I Don't Like Christmas!!

[reeshy]

Here it is Dec. 15 and I trying, really trying, to get the Christmas spirit...but it's just not working. In 3 days, it will be 4 years since my wife passed away. My sister Kathleen died when she was 21 of the Hong Kong flu many years ago and I still miss her. My grandparents, who I loved very much, both died around this time of year. I worked on a city job where I saw almost nothing but misery and hopelessness for most of my career. I work in a field now where most of my patients have no future or hope.
I'm sorry for being so depressed but that's what this time of year does to me. My good friend is an Episcopalian minister and asked me to help serve Christmas dinner at a shelter that he works in. It involves starting several days before Christmas getting the food, preparing it, arranging transportation for many of his clients etc. I'm going to give it a shot this year to see if this will get me out of my doldrums.
Anybody got any good jokes to tell me to get me out of this funk (Sorry, Funkman!!!)???

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It's not censorship because people can't come here and post/say whatever they want in the first place.

[SatCam]

REALLY FUNNY JOKES THAT HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH DEATH (http://www.ronfez.net/messageboard/viewmessages.cfm/Forum/52/Topic/34878/page/I_know_money_is_money__but_c_mon_.htm)

OK, I'm just joking, but you shouldn't look to jokes to chear you up. Take a few days off from work, go out with friends (if any).

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[East Side Dave]

Reeshy, you are one of my favorite posters. So I hate to punish you with this joke (which, sadly, I also used on Ron & Fez a year and a half ago but I don't know many jokes) but you asked for it:

What's the proper name for a shishkabob?


........A shishkarobert! Yeeeeeeehhhhhhaaaaw! Take that, Mark Summers! Now put on a smile, Reeshes Pieces, or the cat gets it!


*cat sitting nervously in dunk tank*

*dog tossing ball to himself; waiting to throw ball at dunk tank target*

*cat praying*

Dammit, Man, cats don't swim!!! Smile already!!!

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Sunday night/Monday morning through Thursday night/Friday morning, 3 to 5 AM.

This message was edited by East Side Dave on 12-15-03 @ 7:30 PM

[Snoogans]

ive always hated holiday time too reeshy. though not for those reasons. i actually only get along with a few of my family members, the smarter ones who usually dont go to family functions. its been to the point where uncles or something get drunk and start fights for no reason, its really awful.
I just decided that ill work on Christmas so i dont have to see anyone, and enjoy the day with some chinese food or something. i dont know why it became that holiday times had to represent this and that and everyone will constantly remind you of everything that sucks around those times

http://home.comcast.net/~jamesgpatton/image004.jpg
TallJames is the man
The BCS is a fuckin crock of shit
The Heisman voters have about as much knowledge of things as dexter manly had ability to read
Snoogans 1, Monitor 0

[Death Metal Moe]

For me, Christmas is simultaniously the most glorious and crushingly depressing time of year.

Be strong Reeshy. You are........ THE MAN OF 1000 FACES! Try to wear a happy one.

Too corny? Yea, I think so too.

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Don't think me unkind, Words are hard to find,
They're only cheques I've left unsigned, From the banks of chaos in my mind

[Contra]

This thread is very depressing.

That's really all I had to say.

Another Contra and LSP joint production
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Easy come easy go...Live is but a dream...See you space cowboy

[sr71blackbird]

Whenever I hear Christmas songs, the one with little children singing, it reminds me of my past as a boy going caroling with my cousins. Try and think of the times when you were young, when youd be laying in bed, in anticipation of Christmas morning, wondering what Santa will bring. Personally, I hate the hustle and bustle, the crowds, the wrapping and the spending, but this time of year, you need to focus on life and warmth and family. I know religion is taboo now a days, and merely mentioning it in this place is enough to get you strung up for being unenlightened. Aside from the bad apples, the message is a good one and I hope your departed loved ones are in a better place and you can celebrate.

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<center><B>My Thanks to Reefdwella for the sig-pic!</B></center>

<center><B><strike>Folgers and Lava</strike></B></center>

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[Alice S. Fuzzybutt]

Reeshy,

I'm so sorry to hear about your wife and sister. This time of year brings up so many emotions for everyone. It's hard to be happy and cheerful.

You've been in emotionally taxing vocations. And the fact you're helping serve Christmas dinner speaks volumes about your character.

But is it possible to take a few days to yourself? Maybe visit the cemetary to honor your sis and wife? Or even just to take in a silly movie?

Oh! And this was the first joke I thought of:

Q: How can you tell an elephant's been in your refrigerator?

A: There's a footprint in the peanut butter.

My question: who the fuck refrigerates peanut butter????

Hang in there, hun!

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She said Jesus had a twin who knew nothing about sin.

This message was edited by Alice S. Fuzzybutt on 12-15-03 @ 9:39 PM

[DJEvelEd]

When you work at the homeless shelter always remember:
*Piss in the soup
*Shit in the meatloaf
*Diarrea in the pudding
*Semen in everything (white goes with any color)
*Offer a clean needle for a BJ
*Set fire to the one who's passed out


Cheer up budday!

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May Your Pockmarked Penis Penetrate A Puckered Poohole Pushing A Partially Processed Poop Pudding Product - (Old Arabic Blessing)

[Snoogans]

take his advice reeshy, Ed has eaten in alot of homeless shelters

http://home.comcast.net/~jamesgpatton/image004.jpg
TallJames is the man
The BCS is a fuckin crock of shit
The Heisman voters have about as much knowledge of things as dexter manly had ability to read
Snoogans 1, Monitor 0

[DJEvelEd]

take his advice reeshy, Ed has eaten in alot of homeless shelters

Bayonne's shelter has good gruel. Never more than a few pubes & scabs.
When you go into the bathroom, they're all washing their genitals in the sinks. Good times!


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May Your Pockmarked Penis Penetrate A Puckered Poohole Pushing A Partially Processed Poop Pudding Product - (Old Arabic Blessing)

[Tall_James]

Monkeys dressed in surgical garb always cheer me up.

<img src=http://www.fattyboombatty.com/chimp1.jpg>

What's even more funny is when they actually try to administer meds. They end up eating them and then they throw their feces around the E.R.!

(OK, I put that feces throwing bit in there for DJEvelEd's benefit)

Cheer up, I've never met you but you always put a smile on my face. And for that I thank you.


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[Snoogans]

calm down reeshy, anytime you feel pain, remember all is ok cause your an assmaster :)

you got told by dicklips

http://home.comcast.net/~jamesgpatton/image004.jpg
TallJames is the man
The BCS is a fuckin crock of shit
The Heisman voters have about as much knowledge of things as dexter manly had ability to read
Snoogans 1, Monitor 0

[DESERTEAGLE.50]

Reeshy...youre making me feel guilty about not being in the Xmas spirit for my bullshit little reasons.

Your reasons are completely justifiable for feeling how you do.

This is the first year I have EVER not had the Xmas spirit...I dont have it yet, at least...hope it changes....

And, how the hell did Xmas come to be an abbreviation for Christmas? X stands for Christ?
Like the Easter bunny stands for chocolate and Jesus?

cuhbon

FINGA FONGA FINGA FONGA MOTHER FAH
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[Snoogans]

i think its cause X is the most similar to a cross, but thats just my theory. i used to hear when i was little that it was disrespectful to say xmas. then i remembered im catholic and we dont show respect or really do anything the way we are supposed to, and so i X-massed away

http://home.comcast.net/~jamesgpatton/image004.jpg
TallJames is the man
The BCS is a fuckin crock of shit
The Heisman voters have about as much knowledge of things as dexter manly had ability to read
Snoogans 1, Monitor 0

[DJEvelEd]

Yeah, Crossmas. Very lazy.

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May Your Pockmarked Penis Penetrate A Puckered Poohole Pushing A Partially Processed Poop Pudding Product - (Old Arabic Blessing)

[Snoogans]

i say we get a light pole to celebrate and say screw jesus, its FESTIVIS

http://home.comcast.net/~jamesgpatton/image004.jpg
TallJames is the man
The BCS is a fuckin crock of shit
The Heisman voters have about as much knowledge of things as dexter manly had ability to read
Snoogans 1, Monitor 0

[TooCute]

fucked up ignore this

This message was edited by TooCute on 12-15-03 @ 10:39 PM

[TooCute]

i think its cause X is the most similar to a cross, but thats just my theory. i used to hear when i was little that it was disrespectful to say xmas. then i remembered im catholic and we dont show respect or really do anything the way we are supposed to, and so i X-massed away

Just to spare you all a long thread on this question (which I really thin was asked on this board once before sometime...)

<a href="http://www.wordwizard.com/clubhouse/founddiscuss.asp?Num=2499">This</a> is a thread from another messageboard on it (that I found by google).

The explanation I've heard most often is this one:
The written shortening Xmas for "Christmas" is quite old, and is part of a large group of abbreviations based on Greek letters.


If we recall, the letter H in the profane oath Jesus H. Christ is derived from the Greek letter eta (which looks like the Roman letter "H"), as the second letter of the word Jesus when written in Greek.


Similarly, the name Christ has for a thousand years been abbreviated as X, which is not the Roman letter "eks," but the Greek letter "chi," standing for the first letter of Christ when written in Greek as "Christos" (as transcribed into Roman letters). Some of the words using this abbreviation are X, Xp (Greek chi-rho, or "Chr"), and Xt for "Christ," Xren for "christen," and Xtian for "Christian."


The use of Xmas for "Christmas" is first found in the sixteenth century, in the slightly expanded spelling X'temmas; the Xmas form was in use by the eighteenth century. The X has always been used in religious contexts, and was often lavishly decorated in manuscripts, for example the glorious Chi-Rho page of the Book of Kells, the ninth-century illuminated gospels. The assumption that the abbreviation is somehow "weak" or "irreligious" since it "removes" the Christ from "Christmas" is a thoroughly modern idea.


It should come as no surprise that throughout its history, Xmas has been found more often in letters or other informal works where space is valued. We should note that Xmas and other X abbreviations were usually found in the writings of educated people who knew their Greek.


We should also note, though, that in modern use Xmas is most commonly found in advertisements and the like. For this and other reasons, the abbreviation is viewed with prejudice, and so it would be wise for its use to be confined to informal contexts, its long history notwithstanding.

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[sr71blackbird]

http://www.bekkoame.ne.jp/~takeito/image/Cross01Sp.jpg

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[Snoogans]

We should also note, though, that in modern use Xmas is most commonly found in advertisements and the like. For this and other reasons, the abbreviation is viewed with prejudice, and so it would be wise for its use to be confined to informal contexts, its long history notwithstanding.

how sad is it that society has become ignorant enough to ignore long history because its been used now in a way we dont agree with, if we dont even agree with it. i dont get why advertiseing would make people not like something, i mean clothes advertise with hot chicks and i still dont mind hot chicks.
It has a long history of being a meaningful usage yet we are taught its kind of disrespectful

http://home.comcast.net/~jamesgpatton/image004.jpg
TallJames is the man
The BCS is a fuckin crock of shit
The Heisman voters have about as much knowledge of things as dexter manly had ability to read
Snoogans 1, Monitor 0

[Snoogans]

whatever i just said has some good points but probably would have made more sense if i wasnt stoned

http://home.comcast.net/~jamesgpatton/image004.jpg
TallJames is the man
The BCS is a fuckin crock of shit
The Heisman voters have about as much knowledge of things as dexter manly had ability to read
Snoogans 1, Monitor 0

[Tall_James]

Anybody got any good jokes to tell me to get me out of this funk
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[high fly]

I don't like Christmas


Try my way- simply refuse to participate.
You instantly remove all kinds of pressure and have more time and energy to deal with the Seasonal Affective Disorder.
No more fighting crowds of barbarians at the mall,
no more fake "Christmas cheer"...


" and they ask me why I drink"

[DJEvelEd]

[Gunnery Sgt. Hartman]:
"Happy Birthday to you"
"Happy Birthday to you"
"Happy Birthday dear Jesus"
"Happy Birthday to you"
[/Gunnery Sgt. Hartman]

JC's Birthday is cool. Mine is gonna suck.
I'll save MY depression for my OWN birthday in February when I can really savor my 36 year rut.

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May Your Pockmarked Penis Penetrate A Puckered Poohole Pushing A Partially Processed Poop Pudding Product - (Old Arabic Blessing)

This message was edited by DJEvelEd on 12-16-03 @ 5:44 PM