When keeping it real goes wrong

[Johnny Fontane]

Please share your true Hollywood stories of when keeping it real goes wrong.



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"The principal benefit acting has afforded me is the money to pay for my psychoanalysis."

[Johnny Fontane]

Wow, not a single response in almost 24 hours. I should have given my own example of when keeping it real goes wrong.

When I was in 8th grade, our Social Studies class was divided into groups that were assigned to do a report on the 1960s - a report with illustrations that would be placed on a bulletin board. I did my part, but as a team we never got together to put our work up on the bulletin board (pretty pathetic).

So by virtue of the fact that we neglected to complete our project, our teacher lowered our grades for the semester, so I got a B instead of an A. Big fucking deal.

That's when Johnny Fontane had a decision to make - I could either learn my lesson and walk away, or I could decide to keep it real. Well, I was convinced that my teacher was biased against the boys (if the girls had neglected to complete their assignment, surely they would have been given a second chance...that was my logic). So I decided to KEEP IT REAL.

A week or so later, we had our 8th grade graduation party, and this teacher was in attendance. As she was leaving, I told her to go fuck herself...lovely. I figured I was all grown up now (I was an 8th grade graduate), so I could say whatever I wanted. Pure retardation on my part.

Well, as you might imagine, my mother found out, and I had to apologize, and of course it was humiliating. That was 25 years ago. To this date I regret my lame attempt at keeping it real.



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"The principal benefit acting has afforded me is the money to pay for my psychoanalysis."

[HBox]

OK, I'll throw you a bone here.

A few years ago I worked in a Wawa, and I had a manager who was lazy and basically made me do all the work. So one day a customer asks this manager to fix one of the cappucino machines that was out of mix. She's standing right next to the machine when she she yells out to me to fix the machine, and she walks away. I was busy, but I still did it, though I was majorly pissed. I finally blew up. I went straight to the back room and yelled "Why did I have to fill the fucking machine when I'm busy and your standing next to the machine doing nothing!"

Turns out she had just taken out her cash drawer from the register, and it was policy to count out immediately(so you don't leave a full drawer of cash lying around obviously).

That sucked. The one time I speak up I was wrong. It didn't really affect how she treated me but it still was embarrassing.

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[LarryCrunt]

One time I misplaced my car keys and blamed somebody else.

JOHN KERRY FOR PRESIDENT (http://www.johnfnkerry.com/)
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[WindowSill]

One time I misplaced my car keys and blamed somebody else.


What is this? A beer commercial?


I once called shotgun, 37 hours before a road trip...


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[FUNKMAN]

when i was around 10 years old i was in the car with mom and dad and my grandparents were in their car and we were driving to florida. my dad said to my mom that "your mother drinks too much!". SO for parts of the drive i would ride with my grandparents so naturally i relay the message to grandma what my dad had said.

was she pissed at him and he felt bad... i remember him and mom trying to explain to me how i shouldn't repeat some stuff...

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[keithy_19]

I once dated a girl because of her brains. Her big brains...





















...Nah, I'm just fuckin' with ya. I never dated anyone.

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[Recyclerz]

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Dave Chappelle wants his bit back before you roooon it.




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[b]There ain't no asylum here.
King Solomon he never lived 'round here.[b]

[LarryCrunt]

One time I misplaced my car keys and blamed somebody else.

Sorry, I forgot the rest .

"Boy did I feel silly."

Thanks, I'm here all millenium.

JOHN KERRY FOR PRESIDENT (http://www.johnfnkerry.com/)
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[HBox]

[Stephen Lynch]Where the fuck are my car keys?
They were right here in my hand.
I had em just a second ago.

Did I leave them in the kitchen?
Or underneath the cushions of the couch?
I can't find them anywhere! Any-

Oh, here they are.[/Stephen Lynch]


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[LarryCrunt]

Okay, here's a real Keepin It Real story:

One time I was on a bus to Niagara Falls from New York on a greyhound bus that seated about 2000 people. I was seated somewhere in the middle of the bus next to an old lady with gas and a bodystink that would choke a toilet-seat crab. On the way to Niagara Falls about halfway up there, I think it was the third day of the trip, the old lady turns to me and stood up and said "Sonny, can you hold my seat for me?" I assumed that she wanted me to hold her ass, but I was wrong. She wanted me to make sure that no one sat in her private stinking hell next to the window. She got up and went off to the toilet and while she was gone, I read a book about flies. The pictures were nice. There was one chapter on how the pupae gestate into small children who drink blood. I loved that. SO anyway, the old bag comes back from the shitter, and as she squeezed past me, her pussylips were hanging out of her bloomers and they dragged across my mouth by accident so I bit most of them clear off. I love roast beef.




JOHN KERRY FOR PRESIDENT (http://www.johnfnkerry.com/)
http://www.realchange.org/kerry.jpg

[WindowSill]

And this one time, in band camp...........


Sorry, just someone had to do it...


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