anything with it.

I'm not on a roll, so don't call me butter.

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666%

Lisa Croft

04-27-2003, 08:17 PM

http://lyrics.microchiot.com/v1/g/go.gos/greatest.jpg

We crap our sheets, we crap our sheets, we crap our sheets. Yeah... WE CRAP OUR SHEETS!!!

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This message was edited by Lisa Croft on 4-28-03 @ 12:23 AM

Death Metal Moe

04-27-2003, 08:26 PM

There's a little brown spot in the bowl today
It's the same old Turd as yesterday

http://www.musicclub.it/fototeca/POLICE.jpg

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666%

This message was edited by Death_Metal Moe on 4-28-03 @ 12:30 AM

FUNKMAN

04-27-2003, 08:41 PM

Crap in Black

Crap in Black
I shit the sack
A log too long
It hurt my crack
Yes, I'm dead loose
from the caboose, that's kept me hanging around.
I'm just, uh, shitting on the side 'cause it's gettin' me high,
forget the hearse cause I never die.
I got nine lives, bad hives,
each and every one of them is wondrin why,
cause I crap!
Yes, I crap!
Mama, I crap!
Yes, I crap!
Well, I crap, crap.
Well, I crap in black, yes I crap in black! Ow!

<img src="http://thereisnogod.faithweb.com/images/funkman.gif">

TheMojoPin

04-28-2003, 06:23 AM

You Can't, You Won't And You Don't Stop
You Can't, You Won't And You Don't Stop
You Can't, You Won't And You Don't Stop
Mike D Come On And Rock The Sure Shit

I've Got The Brand New Doo-Doo Guaranteed
Like Yoo Hoo
I'm on the John, Yea Mr Zu Zu
I''m on a brand new bed, Not even a trace of pee
And Every time I dump it's Funky Like Lee Dorsey
Well, It's The Taking of Pelham, One, Two, Three
If You Want A Doodoo Rhyme Then Come See Me
I've Got The Savior Faire With The Unique Rhyme
And I Keep It On And On, It's Never Quitting Time And
Strictly Hand Held Is The Style I Go
Never Rock The Mice With The Panty Hose
I Strap On My Ear Goggles And I'm Ready To Go
'Couse At The Boards Is The Man They Call The Mario
Pull Up At The Function And You Know I Kojak
To All The Party People That Are On My Bozak
I've Got More Action when I'm taking a poo
And I've Got Mad shits Like I Was Rod Crew

You Can't, You Won't And You Don't Stop
You Can't, You Won't And You Don't Stop
You Can't, You Won't And You Don't Stop
Ad Rock Come And Rock The Sure Shit

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2% << December boys got it BAD. >> "You can tell some lies about the good times you've had/But I've kissed your mother twice and now I'm working on your dad..."

East Side Dave

04-28-2003, 07:55 AM

Poop-heads, poop-heads,
roly poly poop-heads,
poop-heads, poop-heads,
eat them up, yum!

..................I regret taking part in this.

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Big Ass Mafia

A.J.

04-28-2003, 08:04 AM

We had joy
we had fun
we had peanuts in the dung

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A Skidmark production.

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DJEvelEd

04-28-2003, 09:34 AM

Here I sit
I'm takin a shit
and I'm wondering when it's gonna quit
It's brown it's loud
and I'm damn proud
to be adding waste
to the human race
The bowl is full
but I'll push and pull
I flush it down
and start another mound

<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Big bird is Ferrall's bitch
<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

FUNKMAN

04-28-2003, 08:04 PM

Whiskey bottles, and brand new cars
Oak tree you're in my way
There's too much coke and too much smoke
Look what's going on inside you
Ooooh that smell
Can't you smell that smell
Ooooh that smell
The smell of death surrounds you

<img src="http://www.markfarner.com/2001tour/ribfest8_small.jpg">

FUNKMAN

04-28-2003, 08:06 PM

You dropped a bomb on me, baby
You dropped a bomb on me, baby
You dropped a bomb on me.

We were in motion, felt like lotion
You were the girl for me
You were the first explosion,
Turned out to be corrosion
You were the first for me.

But you turned me out, baby
You dropped a bomb on me, baby
You dropped a bomb on me.
You dropped a bomb on me, baby
You dropped a bomb on me.

<img src="http://www.markfarner.com/2001tour/ribfest8_small.jpg">

TheMojoPin

04-28-2003, 10:42 PM

Atomic dump
Atomic du-u-u-ump

Ow-ow-ow-yippie-ow-yippie-yikes
Ow-ow-yippie-ow-yippie-yikes
Ow-ow-ow-yippie-ow-yippie-yikes
Ow-ow-yippie-ow-yippie-yikes

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2% << December boys got it BAD. >> "You can tell some lies about the good times you've had/But I've kissed your mother twice and now I'm working on your dad..."

Death Metal Moe

04-29-2003, 06:37 PM

Ooooooo that smell,
Can ya smell that smell?

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666%

TheMojoPin

04-29-2003, 07:34 PM

"Oooooooh, baby, I like it raw/Ooooooooh, baby, I like it RAAAAAAAAAWWWWW!!!"

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2% << December boys got it BAD. >> "You can tell some lies about the good times you've had/But I've kissed your mother twice and now I'm working on your dad..."

FUNKMAN

04-29-2003, 07:48 PM

This is how Bruce tells it:

Well it seem like I've been playin' the game way too long
And it seems the game I played has made you strong

Because I crapped...Oh yeah!
crapped...Oh yeah yeah!
crapped...Oh yeah yeah!
crapped...Oh yeah!

I crapped...Oh yeah yeah!
crapped...Oh yeah yeah
crapped...Oh yeahhhhhh
crapped....oh yeahhhh
I crapped.

COMING SOON!

Darkness On The Edge Of The Bowl...

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Jasmines Song

04-30-2003, 02:39 PM

When you're sliding into first
And your pants begin to burst
That's diarrhea, diarrhea

When you're sliding into two
And your pants are filled with goo
That's diarrhea, diarrhea

When you're sliding into third
And you feel a greasy turd
That's diarrhea, diarrhea

When you're sliding into home
And your pants are filled with foam
That's diarrhea, diarrhea

You're getting in a state
cos' you've left it very late
diarrhea diarrhea

It comes out of your bum
like a bullet from a gun
diarrhea diarrhea

runs down your leg
like a scrambled egg
diarrhea diarrhea

It's not very funny
but it's very hot and runny
diarrhea diarrhea

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"Be brave...be beautiful"

Spank Daddy

04-30-2003, 02:53 PM

I started hearing the riff to 'Iron Man" in my head and couldn't do anything with it.

Am I alive or dead ?
out my ass pops a turtle head
on the bowl I sit
half asleep I need to shit

Somebody help me........
I'm in a world of - do-do do-do-doo
do-do-doo do-do-poop !

I'd type more, but you know, I suddenly got the urge..............where's today's sports section ??