Things you will NOT find in a Prison Cafeteria [Archive]

Steels

08-19-2003, 12:04 AM

In an attempt to cheer up a close friend of mine that is incarcerated I wrote up a quick list in hopes to raise his moral. While it has just been mailed I thought it may make for a decent thread. Let's hear some additions.

1. A beautiful harpist.
2. Linen table cloths.
3. Your mother's fine china.
4. A wait-staff.
5. Floral arrangements.
6. "Friendly" Mexicans.
7. Insightful and intriguing dinner conversation.
8. Exquisite table manners.
9. A genuine love and respect for the United States judicial system.
10. Raising a toast.
11. Pistachio encrusted rack of lamb
12. Dining to the soothing ease that is Vivaldi.
13. A complimentary glass of wine.
14. An 8 course tasting.
15. A coat room.
16. Joe, the friendly bartender.
17. A clown making fun and happy animal balloons.
18. Drinks will neither be shaken or stirred.
19. That big ass pepper shaker the waiter uses.
20. An Ice Sculpture of the warden.

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IrishAlkey

08-19-2003, 12:15 AM

21. Anal lube.

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golfcourseguy

08-19-2003, 12:43 AM

22. lobster tank
23. braised antelope shank
24. lemon graters

" editing posts since day one"

Katylina

08-19-2003, 04:24 AM

25. knives

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Thank you to ADF, Fluff, and AG for making certain sigs for me!

This message was edited by Katylina on 8-19-03 @ 8:24 AM

gypsy

08-19-2003, 05:22 AM

26. Freedom

"They think they have me by the balls, but their hands aren't big enough!" Bernie Eccelstone

StupidGirlllll

08-19-2003, 06:09 AM

27. Pork
Most of the brothers that are incarsarated do not eat the swine.

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Thank U Toddy Bear

phixion

08-19-2003, 08:09 AM

u wont find real eggs, or real milk. only powdered milk and the egg substitute crap.

<IMG SRC="http://www.southparkx.net/images/fbad.gif">
"Go sit on the toilet and pull and tug on your weiner until white stuff comes out."

mothershucker

08-19-2003, 08:30 AM

u wont find real eggs, or real milk. only powdered milk and the egg substitute crap.

Sounds like a veteran to me!

You WILL find tossed salad!

I shucked it, and I shucked it, and I shucked it, i'm quite the mother shucker

furie

08-19-2003, 08:44 AM

6. "Friendly" Mexicans.

oh they're friendly alright.

http://tseery.homestead.com/files/rom.jpg

Hosp

08-19-2003, 09:04 AM

5th grade reading levels?

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<center>Come join the fun now with me and all the gang,</center><center>Learning from each other while we do our thing.</center><center>Nah, nah, nah; Going to have a Good Time!!!.</center>

This message was edited by Hosp on 8-19-03 @ 1:05 PM

Recyclerz

08-19-2003, 10:24 AM

28- 30: OJ Simpson; Kenneth Lay; Jeffrey Skilling.

Sadly.

There ain't no asylum here.
King Solomon, he never lived 'round here.

Snoogans

08-19-2003, 10:29 AM

you wont find people with jobs

http://wnewsgirl.homestead.com/files/Snoogans.jpg
Silent Bob you one rude motherfucker, she like to go down on you, suck you. line up 2 other guys and make like a circus seal

eww you fuckin faggots, i hate guys, i LOOOOVE WOMEN!

StupidGirlllll

08-19-2003, 10:33 AM

you wont find people with jobs

Dah....what about the CO's & every 1 in jail does have a job to do, they do get paid every month.

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Thank U Toddy Bear

This message was edited by PanterA on 8-19-03 @ 11:52 PM

Snoogans

08-19-2003, 10:35 AM

Dah....what about the CO's & every 1 in jail does have a job to do, they do get paid every month.

i meant outside of prison they didnt have jobs, its not really your choice to mop the bathroom for 5 dollars a day

http://wnewsgirl.homestead.com/files/Snoogans.jpg
Silent Bob you one rude motherfucker, she like to go down on you, suck you. line up 2 other guys and make like a circus seal

eww you fuckin faggots, i hate guys, i LOOOOVE WOMEN!

Steels

08-19-2003, 01:24 PM

We have some really funny participants on this message board, not.

This is how you do it:

1. Wine Steward
2. Clarified butter
3. Raw bar
4. Rip Taylor
5. Bathroom attendants

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This message was edited by Steels on 8-24-03 @ 4:40 AM

Snoogans

08-19-2003, 01:39 PM

5. Bathroom attendants

im sure people are attending the bathrooms in prison at all times, i just dont think they are holding their towels.

NO....NO...NAUGHTY....naughty jungle of love, 666 the mark of the beast

http://wnewsgirl.homestead.com/files/Snoogans.jpg
Silent Bob you one rude motherfucker, she like to go down on you, suck you. line up 2 other guys and make like a circus seal

eww you fuckin faggots, i hate guys, i LOOOOVE WOMEN!

SatCam

08-19-2003, 04:37 PM

2 things you will find: Donuts, hot dogs.

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Thanks for the Sigpic, SatCam, you're the best!
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high fly

08-19-2003, 04:43 PM

Pate de fois gras
truffles
sushi
finger bowls
ferns

" and they ask me why I drink"

Heavy

08-19-2003, 05:03 PM

31- An un-raped asshole.

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SatCam

08-19-2003, 05:19 PM

Johnne, no one in prison is ever raped. They willingly fuck eachother

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Thanks for the Sigpic, SatCam, you're the best!
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PanterA

08-19-2003, 07:54 PM

a steak knife

and open windows

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08-19-2003, 09:04 PM

* Gael Greene ( food critic )

* Private Table for Two

* Sign that reads : Dinner Jackets are Required

* "Benihana Night!"

* bribing the Maitr'de to get inside

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* Another PANTERA Vigilante Fairy Tale Chara

Death Metal Moe

08-19-2003, 09:47 PM

In an attempt to cheer up a close friend of mine that is incarcerated

When does Dad get out?

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<A HREF="http://www.unhallowed.com">www.unhallowed.com</A>
Killing me is not enough to make me go away....

08-20-2003, 09:54 AM

* Angry Looks when a cell phone rings, or a baby cries

* Celebrities 'canoodling' in a corner booth.. Uh, nevermind, Scratch that.

* an argument over "who will pick up the check".

* ( Hopefully not ) Me

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* Another PANTERA Vigilante Fairy Tale Chara

high fly

08-20-2003, 11:16 AM

Food cooked tableside on one-a them lil' hibachi grills

ice cream forks

chopsticks

valet parking service

" and they ask me why I drink"

This message was edited by high fly on 8-21-03 @ 5:37 PM

-=|SpearheaD|=-

08-20-2003, 11:39 AM

A decent portion

Johnathan H Christ

08-21-2003, 01:17 PM

1. manners
2. many full sets of teeth
3. anyone you'd like to have dinner with
4. the prosecuting attorney.
5. anything thats not government flavored
6. the key to the front door in your soup

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Johnathan H Christ

08-21-2003, 01:21 PM

and what the fuck is up with that coffee....its not coffee. (sorry to break format) its some kinda shit called chickoree?

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DJEvelEd

08-21-2003, 02:34 PM

You will find:

Spit in the soup

Rape juice (blood/sperm/feces mix)

Diarrea pudding

Old moldy fruit wine

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May your Kum Krusted Kocks be Konstantly Kovered in Kunt.

Steels

08-24-2003, 12:45 AM

* Gael Greene ( food critic )

Explaining a reference negates ALL humor.

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Mike Teacher

08-24-2003, 02:36 AM

523. Andy Dufresne

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pennington

08-24-2003, 05:58 AM

As of August 23rd, Father John Geoghan.

stickyfingers

08-24-2003, 10:14 PM

2137. appetizers
2138. Frank Morris
2139. a hostess
2140. Abe Frohman

<img src=http://www.richstillwell.com/SF72.gif>
jrich is quite a guy

Steels

08-24-2003, 10:22 PM

523. Andy Dufresne

Nice

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Death Metal Moe

08-25-2003, 12:03 AM

Here's one thing I'd like to add to jails:

http://www.usatoday.com/life/gallery/upfront/emeril.jpg

Big Bubba wants to BAM!

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Killing me is not enough to make me go away....

Fallon

08-25-2003, 12:57 AM

4413. Father Geoghan

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