What should i do?

[serVice]

*Please, if possible, lets keep the jokes to a minimum.*

Anyway, so tonight, while talking to my girlfriend, she decides to now tell me what happened to her Monday at some party.
It turns out that on Monday, she was at some party and some kid slipped something in her drink, and raped her.
She won't tell me too much about it, but from what i could gather, her friend found her upstairs with this kid doing things to her, and this kid is this other girl's boyfriend's good friend. Now, i don't know why that girl didn't just turn around and tell her boyfriend, since this girl is supposed to be her friend, and from what i hear this guy would have taken care of his friend right there. My girlfriend doesn't want to tell anyone about it, even though i told her that i thought she should. She doesn't seem to want to do anything about it. So, i'm not too sure what i should do about it.
i haven't been able to find out too much about this kid, so i really don't know what i can do about it. Its not out of the realm of possibility that he may be underage, which would be bad.
Either way, at the end of all this, someones going to be in some trouble.

========================================
Alls i'm saying is, if you're gonna be insubordinate you may as well go the full nine, not pussy out when it comes to free shit to drink.

[bigbaldirish]

beat him bloody. OR convince your girl to call cops, and let the convicts rape him without drugs in his drink.

there was a similar story a couple of months ago, and arguments were made about what to do. i personally would try to convince her to call the cops, because beating him bloody will not necessarily keep him from doing it again to someone else. AND if he's done this to others, they might come forward and press charges.

you and your girl are the only ones who can decide what to do, both of your personal beliefs come into play.

*EDIT* on the list of respect, in prison, rapists get none, from CO's to murderers.

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This message was edited by bigbaldirish on 1-23-04 @ 1:56 AM

[JohnnyCash]

Im really, really sorry to hear about your situation. I truely hope shes okay.

Myself, all I would need is the guys name. I would track him down and I would beat him untill he was unrecognizable, if not dead. I worry about my girlfriend all the time. Not even when shes at a party, but just when shes on the train or walking home at night. Its a fucked up world we live in.
All my best to you and your girlfriend.

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[monsterone]

shit man, i am so sorry for you and your girl.

you can't tell your girl what to do, so don't push the issue. she has a boat load of emotions to deal with so just support her. i imagine, she will come around and want to confront the issue. it is up to her what happens....

as for yourself, allow time to pass. there is no reason to go to jail for this douche. i fully endorse tearing him to shreads, just make a plan.

but, this isn't a forum(the board) to put this kind of stuff out. it is too highly personal and legally sensitive, so hopefully a mod will pm you with some links for your situation and get rid of this thread. if i can find anything to help you out, i'll pm you.

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[reeshy]

I agree with monsterone!!! There''s really nothing you can do...your girlfriend has to act!! Not you!! Is this guy really worth any jailtime...then where will your girlfriend be without you on the scene. It's in your girlfriend's court and the guy who witnessed all of this. Stay calm and don't do anything stupid!!

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[Reephdweller]

I'm really sorry to hear that. I don't know how you're not going through the roof. But at the same time you do have to be calm about the situation and give her time to think about everything that happened and if she wants to act on it. It's very difficult I'm sure. Best of luck to you and your girl.

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[HarborHound]

Serivice this really breaks my heart.

I know the first instinct is violence but the best way to go about this is to convince her to tell the police. There are witnesses. She can't stay quiet.

I hope this all works out for you both.

yo man former CAPO

[TheMojoPin]

This is horrendous.

Just stay by your girlfriend's side, and support her until she makes the right decision. If you give her the strength, odds are she will. Be there for her.

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[Arienette]

i am so sorry for your girlfriend, and you. i hope you are both doing alright, and that you'll be there for whatever she needs.



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[serVice]

See, what surprises me the most about it, is the nonchalance she had shown about it. i talked to her on Monday, i guess after it happened, and there no difference in the way she sounded. There was no difference in any of the days i talked to her until she told me last night. Thats why i'm just not sure even what to think.
Plus, hell, i don't understand what kind of friends, she has that don't look out for her, or even do anything after they found her.

========================================
Alls i'm saying is, if you're gonna be insubordinate you may as well go the full nine, not pussy out when it comes to free shit to drink.

[TheMojoPin]

Sounds like she might be in shock.

Maybe you should try talking her into going to see a doctor, to make sure she's alright.

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[monsterone]

bro, i'm pretty sure internally your girl is going through a lot, and probably can't put into words what's going on. her being "nonchalant" is probably her way of dealing with this foul shit. give her space.

as for this dude, here's how i'd solve the problem. you might have to drop a bill or 2, but you have someone "who's qualified" take a bat to this kid's knees, not the head though. when he's locked up, his mind should be in tip-top shape so he knows he's someones bitch.


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[HarryManAss]

***Harry, knock it the hell off. Show some respect and concern. If not, stay out.***

This message was edited by TheMojoPin on 1-23-04 @ 1:55 PM

[monsterone]

***We got it. But thanks.***

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This message was edited by TheMojoPin on 1-23-04 @ 1:56 PM

[JustJon]

kill him. he deserves it.

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[Reephdweller]

Some people deal with things in different ways, she may be nonchelant right now, but balling her eyes out in a month. Just be there for her and give her the support she needs.

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[guttersnipe]

She's not being nonchalant. She is dissociating. It's a defense mechanism where the mind basically tries to separate the self from a traumatic incident. It's one of the first steps towards post traumatic stress disorder, and very common among rape victims.

If she can't bring herself to press charges, please don't push her. Encourage her to do so, and stand behind her ever-constant if she does (or even if she doesn't), but don't make her feel guilty if she doesn't. She already feels enough undeserved guilt that she will carry with her the rest of her life.

What she needs most besides your unwavering support is therapy, and the sooner the better.

This year will mark the 20th "anniversary" of a similar experience for me. I waited 8 years to get help and wish I had sought help much sooner. I never pressed charges because I didn't even hear the term "acquaintance rape" until two years later, and therefore didn't even realize I could press charges at the time. I will always regret not prosecuting the bastard when I had the chance, but I also know that if I had, I would have been in for even more difficult times than I was already experiencing.

It is not as hard now as it was then to press charges, but unfortunately our society has not changed enough yet to get away from that blame-the-victim mentality. And so I believe that if a woman feels like she can't press charges, she shouldn't be made to feel guilty if she doesn't do it. Most women get mentally and emotionally raped a second time in the court, and sometimes it's just not worth it.

I know this is difficult for you, too, serVice, and I'm sorry you are both going through this. If you don't know what else to do, and sometimes there is nothing you can do, just hold her.

And then go kill the rotten, cock-sucking, dog dick licking scumbag. I'm kidding. Kinda.

snipe

[serVice]

See, the fucked up part, is that she told me that it has already happened to her twice before. And she already told me that she wasn't going to tell anyone, therapists included. i know there's nothing i can say that would get her to tell anyone, and i'm trying not to bring up the idea at all, but its really something i think she should do, even if its not going to the cops.
i'm just having that whole, questioning myself mentality going on today. i feel like i should have been there or something. And it still just bothers me that none of her friends that were there did anything about it. What the hell kind of friends is that.
And as for Harry; some people are born without tact. Its not that big of a deal. He's probably a kid anyway, he still doesn't understand the idea that jokes are supposed to be funny.

========================================
Alls i'm saying is, if you're gonna be insubordinate you may as well go the full nine, not pussy out when it comes to free shit to drink.

[TheMojoPin]

I didn't even mean a therapist or the like.

I meant an actual medical doctor.

Especially if she was passed out during it.

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[Katylina]

You should castrate the mother fucker and mail his bloody penis to his parents explaining what he did to your girlfriend. What an asshole! That happened to one of my friends when we went to the Culture Club (drug in drink), but we got to her in time before the asshole who did it did. Just be very understanding and let her talk when she wants to.





she told me that it has already happened to her twice before


Are you talking about the drugs in the drink or being raped???

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[serVice]

Are you talking about the drugs in the drink or being raped???

Being raped, but i think the 2nd time was via a drugged drink.

========================================
Alls i'm saying is, if you're gonna be insubordinate you may as well go the full nine, not pussy out when it comes to free shit to drink.

[sr71blackbird]

This guy might be a preditor of women. Who goes to a party with a drug that can knock someone out? Id be as supportive as you can of her, and quietly tell her that you understand that what happened to her was not her fault at all, but if this guy did it to her and gets away with it, maybe later he will do it again to someone or kill someone or something.
Maybe shes scared that she will lose her freind, whos house she was at if it becomes a scene. Who knows why people do stuff. Maybe at the time when you said she talked to you after and she seemed fine that she was in denial. Id just be supportive and try and help her see that its important to prevent this creep from striking again. Thats how these anaimals get amongst us, they get away with it a few times and they get a rush from the thrill of the possibility of being caught, and it just snowballs. Good luck.

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[TooCute]

You might also want to give her the number of a rape crisis hotline to call, like 1-800-656-HOPE (that's the national Rape, Abuse, and Incest National Network - or look up a local one on the internet/phone book), but don't pressure her - In fact, YOU should probably call that number (or a similar) to get advice - they can give you techniques to help yor friend, far better than this messageboard can. Good luck!

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[Snoogans]

hook jumper cables to his nuts. then hook the other side of the cables to a live wire. while he is shaking on the ground, pour water on him. the steam that comes off will look really cool

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[ADF]

I'd call the cops. This guy could be doing it to other girls. I'm sorry about your girlfriend, but this guy needs to talk to the authorities.

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This message was edited by Tall_James on 02-30-06 @ 13:48 PM

[Arienette]

See, the fucked up part, is that she told me that it has already happened to her twice before. And she already told me that she wasn't going to tell anyone, therapists includedthis really concerns me. when things like this happen multiple times, it starts feeling like more like a pattern than bad luck. and it's very easy to start blaming yourself. i think most people by now know that it's not a woman's fault when she is raped/sexually assaulted. but if it happens a couple of times, it starts looking like there is something that you are doing that brings it on, or that there is something innate about it. it's how cycles start.

i would renew toocute's suggestion that you call the rape crisis number, and encourage your girlfriend to do the same. and because i believe those things are confidential, she might feel more comfortable. also, it's probably a good idea that she see a doctor. even if she is a minor (?), i'm pretty sure that they can't tell anybody without her consent.

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[TheMojoPin]

Aren't medical doctors supposed to report an incident if they feel a patient of theirs has been a victim of or committed a crime?

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2% << December boys got it BAD >> "You might tell some lies about the good times we've had/But I've kissed your mother twice...and now I'm working on your dad..."

[HarryManAss]

***You were told to knock it the hell off. Take a break.***

This message was edited by TheMojoPin on 1-24-04 @ 11:24 PM