Mourning too long?

[Noellevious]

About nine months ago, someone I really cared about, grew up with, loved like a sibling - died.

I'm not the perkiest person in the world even without the circumstances, so I guess I can say haven't been the easiest person to live with.

Then, at the start of Sept., the people who lived below me (2 family house) started a fire and my place was rendered pretty much uninhabitable, my brother and myself lost the most.

It was really depressing living in a hotel for a while, then living in an old apartment of a family friend in the worst neighborhood possible. We're in a new house now, about 12 blocks away from the old one, but I never really told anyone that the portion of my room that was destroyed housed a box in which I had my keepsakes from my friend. So I think my family thinks I'm moping about losing all my clothes when that's the least of it.

I've missed a lot of school what with all the moving around and the fact that all the clothes I had were destroyed 3 days before school started - and I just don't want to get up in the morning.

Anyway, my family isn't particularly religious and because of that, I guess they think I should be sensible: my friend is dead, it's been 9 months, I should be over it. It's not like I can bring him back.

I think they're starting to resent me.

I don't know what to do.

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[mdr55]

There is no exact time table for how long a person grieves a loved-one. The fact that you are discussing this shows that you are aware of these feelings. The mistake that many people make is that they keep these feelings to themselves. As for your family, as you stated, you did not tell them the reason for your moping-"they think that your moping of your loss clothes". Open up to them, they might not react as you would expect them to, but at least the one of the reasons you are feeling down is that you lost someone special to you and the things that remind of of them. Even though you loss the keepsakes of your friend, remember that they will always be in your hearts and nothing can get rid of that.

If you find that your grieving is affecting your life in such that it is affecting your schoolwork, lack of interest in doing everyday activities, increase of depression that may lead to loss of appetite or sleep- I suggest you seek the seek the appropriate medical/counseling resources at your local hopital to assist you through your time of grief.

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[TheGameHHH]

have u considered seeking professional help, somebody for you to talk to?


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[grlNIN]

From personal experience both loss and gain i can tell you that it is <b>very</b> hard to lose someone in your life, whether they are a direct part of it or not. Two years ago my friend died at 16 of Cancer, so i know what you're going through in that respect.

It can't even really be put into words how it feels to have a life taken away, especially when you are a part of it. It's bad at first and it doesn't become easy to accept ever, but eventually the pain will ease up some.

As far as losing the personal momentos of your friend, the only thing i can really say is move on. They might be the only things you had to remember them by in substance but you have your memories and I'm sure other friends to share them with and talk about what you're all going through, together. You don't have to miss your friend alone.

Seems you're having trouble articulating how you feel about all of this to your family and the fact that they think you're mad about what happened to your home is what's making you upset, you need to clarify your feelings to them. It's not healthy to let these type of emotions slip under the radar so to speak and eventually you'll start to resent your family for not noticing them.




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[sr71blackbird]

I hope that your loss eases over time, as they say "time heals all wounds" and I know that cliche' and all. I just lost my mother in law a little over week ago now and its so strange to go somewhere where you expect them to be and they arent (like that box or momentos that you had). We tend to associate places and things with people. I have been coping with it by saying that her body was just the container that held her spirit and soul and she lives on in my mind. As long as you remember your lost loved one, they live on, in you. I know you said that you arent from a religious household, but you can think of them as being in heaven when you lovingly recall them as you knew them and never forget how they touched your heart.

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[JohnnyCash]

Im sorry for your loss and all that youve gone through. I can tell you from experience that keeping stuff like this bottled up inside is not a good idea. As hard as it may be, you should try to talk to someone like your parents. And Im sure they dont resent you. They know youve gone through a lot this past year. And theres no set amount of time for mourning. You will know when youre ready to move on.
Hope everything turns out ok for you.

Always remeber the Man In Black.

[FUNKMAN]

i look at it in this way:

would your friend be very happy to see you in such a down state? if his or her spirit was watching. They would be sad to see you in this condition and would rather you be thankful for the time you shared with them, remember the good times and bad, and wish for you to be strong and be happy!





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[Hosp]

Sweetie,

Everyone has their own pace for grieving. My father died in April and I'm not over it. And the fact that everything was compounded with the fire and the loss of you mementos of that person made everything that much worse.

A person feelings are never wrong. Their actions may be, but if you are feeling this way, never feel guilty about it. And your family should respect that.

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[Yerdaddy]

Mourning too long?

There's no such thing. You do what you have to do.

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[Alice S. Fuzzybutt]

I have to agree with everyone here-- no such thing as mourning too long.

Don't be so hard on yourself, either. You've been through a hell of a lot lately. Have you thought about going to a school counselor? I went to one when I was in college. My dad was very ill. The counselor helped me sort through my feelings and helped me deal with the rest of my family after he died.

Hang in there!!!!!

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[Mike Teacher]

all I know is my Dad died in 1996 and not a day, and rarely an hour goes by where I don't think about him. So, I dont know what to say.

But I also believe, in a very real way, my relationship with my father continues, and is ongoing.

A part of him remains alive in me, how can this relationship Not exist?

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