I am in need of some serious advice....

[Justice4all]

A friend of mine (female) was attacked at party this past weekend that was being thrown by a friend of hers. She was told it was a costume party but half of the people never showed up in costume. She is relatively new to the state and most of her 'real' friends are where she used to live.
Anyway, she got a little too drunk and went to lay down in her friends spare bedroom.
Her friend's boyfriends brother (did you follow that?) then came into the room while she was still sleeping and tried to undress her and rape her while she was passed out. She woke up and tried to scream but he put his hand over her mouth.
She bit it (good girl!) hard and when he removed his hand in pain she screamed! Everyone came into the room, one guy put him in a choke hold. He was calling her a bitch and a whore. (The guy was obviously drunk). She was so shaken up she left still drunk. I could not pick her up because she called me sobbing while driving on the road so it was too late for me.
She BEGGED me not to let her mother know. They have a good relationship and she also lives here in NJ but it would upset her mom. I said I would give her some time to get over this but I recommended STRONGLY that she tell her mom and the police as well.
I am trying to find out who the guy is so that I can chop his dick off and force feed it to him!
I very much want to let her mom know what happened but i made a promise!
Please help....what do I do?
P.S. this is very serious so if you anyone is going to be a wise ass about this think twice before you post please.

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Cheer up Red Sox fans.....Anyone can have a bad century!

[bigbaldirish]

call her mom, tell her mom to call police, don't find out who guy is, cuz jail time is bad. your friend may not appreciate it now, or tomorrow, but later she will, and you'll do the ABSOLUTE right thing. that guy should be beaten within an inch of his life, let to recover in the hospital, and then get hit by a car walking out of the hospital

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[Snoogans]

if you ask me the guy never should have had the physical ability to walk outta that party, fuckin douce bag

in your case, the best thing you can do is support her. anything she needs that you can do, and she'll tell her mom when she is ready. thats not up to you, just do what she wishes, help her any way you can, and beat the everloving shit out of this guy if you come across him....in fact, gimmie a yell if you do and ill come help you lay the boots to him

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TallJames is the man

EAT THAT FUCKIN SQUIRREL BABY!!!!!
That song rips off Cut the Mullet
Snoogans 1, Monitor 0

[Snoogans]

call her mom, tell her mom to call police, don't find out who guy is, cuz jail time is bad. your friend may not appreciate it now, or tomorrow, but later she will, and you'll do the ABSOLUTE right thing. that guy should be beaten within an inch of his life, let to recover in the hospital, and then get hit by a car walking out of the hospital


the thought is right, but do not tell anyone.

this is a traumatizing expirience enough for the girl, let her come to it at her own speed. never tell anyone anything against their wishes, for more trauma and more stress is the last thing that poor girl needs right now

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TallJames is the man

EAT THAT FUCKIN SQUIRREL BABY!!!!!
That song rips off Cut the Mullet
Snoogans 1, Monitor 0

[JohnnyCash]

Sorry to hear about your friend. You dont want to wait too long if youre gonna press charges. You should talk to her and help her get the stories of the other guests straight so you can take it to the police. This guy deserves to be ridden around a prison shower by a few large gang members.
About the Mom. Maybe you can geth this girl to tell her herself. Its good that you want to help but you also dont want your friend mad at you. The last thing she needs is another guy to hate right now. Who knows what could come of that conversation-its a real sensitive issue.
She should also know that she didnt do anything wrong. Its not her fault and he should be punnished. Try and get her to report him. Even if she doesnt tell her mom she should tell the police.

Thanks to Reefdwella for the great Sig Pic.
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[bigbaldirish]

I'm more worried about the girl never opening her mouth to anyone at all, out of embarassment. i don't know the girl so i can't say if she strong or not. so i'm using the assumption that she will never say anything like so many women who get raped. but justice knows this person, i say if she is strong enough and will say something eventually let her do it. but if she is someone who would be embarrassed, she most likely won't say something until the statute of limitations has run out, if she says anything at all.

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[CrazyClare]

Listen speaking from experience I think you should respect the girls wishes. What happened to her is a very personal thing that she has to deal with on her own. What happened to her made her feel helplless and powerless. If you ignore her wishes then youll make her feel helpless again. Be ther for her but let her decide what to do. I was raped a year ago and I didnt and dont want to tell my parents, its too personal and embarassing and crap.

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[Snoogans]

she most likely won't say something until the statute of limitations has run out

the statute of limitations on rape is like 25 years. and its not even that. that may be the case and down the line, he may have to say something for her. but this was a few days ago, and she asked him to not say. if he does, this girl, who is already in this position, would be even more devasted cause now the betrayal would be by her friend. and regardless, if someone is weak and doesnt say, thats still their choice and who are we to make other people's choices for them

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TallJames is the man

EAT THAT FUCKIN SQUIRREL BABY!!!!!
That song rips off Cut the Mullet
Snoogans 1, Monitor 0

[bigbaldirish]

i'm sorry i disagree with you snoogans, and clare i'm sorry that happened to you. but i would rather lose a friend then have a rapist go free. and it's no offense to anybody it's my personal opinion. i think any person who raped any one else deserves to go to jail, and have it done to him. and clare if we had grown up together, and you asked me not to tell and our friendship depended on it. you wouldn't talk to me anymore. all the girls that i'm friends with i would break that confidence with.

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[Snoogans]

who said he is free. he was in a choke hold, who knows where he ended up. and 2, it doesnt make a fuckin difference what you do, cause its still ultimately up to the girl to pursue the charges. at the same time, your gonna try to say you feel for this girl, but then intentionally contradict her wishes means you dont feel as much as you should, or you have never been put in the situation. when you are, trust me, all you'll wanna do is whatever the victim asks of you, cause thats how she is gonna feel better. only she knows herself

http://home.comcast.net/~jamesgpatton/image004.jpg
TallJames is the man

EAT THAT FUCKIN SQUIRREL BABY!!!!!
That song rips off Cut the Mullet
Snoogans 1, Monitor 0

[Furtherman]

Find that guy and burn is eyelids with a cigar.

CrazyClare, I am so very sorry that happened to you and I wish the same, actually worse, on your attacker.

But think about telling someone. Your parents. The longer you keep it inside, the more emotional damage you will suffer in the future. You only live once, take steps to make peace with yourself as soon as possible.



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[FUNKMAN]

the guy is 'dead wrong' and she should press charges but that is up to her. it seems he made the 'attempt' but did not penetrate(from what you've said) thank goodness for that but it's still attempted rape or assault.
she is probably feeling a little 'guilty' for letting herself get into the drunken state and doesn't want to deal with explaining why or how she got that way, probably feels embarrassed.

just support her and try not to influence her decision...

it seems there is no 'perfect' resolution... time will be the best thing to help her heal emotionally...

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[CrazyClare]

You know whats funny.. I knew my rapist and stuff he was a friend of a friend. And he just called to apologize and wants to take me ou to dinner. Isnt that funny? My rapist wants to take me out to dinner!

http://images.andale.com/f2/114/101/6014349/1019800377294_clare_rf.jpg

[Jackie Sloan]

Support her any way you can, but it's probably not your place to tell her Mother. Stay with this, try to help her get to the point where she can report this to the police. Good Luck Justice, and good luck to your friend.

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Huge thanks to Aggie n' Silent

[Furtherman]

My rapist wants to take me out to dinner!


Have the cops waiting. Or at least someone with a lead pipe.



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[TooCute]

Get the phone number of a rape crisis hotline in your state, for example for NJ you can call 908-453-4181. Call it and YOU can ask them for advice on how to handle your friend. Also give HER the phone number and urge her to call.
Don't tell her mom; your friend will never trust you again.

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[Justice4all]

oK...some more history about her.
#1 this is not the first time she was raped. The 1st time was VERY violent and she almost did not survive.
#2 She is in the 'I just want to forget this happened and move on mode' and I think that is very dangerous. I think Bigbald is right. If she does not do something this will allow the asshole to make an attempt on someone else.
Like Claire (And I am sorry Claire. I wish I could do something) it was..as stated..a friend of a friend.
Too Cute I think that is the best advice I have gotten so far..thank you I will follow up on it immediately! Thank you.
And Claire? Sorry this is the topic to bring you back around but it is good to see you alive and well again.
And thanks all for the input...it will definately help with my decision. I am having dinner with her and her mom on Friday so if it happens that would be the night.

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Cheer up Red Sox fans.....Anyone can have a bad century!

This message was edited by Justice4all on 11-3-03 @ 8:28 PM

[Justice4all]

Double post! Sorry

This message was edited by Justice4all on 11-3-03 @ 8:14 PM

[Justice4all]

Ok TRIPLE post....oh sheesh and it is not the last.

This message was edited by Justice4all on 11-3-03 @ 8:15 PM

[Justice4all]

Quadruple post...can a mod erase some of these please?
Thank you

This message was edited by Justice4all on 11-3-03 @ 8:16 PM

[Justice4all]

Ok 5 times...sorry my computer is acting up apparently

This message was edited by Justice4all on 11-3-03 @ 8:19 PM

[Justice4all]

Ok last one...sorry I am going to shoot my computer now.


This message was edited by Justice4all on 11-3-03 @ 8:20 PM

[Reephdweller]

I agree with Too Cute on this, contact the local rape crisis hotline and ultimately let her make up her mind. Personally I would like nothing better than to help you track that that fucker and beat the shit out of him. I have no tolerace for assholes like that. Drunk or not you should always know the limits to your actions. The best you can do is be there for you friend, respect her wishes and give her the number to the rape crisis line. She can call when she feels up to it and is ready to deal with what happened. I'm so sorry for your friend, I hope that justice is brought to that asshole.

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[high fly]

Good one, TOOCUTE.
This is one to let the pros handle.
In an ideal world, she'd prosecute and the bite mark would be perfect evidence and the bastard would go away for a long time and die in prison and your friend would have a quick recovery and so on.

But it's not an ideal world.
She was drunk. How believable is the testimony of a drunk?

Be there for her. Even if you get a god idea of something to say or do (after giving her the Rape Crisis Hotline number), shaddap till she brings it up.
You can't decide for her what to do.
If she takes a wrong decision, then so be it. We all do. If you think she has taken a wrong decision, stand by her anyway.
That's what friends do.
In a discussion, you can present options, but in the end it's gotta be her decision.



" and they ask me why I drink"

[sr71blackbird]

TC's right. I agree with you that this asshole was acting on feelings that the booze had dulled his insticts to control himself and he shouldnt be allowed to walk around free to hurt another innocent incapacitated girl he stumbles on somewhere. His reaction as you describe sounds like a future psycho/murderer and he needs to be removed from civilization and that girl needs to know she did absolutely nothing wrong and its was entirely his fault, so she has nothing to be ashamed of. I understand her hesitance because shes out from under moms wing and doesnt want to have her worry. Just let her know her options and dont rest till that animals taken care of.

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[FUNKMAN]

If she does not do something this will allow the asshole to make an attempt on someone else.


like this fucker that asked CrazyC out to dinner... i wouldn't put it past him that he's thinking he got away with it once he's assuming he'll get away with it again...

set this guy up and have a few friends give him the beaten of his life, hopefully he'll get the message to fuck off...

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[CrazyClare]

Christian (my rapist) wants to take me out on a date, its terrible I wish hed lose my phone number. And to tell you the truth Im a pussy and cant tell him to fuck off because im scared too i dunno its retarded. But I have been amusing myself with the thought that since my rapist wants to take me out to a play and dinner (i kid you not) maybe even when im not consenting my sex is that good. Yea man. For some reason that amuses my fucked up little mind and makes me evilly giggle.

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