What do you do to get out of a "Bad Place?" [Archive]

Reephdweller

05-04-2003, 08:16 PM

What has put you in a bad place friend?
You don't have to be specific, but try breaking it down a little. Is it a friend, a girl, family, something else? Is it the whole quagmire with the answering machine you've been having?

As for things to cheer me up, I think of special people in my life who I know love me and depend on me. I also try to think of other things, such as watching a movie or going out or going somewhere I haven't been. Hanging with a friend, or working on a hobby. Anything to take your mind off of whatevers bothering you.

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This message was edited by reefdwella on 5-5-03 @ 12:20 AM

Death Metal Moe

05-04-2003, 08:19 PM

It's old things I should have delt with back then. It's a new concern that just presented itself. It's an even older pain that will not stop. It's the guilt of something I'm not even sure I should feel guilty about, but slowly kills me everyday of my life. It's other's emotional trauma that effected me a little.

But most of all it's all these things coming together at once.

I actually took some sort of panic attack the other day while I was driving.

I'm not really willing to talk about any of these things with anyone. I was just hoping someone had a cure-all suggestion that would make my entire life smell like roses.

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Dewey

05-04-2003, 08:20 PM

Sorry to hear that, Moe. First off, do a search on the symptoms of a clinical depression. If you're in one of those, see a qualified psychiatrist; normal means aren't going to help there.

I'm going to assume, however, that this isn't the case, since you're talking about a down weekend. In that case, I usually try some mix of the following:

First, make sure the physical stuff is OK. Are you eating right? Too much sugar or alcohol? Low blood sugar can mimic depression quite well. Enough sleep? Too much?

Exercise is definitely helpful. Gets the blood flowing, releases endorphins, can make you feel like a "new man". Even a walk on a nice day can be helpful.

Spiritual or inspiring reading or movies are helpful to me. They often remind me that what is important is not the outward successes, but the sincerity of the inner effort that matters. Everyone gets knocked down; the ones who stay down are the only ones who fail.

List the things that please you and make you feel good about yourself, and do some of them. Do you like to draw, paint, fly a kite, build models, do jigsaw puzzles, whatever. Sometimes you just have to get in motion, a little bit. Sometimes its enough just to put one foot in front of the other.

Check your living environment. Is it a pig sty? A depressing environment can pull you down. Straighten it up a bit; put some color in it. These things can help.

Examine your expectations of yourself. Unrealistic aims, goals and expectations are also a cause of depression. You don't need to be perfect today; next Tuesday will be fine.

Good luck, my friend. If I think of other things, I'll post them.

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Gmann

05-04-2003, 08:25 PM

Ive been in a "Bad Place" in my heart and mentally for pretty much a year now.

FEAR....FEAR attracts the fearful....the strong, the weak, the innocent, the corrupt.....FEAR....FEAR is my ally!!!

Reephdweller

05-04-2003, 08:27 PM

I'm not really willing to talk about any of these things with anyone.

got'cha. though if you're having panic attacks, you should probably be speaking to someone about it. maybe a friend or someone you admire because it'll just keep eating away at you.

as for a cure all. i found that writing the problems out on paper helped a lot, because while you're not necessarily sharing it with anyone you're getting those feeling out. i even wrote several long winded emails that i eventually never sent off, but i was able to get those feelings out and it helped a lot. whatever was bothering me went away. so if talking to someone isn't going to happen, try writing it out - read it over and try rationalizing it all. i don't know if that makes sense or helps, but it did for me.

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PanterA

05-04-2003, 08:29 PM

The same thing I use to get into "The Bad Place"....Vasoline

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FUNKMAN

05-04-2003, 08:32 PM

I was just hoping someone had a cure-all suggestion that would make my entire life smell like roses

Moe,

just want to say that I don't like to see ya down...

keep your chin up and take it a day at a time... think about what's bugging you and if you can change it for the better, try to...

stay away from the drugs and booze(if they are part of this) and make a point to take care of yourself... mentally and physicaly...

they're probably aren't too many "quick fixes"...
take it a little at a time and build yourself back up...

Peace!

Funkman

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TheMojoPin

05-04-2003, 08:51 PM

Though it's not your first or favorite choice, talking to someone might be the best thing to do, to at least get some things off of your chest and venting a little. Probably best to NOT "medicate" yourself with booze or drugs, or even indulging in things like overeating at a time like this, because ultimately it could just make you feel worse. Me, I write when I get like that...write my balls off. Most of it ends up being shit, but it gives me a chance to express a lot of crap I keep bottled up inside. You're a musician, so you might get the same through music...

Drop me a line if you're up to it, Moe-mar.

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Death Metal Moe

05-04-2003, 09:04 PM

I appreciate all the suggestions.

I don't drink or do drugs. I hardly ever tried even pot, and I'm no longer a drunk. I used to be the weekend boozer kind, but it gets old fast.

And I really never felt that talking to people made my problems any better. They still existed after I was done bitching about my crap to someone else. I mean hey, they have their own problems too. Why dump more on them.

I was trying to post a little tonight to get my mind in a more funny place, but even it has not helped.

Life just sucks. It sucks a little more sometimes than others.

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Steels

05-04-2003, 09:48 PM

What do you all do to cheer up.

Listen to archived "Ron & Fez" shows. If you would like any drop me a line anytime, I have some classics.

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GodsFavoriteMan

05-04-2003, 10:11 PM

most of the time when I'm in a Bad Place, I try to figure out how I got there. Then I try to figure out what I can do to make the Bad Place decent. Just the doing makes me feel better.

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The Nature Boy

05-04-2003, 10:48 PM

Strip Bar?

Imax Movie?

Ride in the Ghetto works for me too.

I find depression is stagnation. And sometimes its good to take that hellish introspection and examine just how big of loser you are and how poorly you've lived your life and fucked over not only yourself but everyone else too.

And then that passes, and you have a good laugh about such trite thoughts.

Anyway, as for my 3 suggestions, all are an adrenline rush to me. Takes my mind off whatever my mind is on and onto that situation. You can't worry about some whore you did or did not in high school doing those actitivies. Less so with the Imax, but it's an awesome sight that always puts me in that moment. Even less so with the Strip club but man cannot live by bread alone my friend...

But ask yourself what gives you that little shot, man. Nude bars aint your bag, do whatever is. Along the lines of something that scares or intimidates you. Leave the comfort zone behind and go where the freakiness reigns. But there is no cure all-catchall answer.

I will also take a ride through Sussex and Warren County when I"m glum too, and just soak up the countryside and be docile for a bit. Hit the Deleware Water Gap park and turn down some forgotten path and just get as far the fuck away from people as possible. That will also usually get me lost in the moment, and when you're lost there, it's hard to find the panic/depression/fear whatever.

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DJEvelEd

05-05-2003, 02:46 PM

*Go on that new Superman ride till you puke.
*If there's a coworker that you don't like, wipe a wet booger on their monitor.
*Shitting in a public urinal is a favorite of mine.
*prostitute
*loud music
*go 4 wheelin
*pet a cat

So why the fuck am I so depressed? Maybe you better listen to the "normal" people Moe...

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<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<
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HordeKing1

05-05-2003, 06:47 PM

DMM - Everyone get's into a "bad place" or state of mind now and then. It appears that the heart of your mood disturbance is the synergy of divergent elements in your life. This can overwhelm a person's normal resiliency.

A depressed mood that lasts for a short time, (unless accompanied by suicidal thoughts) isn't something to worry about.

However, you describe something that I find disturbing - the guilt that eats away at you every day of your life even though it's not something you're even sure you should feel guilty about.

Talk therapy works wonders. It doesn't take away your problems, but it can change the way you view them and give you new tools to handle them.

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy also works wonders. (Some studies show it to be as effective as anti-psychotics). The theory is that bad thoughts cause problems. Eliminate the bad thoughts (by making the person aware that they are bad or incorrect thoughts) and the problems disappear. It's similar to talk therapy in many ways, but it's much more judgmental in the sense that the therapist tells the client, "you're thinking is screwy here."

Unfortunately, there is no magic bullet that can remove bad feelings. Exercise has been shown to help as has deep breathing exercises, especially if you're having panic-attacks. Short term drugs like Kolonopin are very helpful in controlling panic attacks (or buspar for long term panic attacks). One panic attack isn't enough to make you rush out and look for meds though.

I have to disagree with Dewey on one point. I don't recomend that you go out and look up symptoms of depression - especially when depressed. The symptoms alone are not enough to make a diagnosis w/o a full understanding of how to interpret them and the appropriateness of the emotion. to the situation.

I know you wrote that you don't want to talk in detail, but should you change your mind, please feel free to contact me.

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Death Metal Moe

05-06-2003, 02:30 PM

Thank you everyone. I wish I hadn't posted this, but it's too late now.

My only problem is that a few of you mentioned some sort of therapy. I have no doubt that this can help, but what do us poor folk do about therapy? I have no coverage of any kind.

At least the Simpsons can make me forget my troubles for a few minutes.

And what do you do when you feel ashamed to even admit you have these problems, or would feel like a douche bag eve talking about them to someone?

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reeshy

05-06-2003, 02:39 PM

Moe,
There are clinics you can go to that charge a percentage of what the higher priced ones charge based on your income (so you lie a little bit) I was never one for talk therapy or psychotropics. I am presently in group therapy for PTSD with the VA. I fought it tooth and nail at first cause I didn't want to "air" my dirty laundry in front of strangers. After a while, I realized that the rest of the group had the same problems I did and actually had some good advice to give me. Seriously, give it a shot. What could it hurt? I'm glad that I go -sure- my problem won't go away but at least now I can cope with it. GO for it and feel better, my friend.

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Arienette

05-06-2003, 02:44 PM

i've been avoiding this thread like the plague, because it's a little too relevant to me right now. but, today, i figured what the hell.

moe, i've been in a pretty bad place myself recently. i know that everything is aggravated right now because i have a lot of stress in my life. but all the issues that are coming up are just really disturbing me. i've been crying every day.. sometimes more than once. i've been feeling completely insecure, and everything's been bothering me. it's hard to even imagine feeling better right now. unlike you, i've been talking about it. i've been telling my boyfriend how i've been feeling (even though a lot of it has been directed at him), as well as my friends. i haven't talked to family, because i know that they'd just get too worried and turn it into something it doens't need to be. but, in the end, none of that talking has made me feel much better. i don't blame you for not wanting to. i hope we're both feeling a little better soon.

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FUNKMAN

05-06-2003, 04:27 PM

. i hope we're both feeling a little better soon.

i hope so too!

Funkman

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Tall_James

05-06-2003, 04:30 PM

I'm not really willing to talk about any of these things with anyone. I was just hoping someone had a cure-all suggestion that would make my entire life smell like roses.
If you do find this cure-all...please share.

It may not be a cure-all but I think its pretty cool that a bunch of people who only know you from the board and have never met you are actively trying to help you out and are genuinely concerned with your well-being. That should restore some of your faith in your fellow man. Yeah, most people do suck. But not everyone. And knowing what those people think of you and who enjoy what you say should help somewhat.

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Death Metal Moe

05-06-2003, 04:31 PM

Sorry to hear that Arienette. Although I don't know the extent of your pain, I feel some of it.

So you really feel that talking about it helps? It's always been my experience that it doesn't. All it serves t do is make me hear how petty and stupid my problems sound when I say them out loud, and then I feel sorry for burdening someone else's life with them. After all, they have their own problems.

And thanks Reeshy, but I have NO MONEY. None. And I'm having a lot of trouble finding a job that's not one of these "Throw away" jobs. I need something longer term with benefits.

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Reephdweller

05-06-2003, 05:13 PM

Arienette and Moe, first of all I hope you find your way out of it soon. Being that I recently got out of my own depression know how it feels.

For me talking and writing it out helped me a lot. But we all deal with these things in our own way. Moe, you shouldn't feel wrong for posting this, it may feel embarassing, but what you should take from this is that people here care about you and want the best.

Eventually though, you will make it out and you'll feel a lot better. One day you'll look back at this post and see where you were at and realize that you're miles away from where you were then. I realized it myself one day while clearing out emails that I'd sent to friends at my worst moments. I couldn't believe the emotional state I was in.

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stickyfingers

05-07-2003, 09:20 PM

sorry to bring up old shit, which i hope it is for you but...

moe,

much like you i hate to talk about my problems to other people b/c they always say the same thing that anyone else would say, like, ...its not that bad...or...things'll turn around....or you can count on me....and you're right when its all said and done i feel the same way after i get done 'talking' as i did before, only now someone knows how shitty my life is

Man what you need is a fresh start...i was seriously depressed 2 weeks ago and i was even comtemplating my end but i told myself to stop feeling bad for myself and do whatever it takes to make me feel better, regardless, of what other people feel....i had lost my job and felt like such a loser b/c everyone i know is employed and i had nothing, nothing but fat car payments and student loans piling up....

so what i did was to use all those feelings of guilt, worry, and anxiety and imprint them in my mind and remember how bad that felt....now everyday i try to get further and further away from 'that place' and never allow myself to get back there....believe it or not its kinda working although it sometimes feels like i am taking 2 steps forward and 1 step back...but no matter what always remember that someone else has it worse than you

I am not sure what you will get out of this but its working for me and i felt the need to share, i hope that someone can get some use out of my experience

HordeKing1

05-07-2003, 10:10 PM

People who are clinically depressed cannot just "snap out of it." They require help and the best available is via therapy. Not necessarily drugs, (and almost never traditional pscyhoanalysis) but empathetic and directed talk therapy and/or cognitive behavioral therapy.

One big obstacle is finding someone you're comfortable talking too. Obviously, you related differently with every person you talk to, every one of your friends and aquaintances and co-workers and classmates. The same applies to therapists.

Lack of coverage is a significant problem for lots of people. While it is true that almost all therapists will charge based on a sliding scale, it doesn't address those without any assets or coverage at all.

Fortunately, by law, teaching hospitals must treat you even if you have no money. While it's certainly not a place conducive to long term talk therapy, in the event of an emergency such as suicidal thoughts you can and should go to a hospital immediately.

Also, I've helped a few people on the board without coverage obtain prescription pscyhopharmacutical medication without charge. This only helps if you need medication of course. The point is that there are programs that exist that many are unaware of because they are not advertised.

No matter what the specifics of your problems, odds are that there is a free support group or individual therapist that will address these issues.

You wrote:

And what do you do when you feel ashamed to even admit you have these problems, or would feel like a douche bag eve talking about them to someone?

That's not an uncommon sentiment. I forget which firm has this slogan but "the right relationship is everything." If you're with a person you feel safe with and have developed a trusting relationship with, the specifics are likely to be discussed w/o feeling badly about them. You might also consider, that whatever thing you feel "ashamed" of, pretty much any therapist has heard worse, much worse, and will not judge you for what you may have done.

ARI and DMM feel free to contact me if you'd like to discuss this privately.

ARI - Stress related depression (such as crunch time in school) or uncertainty about the future with a boyfriend or carreer choice is not unusual at all. Crying every day for more than two weeks is not a good sign. Taking it out on your bf, although natural, will not help your relationship.

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Death Metal Moe

05-07-2003, 11:27 PM

I don't really care about people judging my problems. They're important to ME because they are ruining MY life.

I don't want to talk about them with professionals because I don't feel comfortable and have no cash, and I don't want to tell my friends because they have their own problems.

I appreciate your offer Horde King, but don't think I can take it at this time.

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TheMojoPin

05-08-2003, 08:32 AM

I don't really care about people judging my problems. They're important to ME because they are ruining MY life.

I don't want to talk about them with professionals because I don't feel comfortable and have no cash, and I don't want to tell my friends because they have their own problems.

Then why are you telling US?

You obviously want to talk to SOMEone.

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Death Metal Moe

05-08-2003, 03:01 PM

I was just hoping someone had a hobby or little trick they use to try snappening themselves out of a "funk", if only for a few hours before the shadows close in again.......

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HordeKing1

05-08-2003, 08:42 PM

Should you change your mind, contact me.

Unfortunately there is no magic cure and drugs and booze just exacerbate the problem.

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Death Metal Moe

05-10-2003, 04:20 PM

exacerbating helps......for a little while.

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Johnny Fontane

05-10-2003, 06:38 PM

This is your solution: act as if you're happy, and you are happy.

Also: The secret of being miserable is to have the leisure to bother about whether you are happy or not.

Get busy and keep busy. It's the cheapest kind of medicine there is on this earth - and one of the best.

"I want you to go tonight; I want you to talk to this movie bigshot, and settle this business for Johnny. Now, if there's nothing else, I'd like to go to my daughter's wedding."

Death Metal Moe

05-11-2003, 02:35 PM

Also: The secret of being miserable is to have the leisure to bother about whether you are happy or not.

Get busy and keep busy. It's the cheapest kind of medicine there is on this earth - and one of the best.

Tell ya what Johnny, I did that. I had a job that kept me busy. If it wasn't that it was my band. At home I had a computer, video games, books, snacks, my piano and many other things.

But instead of dealing with the problems it just seems that ignoring them only delayed me having to deal with them. So instead of trying to tackle a single problem, I now feel as though I am weighed down with multiple problems.

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Johnny Fontane

05-11-2003, 02:44 PM

I now feel as though I am weighed down with multiple problems.

Ask yourself:

What is the problem? What is the cause of the problem? What are the possible solutions to the problem? What solution do you suggest?

Focus on the problems that can be solved and forget the problems that can't. Don't get caught up in the paralysis of analysis.

Is anger and resentment eating you up? Mentally forgive those who fucked you over. Coping with guilt? Forgive yourself.

"I want you to go tonight; I want you to talk to this movie bigshot, and settle this business for Johnny. Now, if there's nothing else, I'd like to go to my daughter's wedding."

HordeKing1

05-12-2003, 10:52 AM

Johnny - I know your intentions are very good and your heart is in the right place. However, your advice represents an unfortunately typical misunderstanding of depression.

Telling a depressed person to self-heal or snap out of it, can have a very detrimental effect and actually worsen the depression.

A depressed person cannot "snap out of it" or self-motivate his or her depression away. Depression causes anhedonia among other things and leaves the person unable to obtain the release found from formerly enjoyable activities.

It's possible that depression can resolve by itself in time, but most people greatly benefit from professional guidance.

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Captain Rooster

05-12-2003, 12:07 PM

Moe...read the book Siddhartha by Herman Hesse. The story captures the essence of what true reflection can do for you. You may be able to see the bad place as chapter in your life that can be chalked up as a lesson for the future. Don't whip youself with the leathery memories you are dealing with. Look for the wisdom you can take from the pain.

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This message was edited by LTRooster on 5-12-03 @ 4:11 PM