The Chairman
04-30-2003, 10:06 PM
Gotcha!
I'm a Met fan. I like Piazza.
Anyway, I dug up a fake Press Release I wrote for a fellow Met fan as a joke a few years ago, provided for a bit of diversion during this horrid season so far.
Hope you like it...
METS CATCHER PIAZZA TRADED TO GIANTS
FLUSHING, NY. -October 4, 1999
Just one day after making the playoffs for the first time in the 90's, Steve Phillips, General Manager of the New York Mets, announced today that Mets catcher Mike Piazza has abruptly left the club for "personal reasons."
In announcing the shocking news, Phillips stated that Piazza, the franchise player acquired from the Dodgers last year for a then record breaking $91 million contract, had been behaving bizarrely for several months, culminating in a total breakdown just one day after the Amazin' Mets squeaked out a playoff berth with a 2-1 win against the Pittsburgh Pirates.
"He [Piazza] had become an increasing distraction in the clubhouse", said Phillips, his voice cracking at times. He went on that the perennial All-Star "was the player the [Mets] needed to take [the team] to the next level", helping us remain in contention in the pennant race", but his behavior was ultimately, "detrimental to the Mets." Mets co-owner Nelson Doubleday stated that while the Mets near collapse during the recent sweep by Division winner Atlanta Braves had been blamed on Mets manager Bobby Valentine, in fact it was Piazza that had caused the meltdown that included losing seven games in a row. "I wish him luck. The entire organization is praying for him."
News of Piazza's breakdown, comes just a week after Miami Dolphins linebacker Demitrios Underwood was admitted to a Lansing, Michigan Hospital for a self inflicted knife would, the result of a suicide attempt by the troubled former first round draft pick by the Minnesota Vikings. Stunned fans of the New York team that hasn't been in the post-season since its World Series year in 1989, were lining the streets surrounding Shea Stadium soon after the announcement, made in a hastily organized news conference from the Four Seasons Hotel in Manhattan. A source close to the Mets, speaking on condition of anonymity, stated that, "the Mets [had to] do something about [Piazza], before his "destructive and reckless" behavior became public, prior to a rumored sale of the team to a group led by Cablevision magnate Charles Dolan.
The confidential source alluded to behavior by Piazza that had long been rumored, but which was apparently tolerated by the Mets organization until yesterday. It appears Mets management wanted to wait until the team's playoff status was decided, before going public with Piazza's troubles.
Piazza's behavior had been "erratic", over the past year according Dr. Seymore Epstein, team psychiatrist. Epstein, the Chief of Psychiatry at Lenox Hill Hospital in Manhattan, first consulted with the Mets about Piazza in late December 1998, after the handsome bachelor made a promotional appearance at Long Island Jewish Hospital's Pediatric Intensive Care Unit. The Mets' public relations team had planned for him to deliver toys to sick children dressed as Santa Claus, stated behavioral health expert and author of "The Prozac Diet." According to Epstein, Piazza arrived 3 hours late for his charity appearance dressed in pimp clothes, told the kids Santa Claus was fake, and handed out pamphlets published by Jehovah's Witnesses. He later took several puppies that were on the hospital unit as part of a pet therapy program and dropped them of at a cosmetics testing lab for "Draize Test" research. The puppies were later recovered, dazed, but unharmed.
These and other incidents only now coming to light reveal a pattern of "total mental collapse" that indicates a serious underlying psychiatric illness requiring an extended stay in a hospital, Epstein has detrermined. While most players contacted for this article did not want to go on record,
Felix Milan, the second baseman for the Mets during the 1970's, recalled meeting Piazza at a charity golf tournament. "He tried to sell me
I'm a Met fan. I like Piazza.
Anyway, I dug up a fake Press Release I wrote for a fellow Met fan as a joke a few years ago, provided for a bit of diversion during this horrid season so far.
Hope you like it...
METS CATCHER PIAZZA TRADED TO GIANTS
FLUSHING, NY. -October 4, 1999
Just one day after making the playoffs for the first time in the 90's, Steve Phillips, General Manager of the New York Mets, announced today that Mets catcher Mike Piazza has abruptly left the club for "personal reasons."
In announcing the shocking news, Phillips stated that Piazza, the franchise player acquired from the Dodgers last year for a then record breaking $91 million contract, had been behaving bizarrely for several months, culminating in a total breakdown just one day after the Amazin' Mets squeaked out a playoff berth with a 2-1 win against the Pittsburgh Pirates.
"He [Piazza] had become an increasing distraction in the clubhouse", said Phillips, his voice cracking at times. He went on that the perennial All-Star "was the player the [Mets] needed to take [the team] to the next level", helping us remain in contention in the pennant race", but his behavior was ultimately, "detrimental to the Mets." Mets co-owner Nelson Doubleday stated that while the Mets near collapse during the recent sweep by Division winner Atlanta Braves had been blamed on Mets manager Bobby Valentine, in fact it was Piazza that had caused the meltdown that included losing seven games in a row. "I wish him luck. The entire organization is praying for him."
News of Piazza's breakdown, comes just a week after Miami Dolphins linebacker Demitrios Underwood was admitted to a Lansing, Michigan Hospital for a self inflicted knife would, the result of a suicide attempt by the troubled former first round draft pick by the Minnesota Vikings. Stunned fans of the New York team that hasn't been in the post-season since its World Series year in 1989, were lining the streets surrounding Shea Stadium soon after the announcement, made in a hastily organized news conference from the Four Seasons Hotel in Manhattan. A source close to the Mets, speaking on condition of anonymity, stated that, "the Mets [had to] do something about [Piazza], before his "destructive and reckless" behavior became public, prior to a rumored sale of the team to a group led by Cablevision magnate Charles Dolan.
The confidential source alluded to behavior by Piazza that had long been rumored, but which was apparently tolerated by the Mets organization until yesterday. It appears Mets management wanted to wait until the team's playoff status was decided, before going public with Piazza's troubles.
Piazza's behavior had been "erratic", over the past year according Dr. Seymore Epstein, team psychiatrist. Epstein, the Chief of Psychiatry at Lenox Hill Hospital in Manhattan, first consulted with the Mets about Piazza in late December 1998, after the handsome bachelor made a promotional appearance at Long Island Jewish Hospital's Pediatric Intensive Care Unit. The Mets' public relations team had planned for him to deliver toys to sick children dressed as Santa Claus, stated behavioral health expert and author of "The Prozac Diet." According to Epstein, Piazza arrived 3 hours late for his charity appearance dressed in pimp clothes, told the kids Santa Claus was fake, and handed out pamphlets published by Jehovah's Witnesses. He later took several puppies that were on the hospital unit as part of a pet therapy program and dropped them of at a cosmetics testing lab for "Draize Test" research. The puppies were later recovered, dazed, but unharmed.
These and other incidents only now coming to light reveal a pattern of "total mental collapse" that indicates a serious underlying psychiatric illness requiring an extended stay in a hospital, Epstein has detrermined. While most players contacted for this article did not want to go on record,
Felix Milan, the second baseman for the Mets during the 1970's, recalled meeting Piazza at a charity golf tournament. "He tried to sell me