Tough Love?

[FUNKMAN]

Went to my eldest daughters softball tournament today, she's 12 and it took place in Monroe NJ at the High School field.
In the first game she had a couple mishaps. They played three games for the day. She first looked at a call-third strike, mis-judged a pop fly, and Dr0pped the ball which would have been the first out of the 2nd inning(she was playing first base) and it turned into a 7 run inning.
Now i make a point to say only positive things(cheering or thatagirl) from the sidelines and maybe an instruction or two, usually one a game.
I made my mind up to talk to her after the inning and basically tell her to get her head in the game, and i knew she was gonna cry(she's sensitive) and sometimes i come on a little strong. Well, i talked to her on the side and said just that, "you have to get your head in the game" and I made her aware that not making a routine play can often lead to alot of runs. SO she started to cry and went back to the bench.

As it turns out, the way i thought it should, she went 2 for 3 with two doubles and 3 rbi's and no more errors. I made a point to congratulate her after her first double which cleared the bases. She had a good 2nd game and she just called me(i had to go to work and missed the 3rd game) but she got the MVP for the 3rd Game.

So it seems to have took a little 'tough love" to get her going.

Have you had times where you had to use some "tough love" in your life, possibly with a family member or friend?

<img src="http://www.grandfunkrailroad.com/covers/survival100.gif">

[Heavy]

Well no but my kids are still younger.

In any case your 12 year old is probally playing softball for fun and not really because shes looking to excell in it. Once you layed into her and made her cry she probally felt like she had to redem herself so she turned it up a notch. Maybe if you keep it up she'll be a olympic softball Gold medalist one day.

Mad props to Fluff for the sig and C.O.soup for hosting!
<img src="http://publish.hometown.aol.com/canofsoup15/images/jwaddsig.gif">

[hummerboy]

Sometimes tough love can hurt. A few years ago, my dad disaproved of my "life style" and threw me out of the house in order to convince me to change my ways. We haven't talked since.

[Heavy]

EDIT: I'm not even going there

Mad props to Fluff for the sig and C.O.soup for hosting!
<img src="http://publish.hometown.aol.com/canofsoup15/images/jwaddsig.gif">

This message was edited by johneewadd on 7-26-03 @ 10:33 PM

[reeshy]

Hey Johnee,
You thinking what I'm thinking? HMMMMMMM!!!!

<IMG SRC=http://www.multcolib.org/webcamp/club/ke.jpg>

[FUNKMAN]

Sometimes tough love can hurt. A few years ago, my dad disaproved of my "life style" and threw me out of the house in order to convince me to change my ways. We haven't talked since


sorry to hear it hum, does sound tough. keep up hope and maybe things will change for the better...
there probably needs to be more understanding on both sides, i'm sure 'more' on your dad's end... is there anyone in the family that can be a 'go between' and maybe talk to your dad and get him to be a little more open minded or more tolerant...

<img src="http://www.grandfunkrailroad.com/covers/survival100.gif">

[SatCam]

Atleast her dad stayed for the games...
:blush:

<IMG SRC="http://members.aol.com/satelitecam/images/sig50_general_conan.jpg" align=right><div align=left><img src=http://members.hometown.aol.com/_ht_a/satelitecam/images/line.gif align=right><b>Linx</b>
<A HREF=http://www.satelitecam.tk>Ron and Fez Dr0ps and Bits</A>
<a href=http://www.oldronandfezpages.tk>WNEW Ron and Fez Pages</a>

<b>The Cam's News:</b>
<b>-</b>The mods have been released.
<b>-</b>My sig is EVOL!!!</div>[color=White]

[RocOutWithYACockOUT]

It seems like what you did was effective but you have to remember kids at that age suck at sports. Parents and coaches take these things way too seriously. I mean your daughter will probably never be a softball player at professional level anyway.


http://members.hometown.aol.com/gpigking/myhomepage/rocout.gif?mtbrand=AOL_US

[high fly]

Just let-em play, man.
As for how they play, don't sweat it. Would you criticize her technique in Freeze Tag or Mother May I ?
Just be enthused that they're having fun. Don't bring up any mistakes they make and concentrate on what your child did well.
If the kid brings up a mistake, pooh- pooh it and concentrate on the positive. If it's really an issue for your child, just say, "Well, maybe we can work on that tomorrow" and change the subject.
When tomorrow comes and the kid brings it up, then go ahead.
It's just play.
These organized sports leagues have a way of getting too serious. I think it's better for the kids to play sandlot, making and enforcing their own rules, choosing sides and keeping score. themselves.
Are you grooming your daughter to go pro in softball?
Of course not, just let-em play; and in a friendly way, get the hardass parents to lighten up as well.

" and they ask me why I drink"

[jocefus]

u said exactly what a coach should say... she just needed a little kick in the ass to get going...

http://wnewsgirl.homestead.com/files/MidgetToss.jpg
sig courtesy of amy

hey my man, what it look like

[Death Metal Moe]

You did the right thing Funkman. Your daughter needed to concentrate a litte more and you helped her realize that.

There seems to be a growing problem in this country with NOT wanting to come down on kids. Ths kind of shit where all the teams get a trophy for playing. NO one is really called a winner of a loser. That kind of shit bothers me because it is NOT how their lives will be when the grow up. In the real word there WILL be someone trying to get your job or beat you at something to be better than you.

Also, I understand that it IS just a children's game of softball, but if there's not going to be a winner or loser, why even bother playing? Or keeping score? Or having officials there to make calls? They're there to WIN or LOSE, and if your pep talk helped your daugher play a better game then it was a good thing you did. You know the difference between a pep talk and over pressuring her, so just be cool.

disclaimer: People how have no kids are always the ones ready to give advice, so remember that when you read my response.

<IMG SRC=http://unhallowed.com/sigs/CreepySig.gif>
<A HREF="http://www.unhallowed.com">www.unhallowed.com</A>
DEATH FACTION/BACON FACTION 4 LIFE!!!
666%

[FUNKMAN]

rockout, or if you prefer cockout and high,

I hear what you are saying and i don't see her making it to a professional level. "possibly" Unless we took the time, money, and effort to attend camps and practice ALOT more. I feel she has the potential being their are often times she can excel in many aspects of the game, and this is without any additional practices or camps beyond her regular team practices and games.

And as far as just letting it be "fun", it's a tough call.
My thought is if you are going to spend the time to join a team, go to their practices, and play in the games, why not try to be your best, learn the best ways to play the game, and play hard and fair regardless of the outcome. If i see things that i know she could do better because she is lacking a little focus, then i feel i should let her know. But very important to do it in a constructive way. Sure it may sting a bit, and she does get defensive, but as time goes by she understands i was just looking out for her.

One thing is for certain, she will see that i care about what she does and am willing to share some time to help her, and show the interest I have in the things she likes to do. I was actually against her playing in this tournament because of the time needed to get her to practices and games. She just finished her middle school and rec leagues.

SatCam,

I hear ya, i played three years of little league and my dad came to one game and that was it for my family. Doesn't bother me one bit though, that's the way it was.





<img src="http://www.grandfunkrailroad.com/covers/survival100.gif">

[FUNKMAN]

Jocefus,

it turns out, and it's not a bad thing but our coaches are pretty quiet and very nice people. i give them alot of credit for taking ALOT of time out of their personal lives to help the kids. i witnessed alot of other coaches yelling out, sometimes harshly, to their team during the game. where our coaches say very little until between innings and it is never harsh, although i feel they could be a bit more interactive as the game is being played. our coaches make sure 'fun" is even with 'winning and learning" and that's cool.


Moe,

you made some very good points and appreciate the input.



<img src="http://www.grandfunkrailroad.com/covers/survival100.gif">

[A.J.]

SO she started to cry and went back to the bench.

"There's no crying in softball!"

http://ibelgique.ifrance.com/cinedestin/films/u/une/uneequipehorsducommun.jpg

<IMG SRC="http://www.silentspic.com/images/sighost/ajdcsig.jpg">

A Skidmark production.

[jocefus]

it turns out, and it's not a bad thing but our coaches are pretty quiet and very nice people. i give them alot of credit for taking ALOT of time out of their personal lives to help the kids. i witnessed alot of other coaches yelling out, sometimes harshly, to their team during the game. where our coaches say very little until between innings and it is never harsh, although i feel they could be a bit more interactive as the game is being played. our coaches make sure 'fun" is even with 'winning and learning" and that's cool.


the coaches i had in little league were exactly hte same... they didnt yell at you during the inning or even really yell at you in between innings... they would pull you aside and just explain to you how and why you messed up and how not to do it again... their talks must of worked... 4 world series wins in 6 years

http://wnewsgirl.homestead.com/files/MidgetToss.jpg
sig courtesy of amy

hey my man, what it look like

[silera]

Why do anything if you're not going to do it right? I think you did the right thing, and too bad if she cries.

My oldest was giving me an AMAZINGLY hard time in school the second half of this year. The same thing happened last year towards the end of the winter. It got so far as suspension for his behavior- lack of attention, and disrespecting the teacher.

I grounded him. I took away the TV. I took away the play station. Nothing worked. Finally when he got suspended for a week, and I had to go pick him up at 10 am in the middle of my work day, I just picked him up and ripped into him. I told him he had to be pretty stupid to work this hard at getting left back in the second grade and that I would join all the other kids in his school and laugh at him as he had to be in the same grade as his brother next year. He started crying but I didn't care.

That was the last day of bad behavior from him in school.

I'm not here as a parent to be his friend or to make sure he likes me. It's nice if you can do both, but my priority is to keep him healthy, educate him, and make him responsible. The rest is gravy.



<center>http://groups.yahoo.com/group/silera/files/Silera/sig4.gif
<font size="3" color="red">AND WHAT?</font></center><font color="FBF2F7">

[bunnyluvsthem]

Really. I think you did the wrong thing, coming down so hard on your own child over a baseball game, where you put so much over-emphasis on Winning and/or Doing the Right Thing on the field, and even though you knew she would cry, you had to go over and do it anyway, counter-productively living vicariously on the field through her, putting the Pressure on, convincing yourself (but not Us) that it paid off and was the right thing to do, because after all there were "no more Errors", I shudder to think what her Punishment would have been if there were, if the play after that point was anything but Error Free Perfect, as if it was play in a Game, but in your mind it is not Play, it is not a Game, it is Serious Stuff, so serious that you come down Hard on your own child when things need to be Improved, it is like Berlin 1939, like you want to instill all of your projected views of the Competition, rather than a child's game with friends, emphasizing teamwork, excercise, having Fun, enjoying the day, being Happy, carefree, so you don't play Perfect, you are not there to be a Major Leaguer, you are there to have Fun.

This is my opinion.

<img src="http://nomoreaffleck.com/Resources/suzannesummers.jpeg" width=100 length=100>
Now, that one looks too big.
<marquee> Both of them are good! I love them! I Love them! Both of them! Both of them are good! BOTH of them! Both Ron, and Fez! Oh, they are good! mmmmm! Juicy! They are good! Creamy! Creamy! I love them! Both of them! Ron and Fez! Ron and Fez! Oooooo! They are GOOD! They are so good! </marquee>

[Aggie]

You people actually think saying 'Get your head in the game' is coming down too hard? That's what parents are for, to motivate and to steer their children in the right direction. He didn't say he yelled it at her, he did it in a constructive way but she still got upset which is very common for a girl that age. But she responded to it and was excited at her performance so it had the effect it was supposed to have. Stop judging other people's parenting.

Oh and btw Funkman

it took place in Monroe NJ at the High School field


How'd you like my hometown?? lol That's where I grew up and where my family lives. I didn't think anyone knew where that was.

[center]<IMG SRC="http://img.ranchoweb.com/images/aggie2323/r26fsig.gif">[center]
Props to JRich!
New Jersey Devils ~ 2003 Stanley Cup Champions

This message was edited by Aggie on 7-28-03 @ 11:46 AM

[bunnyluvsthem]

Sure sure sure. Motivatiing. In the right direction.

Sometimes harsh can be too harsh, and it all becomes way too adult for a child's game. No.

<img src="http://nomoreaffleck.com/Resources/suzannesummers.jpeg" width=100 length=100>
Now, that one looks too big.
<marquee> Both of them are good! I love them! I Love them! Both of them! Both of them are good! BOTH of them! Both Ron, and Fez! Oh, they are good! mmmmm! Juicy! They are good! Creamy! Creamy! I love them! Both of them! Ron and Fez! Ron and Fez! Oooooo! They are GOOD! They are so good! </marquee>

[FUNKMAN]

How'd you like my hometown?? lol That's where I grew up and where my family lives. I didn't think anyone knew where that was.


Aggie,

I first visited Monroe about 9 years ago when we were looking for a different home and place to live. We loved the town, it is beautiful. It turns out we got into a little bidding war(which i consider the Real Estate agents fault) and it turned us off. We waited a bit and then moved to Jackson. I pass through the edges of Monroe on my way to and from work taking Appelgarth through a couple farms and then across Route 130.

<img src="http://www.grandfunkrailroad.com/covers/survival100.gif">

[FUNKMAN]

Sometimes harsh can be too harsh, and it all becomes way too adult for a child's game. No.


you're right Bunny... it's always good to be reminded not to be too harsh. I can tell you it's not a case of "wanting to live something in my life through her"(or however you say it) I played sports pretty much my whole life and can see things(from experience) that can be improved, and I know she can play better with a little "coaching or additional instruction", that's all....

<img src="http://www.grandfunkrailroad.com/covers/survival100.gif">

[bunnyluvsthem]

Fine. I am not judging you. I am stating my opinion. I am not finding fault with your methodology. I did not intend to imply that you, personally, are an abusive parent. Fine.

<img src="http://nomoreaffleck.com/Resources/suzannesummers.jpeg" width=100 length=100>
Now, that one looks too big.
<marquee> Both of them are good! I love them! I Love them! Both of them! Both of them are good! BOTH of them! Both Ron, and Fez! Oh, they are good! mmmmm! Juicy! They are good! Creamy! Creamy! I love them! Both of them! Ron and Fez! Ron and Fez! Oooooo! They are GOOD! They are so good! </marquee>

[SatCam]

the coaches i had in little league were exactly hte same... they didnt yell at you during the inning or even really yell at you in between innings... they would pull you aside and just explain to you how and why you messed up and how not to do it again... their talks must of worked... 4 world series wins in 6 years

I had a little league coach who got pissed at me for doing somthing he told us not to do. It was towards the end of a playoff game and we were loosing. He talked to us before the inning and told us "dont swing at a pitch until you get a strike". I took it as "dont swing at the first pitch". So first pitch comes: ball. Next: I swing. I eventually struck out, or grounded out or somthing. The stupidest thing was that the next kids up in the inning were swinging at the first pitch. He ended up taking me out for the next inning. It wasnt the worst thing, but it was stupid for him to get mad at me. I got over it.

I dont play team sports anymore. I only play tennis and cross country track (sorta a team sport but a personal effort). And with tennis, I dont even compete. It's fun. You go every saturday with a teacher a group of about 5 or 6 other people and we practice and eventually play games for fun.

<IMG SRC="http://members.aol.com/satelitecam/images/sig50_general_conan.jpg" align=right><div align=left><img src=http://members.hometown.aol.com/_ht_a/satelitecam/images/line.gif align=right><b>Linx</b>
<A HREF=http://www.satelitecam.tk>Ron and Fez Dr0ps and Bits</A>
<a href=http://www.oldronandfezpages.tk>WNEW Ron and Fez Pages</a>

<b>The Cam's News:</b>
<b>-</b>The mods have been released.
<b>-</b>My sig is EVOL!!!</div>[color=White]

[FUNKMAN]

I had a little league coach who got pissed at me for doing somthing he told us not to do. It was towards the end of a playoff game and we were loosing. He talked to us before the inning and told us "dont swing at a pitch until you get a strike". I took it as "dont swing at the first pitch". So first pitch comes: ball. Next: I swing. I eventually struck out, or grounded out or somthing. The stupidest thing was that the next kids up in the inning were swinging at the first pitch. He ended up taking me out for the next inning. It wasnt the worst thing, but it was stupid for him to get mad at me. I got over it.


almost the same thing happened to me when i was a junior in high school. my coach gave a sign from 3rd base which meant i should take the pitch, but i missed the sign. i swung and fouled it off. he got pissed and even though i only had one strike he gave the other team the out and made me sit down... fucker!

actually i thought it was kind of funny...

<img src="http://www.grandfunkrailroad.com/covers/survival100.gif">

[bunnyluvsthem]

Did you cry.

<img src="http://nomoreaffleck.com/Resources/suzannesummers.jpeg" width=100 length=100>
Now, that one looks too big.
<marquee> Both of them are good! I love them! I Love them! Both of them! Both of them are good! BOTH of them! Both Ron, and Fez! Oh, they are good! mmmmm! Juicy! They are good! Creamy! Creamy! I love them! Both of them! Ron and Fez! Ron and Fez! Oooooo! They are GOOD! They are so good! </marquee>

[SatCam]

I cried like a fucking baby. You know that song Cry me a River? I cried an ocean. I was like Kobe admitting I was a molester. I cried like there was a 10 inch cock up my ass and no way to get that mofo out.

I didnt cry.

<IMG SRC="http://members.aol.com/satelitecam/images/sig50_general_conan.jpg" align=right><div align=left><img src=http://members.hometown.aol.com/_ht_a/satelitecam/images/line.gif align=right><b>Linx</b>
<A HREF=http://www.satelitecam.tk>Ron and Fez Dr0ps and Bits</A>
<a href=http://www.oldronandfezpages.tk>WNEW Ron and Fez Pages</a>

<b>The Cam's News:</b>
<b>-</b>The mods have been released.
<b>-</b>My sig is EVOL!!!</div>[color=White]

[bunnyluvsthem]

I cried like an efing baby ... I cried like there was a 10 inch c-word up my a and no way to get that mofo out. I didnt cry.

I get it, so, you're saying that you cried, but once the 10 inch c-word was up your a, with no way to get it out, it was enjoyable enough that you stopped crying. Sounds reasonable, if you're into that thing.

C'mon, it's funny.

<img src="http://nomoreaffleck.com/Resources/suzannesummers.jpeg" width=100 length=100>
Now, that one looks too big.
<marquee> Both of them are good! I love them! I Love them! Both of them! Both of them are good! BOTH of them! Both Ron, and Fez! Oh, they are good! mmmmm! Juicy! They are good! Creamy! Creamy! I love them! Both of them! Ron and Fez! Ron and Fez! Oooooo! They are GOOD! They are so good! </marquee>