is it ever ok to shit where you eat?

[ChrisTheCop]

For the past month or so, my partner and I have been pushing the envelope of our off duty relationship. We havent had "actual" sex, but have done just about everything else. We've both been really proud of ourselves that it hasnt really enterred into our on duty lives. We still are professional and keep our minds on our work 99% of the time. The problem is that because we work together, she doesnt feel it should get too serious (ala sex sex). No one knows (for sure anyway) at work. Fine. So we keep it light. We encourage eachother to date others, etc, although to date it hasnt happened. She told me last night that a guy asked her to Connecticut next weekend for an overnight wedding. She accepted the invite. I'm trying to be fine with it, but for obvious reasons, I cant.
I totally understand the "dont shit where you eat" theory, but when it comes to her, I cant help myself. I could actually be in love here. Understand that if "the job" found out, one of us would be transferred.
Anyway, my question to you fine folks is, as stated in the title, is it ever ok to shit where you eat? And, should I put in for a transfer anyway so all will be fine (keeping in mind it could actually take up to a year to get transferred, and by then, ,will she still be available?) AND which is better, to spend 8.5 hours a day with someone you love and love to work with, or take a gamble on a personal relationship that may or may not work and possibly end up losing her forever?
I'm obviously very confused here and am having trouble putting thoughts together, but I hope Ive done well enough to solicit some advice from you all. Thanks in advance.

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[TheMojoPin]

I've done the "fuck the person you work with" bit twice for REAL (where we went the whole nine yards and dated and everything) and it ended horribly. I've since had two relationships where it was from work, but we basically just had sex...and those worked. But we definitely had an understanding that was ALL it was, so that seems to be the key, that both parties are on the same page from the beginning and both clearly know just what they want, and nobody's expecting more.

If it's just a physical thing, and she starts talking like she wants more, you gotta cut it off. If you start thinking you want more, you gotta cut it off. ESPECIALLY with how close you guys work...that's just begging for trouble.

And dude, you get to have her wear that cop uniform, like, ALL the time. Nice....

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1979 << December boys got it BAD >> "You can tell some lies about the good times we've had, but I've kissed your mother twice...and now I'm working on your dad..."

This message was edited by TheMojoPin on 7-11-04 @ 12:57 AM

[fiestygal]

do you see yourslef and this partner goin somewhere relationship wise? if so then id get a transfer..because you guys will get sick of each other after a while..unless you want to see your partner 24/7

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AIM- yelowrose1981

Its time to party.... Italian Style

[ChickenHawk]

<font color=red><font size="8">TAP IT.</font></font>

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This message was edited by ChickenHawk on 7-11-04 @ 12:20 AM

[furie]

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This message was edited by furie on 7-11-04 @ 1:03 AM

[FMJeff]

Only if you eat shit...

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<br>
It made my heart sing.

[TheMojoPin]

If you really think it's love, you gotta stop being her partner, ASAP.

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1979 << December boys got it BAD >> "You can tell some lies about the good times we've had, but I've kissed your mother twice...and now I'm working on your dad..."

[sr71blackbird]

Id strongly suggest to not get involved, unless either of you were transferred. If you did decide to have a relationship and it didnt work out, she could easily find a way to say that you make her 'uncomfortable' and then youd be out with a bad mark against you or worse. Those feelings you describe about her going away for a weekend with another guy are clear signals that your feelings are far more than casual sex feelings that people who are just fuck buddys feel. Your in it deep my man, and if you can disconnect, it would probably be best for you and your career. I too have had working relationships and it does indeed effect both worlds your in.

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[Mike Teacher]

Chris, my one case ended in disaster; youd think she'd let me know she was still married before, oh, the sixth date?

Anyway back to you; everything sounded fine for me; until that 'overnight wedding' thing. I don't mean this to sound like a joke, but to me, given how going to wedding seems to turn everyone into a screwing machine [like James Caan in the Godfather], but to me: 'overnight wedding' = one post wedding dance will be the Wango Tango.

Hope I'm wrong and you end up in love forever, or whatever the kids are doing today...

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[fiestygal]

ok how about this...transfer..and screw till your brains fall out

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AIM- yelowrose1981

Its time to party.... Italian Style

[TheMojoPin]

Of course, he's gotta question whether it's REALLY love, or just the fact he's around her so much of the day that he's developed the dating version of Stockholm Syndrome, which happens a LOT, especially with people you really shouldn't be dating...your mind finally just cracks and stops trying to explain why you SHOULDN'T date them, and you start making excuses about why you should...

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1979 << December boys got it BAD >> "You can tell some lies about the good times we've had, but I've kissed your mother twice...and now I'm working on your dad..."

[Lumber]

Look at it this way...If you transfer and you guys get some "Horizontal Hoola" time in, all is well. But- If you don`t transfer and she continues to see other people while you feel the way you do, your looking for trouble.

<IMG SRC=http://images.google.com/images?q=tbn:MMCU_gW497cJ:www2.bumfights.com/indecline/pics/1.jpg>Atleast try to get her to ride you while she`s wearing her Duty belt and Hat!

This message was edited by njlumberdude on 7-11-04 @ 2:38 AM

[SatCam]

Put her in cuffs and hit her in the back of the cruiser.

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[Lumber]

Put her in cuffs and hit her in the back of the cruiser.

<img src="http://img30.photobucket.com/albums/v91/SatCam/sig87_general_cathy.jpg" align="right"><A HREF="http://www.satelitecam.tk">Ron and Fez Drops and Bits</A>

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This message was edited by njlumberdude on 7-11-04 @ 3:11 AM

[ChrisTheCop]

Well. its going on 4am and I cant sleep. Some of you may remember my thoughts on marriage (I'm not against it, but I dont like that so many people are "looking to get married"). I could always see myself being happy on my death bed having never married. Well, as my partner, ,she knows everything about me, ,including that. She has said on numerous occasions that we could never be serious because "you dont wanna get married." Funny thing is, Ive only felt this comfortable with one other woman in my life, and I almost married her. I feel even more comfortable with this one. I could marry her if thats what it takes but at the same time I hate feeling pressured, ,ya know? ugh.
Anywho, thanks for the great advice. I'm sure theres more to come tomorrow. You guys are the best. Now for some NyQuil to knock me out...


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[GaryWyze]

[color=purple]Well, before you do anything, you really need to figure out how you feel and what you want (although I suspect you already know the answer to both).

As fas as the job is concerned, it's not exactly unheard of for cops to be dating one another. True, your situation is a little more complicated because you're a Sergeant and I'm guessing she's an Officer, but that's still not that big a deal. Think "don't ask, don't tell."

I think of greater importance is the risk that all office romances entail... if things go bad, you still gotta see this person 5 days a week.

From all that you've written, I think you should come right out and tell her that you think you two should give exclusivity a shot. And that while you're not proposing, you think you've given her the wrong impression as for as your feelings on marriage is concerned. That you aren't against it, per se, just that you don't think people should enter into it because it's what you're suppose to do after having been dating for a while. That it should be something special and only happen when two people have something as special as you think you two might one day have.

Okay, that's kinda mushy. But worst case scenario, she sprays you with a little mace. Small price to pay for love.

Good luck, bud, and it's good to see you around these parts.

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Much thanks to CZM for creating this killer sig and Furie for hosting it

[Katylina]

Well, it sounds like you are in love. I think before you put in a transfer, you should tell her exactly what you told us on the message board. Love is something special, and when you find it, you should do anything you can to keep it and nurture it. If you found it, run with it.

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"If you found it, run with it."


-A practice that I also apply to "dead squirrels."

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This message was edited by East Side Dave on 7-11-04 @ 11:08 AM

[TheMojoPin]

Chris, I think you have the right idea about marriage...that it's not totally necessary to show you're in love, or to experience it. If it happens, great, but you shouldn't feel obligated to do so just as some kind of gesture to "prove" anything...if the feelings are there in the first place, that should be enough.

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1979 << December boys got it BAD >> "You can tell some lies about the good times we've had, but I've kissed your mother twice...and now I'm working on your dad..."

[RocOutWithYACockOUT]

I think you should give me her number and send her over to me and I'll tell you what should do with her.

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Never read the Qu'ran or Islamic scriptures
Only psalms I read was on the arms of my niggaz
Tattooed so I carry on like I'm non-religious

[TheMojoPin]

No, his partner is REALLY a woman. You'd be completely lost once you realized the gun you were grabbing is ACTUALLY a gun.

<img src="http://scripts.cgispy.com/image.cgi?u=TheMojoPin">
1979 << December boys got it BAD >> "You can tell some lies about the good times we've had, but I've kissed your mother twice...and now I'm working on your dad..."

[reeshy]

Chris,
Take it froom me....don't do it!!!!!!! After mu first marriage failed (I didn't do it!!!!!!) I was working with a female partner. She knew I was newly divorced and thought that she would help me out. Anyway, that led to me being transferred to a borough that I knew nothing about (Queens) and her making detective....go figure?????????

Anyway, I wouldn't shit where I sleep again!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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[Yerdaddy]

I say you follow your heart and go for it. Wait. Chris, didn't you once tell me you were a K-9 unit? Eewwwwwwwwwww! I want a sex video.

<img src="http://scripts.cgispy.com/image.cgi?u=bonedaddy5">
Fuck it from behind.

[TheMojoPin]

After mu first marriage failed (I didn't do it!!!!!!)

Hey, it's the last American virgin, in the flesh!

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1979 << December boys got it BAD >> "You can tell some lies about the good times we've had, but I've kissed your mother twice...and now I'm working on your dad..."

[Aggie]

That's a tough one. I think you need to be sure of how SHE feels before anything because she could just be in it for the good cop lovin'.

I'm just saying, girls can say 'I don't want to get serious with you because you don't want to get married,' but could have a totally different motive for saying it.

It's hard to separate feelings and rational decisions, just be as sure as you can before you make any career altering decisions for a POA.

I'm glad you popped up, I was wondering how you were doing.

[center]<IMG SRC="http://scripts.cgispy.com/image.cgi?u=Aggie">[center]

[Freakshow]

I think Deaner and Gener said it best

Don't you ever think of me
When you're outside strollin'
Don't you ever wave the flag
When we're rockin' and rollin'
Don't shit where you eat, my friend

Who said it was hard to climb
A peak that you can't see
I tell ya it's an easy thing
When it's you and me
But don't shit where you eat, my friend

A little food and drink uh huh
Nothin' too fancy
Lamb, veal, and some good ole wine
This is the life for me
But don't shit where you eat, my friend

Doodn doodn doo doo doo doo
Doodn doodn doo doo doo doo
Doodn doodn doo doo doo doo doo doo
Doo doo doo doo doo doo doo
Don't shit where you eat, my friend

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Spring term is almost over, and I'm really hating my job. My lease on my apartment is amost run out. The tags on my car expire next week. If I'm ever going to do it, this just seems like a good time to kill myself..</center>

[Hosp]

Chris and Aggie in the same thread? The Board is coming back, things are going to change, I can feel it.

But anyway, Chris, talk to her and be as honest as you possibly can be. If you want to keep some stuff to yourself, that's understandable, but jumping into a decision without having everything laid out and understood between the both of you is laying the groundwork for doom.

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[Evilpete]

Am I the only one that thinks you should be a little more concerned about fighting crime than should you bang her or not??

seriously, tell her how you feel, I fell for the "I think I should wait to tell her", and when I was going to tell her how I felt, I find she was seeing someone else for a month....and I still regret not telling her how I feel about her sooner.

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[FUNKMAN]

there is probably very little chance of it turning out good unless one of you sacrafices their work location...

plus just the way the situation is described 'don't shit where you eat' it's like after you have sex your mouth looks like you've been sloppily eating a melting fudgesicle... you know what i'm saying

<img src="http://thereisnogod.faithweb.com/images/funkman.gif">

[ChrisTheCop]

Update: It was all over by the end of the summer, and boy do I mean ALL over. The relationship, ,the friendship, even the partnership. We dont even TALK to eachother anymore, even though we're still in the same stationhouse. Awful. To answer my own question, I'd say, NO. Never again. I lost in every possible way. But thanks for all the advice and as always, letting me vent.

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[Justice4all]

Hey CTC! Nice to see you around and about again.
What happened to lead up to you never speaking to her again? Oh yes and did you tell her how you felt about her? Alot of time passed between posts here.

But again...good to see you back around and about.
Merry Xmas to you!

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"What do all men want Phillip?"
"He wants you to dress up like Wonder Woman, tie him up with your golden lariat and force him to tell the truth?????"

[DJEvelEd]

What happened? Did YOU end it or did you both get caught?

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[FUNKMAN]

I'd say, NO. Never again.


that's obviously not your dick talking...

but don't worry, before you know it your dick will be making the decisions again

<img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v91/SatCam/sig_funkmanstill.jpg ">

[Jennitalia]

welcome back, Chris.

you can handcuff me anyday!

<img src=http://www.christpuncherrecords.com/sigs/Janice.jpg>

[ChrisTheCop]

Ok sorry, things were just fine while it was loose and fun...but the whole wedding in connecticut thing made me want to let her know how I felt...even though I knew it was too early...I told her that I felt this could actually BE something, and that I wasnt gonna stand in her way, but that it's something I dont think I'd do given what we had going on. She went, again with my (outwardly anyway) half-blessing. Apparently she had fun, but said this guy wasnt for her anyway. So...cool...on with the relationship...kinda. The fact that I outed myself really took its toll on the relaxed fun part of it. Add to that the strain of keeping it quiet at work..altho again, little by little, people coudnt help but notice. She hated being part of the rumor mill, as did I , so I guess we began resenting the reason we were a part of it. I'd get mad and she'd make me make up. She's get mad, and I'd make her make up. But it really seemed like I was more into her than she was into me...and once while we were mad at eachother, she went out with the connecticut wedding guy again. Well, I'm rambling as I often do on this board...but we decided, yes WE, to cool off and just try being partners....but for me anyway, the love was still there, and it was unbearable not acting on it. So...more fights. Soon, we werent working together. I'd take opportunities to send her to details, or just work with other cops, ,never to hurt her or punish her, just to separate us, ,kinda thinking after some time apart, eventually we'd be able to work together again. Then she took matters into her own hands, and put in for a specialty unit. The unit's boss came to me and asked for my thoughts...I said she's a great cop and she'll be an asset to your team. She got the job. So much for my plan. lol. After a bit, we tried hanging out with the lads again, but jealousy got the better of me too often, and I acted like an asshole. She stated that we should just forget it, and never try again. Ever. In fact, she said, ,lets just forget we ever met. And stormed off. We havent spoken since. One night a few weeks ago, I was out with the lads, and she walked in...she walked up to me, hit me on teh shoulder and said hi...I was confused, and managed a, "hey, how ya doin?" and returened to my other conversation. I regretted that for days. Was she trying to be friends again? Why didnt I talk to her??? A few days back, she got hurt at work, and she took a few days off. I sent her flowers saying "Get Well Soon". She told my partner that she got them, but seemed mad at me for contacting her. We still havent spoken. Wow, this is depressing. Good thing it's a drinking night...See Ya!!!!

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[TheMojoPin]

Set that to music, and you've got the best episode of "Cop Rock"...EVER.

Sorry to hear things didn't turn out like you had hoped, Chris...despite what you think, it sounds like you were pretty up front with what you wanted, and she just wasn't on the same level. Those kinda hook-ups usually fall apart for a reason...so in a weird way, it's probably for the best.

<img src="http://scripts.cgispy.com/image.cgi?u=TheMojoPin">
1979 << I love my drug buddy... >> "You can tell some lies about the good times we've had, but I've kissed your mother twice...and now I'm working on your dad..."

[WRESTLINGFAN]

I got involved with a coworker at my old job. After going out about a year we had a bitter break up and she would look for any excuse to make the work day go by miserable for me

my advice don't do it

Plus there are tons of hot women outside your job

[TheMojoPin]

Yeah, but sometimes it's just so damn easy to go for the girls you work with.

I mean, they're RIGHT THERE. Half the work is already done.

But, the stats don't lie...I've been in relationships with three girls I worked with over the years, and all three ended horribly. I'm currently in the fourth right now, but it's probably inevitable that it's going to explode.

I'LL NEVER LEARN.

<img src="http://scripts.cgispy.com/image.cgi?u=TheMojoPin">
1979 << I love my drug buddy... >> "You can tell some lies about the good times we've had, but I've kissed your mother twice...and now I'm working on your dad..."

[CYYYFYYY]

I got news for you. You are have having alot of fun with her. You get upset that she is going out (WHich is fine). The fact is you are already shitting where you work. Make it real. Date her, fuck her and all that jazz.

Everyone Loves CYYYFYYY
I am just a Simple jewish Boy
from the Lower east Side
I am the CYYYFYYY

[stickyfingers]

We havent had "actual" sex, but have done just about everything else.


did this come to fruition?

I've somehow managed to have a lust-like interest at almost every job I've had. Sometimes it would be me that was interested and not her and sometimes vica versa. But, on those occasions where it was mutual it was fun as hell......for a little while. After the newness wore off it sucked. Tension, attitudes, spats, etc. I did learn one thing though. If you ever want to humiliate that girl tell her co-workers that she likes it when guys "skeet" on her face.

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