Self Confidence issues

[Reephdweller]

Recently I feel like I've lost some of my confidence in my abilities to
do things. What I mean is, instead of just going into things like parties
and whatnot and being myself, I sort've take a step back and second guess
what I'm going to say or do. I was at a family party on Friday night and
I received some bad personal news from two of my cousins about things
going on in their lives and it kind of threw me off. I didn't know how to
deal with it, other than to just listen to them and hear about what was
happening. Normally I would try and be a source of support and offer
advice, be sympathetic to their situations, instead I was speechless.
The party wound up ending before I could relax enough to be there for
them. It wasn't until later that evening that I was able to talk to
them privately.

This is just an example, then at other kinds of functions and events
I get the same way lately. It takes a while for me to unwind and
be normal, talk with people and have a good time. I personally feel it
has something to do with self confidence because that's what it feels like.
I don't know what has brought it on, but I would like to get over it.
It's this second guessing about what I'm about to do or say that I feel
is the problem, and I don't know where it's coming from or how to fix it.

The strange thing is that it also seems to come and go. I had to return
a game at Best Buy and wound up getting into an argument with the person
behind the counter about it. Eventually I got my credit, I had to fight,
but it wasn't a big deal then to speak up. I don't know if this is the same
kind of situation, but it felt like it was. What could be causing me to
not have the same confidence in social circles? I've felt this
way for about the last 3 or 4 months or so now.

Someone had said something to me about when the weather changes that
sometimes peoples attitudes and emotions change, but I don't think that
has anything to do with it.

HK, or anyone..do you have any ideas or thoughts on what could be the
problem?

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[McNabbShouldDie]

Maybe you're thinking too much about consequences or what not that could come out of you doing something. For example, you didnt know how to handle the news from your cousins at that family party. Its possible that you were afraid that something you might say to them may hurt there feelings or it might just be the wrong thing to say.

You also mention that it takes you awhile to be yourself and be normal at parties. Its also possible that you're afraid that when you approach somebody they might not like you and you could feel rejected.

Has there been a time recently when you tried to help somebody but you said the wrong thing? Or have you been outcast at a party recently causing your confidence in yourself to plummet? You're probably just feeling the effects from something like that.

I dont know where you live but if you live up by NYC it could be possible that with all the rain and then extreme heat that you could have lacked confidence because too much rain is usually pretty depressing and stuff.

Note: This is just help from one dude to another dude. I aint no professional like Horde King or nothin.

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[sr71blackbird]

I cant say too much for 20/20 hindsight. Everyone feels the same thing, that that "shoulda/coulda said something different. Dont worry! Its not like your being evaluated from on high and when you go to heaven St Peter will say.. "What bout the time you could have..." and all. Live for the moment, its alot easier psychologically.

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[Zoefus]

I've been dealing with panic/anxiety attacks for the last 2 months - talk about a self-confidence change. I've always been a very strong and independent person. Now my MD wants to prescibe all these drugs for me & I hate them. Being a zombie is not my idea of "normal". I finally went to see a psychiatrist today & I think he can help me. Maybe you need to talk to someone. Send me a PM if you want to talk.

[Evilpete]

I know how you feel, I've also lost a lot of confidence in myself...seems everything I have tried or done since I graduated College in 2000 has turned to shit.

I get a job where Im treated more like a slave than an employee, I get screwed out of a higher position I was promised, so I quit on my birthday and move back to NYC to look for work (Aug. 29, 2001)....i don't have to mention what happened 2 weeks later that all but killed all the job prospects.

Along with all this, I was tlaking to this goddes of a woman that we shared a lot in common, we meet up for drinks had all seems fine. Then for no reason, she stops emailing back/responding to the voicemails. it really hurt and that was really the final straw.

Now when I do things that I enjoy most I either feel like I'm going to fuck things up. it sucks having all these thoughts in your head and feeling theres always a wall in front of you when you want to do something.

SO I feel ya man

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[Reephdweller]

Maybe you're thinking too much about consequences or what not that could come out of you doing something. For example, you didnt know how to handle the news from your cousins at that family party. Its possible that you were afraid that something you might say to them may hurt there feelings or it might just be the wrong thing to say.


I think you're right. I believe it's more of an issue of me over analyzing things and trying to find the perfect words. As opposed to be just relaxing and being myself. When I'm relaxed and around friends I'm totally different. I think it comes down to just changing my mindset to be the way I should normally be.

I thought about this and I think it has to do with the fact that I was in a relationship that had ended around the same time, one that left me feeling rejected. Which is most likely where the lack of self confidence is coming into play. I'm going to make a greater effort to be more social and outward and just make a better effort to get beyond these feelings.

I have a different relationship with someone who makes me very happy now. I have a number positives working for me and I need to focus on those things to help get me over this thing.

Thanks for all the ideas and thoughts everyone.

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