Leaving...

[MavisBeacon]

has anyone ever left their husband, or had their wife leave them?

i think its a really difficult thing, and it is currently effecting the life of a friend.

at least their are no kids involved in the situation though. oh man, the worst thing ever would be for a father not to be able to see his own children.

[IrishAlkey]

If that happened to me, I'd spend all my time being a bitter asshole on an internet message board.

<center>http://www.yourmomsbox.net/alkey/Alkey.gif</center>

[MavisBeacon]

thanks for the input, but it was not really helpful.



This message was edited by MavisBeacon on 12-3-03 @ 5:09 AM

[Steels]

Hiiiiii fezzzzzyyyyy...

<Img src=http://members.aol.com/tromatizedtodd/sigpics/steels3.gif>

[IrishAlkey]

Not me!


...

<center>http://www.yourmomsbox.net/alkey/Alkey.gif</center>

[curtoid]

I dodged the marriage bullet a few years ago. Even though she was the one who pulled the plug and called it off, she really beat me to the punch by a day or so.

Some friends of mine went through a pretty clean divorce, after 7 years together. They made the decision not to stay friends, because there was no real reason too, however they worked things out like adults. Thankfully there were no kids.

Once it was over with things got weird, because he really did move on with his life - even found someone else and remarried - while the exwife has been going from one relationship to the next, freaking out that she doesn't have children yet, and really bitter that the ex has moved on.

[KOP]

[FUNKMAN]

my younger brother(36) just got an annulment from some 'hot tempered, loosey goosey' girl(38) that ran up his credit cards. we all guessed it wasn't gonna work out BUT they were two 'almost grown' people. they had a pretty big wedding and my wife and two daughters were in it. They were married about a year before he was living with my Grandfather(as they pursued divorce or annulment). Then after 6 months with Grandpa(and a week before the annulment 'was to be' final) he went back with her. It took about 3 months before he moved in with my Dad and the annulment is now final.

He's now dating a teacher in Edison who he met on match.com and she seems like a nice person. But if he talks about marriage i'm gonna punch him in the mouth. And another wedding gift is out of the fucking question!

think i'll go piss on the fish now....

http://images.amazon.com/images/P/B00005QFES.01.LZZZZZZZ.jpg

[MavisBeacon]

hot tempered, loosey goosey, that is great!

[furie]

if he kills her, she doesn't get half his stuff. I'm not advocating violence, I'm just saying.


<img src="http://tseery.homestead.com/files/thansurfadam.jpg" height=100 width=300>

[JustJon]

if he kills her, she doesn't get half his stuff. I'm not advocating violence, I'm just saying.

Not only does she not get half of his, he gets hers too

<img src="http://www.chaoticconcepts.com/bans/rfjustjon10.gif"><BR><A href="http://www.chaoticconcepts.com">Chaotic Concepts</a>

[Bill From Yorktown]

nuttin personal, but speaking from experience this thread has turned distinctly not funny.

<IMG SRC="http://hometown.aol.com/billb914/sigpic.gif">

[Bama]

It will be funny 35 years after the wife dies

http://www.ronfez.net/imagestorage/bamanation.jpg
YANKEES SUCK

[Iamnotatool]

More like 35 minutes

Please don't hold my huge nutbag against me, or I'll hold it against you that you have flapjack tits

[reeshy]

Leaving...


Damn...am I disappointed!!! I thought Mavis was going to tell us that he was leaving....damn!!!!!

<IMG SRC=http://hometown.aol.com/satelitecam/images/sig_reeshy.gif>
Satcam makes the very best....sigpics!!

[furie]

nuttin personal, but speaking from experience this thread has turned distinctly not funny.

<IMG SRC="http://hometown.aol.com/billb914/sigpic.gif">

It can't all be comedy gold


<img src="http://tseery.homestead.com/files/thansurfadam.jpg" height=100 width=300>

[high fly]

I had a friend who never tired of reminding everybody that one does not take a shit, one leaves a shit.







" and they ask me why I drink"

[Snoogans]

your friends with george carlin?

http://home.comcast.net/~jamesgpatton/image004.jpg
TallJames is the man

LARRY FITZGERALD FOR HEISMAN!
That song rips off Cut the Mullet
Snoogans 1, Monitor 0

[Iamnotatool]

your friends with george carlin?



My shit is stuff, and your stuff is shit!

Please don't hold my huge nutbag against me, or I'll hold it against you that you have flapjack tits

[Bill From Yorktown]

hitting way too close 2 home

<IMG SRC="http://hometown.aol.com/billb914/sigpic.gif">

[Bill From Yorktown]

So Mavis, what's up with your friend? How can we help?

<IMG SRC="http://hometown.aol.com/billb914/sigpic.gif">

[high fly]

He's making like a tree....

" and they ask me why I drink"

[Bill From Yorktown]

I'm serious - I've been married for 12 years, have a 3 year old, and stand a good chance of being divorced before Christmas 2004.

Life sux

<IMG SRC="http://hometown.aol.com/billb914/sigpic.gif">

[Tall_James]

I'm serious - I've been married for 12 years, have a 3 year old, and stand a good chance of being divorced before Christmas 2004.

That sucks Bill. Whatever happens I hope its for the best. And good luck to you, I'll keep a good thought for you.

And always - let you kid know every day that you love her and that will never change. As traumatic it is for you - you are her whole world and she needs you to be strong.

Good luck.


<img src="http://scripts.cgispy.com/image.cgi?u=tall_james">

[Bill From Yorktown]

James, it's a he not a she - I have a wonderful son whom I adore and thanks for the advise - I do my best to praise, say "I love you" and "you're my buddy" at least once each a day (of course it's true). The coming year is going to be bumpy either way. I am considering caching in one of my favors with the wife and going to Dave and Busters for the board R+f party just to get out of the house for a while. We'll see.

btw - pics of my buddy Here (http://hometown.aol.com/mcbochnik/)

<IMG SRC="http://hometown.aol.com/billb914/sigpic.gif">

[furie]

http://hometown.aol.com/mcbochnik/myhomepage/matthew-buzz.jpg

wow! you're a big guy!


<img src="http://tseery.homestead.com/files/adfdevil.gif" height=100 width=300>

[Iamnotatool]

Please don't hold my huge nutbag against me, or I'll hold it against you that you have flapjack tits




Mikey boy doesn't like honesty. And he's drunk with the power to edit other people's posts...

This message was edited by Iamnotatool on 12-5-03 @ 4:50 PM

[Heavy]

Look at the lil' tike!

<img src="http://scripts.cgispy.com/image.cgi?u=JohneeWadd">
A proportionate amount of props are equally distributed to my nigga's Fluff, Alexxis, CanOfSoup15, WWFallon and Katylina
HORDE KING FOREVER!!!
ORACLE NEVER!!!

[Bill From Yorktown]

it's really a bad pic of her, especially after a long hot day at disney. maybe I'll dig up a better one and throw it up there later.

<IMG SRC="http://hometown.aol.com/billb914/sigpic.gif">

[Bill From Yorktown]

I dont want to get into details about our problem at this point, but I went to a personal counselor today at lunch. He apparenly does family counseling as well. He thinks we're both hurting a lot and taking it out on each other, and feels optimistic about "us" at this point.

more to follow as it comes up.

<IMG SRC="http://hometown.aol.com/billb914/sigpic.gif">

[Heavy]

What are the base issues concering yous?

<img src="http://scripts.cgispy.com/image.cgi?u=JohneeWadd">
A proportionate amount of props are equally distributed to my nigga's Fluff, Alexxis, CanOfSoup15, WWFallon and Katylina
HORDE KING FOREVER!!!
ORACLE NEVER!!!

[Bill From Yorktown]

I updated the website with more pics.

AOL Site (http://hometown.aol.com/mcbochnik/)

Anyway, we're having some of the same issues many people go through after they have a child - loss of connection between you 2. You spend all your time catering to their needs, the 2 of you suffer for it. Add a real bumpy year with a lot of stress, and a new job that keeps one of you away from home on a daily basis until late at night, and a lot of travel, and it spells disaster to the relationship. Neither of us know each other anymore, and when we are together all we do is argue.

<IMG SRC="http://hometown.aol.com/billb914/sigpic.gif">

[Heavy]

Sounds like somebody needs alittle "you" time

<img src="http://scripts.cgispy.com/image.cgi?u=JohneeWadd">
A proportionate amount of props are equally distributed to my nigga's Fluff, Alexxis, CanOfSoup15, WWFallon and Katylina
HORDE KING FOREVER!!!
ORACLE NEVER!!!

[Bill From Yorktown]

so how do you deal with the s* that is your life when someone whome you've known for 16 years and been married to for 12 years suddenly decides that she doesnt love you anymore and feels emotionally that you are her room mate and not husband, and she doesnt know why?

my life sucks

<IMG SRC="http://hometown.aol.com/billb914/sigpic.gif">

This message was edited by Bill From Yorktown on 12-10-03 @ 3:56 PM

[Bill From Yorktown]

Anyone have any experience with post partem depression, either through yourself or someone else? Two different people have mentioned it to me in the past 2 days, so I've done some reading up on it. One comment my wife made when I asked "when do you think things changed and you started to feel that you didnt love me anymore" was it was soon after our son was born. This got me thinking so I did some reading. Several comments in an article I read had some chilling similarities:


They have been married for 2 years and they have a one year old son....
Of course our first question was"how did this happen?" He informed us that his wife has been feeling "off" ever since the birth of their son. She explained to my brother that she loves him but is not "in love" with him. She doesn't know what to think...
she said that a counselor can not make her love him. My brother informed me that they have not been intimate, not just sexually but just the everyday hugging, kissing hello, etc for awhile.


it's almost like I wrote it. Initially I had dismissed the idea, as he is 2.5 years old, but
1 - if she's felt this way since right after birth
2 - others have said that it can last for years

Anyone have anything they can add? I am trying to get us in to see a counselor, but I am concerned about bringing this point up anytime soon, for fear of a backlash, but at the same time I do not want to just ignore these signs and give up without trying.

HELP

<IMG SRC="http://hometown.aol.com/billb914/sigpic.gif">

[high fly]

You look at that great big melon on the kid and then you look down at your skinny lil' dink and then the depression sets in, sure as night following day...

" and they ask me why I drink"

[Bill From Yorktown]

You look at that great big melon on the kid and then you look down at your skinny lil' dink and then the depression sets in, sure as night following day...

" and they ask me why I drink"

had to read it twice before I got it - thanks dude. So does anyone have any CONSTRUCTIVE advice about this?


<IMG SRC="http://hometown.aol.com/billb914/sigpic.gif">

[Bill From Yorktown]

ok we had a long talk about this tonight and it isnt post partem - I was grasping at straws. It's over Johnny. I keep on emotionally hurting the ones I love, and I have to figure out WHY.

As for us, now it's just (ha just) a matter of sorting things out, and getting on with our lives in a manner that is the least disruptive to the little guy.

Fasten your seatbelts, it's going to be a bumpy year. Expect a lot of nutty rants from me.

In some ways I wish I went to the xmas party tonght; in others I needed to stop deluding myself.


<IMG SRC="http://hometown.aol.com/billb914/sigpic.gif">

[FUNKMAN]

Bill,

Best Of Luck! If the love has diminished, just make a point of being adults and civil to each other as you work out a seperation plan. Don't place blame on each other.

Life will go on for the both of you and there should be no shame. Seperating or divorce can provide a better/healthier enviornment for your growing child than the enviornment you provide by forcing yourselves to stay together.



<img src="http://thereisnogod.faithweb.com/images/funkman.gif">

and when you're bad you die when you die

[Bill From Yorktown]

Thanks Funk, but it sucks when
1 - I didnt see it coming
2 - I cant help second guess what might have been if I stopped drinking a year ago instead of 2 weeks ago
3 - I can't see ANYTHING past 2 or 3 months from now...

<IMG SRC="http://hometown.aol.com/billb914/sigpic.gif">

[Bill From Yorktown]

well in 1 hour and 45 min we have our first session with the counselor. Wish us luck.

<IMG SRC="http://hometown.aol.com/billb914/sigpic.gif">

[mikeyboy]

Best of luck to you, Bill. I hope everything works out.

<img src="http://scripts.cgispy.com/image.cgi?u=mikeyboy">
Ron & Fez Show Log (http://www.osirusonline.com/ronfez.htm)
I'm hiding out in the big city blinking
Subscriber to Dignan's 40 year plan
2%

[high fly]

It may be too late for you, but one thing that saved my parent's marriage was when they hit a rough patch early on, they decided that divorce would never be an option...

(edit) Eisenhower was president then and they're still together.




" and they ask me why I drink"





This message was edited by high fly on 12-17-03 @ 5:11 PM

[Bill From Yorktown]

at one point a long time ago, the subject came up and we both at that time said that divorce is rough on a little kid and is probably not the best choice. Looks like she may have changed her mind. Anyway, she was interviewing someone at work last night and it ran late, so she called about 10 min before the apptmt and had to cancel. Needless to say I was pissed but have calmed down now. This keeps coming up time and time again that her job comes first, and there's no consideration on her part for bigger issues. Well, I gave her the counselor number this morning and she said that she'd call and reschedule. In an effort to not be a dick, I'll just chill today and give her the benefit of the doubt. If she calls, good. If not, then that's her answer, now isnt it, and I will do what needs to be done.

so for now I'll be hopeful but cautious.

<IMG SRC="http://hometown.aol.com/billb914/sigpic.gif">

[sr71blackbird]

Bill, she needs to know that anything worth doing requires effort. Nothing is easy, councelors available time is rarely in conjunction with when most people are free to talk. To me, the kid comes first, he deserves a normal homelife. You both need to think down the raod at what will happen from his perspective when one of you arent there. How will she take care of him when shes at work without someone being home? Shell end up bringing him to daycare or something and you know that daycare is like a last resort for a kid. They end up little animals, because the people there dont love the kids. Both of you need to realise that the creation of life is a responsible act, and should be treated responsibly. The vast majority or healthy minded kids grew up in a household with 2 parents. You guys need to be there for him, whatever the disagreement is. he needs to see from experience that adults work out their problems and dont run away from them. Its a valuable lesson that I think he will appreciate down the road. Life isnt always easy and everyday cant be sunshine, and people have to work around their disagreements for the sake of the children. Good luck!

<center>
http://www.osirusonline.com/sr71.gif </center>


<center><B>My Thanks to Reefdwella for the sig-pic!</B></center>

<center><B><strike>Folgers and Lava</strike></B></center>

<marquee behavior=alternate><font size=1>( o Y o )</marquee>

[Bill From Yorktown]

yea - she needs to be truthful about wanting to try to work on "us" for his sake - so far her job has been a bit of a problem in that area. I truthfully think, once we get into counseling, we have a good shot at working it out. I also firmly believe if we do not go to counseling, well my Christmas present next year will be finalized divorce papers.

Not to say that that might not happen if we go to counseling, more that if we dont go we're done. We can't work out our issues on our own - we're beyond that.

<IMG SRC="http://hometown.aol.com/billb914/sigpic.gif">

[high fly]

Part of the minefield you're negotiating is that often you will find yourself thinking of doing or saying something that seems right, but it will be the result of an emotional reaction or blow to the ego, rather than a result of calm, logical, reasonable clear-headed thinking.

Here's a general principle that may help: You don't build a house with dynamite.
Sure, it sounds cliche and all, but it works for me, at least.
You don't build a person up by tearing them down.
Building is a process of adding one good thing after another.

And don't mope around being all hurt and shit. Stand up straight. Don't let her see it getting you down. No whining or pleading. No raised voices and no name-calling.Let her see a strong man, the sort she wants to stand with, a man she can respect, a man who is cool under pressure.
Let her see you breaking up and she'll lose respect for you and won't want to fix things.

" and they ask me why I drink"

[Bill From Yorktown]

it's over johnny. anyone want to chat pls pm.

<IMG SRC="http://hometown.aol.com/billb914/sigpic.gif">

[wilee]

Sorry to hear that things are taking a bad turn, Bill. Relationships are tough. I still have trust issues stemming from a girl I dated several years ago. We were together for almost 3 years, and I was pricing rings. I found out that she had been cheating on me. Threw me for a loop then and affected me for a long time.

I hope that despite the current bleak outlook that your problems can be worked out. I wish you good luck.

<IMG SRC="http://cwjr.home.infionline.net/sigpic.gif">

[Bill From Yorktown]

I have to go on the wagon again. I was doing ok for the past 2.5 weeks, then fell off HARD last night. That made things worse.

<IMG SRC="http://hometown.aol.com/billb914/sigpic.gif">

[FUNKMAN]

http://images.amazon.com/images/P/B000053F72.01.LZZZZZZZ.jpg
http://www.covered-wagon-train.com/pics-pages/index.jpg

just trying to keep it light... i'll go back to what i posted earlier "be adults and be civil to each other"
guilt and anger do no good at this point. help yourself and it will help the situation as a whole. life will go on regardless if you stay together or not....

best regards!

<img src="http://satelitecam.net.co.nr/sigpics/rf/sig_funkmanstill.jpg">

sig by SatCam

[Bill From Yorktown]

45 min to my counselor appointment (not marriage but personal) and I'm a mess. I've been having a panic attack for almost an hour.

<IMG SRC="http://hometown.aol.com/billb914/sigpic.gif">

[high fly]

Buck up, Bill!

We're with you, dude!

" and they ask me why I drink"

[Jennitalia]

Bill, I'm sorry about what you're going through. I was seeing a psychologist for a little over a year. The hardest thing is opening up about yourself and being honest with yourself. It may not all make sense at first, but eventually you'll start to see things differently and feel differently. As for getting your wife to go, I really hope she tries to work things out with you. but she also has to be willing to open up to the counseling too

<IMG SRC="http://www.chaoticconcepts.com/bans/jensig2.gif">

[Bill From Yorktown]

well to add to my day - daycare called at 2 to say my son has 102 fever and I have to pick him up. Shot over there, got him, ran back to work (my counselor is about 5 blocks away) and the 2 of us went. We discussed a lot of things, esp my getting bombed last night (I had it under control for over 2 weeks) and such. When we discussed the panic attack, we discussed if I wanted to go on meds for a while, esp since I was going to have a bumpy couple of months. He gave me the # of a shrink so I'll try to get an apptmt next week. In the meantime he called my wife and we 3 have an appointment for Monday night.

In the meantime I have to keep this monkey off my back. When I drinkie drinkie I get angry angry. No good. On a positive note, if I do go on meds for a few months, I WONT be able to drink, so it will not be an option.

Keep you posted on how monday goes, unless things take an ugly turn this weekend, but have my shit under control for now.

p.s. I may or may not be going with her to her family's for Christmas - at this point it's up to her if she wants some alone time with our son or not. I'm cool with it either way, as I'll go to my brother's (and see my parents) if I dont go.

thanks for being there for me guys.

<IMG SRC="http://hometown.aol.com/billb914/sigpic.gif">

[high fly]

No more getting bombed, ok?

You've got a child to think about and be a role model for.

" and they ask me why I drink"

[Bill From Yorktown]

yes no more. If I get the urge, I have my treadmill to run on for 15 min. I am not saying that I wont have a glass of wine with dinner, but
1 - NEVER ALONE
2 - NO HARD ALCOHOL
3 - NO MORE THAN 1

I've hit bottom and now have to climb back out.

<IMG SRC="http://hometown.aol.com/billb914/sigpic.gif">

[sr71blackbird]

I was really having a problem with it myself Bill, I was buying a bottle of scotch every 4 days. Id get toasted everynight. I stoped taking care of myself and I gained like 50 lbs (alcohols all sugar). I got to the point that I didnt want to go out anymore, that Id rather sit here getting sloshed and I knew that I had to stop. I know that having depression and alcohol are the perfect combination if you want to end up a bum on the street, so I had to, for my own sake, pick myself up by my boot straps and dump the rest of the scotch down the drain and just quit. I havent had anything in 4 months now. Im losing weight, my thoughts are clearer, and Im saving like $40 a week! Get that bottle off your sigpic and throw that whole part of you away with it. You got to start fresh if you want to keep what you love.

<center>
http://www.osirusonline.com/sr71.gif </center>


<center><B>My Thanks to Reefdwella for the sig-pic!</B></center>

<center><B><strike>Folgers and Lava</strike></B></center>

<marquee behavior=alternate><font size=1>( o Y o )</marquee>

[Bill From Yorktown]

had the counselor appointment last night. I think it went well. We got a lot of things on the table, not the least of which was, though I THOUGHT I was being supportive of her wrt her job, the reality was every time her job gets intense and she spends days away from home, I get lonely and miss her, and began to get "bitchy" and less than supportive. I also agreed that the drinking is done. We are in a state of cease fire right now - not fighting, no pushing buttons, and no talking about "heavy stuff" until our next appointment next Monday. She is still of the mindset that I will start this crap up again; all I can say is if I continue therapy by myself, and we continue together, if I dont feel insecure in our relationship I dont think this will happen again.

At least it's a start - baby steps.

Thanks for all your support. If it's 2am and I feel like having a drink, you'll probably see me on the site. I think I'll also try 10 min on the treadmill instead. I think if we dont push each other's buttons, I 'll be ok w/o the drink.

Keep you updated.

oh well, back to sleep (got the flu Sunday night... oh joy)

<IMG SRC="http://hometown.aol.com/billb914/sigpic.gif">

[JohnnyCash]

Happy to see that you made some progress. And I hope things continue down this road and I think not talking about the "heavy stuff" untill you are with a therapist is a good thing. Take the next week and just enjoy the holidays with your wife and son.

Thanks to Reefdwella for the great Sig Pic.
<IMG SRC="http://www.osirusonline.com/cashsig.gif">

[Iamnotatool]

See a shrink. They don't make you type all this shit out on a message board.

Please don't hold my huge nutbag against me, or I'll hold it against you that you have flapjack tits

[Bill From Yorktown]

been hiding for a while. Went to a couple of counseling sessions. Set some ground rules for what is inapropriate behavior. Went online and did some reading - got a good book "Divorce Busting". Saw all the things I was doing that was driving her away - who were you on the phone with; who's txt messing you; where were you until 11, etc etc etc.

I've decided to stop drinking completely and try to be her friend. There is this sympathetic ear at her work who has expressed that he has a crush on her. If I am strong, confident, and calm, he will eventually fuck up, become whiny, needy, and pestering and she will probably see him for what he is.

In the meantime, I'm on lexapro (mixed feelings on it) but it does keep me calm. I also joined another messageboard for people going thru this as a sort of support group.

So far I have my chin up.

Anyone see me in the chat room say hi. As for those who were in a week a go last sun, thanks. More info to follow...

<IMG SRC="http://hometown.aol.com/billb914/sigpic.gif">

[Iamnotatool]

Another message board is exactly what you need. They hold the key to happiness.

<img src=http://thereisnogod.faithweb.com/images/iamnotatool.gif>
Please don't hold my huge nutbag against me, or I'll hold it against you that you have flapjack tits

[JohnnyCash]

Stay strong Bill.

<IMG SRC="http://www.osirusonline.com/cashsig.gif">
Thanks to Reefdwella for the great Sig Pic.

[Furtherman]

Best of luck to you Bill.

<IMG SRC="http://www.chaoticconcepts.com/randomizer/random.php?uid=7">
...with thanks to JustJon

[Heavy]

Good luck Bill, but for the love of God, open your own thread already.

http://scripts.cgispy.com/image.cgi?u=JohneeWadd
A proportionate amount of props are equally distributed to my nigga's Fluff, Alexxis, CanOfSoup15, WWFallon and Katylina
HORDE KING FOREVER!!!
ORACLE NEVER!!!