That's Life? Well it sucks.

[Patches]

The title of this thread sucks. I don't live in a poverty, so life can't completely suck, but relatively speaking...let's put it this way... I'm not in a good fucking mood.

I've never really used this board to deal with personal issues, but I am so fucking pissed, I have to do something. This is mostly going to be a rant lacking too much detail, so bear with me...

I have not always been the best person to go out with in my time, but whatever I've done to women in the past I've paid for and then some since February 5th. It actually seems the more I change to try and be better the more I completely get fucked over. As Sam Jackson said in Pulp Fiction

"I'm tryin Ringo. I'm trying reallll harrd."

That's the story of my life in 2004. As much as I try, there is only so much I can take. What the fuck is so attractive about me to complete fucking psychopaths?

I am really not a bad person, but I am thisclose to going back to being a complete and total asshole. Why go out of your way to treat people with the respect they deserve when you are just going to end up getting shit on in the end?

Sorry for the complete lack of detail. I am so pissed over what has transpired in my life over the last few months, and mostly over the last 8 hours that I don't even want to think about it, never mind write about it. I suppose more will come out if this thread moves along. Whether or not it does is anyone's guess. Shit, I wouldn't reply to this non-coherent babble.

But reply if you wish- I don't know how much it matters- this was mostly for me to do something semi-constructive with my anger/sadness other than putting yet another hole through my closet door. My advice to me would be to suck it up, grow up and deal with it, so feel free to write that. I don't give a shit anymore.

<img src=http://img24.photobucket.com/albums/v72/bcqueens/pj2.jpg>

<b>I distinctly heard 'Jew down the price.' -Ben Stein</B>

[Mike Teacher]

Patches, if you listen to last nights show they were discussing possible replacements for WB. All three agreed my moodiness = no way that's gonna happen.

And theyre absolutely right. I am dealing now with exactly what you have. Give me 5 minutes with my DigiCam and you can see the damage to my room. I broke something in my right hand about a month ago because it still hurts like fuck when i push it a certain way. I have replaced two windows in my house since I moved in. One I was locked out and had to break in, and the other was what a Laptop Computer went sailing through about 2 years ago. Explaining that to the police was fun.

The problem is the solution is very simple in concept, but exceptionally hard in practice. What works for me?

-Kill my Ego
-Ask Why seven times

Killing the Ego sounds like an insult. I mean I am attempting to Kill my Ego, that part of me that *I LET* get angry. Oh in my case, it's simply me. I have to get out of the way of myself, this creature I inhabit.

And then I have to examine it. I have to look at, with my mind, what the fuck is going on with This mass of flesh called Mike the Teacher.

So, Mike has been in the process of asking Why seven times. Why Seven? beats me, I'm defering to the person who taught me this. But to really sit down, making actual time for this, to sit down and ask myself what Exactly is going on. And that can take me to some very scary and ugly places. I almost feel guilty that I was never abused molested and grew up with two parents who loved us to death. I mean winning the Life Lottery! So why can I go from Zero to Livid in 2 seconds?

Well one thing is I need to relax. This will sound weird, but I can sit still for an hour, just sitting quietly, not saying anything, not moving, eyes open. In fact 30 minutes, every morning. my morning Sitting. This discipline was shown to me 18 years ago yesterday. Sounds easy, but I have challenged person after person who says that's bullshit anyone can do that. They can't. People are twitchy, ready to fire, on the hair trigger. Look around at crowds at see people who are Utterly Uncomfortable in the Bodies they inhabit. Road Rage out of the Car. So, that helped me, but that's long term.

Short term is a simple Stop exercise, again very easy to tell someone, very difficult to practice. If you can do this when you're Not angry, you can begin to see what happens when you get angry.

Just at a time of the day that you remember the Stop exercise: Stop. And take a look at that creature. How relaxed? How attentive? Where are my thoughts? Literally stand there for a minute and begin to Notice How your Body Does Things.

Is this sounding insane enough yet? So much more, but thats a start.

<IMG SRC="http://members.aol.com/miketeachr/void21">

[Crippler]

I feel your pain, bro, even without knowing you. Not to make this about me, but maybe if I share, you'll feel a little more relaxed about opening up. So here goes:

Ironically, Feb 5th is my ex's birthday. We dated for nearly 8 years, and had we made it to her birthday I had intended to finally ask her to marry me. But we fought over some trivial bullshit a few weeks before, actually on the day I picked up her ring, and she threw in the towel on the relationship. It hurts like hell on a daily basis, and it doesn't hurt any less yet as time goes on. But having family & good friend around you makes it a little easier to deal with.

OK, enough about me...let it spew if you feel so inclined, it helps the healing process & there's a lot of good people around here who might be able to lend a hand/ear/email to help.

Either way, good luck to you, I'll be pulling for you.

http://pic5.picturetrail.com/VOL77/857148/1548180/50299178.jpg
Let's get Sirius...
I plead the FiF!

[Mike Teacher]

Oh, and from the Asking Why sessions with myself, two Points of Seeing.

1. in 1996 my dad died. A long cancer of unknown origin that spead fucking everywhere fast. He had to take about the worst chemotherapy drugs made, just utter poison. The entire cancer chemo cliche; he went from a USMC Colonel to something that, as he said, looked like ET. And I was the only one he allowed to see this. When it spread to his skin at the end. I was it; the hsopice everything, because I could take it and no one else could. So, I'm pissed off at the Universe for that.

2. I'm pissed off about lost time. Thats the real sin in all of this. I can correct the past in a real way, but the time lost is, well, gone. Those wasted years that I was... wasted.

<IMG SRC="http://members.aol.com/miketeachr/void21">

[Mike Teacher]

Shit, I wouldn't reply to this non-coherent babble.


What you call non-coherent babble a LOT of people will read and be, 'Hey, thats me too'

Its not babble. Getting away from my lofty philosophical shit above; when relationships went sour with me and a chick, two times, I actually found out that there is a real physical pain in heartbreak. I would have scoffed at it, but if youve felt that hit in the stomach, or as it feels like someone is just draining your soul of anything possibly positive in your life, you know, and it hurts like hell.

Time doesnt heal some wounds. It just doesn't. But it does help, somewhat. Unfortunately, time is like Molasses when this shit is going on. You dont want to explain those last eight hours, I am guessing, because to do so would take a Week. Been there bro.

Ron joked about this more then once on the air, but he's explained that scene: Ron's on the lawn trying to talk to some chick who is hurling anything and everything out of the place at him. 4AM, shes screaming Fuck You at the top of her lungs at Ron and waking up everyone within blocks. Or something like that.

Anyway: He joked about how That Stuff is the BEST, the time when youre Really Alive and in the Moment. Nothing clears out the cobwebs like a good screaming party for the neighbors.

But Ron can joke about it because, obviously, I guess, he's found a way to deal with it. Or, like I said, it sounds really Dumb now, but there will be a point when you can look back and joke about it. The pain? Oh, still there if one wishes to bring it up. Oh yeah.

If I had a solution for this relationship shit, Id be a bazillionaire. But No One does.

<IMG SRC="http://members.aol.com/miketeachr/void21">

[schmega]

if its not too embarassing, or something we cant use against you later on, you might wanna go into further detail. talking about it or writing it down is real cathartic.

yeah, life does suck sometimes, but its better than the alternative.

http://gilseed.home.acedsl.com/spsig.jpg

[Patches]

I guess I calmed down a bit from this morning...

First off, I want to thank Mike, Crip and Schmega for your support... I really appreciate it. I read every word of every post several times- Mike those anger management techniques sound like a good idea- my hand is killing me.. I definitely need to look into relaxing a bit when I get really pissed and thinking things through instead of flying off the handle. Believe it or not, I'm much better than I was- a flimsy closet door is a lot easier on the knuckles than the windshield of your car. While you're still sitting in it.

I started typing out all of the long details of my personal shitstorm, but I'm not sure I really want to do all of that just now. The tangled mess of shit I managed to get myself into is just waaay too much to post.

It boils down to that my girlfriend of 5 and a half years whom I was deeply in love with and planned to marry 'changed' (her words not mine) into a bitch (my word) and dumped me. (Sidenote- back when we were still happy we were painting my room and she painted our names on the back of the closet door with a heart in the middle. That door never stood a chance.) Then proceeded to really not give a shit. After 5 and a half fucking years. The surprisingly profound Fountains of Wayne put it best:

It's not right/ It's not fair/ I'm still a mess/ And you still don't care/ I go to work/ I come back home/ But you're still gone and I'm still alone

t's not right/ It's not fair/ I'm still a mess/ And you still don't care/ I go to sleep/ When I wake up/ The pain sets in and it never stops

Eventually I got off the mat and met someone else. Without going into detail, her and I have sort of a history together (a history of fucking each other over really), dating back to 2 summers ago when my ex and I were on a 'break.' Things were going awesome- I definitely found myself completely falling for her and her for I. For the first time in months, I actually felt happy again. Until last night anyway- which is still way too fresh for me to go into.

I guess I'm mostly pissed at myself for putting myself into situations where I know there is a good shot I'm going to get burned. But at the same time, if you never do that, are you just wasting your life being a big pussy?

But I know I can't go on like this. I swear I took 10 years off my life these past few months between stress and the incredible amount of drinking (not exactly to forget or anything- just going out partying with my friends and trying to enjoy being single). I guess I just need time to think things through and pick up and move on. Again. Damn.

<img src=http://img24.photobucket.com/albums/v72/bcqueens/pj2.jpg>

<b>I distinctly heard 'Jew down the price.' -Ben Stein</B>

[Furtherman]

This message was edited by Furtherman on 9-29-04 @ 6:11 PM

[Jennitalia]

I can relate to what you're going through. I've been there. Writing things down definitely does help. I don't necessarily mean you should post exactly what happened. But writing it to yourself can help you deal with what you're feeling, and can even help you put things in perspective and not feel so crummy about yourself. And yeah, get yourself out there with your friends. Meet new people. Try not to keep thinking about the past and things that could've been, or things you should've done. Just because you had some bad experiences with relationships (and who hasn't?), doesn't mean you're destined to be alone and/or miserable forever.

<img src=http://www.christpuncherrecords.com/sigs/Janice.jpg>

[Patches]

The first couple weeks are the hardest, but steadfast Patches... you're young. Have some fun with someone new. Someone from a differnet crowd with whom you have no past history. No one with ties to family or friends.


I do realize this.. I should have realized this after the first time, but whatever... you live you learn... well some people learn. I apparently don't. The worst part is she gets a bit crazy and emotional when she drinks sometimes, so I'm expecting a big sob story apology bullshit phone call any day now. I just have to be strong enough to tell her to fuck off. I can't keep going back to the same poisoned well.



I can relate to what you're going through. I've been there. Writing things down definitely does help. I don't necessarily mean you should post exactly what happened. But writing it to yourself can help you deal with what you're feeling, and can even help you put things in perspective and not feel so crummy about yourself. And yeah, get yourself out there with your friends. Meet new people. Try not to keep thinking about the past and things that could've been, or things you should've done. Just because you had some bad experiences with relationships (and who hasn't?), doesn't mean you're destined to be alone and/or miserable forever.


Trust me Jenn... I didn't post EVERYTHING that happened- I don't think this site has the bandwidth. ;)

And I do plan on shaking it off and moving on- I really just needed to vent. Going to my friends with this, I'd just hear a huge "I TOLD YOU SO", and to be honest, I don't blame them. I knew what I was getting into when I started seeing her again- but everything just seemed and felt right- I thought things were going to be different this time around. And they were- This time I fell for her and got hurt, last time it was the other way around.

Thanks again guys, I mean it.

<img src=http://img24.photobucket.com/albums/v72/bcqueens/pj2.jpg>

<b>I distinctly heard 'Jew down the price.' -Ben Stein</B>

[JPMNICK]

I guess I'm mostly pissed at myself for putting myself into situations where I know there is a good shot I'm going to get burned. But at the same time, if you never do that, are you just wasting your life being a big pussy?

Bro, I am 100% feeling you on this one. Here is some advice. You can not live your life hoping you do not get burned. If you do, you will miss out an so many awesome oppertunities. Sometimes, when you know there is a chance you will get burned, you will come out of it fine, and better off. Yea, sometimes it sucks and you get hurt. But for damn sure you are still alive and able to get back into the game. If something is not worth getting burned for, then it is not worth anything. Anything worth while requires some sort of risk. You see a hot chick, there is a risk when you go up to her you will get shot down. There is also the chance she will be banging her head on your headboard later that night. I guess the best advice is pick your battles, but sometimes even if the chance in small, you just got to go for it.

I used to be the wall punching crazy man. Then one day i sat myself down with a bottle of vodka in the basement because my girlfriend cheated on me. i basically did nothing but drink for a few months. Everyday. Then one day I went to the freezer to grab a drink, like usual, and just walked to the sink and poured it out. I realized how stupid I was being.

That was 4 years ago. Since then I have never gotten so mad that I have punched anything. I basically never even raise my voice anymore. And I only drink socially with friends, never even getting drunk anymore (thats a personal choice and nothing to do with my anger management).

What I am saying is, get this out of your system and use it as a reason to change your life. If you have ever seen Fight Club there is this one line where Ed Norton Says "Today is the first day of the rest of your life". Or something to that effect. This could be you. The earlier you can learn to cope with this shit, the happier you will be. 5 years ago I was a miserable fuck. Now I am happy as hell. Sure, stuff in my life still sucks. My dad is really sick and near death. But I have come to terms with these things.

I know this has just happened and basically the wound is still gushing blood. And it is way easier to say that to be in it. But you sound like a good person, so I know there will be many more oppertunites for you that will be 1000 times better than this. When you look back, this may be the relationship that defines you as a person. Maybe this was the girl who stopped your cheating ways, and now you can settle down with a nice girl from a nice family.

BTW, Mizzle. All of your posts were awesome. I think they can help anyone, not just Patches.

http://home.comcast.net/~nickcontardo/jpm_sig.jpg
Thanks to Monsterone for my first sig.

This message was edited by JPMNICK on 6-23-04 @ 4:11 PM

[Mike Teacher]

BTW, Mizzle. All of your posts were awesome. I think they can help anyone, not just Patches.


I write it because it Kills us. It literally and exactly Kills us. Women have, on average, essentially, 8-10 years on men, in terms of life expectancy. Why? I feel part of it is the

'quite lives of desperation' [cant remember author]

this is our lives. Everyone, not just men. But the 'suck it up' and 'be strong' and boys dont cry' may well help some to indeed mature, but I feel some of that has a cost.

We are stressful motherfuckers in this day and age. All of us. Future Shock maybe; things happeneing so fast that only those who can deal with rapid change will handle it.

My brother, the Wall Streeter, boils it down to; The Type 'A's die of Heart Attacks, the Type 'B's die of Cancer. This is reductionist, but he speaks from some experience. He's had two guys drop dead in front of him this year. The market, those guys who sold people Enron, and Tyco, and WorldCom? You see those lawyers in the papers asking if you bought that stock? My bro says the lawsuits and the regulators are up everyone asses so bad its unreal.

So at a seminar, the guy one row up from him slumps over, and punches out right there on the spot. Dead as Dillinger; no good-byes, nothing.

Stress is real, but I try to make it relative: My mental list:

-I have food, shelter, clothing, a phone and a computer: Compared to 99.9999% of EVERYone who has ever lived, I [we] live like a King. Nope wait; Kings didnt have it so good. No Broadband Internet.

-Tanks are not rolling down my street; there are several DOZEN wars going on now; in places we never hear about, because it's so bad the journalists say 'fuck that'.

-The one thing I have never been is suicidal. Death is the One thing that Will take care of itself, so I dont concern myself with that.


=

And JP and others have some awesome posts here.


<IMG SRC="http://members.aol.com/miketeachr/void21">

This message was edited by Mike Teacher on 6-23-04 @ 6:25 PM

[sr71blackbird]

A woman I work with was telling me how her female friend is destroying herself because her husband had started having an affair and their mirrage is crumbling. Shes starving herself and begging him to make it work and to love her again. My response was, this guy is not accepting the greatest gift another person can give him. When you destroy yourself and have to beg to have your love reciprocated, then you are assuming that your love is worthless and that is a humiliation that you should never inflict upon yourself. If your love is worthless to even you, then you have nothing to offer anyone. Never let yourself believe that your love is worthless. If your with someone who doesnt reciprocate your love, then its a dillusion on your own part to continue to love that person. You owe it to yourself and your self esteem to detach the direction of your emotional flow into a container that will never fill and retain it unto yourself until such time that you find another such container, one that will overflow from hers and into yours. Never think that your greatest gift is worthless. No one can take for granted the value of your love, save yourself.

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<center><B>My Thanks to Just Jon, Reefdwella, ADF, Yerdaddy,Monsterone and Katylina for the sig-pic help and creation!</B></center>
<marquee behavior=alternate><font size=1>Which Witch Wished Which Wicked Wish?</marquee>

[JohnnyCash]

Sorry to hear it Patches. I hope it gets better for you soon.

<img src=http://img18.photobucket.com/albums/v53/monster6sixty6/guests/cash_sig.jpg>
Big thanks to Monsterone.

[Patches]

You can not live your life hoping you do not get burned.


If there is one thing in life I do know, it is that. It was just this particular situation in these particular circumstances, (again, sorry no detail) that 'I shoulda known'. I still think she is a great girl- it's just now isn't the right time for us at all. Maybe down the road (more than likely not- and believe me: it's fine with me)- but for now I'm tired of being Charlie Brown to her Lucy, constantly ending up on my ass trying to kick the football.

I 100 percent agree with everything in your post- thanks. (though I'm not too sure about the cheating ways part. I've been a good boy. Lately. :confuse: )


-I have food, shelter, clothing, a phone and a computer: Compared to 99.9999% of EVERYone who has ever lived, I [we] live like a King. Nope wait; Kings didnt have it so good. No Broadband Internet.


Definitely. That's why after I titled this thread, I went back and prefaced it with:


The title of this thread sucks. I don't live in a poverty, so life can't completely suck, but relatively speaking...


Like minds think great. Or something like that.


Never think that your greatest gift is worthless.


No way, man. That is right on. I have friends who get down on themselves when things go wrong with the fairer sex, and lock themselves in their room for weeks. Fuck all that. Be hurt, be pissed- but don't take your self image down with the ship.



Sorry to hear it Patches. I hope it gets better for you soon.


Dude, if there is anyone on this board who knows how crazy Rockaway women can be, it's you! Something in the water I guess (or the beer).

Thanks all- This has definitely been therapeutic, even more so than I could have thought. Should be an interesting weekend- as JC knows, its a small town.

<img src=http://img24.photobucket.com/albums/v72/bcqueens/pj2.jpg>

<b>I distinctly heard 'Jew down the price.' -Ben Stein</B>

[FUNKMAN]

we've all been through tough times so you're not alone! just want to say 'hope things look up' for you!

<img src="http://thereisnogod.faithweb.com/images/funkman.gif">

[JohnnyCash]

Dude, if there is anyone on this board who knows how crazy Rockaway women can be, it's you! Something in the water I guess (or the beer).

Thanks all- This has definitely been therapeutic, even more so than I could have thought. Should be an interesting weekend- as JC knows, its a small town.

Its a small town with some crazy women. I was lucky enough to find myself a girl from Brooklyn a long time ago and avoid any of the Rockaway drama. But I have seen lots of my friends just taken apart by these chicks.

The worst thing around here is that everyone knows everyone else and nothing remains a secret. All I can reccomend is listening to Love Burns by Black Rebel Motorcycle Club.

Keep strong buddy.

<IMG SRC="http://www.osirusonline.com/cashsig.gif">
Thank You Reefdwella

[badorties]

life is way too short, and there is no way you should feel this bad over a rockaway chick ...

dust yerself off, go down to the blackwater, the circle or even sit outside at the warf ... get a couple beers in ya, and let it go ...

before you know it: you'll meet another chick, fall in love, and have yer heart crushed all over again ...

and if you're lucky, it'll happen at least four more times before you find the right gal ...



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[peacefrog081]

My best wishes go out to you patches. I, as have many people have gone through very very tough times and know how tough it can be. One thing I would like to add that has helped me throughout the tough times is music. There is a song called "When the Music's Over" by the doors with a lyric in it that goes "When the Music is your special friend, dance on fire, it intends, music is your only friend, until the end" Which, to me, means that no matter what happens over the course of your life, you can pop a cd in and listen to a song which may help explain how you are feeling. "The End" also by the doors is another song which greatly describes how I feel after a breakup in a relationshp. There were many times when I would blast a song like this and it felt like Jim was speaking to my soul.


This is the end, Beautiful friend
This is the end, My only friend, the end
Of our elaborate plans, the end
Of everything that stands, the end
No safety or surprise, the end
I'll never look into your eyes...again
Can you picture what will be, So limitless and free
Desperately in need...of some...stranger's hand
In a...desperate land
Lost in a Roman...wilderness of pain
And all the children are insane, All the children are insane
Waiting for the summer rain, yeah
There's danger on the edge of town
Ride the King's highway, baby


There are many other songs which have helped me such as "Behind Blue eys (no one knows what its like to be the bad man, to be the sad man behind blue eys)", "Baba O'Riley" (teenage wasteland) There are very few other things that made me feel better than singing these songs to help get my feelings out of me. Godspeed my friend.

<img src="http://members.aol.com/latinspicexox/images/peacrfrogwhitesig.jpg">

[Patches]

life is way too short, and there is no way you should feel this bad over a rockaway chick ...


Zackly...

Trust me... I care less and less every day. I guess I have this board to thank for accelerating this process. and badorties, I am familiar with the Doors, so here's something similar from the great Nas-

Life's a bitch, and then you die
That's why we get high
Cuz you never know
When yer gonna go

Enjoy life, its too short.

<img src=http://img24.photobucket.com/albums/v72/bcqueens/pj2.jpg>

<b>I distinctly heard 'Jew down the price.' -Ben Stein</B>

[badorties]

and badorties, I am familiar with the Doors, so here's something similar from the great Nas


um, that was the eponymously named 'peacefog081' that imparted jim morrison's nuggets of wisdom ...

good to hear the process beginning, and take heart that it wasn't a broad channel chick that did you in ...



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[Patches]

my bad. I'm hungover.

And dude, I grew up in BC (first 23 years) and take beaming pride that I have never hooked up with any girl there. ever.

<img src=http://img24.photobucket.com/albums/v72/bcqueens/pj2.jpg>

<b>I distinctly heard 'Jew down the price.' -Ben Stein</B>

[Evilpete]

Hey Patches I know how it is man. I know how it is to treat people with the respect you expect from them, but in the end you get trated like a doormat. I've been there professionally and personaly.

All I can say is: Don't let it fuck your head up! Try to forget about it and move on. I didn't with some of the shit I went through and trust me, it stays with you and affects you confidence (something I don't have), and how you feel about yourself (I myself keep feeling I'm a complete and total failure that won't get a job and die alone)

I know It seems like I'm suggesting something impossible to do, but believe me, it will help you in the long run. Just find something you like to do and emmerse yourself in it to keep you mind off all the other things, and you'll soon forget it

<img src="http://members.aol.com/evilpete66/images/hooliesig.jpg">


<marquee><b> IM me at Evilpete66 or I will be force to perform a "Tony Danza" on 'yo ass!!!

[Mike Teacher]

Just find something you like to do and immerse yourself in it to keep you mind off all the other things...


Wonderful. The power of this can not be overestimated.



<IMG SRC="http://members.aol.com/miketeachr/sigone">

[bigbaldirish]

i feel for ya too.

not a day goes by without me thinking of my GF who was an asshole, i had good times, and something will remind me, but then i think of all the hurt and pain that ended that relationship. and all the fun i have now, that i wouldn't have been allowed to, or even had attempted to do back then, that it equals it out, and i go back to normal.

chin up, go to the bar, get your deek wet in whatever beer goggled looking girl you can for that night (rubbered up of course) and smile. and don't care in public for a while. care here, where you can (mostly) be anonymous, and vent.

<img src="http://hometown.aol.com/societyofirish/images/bbisig3.jpg" width=300 height=100></htpdiv>
www.societyofmyera.50megs.com (http://www.societyofmyera.50megs.com)

[FMJeff]

I guess I calmed down a bit from this morning...

First off, I want to thank Mike, Crip and Schmega for your support... I really appreciate it. I read every word of every post several times- Mike those anger management techniques sound like a good idea- my hand is killing me.. I definitely need to look into relaxing a bit when I get really pissed and thinking things through instead of flying off the handle. Believe it or not, I'm much better than I was- a flimsy closet door is a lot easier on the knuckles than the windshield of your car. While you're still sitting in it.

I started typing out all of the long details of my personal shitstorm, but I'm not sure I really want to do all of that just now. The tangled mess of shit I managed to get myself into is just waaay too much to post.

It boils down to that my girlfriend of 5 and a half years whom I was deeply in love with and planned to marry 'changed' (her words not mine) into a bitch (my word) and dumped me. (Sidenote- back when we were still happy we were painting my room and she painted our names on the back of the closet door with a heart in the middle. That door never stood a chance.) Then proceeded to really not give a shit. After 5 and a half fucking years. The surprisingly profound Fountains of Wayne put it best:

It's not right/ It's not fair/ I'm still a mess/ And you still don't care/ I go to work/ I come back home/ But you're still gone and I'm still alone

t's not right/ It's not fair/ I'm still a mess/ And you still don't care/ I go to sleep/ When I wake up/ The pain sets in and it never stops

Eventually I got off the mat and met someone else. Without going into detail, her and I have sort of a history together (a history of fucking each other over really), dating back to 2 summers ago when my ex and I were on a 'break.' Things were going awesome- I definitely found myself completely falling for her and her for I. For the first time in months, I actually felt happy again. Until last night anyway- which is still way too fresh for me to go into.

I guess I'm mostly pissed at myself for putting myself into situations where I know there is a good shot I'm going to get burned. But at the same time, if you never do that, are you just wasting your life being a big pussy?




I hate to be blunt here but it sounds like, in some masochistic way, you're choosing the angst/pathos/depression over something that will work better for you. Case in point, resuming a relationship with a person who has fucked you over in the past. We've all been there, taking the easy road with someone we know and have history with.

I think you'd be better off venturing out into the unknown and trying to meet new women who might work better for you. That and make cogniscent choices about the things which piss you off and work hard to reverse the behavior which nets depressing results. Everybody knows, even subconsciously, what keeps them down, but you have to take the risks you wouldn't normally take to break free of old habits.

A good friend told me that being happy is a choice, and I really do believe that. If you allow yourself to fall victim to the crap that keeps you down, you're choosing the crap of being happy.

Hope that helps.

Oh, and try not to seek life wisdom from Fountains of Wayne. Or do we not remember "Stacy's mom has got it going on..."

<center><img src="http://thereisnogod.faithweb.com/images/fmjeff.gif">
<br>
It made my heart sing.

[Lacey29]

[quote2. I'm pissed off about lost time. Thats the real sin in all of this. I can correct the past in a real way, but the time lost is, well, gone. Those wasted years that I was... wasted.

[/quote]
wow. <ike, I havent spoken to my dad in 6 years.......and I was just writing him a letter, I hope you dont mind......but I am totally using this statement. It says so much that I NEED and WANT to say but didnt exacrly know HOW. you rock.

ok, to PATCHES, FEB %th caught my eye, son's birthday, anyways..........Im sorry your dealing with something so fucking disturbing. I have no advice, just to say I hope things get better. Dull I know, but Im not clear on our situation and I dont know you very well. KEEP ON KEEPIN ON. ( of the good stuff )

lost my pen, damn it.

[Patches]

I hate to be blunt here but it sounds like, in some masochistic way, you're choosing the angst/pathos/depression over something that will work better for you. Case in point, resuming a relationship with a person who has fucked you over in the past. We've all been there, taking the easy road with someone we know and have history with.

I think you'd be better off venturing out into the unknown and trying to meet new women who might work better for you. That and make cogniscent choices about the things which piss you off and work hard to reverse the behavior which nets depressing results. Everybody knows, even subconsciously, what keeps them down, but you have to take the risks you wouldn't normally take to break free of old habits.

A good friend told me that being happy is a choice, and I really do believe that. If you allow yourself to fall victim to the crap that keeps you down, you're choosing the crap of being happy.

Hope that helps.

Oh, and try not to seek life wisdom from Fountains of Wayne. Or do we not remember "Stacy's mom has got it going on..."


Jeff, I definitely do realize all of that now- and believe me I have soooo moved the fuck on (in no small part due to this msg board). At the time I went through a bunch of shit- everything seemed to pile up at once- and needed to vent and am glad I did. Since then, I've been through even more shit (only partly related) but I lived and learned and was much better equipped to handle it. Now, to be honest, I don't really care anymore- I'm just enjoying being single- If I meet Ms. Right, great- otherwise I have no problem settling for Ms. Right Now.

And don't knock the wisdom of FOW- Rachel Hunter STILL has got it goin' on.

<img src=http://img24.photobucket.com/albums/v72/bcqueens/pj2.jpg>

<b>I distinctly heard 'Jew down the price.' -Ben Stein</B>

[Mike Teacher]

no small part due to this msg board


This board has msg?

I specificaly asked for a website with NO msg.

No wonder I have this fucking migraine.

<IMG SRC="http://members.aol.com/miketeachr/sigone">

[TheMojoPin]

We make the mod quotes out of the freshest cat!

<img src="http://scripts.cgispy.com/image.cgi?u=TheMojoPin">
1979 << December boys got it BAD >> "You can tell some lies about the good times we've had, but I've kissed your mother twice...and now I'm working on your dad..."

[Patches]

you guys suck.

Obviously 'msg' is short for 'massage'. Now where's the shiatsu girl? I think 2584 posts warrants a happy ending.

<img src=http://img24.photobucket.com/albums/v72/bcqueens/pj2.jpg>

<b>I distinctly heard 'Jew down the price.' -Ben Stein</B>

[Patches]

Hey again.

I haven't been posting at all, but I wanted to thank again everyone who helped me in this thread. I was helped b6 this more than anyone would know. I appreciate having a place to turn where people listen, help, laugh, and just make you feel better, whether it is about yourself, life, or the future.

To update, (not that anyone has been clamoring to know, but writing this out helps me realize just how far I'd come, and puts a smile on my face.

After a shitload of deliberation, and back and forth, I went against everyone, including the completely sensible advice of this thread, and the girl who kept dumping me and I, realized we were completely in love. We've had our problems since, but its been 5 wonderful months, and we both know we were meant for each other.

As for the ex if 5 1/2 years, well- she is due in July with the baby of a man she is not in love with. While this should bring an evil smirk to my face, it doesn't. She is still a great friend, and we talk now and then, and I wish her nothing but the best. She is a strong girl and will be fine.

Again- Thank you.

<img src=http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v72/bcqueens/shooter.jpg>

For example: Kindest Regards, Your Name