fluffernutter
08-04-2003, 07:31 PM
We've got to get together and we've got to save the snails let's board the purple space ships before they set sail I want a Yes reunion and you know I want one now! No more Anderson, Walkman, butt hole surfers and how! Listening to the opera and smoking angels' dust you can't get more fucking progressive than us... yeah baby I wanna tell you something about love talk to me!
Now, you wanna talk about bladder problems, then the man you wanna talk to will probably be my cousin earl. I guess you all know earl. He lives out on route 13 out on that maggot farm. Earl don't like it when you get his maggot farm confused with a worm farm. A worm farm is for worms, and a maggot farm is for maggots, and earl's got the biggest maggots in the state. Three feet long. Of course, now earl pleads this might be due to the fact that St. Smizzen's medical facility has been dumping their waste on his property. Interesting thing about three-foot maggots in that ... well, one day the china disappeared, and the next day the television disappeared, and a few days after that, his '57 Chevy disappeared. But there they are - the world's biggest maggots. Anyway, one day, Earl and I were standing in the kitchen - giant maggots crawling across the floor - and Earl turns to me and he says, "did you ever go to make a pork sausage, and find that it's got hairs all over it?" and he gives me a look that still chills me to this day.
Now, Earl's got a son, and they call him Earl junior. Which I think is pretty clever, since he is Earl's son. He's not really a normal boy. Ever since that tractor accident. Anyway, he ran up $5,000 in 976 phone bills. He called weird, unnatural numbers, like 976-pigg with two g's, and "976-sheep." which has five letters in it, I know. He's a sick boy. Earl suggested that, well, maybe I talk to him. So I went into his bedroom, and I sat him down, but before I could say a word, earl junior looked at me, and he said, "did ya ever go to make a pork sausage, and find it's got hairs all over it?" and he gave me a look that chills me to this day.
Now, Earl's got a daughter, and they call her Effie-Sue. And Effie-Sue - she don't look so much like a little girl, as she looks like a ... a big pile of fungus. Earl blames this; too, on the fact that St. Smizzen's medical facility has been dumping on his maggot farm. I never had much contact with easier, sue-sue. Excuse me, I don't even think that much of her to get her name right. I never had much contact with her. She just normally just sits on the couch like a little ball of fungus and just boils away. But one day, she looked at me. And that little ball of fungus opened its mouth - or what I guess was its mouth, I'd hate to think what else it could be - and out of that orifice floated the words, "did ya ever go to make a pork sausage and find it's got hair all over it?" and then that, that little ball of fungus gave me a look that chills me to this day.
Now, Earl's got a wife, and we call her wife. We don't know her name, because she's never really said that much. For the longest time, we thought she could only say two words. Which were "dog" and "pussy." we thought that meant "dog" and "cat," but then we found out that what she was really trying to say was "dog-pussy," one big hyphenated word. Which doesn't come up much in conversation, especially amongst Baptists. We never heard her say anything other than that. You know, she works down at St. Smizzen's medical facility and pork sausage distillery. Got a good-paying job there, although she only does say those - well that one word. And we have heard her say another thing once, but that was a long time ago. We were sitting around the house, and she looked at me, and she said, "do you ever go to make a pork sausage, and find that it's got hairs growing all over it?" and she gave me a look that chills me to this day.
Now, one day, Earl took his whole family fishing down in miller's creek. He took his wife, who could only say "dog-pussy." he took his son, Earl junior, who took the day off from calling 976 barnyard numbers
Now, you wanna talk about bladder problems, then the man you wanna talk to will probably be my cousin earl. I guess you all know earl. He lives out on route 13 out on that maggot farm. Earl don't like it when you get his maggot farm confused with a worm farm. A worm farm is for worms, and a maggot farm is for maggots, and earl's got the biggest maggots in the state. Three feet long. Of course, now earl pleads this might be due to the fact that St. Smizzen's medical facility has been dumping their waste on his property. Interesting thing about three-foot maggots in that ... well, one day the china disappeared, and the next day the television disappeared, and a few days after that, his '57 Chevy disappeared. But there they are - the world's biggest maggots. Anyway, one day, Earl and I were standing in the kitchen - giant maggots crawling across the floor - and Earl turns to me and he says, "did you ever go to make a pork sausage, and find that it's got hairs all over it?" and he gives me a look that still chills me to this day.
Now, Earl's got a son, and they call him Earl junior. Which I think is pretty clever, since he is Earl's son. He's not really a normal boy. Ever since that tractor accident. Anyway, he ran up $5,000 in 976 phone bills. He called weird, unnatural numbers, like 976-pigg with two g's, and "976-sheep." which has five letters in it, I know. He's a sick boy. Earl suggested that, well, maybe I talk to him. So I went into his bedroom, and I sat him down, but before I could say a word, earl junior looked at me, and he said, "did ya ever go to make a pork sausage, and find it's got hairs all over it?" and he gave me a look that chills me to this day.
Now, Earl's got a daughter, and they call her Effie-Sue. And Effie-Sue - she don't look so much like a little girl, as she looks like a ... a big pile of fungus. Earl blames this; too, on the fact that St. Smizzen's medical facility has been dumping on his maggot farm. I never had much contact with easier, sue-sue. Excuse me, I don't even think that much of her to get her name right. I never had much contact with her. She just normally just sits on the couch like a little ball of fungus and just boils away. But one day, she looked at me. And that little ball of fungus opened its mouth - or what I guess was its mouth, I'd hate to think what else it could be - and out of that orifice floated the words, "did ya ever go to make a pork sausage and find it's got hair all over it?" and then that, that little ball of fungus gave me a look that chills me to this day.
Now, Earl's got a wife, and we call her wife. We don't know her name, because she's never really said that much. For the longest time, we thought she could only say two words. Which were "dog" and "pussy." we thought that meant "dog" and "cat," but then we found out that what she was really trying to say was "dog-pussy," one big hyphenated word. Which doesn't come up much in conversation, especially amongst Baptists. We never heard her say anything other than that. You know, she works down at St. Smizzen's medical facility and pork sausage distillery. Got a good-paying job there, although she only does say those - well that one word. And we have heard her say another thing once, but that was a long time ago. We were sitting around the house, and she looked at me, and she said, "do you ever go to make a pork sausage, and find that it's got hairs growing all over it?" and she gave me a look that chills me to this day.
Now, one day, Earl took his whole family fishing down in miller's creek. He took his wife, who could only say "dog-pussy." he took his son, Earl junior, who took the day off from calling 976 barnyard numbers